KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER omnibus reviews by Shawn Garrett (the entire series plus novels, short stories, the movies, unaired scripts, possible future, fan fic ideas) (2024)

KOLCHAK : THE NIGHT STALKER by Shawn Garrett

Shawn reviewed and detailed every episode of this wonderful series which saved me from having to do that while I am also doing DARK SHADOWS, DOCTOR WHO, TARZAN (all series), the Irwin Allen shows, SEAQUEST, EARTH 2, and many others. Shawn's insight into the series is amazing, not always what I would have observed or felt about it but all the same, it's a wonderful look at this series and it is in depth, mentioning just about everything and everyone in each episode!

Overview of KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER series

Episode Zero (some set-up) (apologize for the length)

Hey, all. Although, like many of you, I've watched theentire series of K:TNS many many times, I thought I would watch them again topost little observations I have made about the episodes, and will soon bestarting with "The Ripper"

Before that, though, I thought I might explain a littleabout how I view the show. It's quite common to hear, from people who haven'twatched it in years, or those coming to it fresh, that the show is"weak", "disappointing" or "cheezy." As someonewho has loved it since I was a little kid, I often wondered how my opinioncould differ so strongly with these statements, and over the years I'vedeveloped something of a theory...

The secret, I think, is realizing/admitting/framing K:TNS asa "formulaic" tv show - nowadays, formula is considered passe, andtruthfully was responsible for a lot of bad TV over the years. But to me, thegreat strength (and fun) of THE NIGHT STALKER is that it totally embraces itsformula, and instead tries to ring changes on that formula in each episode,without ever violating the formula entirely. The comparison I often make iswith another much loved but formulaic show: COLUMBO. Those who find itrepetitive that every week Kolchak - stumbles across a monster, no one believeshim, and his story never gets published - never seem to ask why a policedetective, every week, is faced with a twisty-turny murder plot that he mustunravel through a long (and enjoyable) process of observation, questioning andthought. It's just that while we can accept the idea that a detective mightoccasionally run across such mysteries (and so reality is stretched somewhatfor our entertainment), the idea of a reporter running up against monsters(which made the first two MFTV movies intriguing) doesn't have that littlenugget of reality to hold onto week-after-week. And for some people, then, itmakes the formula more apparent.

But not us - we enjoy the CHARACTER, the world of othercharacters he inhabits, the way he interacts with them and...yes...themonsters. So I thought I'd lay out the elements of the KOLCHAK: THE NIGHTSTALKER formula, as I see them:

1. The Threat (or The Monster) - which in the show brokedown into 4 rough categories (not perfectly): The Rampaging Creature, TheFiend, The Spectral Curse and The Invisible Force (I'll explain these as I postabout the specific episodes)

2. The Milieu - the physical setting or cultural"scene" that is showcased in each episode.

3. The Police Captain/Authority Figure - the figure Kolchakwill clash with.

4. The Witnesses / Experts - generally played by greatcharacter actors, the scenes usually played for humor

5. The Supporting Cast - weekly humorous clashes withVincenzo and interaction with the INS staff.

All 20 episodes usually have some inventive variation ofthose 5 elements. Thanks for your time and I'll see you with Episode #1 -"The Ripper", in a little while!

THE FIRST BOOK

We all have things we love, and then we all have things -books, music, movies, characters - we REALLY love. Most probably they wereencountered in our youth and affected us strongly, and so we cherish them inour memories and are a little forgiving in our adult critique of them.

Carl Kolchak is a character I REALLY love. As a kid, I wasnever athletic enough to have sports heroes, nor was I smart enough to havescience heroes, nor ambitious enough to have political heroes. I couldn't playan instrument (and didn't care about rock music) so rock stars were out andwhile I read a lot, comic book superheroes may have been inspiring but theyweren't real people and real writers seemed untouchable, vague figures ("Icouldn't really do THAT!"). But Carl Kolchak was my hero - a wise-mouthreporter who fought monsters and who no one listened to - acerbic, unpopular,not really athletic (but boy could he run!), spent a lot of time in libraries.Yes, Kolchak was my replacement for Jupiter Jones when I finally outgrew thatpersonal hero.

And as I am spending a good portion of this year lookingbackwards, and as I have two Kolchak story anthologies waiting to be read (andwhich I'm kind of dreading - more on that when I read and review them) - Ithought I would re-read my Kolchak related materials, starting with the twopaperbacks - a previously unpublished novel that was adapted into the initial,ratings-blockbuster TV movie (and so, unsurprisingly, got published) and anadaptation of the second TV movie into novel form, both written by Kolchak'screator, Jeff Rice. I first read this novel back in 1978 - I was 11 years oldand staying with my Grandmother in Brooklyn for the summer.

The conceit of the book is that Jeff Rice has been given awashed up reporter's notes and tapes (THE KOLCHAK PAPERS was the original titleof the novel) after a chance meeting, detailed notes that sketch out a coverupinvolving a series of murders in Las Vegas during the summer of 1970, thereporting of which cost the reporter his career, his friendships, his socialconnections and, ultimately, his sobriety. All the details concerning thekillings, all the witness and verifiers, are being swept under the rug, andshortly after Rice agrees to work the papers into a book, Kolchak disappears aswell...

The first thing that has to be said is that Rice's characteris somewhat different than the character as brought to the screen by ABC.Darren McGavin was charming in his rumpled, journalistic bulldog persona,equally sharp and honey tongued, depending on what info he needed to acquire.Rice's Carl (Karel, his given name, became Americanized for ease) Kolchak hasthe same characteristics as McGavin's portrayal, but not softened up fortelevision and, most importantly, with no intention on the author's part forhim to become a series character. He is on his way down, in other words, withno future in front of him, whether it be in Seattle or Chicago. The length anddepth of a novel - even a novel like this, that is deliberately written in anunadorned, flat, descriptive reportage style - gives the reader a chance formany insights into a character that seemed born, full-blown, on the TV screen.So here's some interesting ways Kolchak of the novel differs from the characteron screen, and some other things about him we never learned from television.

He's older than in the TV film (47 years old in 1970, thusborn in 1933), out of shape and bordering on overweight (near 200 pounds), hehates physical exercise and likes eating spaghetti and garbanzo beans. He'sbalding and (in this conception at least) looks like "a boozyex-prizefighter". That "boozy" part is important because Kolchakis a hard drinker, bordering on an alcoholic even before the killings start -he keeps little bottles of White Horse Scotch on him and drinks at work (hehits the skids after all is said and done and when Rice meets him, Kolchak isdescribed as "seedy, gross, aggressive, slightly-drunk, irascible"and "unbalanced"). He smokes cheap, smelly cigars and has a foulmouth (Rice also claims to have cleaned up his language in the text). He likestorch songs from the 40s & 50s (he name drops Ella Fitzgerald and SarahVaughn). On the personal side, he has an "arrangement" with Sam, awarm-hearted Las Vegas hooker who likes his company - they keep each other fromgetting lonely. His anachronistic seersucker is not in evidence (he mentionsthrowing on some chinos and a bush jacket at one point). The memorable porkpiehat is not mentioned.

He's a vet of WW2, a knee injury from which kept him out ofKorea. He has a degree in Journalism from Columbia. He considers himself asecond rate hack (he occasionally took adult education writing classes at night- his teacher thinks his writing is sloppy with atrocious grammar and that hesquandered his talents). He has a good relationship with the Vegas police forcebecause he's always given them a fair shake in his reporting, while not lettingthem get away with much.

And so what happens is that this man, a crime reporter atthe LAS VEGAS DAILY NEWS for a decade, is just doing his job when women startbeing killed in Sin City - always at night, always with the blood drained fromtheir bodies. And because of his Polish background (in particular, a yarnspinning grandpa from the old country), and his love of old movies (he namedrops Laird Cregar!), Carl Kolchak starts to wonder if a man who thinks he is avampire is committing these killings. And the cops seem to be playing the wholething close to the vest.

As I said, Rice's stylistic choice is apt for the tale - THENIGHT STALKER is filled with terse, punchy descriptions, just as a reporterwould bang it out on a Smith-Corona. Nothing flowery here, just flat,no-nonsense writing salted with some deft character sketches (Rice also claimsto have cut back on some of Carl's vituperative tangents about various fellowworkers, public figures and descriptions of Vegas - but much remains to enjoy),comedic observations and real-word detail (you could practically plot the twobig police chase scenes on a street-map with all the details given here).

Honestly, THE NIGHT STALKER is less of a horror novel thanit is a crime novel with a horror component (more on that in a moment) and Iwas going to label it noir but, in truth, that's maybe a bit of a stretch andmisapplies a rather currently trendy label. True, STALKER does portray a rathersour worldview, exposing the corruption, political grandstanding, nepotism andall-around chicanery that goes into running a city founded by the mob. Itstrikes a Nixonian-era chord of public officials, long thought untouchable,being exposed as willing to do anything for personal gain or to avoidresponsibility (the "vampire" idea is "bad for business" weare told by a mayor on his way to being Governor and a police force worried aboutbeing seen as inept). Kolchak is battle-hardened and world weary, and yet hestill believes in journalistic honesty, and that the public has a right to knowwhat the guys in charge know (although buried deeply in there is also someself-aggrandizement, the desire to be proven right, to be proven smarter thanthe cops and to score "the big story"). His ex-professor considershim a "lazy man who longs for adventure" and Rice says he has a knackfor reading people, a reporter's intuition.

Still, I'm not sure if noir fits as a classification - thebook is more of a journalistic/police procedural, in a way. For instance -after Carl collects all the information he can about vampires, he gathers abunch of colleagues and students together to read the many books and condensethem into a document he can refer to when making his case (he pays them withbeer and sandwiches) - this is the kind of detail that tends to get skippedover in most genre books (especially now, when the internet is the lazywriter's dream information machine) but seems to be pure reporting skill atwork. Other moments focus on newspaper details: the size and font type ofheadlines (font aficionados will dig that, I'm sure) and the details of how apaper is put together. The reporter aspect of the story means there's lots ofshifting between social strata for our intrepid newshound - professional(editors, reporters, photographers), official (police, D.A., mayor),entertainment (dancers, swing shift casino girls, stage actors), education (professors,teachers, students), the "lower depths" (prostitutes, drag queens,used car hucksters) - Kolchak moves among them all fluidly, acquiringinformation. Also on the newspaper tip, Rice does a nice job of setting themurder "news" in the context of concurrent events of the day - airdisasters, political strife, campus unrest, etc. - it's a nice way of pointingout how, before the days of the 24-hour news cycle, events like these killingswere *local* crimes, first and foremost.

The murders themselves bring up another interesting aspect -THE NIGHT STALKER is, stripped of it genre details, a serial-killer novelbefore that term for either the crime or subgenre of fiction existed.Obviously, books like Psycho touched on the idea before, and I'm pretty surethere had to have been some hard-boiled crime or noir novels with a city in thefearsome grip of a "psycho killer", but I wonder if any crime novelreally spent the time that Rice does here examining the phenomena in historicaldetail (the mid-novel chapter on vampires is followed by an examination ofreal-life "monsters" - Peter Kurten, Karl Denke, the Manson Clan -Jack The Ripper even gets his own appendix because Kolchak found the casefascinating). It's important to remember that Carl initially thinks thekillings are being done by an insane man who's convinced he's a vampire(presumably using some sort of suction device to drain the blood from thebodies). But as strange evidence begins to mount, and after a first handencounter, he begins to wonder... but he still isn't really convinced until theclimax.

Janos Skorzeny, the killer, is an interesting portrayal at atime when vampires were rapidly becoming passe. Although Barnabas Collins on tvsoap DARK SHADOWS, Chelsea Quinn Yarbro's St. Germaine character and, ofcourse, Anne Rice pretty much helped steer the vampire character into popularrevival by "humanizing" him in the 70s (the end result beingTWILIGHT), the early part of that decade saw the iconic monster floundering -capes and evening dress, European accents, royal titles, "blah-blah"vocalizing - familiarity (THE MUNSTERS, TV horror hosts, horror comedies) hadall but killed vampires as a legitimate threat.

Rice's way of dealing with this is interesting. He stripsaway a lot of the ephemera - Skorzeny is not charming (in fact he's givenbarely any dialogue), and his breath reeks of the grave. He does not turn intoa bat, wolf or mist, nor hypnotize people. He is capable of planning his escapeand attacks, buying airline tickets, keeping up facades with passports and fakeids, but he comes across as feral most of the time, barely in control of hisdrives. Blindingly sunny, desert-baked Las Vegas seems the last place a vampirewould want to go, but it makes logical sense (Vegas has an active nightlifewith people moving about at all hours, and "no one notices strangersbecause Vegas thrives on strangers") although the gaudy neon, loudcasinos, strippers and hookers are a long way from Transylvanian castles (agood example of this: when we're eventually shown Skorzeny's "lair",it's a one-bedroom cinder block ranch home on the outskirts of Vegas enclosedin a bad chain-link fence. The insides are nearly barren, aside from a coffinand an armchair. No sitting around in opulence and brooding like Lord Byronhere! Even the ABC TV movie felt the need to "drama" this bit up,giving him a spooky old house with a dramatic staircase). Ironically, althoughit's not dwelt on, Skorzeny IS from Transylvania (or Romania, at that point)and he IS a Count, officially at least. In the end, cornered in a clothescloset, scrabbling and whining like an animal, he cuts a pathetic figure.

But he is a vampire - really, truly. He's exceedinglystrong, can run as fast as a car, and can shrug off bullets, beatings and anear drowning. This hits just the right tone for the book - odd enough to seemeerie, but not enough to seem unreal. In a way, an interesting moment is passedover quickly as, pinned down by police, an officer strides up to Skorzeny,places his magnum against the killer's temple and says "move and I'll blowyour head off" - suffice it to say, more mayhem results (theaction/battle/police chases in this book are very memorable - exciting,suspenseful writing, really capturing dramatic press scribing at its best) butI wonder what would have happened if that event had taken place. We'll neverknow. And one final thing - the climax, as I intimated above, is stillsurprisingly disgusting - every detail of Skorzeny's dissolution and decayspelled out in lurid detail. You want to take a bath after reading it.

I've babbled on long enough - I enjoyed re-reading this andcould appreciate more aspects of the writing now, as an adult. Unlike THE NIGHTSTRANGLER, there's nothing overtly clumsy about the prose at any point(although modern readers who are used to quick service will probably think itmeanders a bit, I'd still make the case that that's all in service of style) soI'd probably give this a 3.5 but will bump it up to 4 for nostalgia's sake.

See you over at The Night Strangler. Give 'em hell, Carl!

So Rice's unpublished novel, THE KOLCHAK TAPES, spawned anABC made-for-TV movie starring Darren McGavin as our intrepid reporter - and itwas a ratings blockbuster. So huge that a sequel was obviously in order. ABCgot stellar talent Richard Matheson to script it, His initial idea - Kolchakversus an ageless Jack The Ripper - he eventually deemed too close to hisfriend Robert Bloch's classic short story "Yours Truly, Jack TheRipper" and nixed it (that didn't stop them from using the idea as thestory for the premiere episode of the KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER TV show,however).

Matheson eventually went with a story wherein down-and-outex-reporter (and now quasi-crank) Carl Kolchak, in a stroke of luck, happensupon his old editor and "frenemy" Tony Vincenzo, now on staff at theSEATTLE DAILY CHRONICLE. Kolchak has a new job, but unfortunately his very firstassignment is covering a series of strangling occurring in the Pioneer Squarearea of that city. Our hero uncovers the fact that a small amount of blood wasremoved from the brain of each murder victim and a trail of clues (eyewitnessaccounts describe the killer as resembling a walking corpse, rotting flesh onthe victim's throats) eventually leads him to believe that a century old (ifnot older) alchemist is dwelling somewhere under the city, rising every 21years to re-invigorate his body with an elixir of life based around blood. Thecops, and Carl's bosses, are not happy, needless to say.

This TV-movie was also a hit and so KOLCHAK: THE NIGHTSTALKER, a fondly-loved TV series, was born, as we'll discuss in my review ofNight Stalking: A Twentieth Anniversary Kolchak Companion. But let us stop amoment and look at this specific book, a strange artifact of the second TVmovie.

So Richard Matheson writes the teleplay and Pocket Books(which had published Rice's previously unpublished book retitled to tie intothe first film), decides that a book is needed to tie-in to the second film aswell - and the task naturally falls to Jeff Rice. So while Richard Mathesonadapted Rice's novel for THE NIGHT STALKER, Rice is here adapting Matheson'steleplay for THE NIGHT STRANGLER. And, sadly, it shows...

Obviously, Rice did not have the time he probably put intocomposing the first book. And this is not, particularly, a labor of love,either - he's not writing his own story, he's following a blueprint supplied bysomeone else. And on top of that, as I went into in some detail in my previousreview, his creation was changed in some ways when he was brought to the smallscreen, and so Rice is now working with that iteration of the character.

So what we get here is a bit of a mish-mosh. Rice tries totake the hybrid character of his novel and the TV movie and stay true to bothsides - this is definitely more the Kolchak of the TV movie (his distinctivehat is mentioned in passing) but Rice works in ways to elicit aspects of hisoriginal character - Kolchak mentions his out of shape, overweight state as hescales some of Seattle's mountainous streets, and the book opens with himsipping whiskey in a p*rno parlor (two later lines also confirm a sneakingsuspicion I'd always had - Kolchak is essentially an atheist). Vincenzo isstill the diminutive figure of Rice's original and not hulking Simon Oakland.The scholar character Matheson creates, Professor Crabwell, is replaced withher prototype from the NIGHT STALKER novel, who never appeared in the TV movie.This mixing and matching isn't much of a bother - Rice might have facedproblems making the romantic relationship that blossomed between McGavin andJo-Ann Pflug (belly-dancer Louise Harper) in the NIGHT STRANGLER seem plausiblewith his 50-year-old pug-ugly rummy, but he subtly ages the Harper character abit, placing her in her mid-30's. In fact, I must say that the relationshipthat Rice sketches between Kolchak and Harper is one of the mostpsychologically and emotionally honest ones I've read (albeit, still a bitrushed by the short length of the work) - especially compared to the ratherperfunctory pass-by it gets in the TV movie (there simply to provide a personalthreat to Carl to increase his emotional investment). Kolchak and Harper seemachingly realistic portrayals of two savvy, lonely people from two differentgenerations meeting at that moment in time (the early 70s). Good work there,Mr. Rice.

Other details of the first novel make returns - imbeddingthe gruesome events in the stream of the nation's headlines is still a goodlittle stylistic trick, and there's a bit of the old "font talk" ofold. But, as I said, you can also kind of tell this is work for hire. Kolchakdoesn't know the city at all, so there goes local color except where it feelslike padding (a long description of the University in Seattle). Rice doesn'tseem to to want to put too much time into thinking up pithy & humorouscharacter sketches in the Kolchak style, so there's not much of that (CottonMather-esque publisher Lucius Crossbinder being a fun exception, and Ricecarries over belly-dancer Charisma Beauty's stereotypical "bull-dyke"husband Wilma, but humanizes her in a short, poignant line later). Theaction-filled police confrontations with the superhuman, trench-coated, rottingkiller - real stand-outs in THE NIGHT STALKER - are clumsy and awkward here,probably because Rice is working from script directions (or possibly thefinished movie - I may know after reading the Dawidziak book) - regardless,they're more confusing than exciting (although a smart detail is added by Riceto the "bait" scenario staged by Carl and Louise later - Kolchakexplicitly buys a pistol to bring along). Also, and perhaps most tellingly, youcan almost see the rivets where Rice has to patch in Matheson's (admittedlysparkling) dialogue - but while those exchanges may be great, the ability tocapture them in the actual flow of the novel's text is just not there, leadingto more clunkyness.

There are a few other bright points, however. Kolchak'ssummation chapter on Alchemy, while not as well-justified story-wise as thatconfab research session I mentioned in my review of THE NIGHT STALKER, is stilla good read (and introduces the infamous Comte de Saint Germain as a possible"real identity" for mysterious scientist/alchemist Malcom Richards /Richard Malcolm - something not touched on in Matheson's film, or at least notin the final cut). The extended exploration of the Underground City of OldSeattle, the killer's lair, is exceedingly atmospheric and suspenseful,creating a nice, slow submergence into an old-school Gothic mood of creep, rot,decay and antiquity (a nice real-world,"couldn't-be-done-on-television" detail here - Kolchak is so spookedby his surroundings that when he's suddenly surprised by the killer, he pisseshimself in fright!).

Also, surprisingly, Rice brings a bit more character anddetail to the enigmatic alchemist (played well by Richard Anderson, OscarGoldman on THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN, for those old enough to remember).Kolchak's tete-a-tete with him hits the points of the script ("21 years?That's all you'll ever have, isn't it?") but some subtle writing sketchessome interesting ideas - Malcolm/Richards may keep his body alive, and hisintellect focused, but his memory and humanity seem to have seeped away overthe years - as if immortality can't be a natural state for man, no matter thetime one puts into the alchemy. Asked point blank by Carl if he is St. Germain,Richards seems confused, evasive, dismissive and eventually unsure himself.Good stuff.

And so, there it is. The book replicates the wonderfulending of the TV film (Kolchak, Vincenzo and Harper as weary, crabby car-mates,chased out of town by the powers that be) and Carl moves on to Chicago and theTV series (he was supposed to, actually, end up next in a third telefim calledTHE NIGHT KILLERS, set in Hawaii, where someone was replacing public figureswith android duplicates - eventually the plot of the long-forgotten TV-seriescum movie-sequel BEYOND WESTWORLD, but I blather... - but that got thehatchet).

(perhaps a minor word here, also, on the damage done bygenre's need to replicate itself endlessly. As I said in the previous review,Rice never intended for Kolchak to continue on in any fashion, and so theominous aspects of the ending of THE NIGHT STALKER novel are undone by thecontinuation afforded by THE NIGHT STRANGLER. Undone, also, is a certainpowerful tone that the original created by being a very realistic look at avery realistic city undergoing a very strange - even if the strangeness wassubdued - threat. Here, Kolchak returns to work and, wouldn't you know it!, hisvery first case involves the unreal and uncanny. Hidden deep in thisobservation is the root of my theory that the serial form does not actuallyserve the horror genre well, undermining as it does the very roots of whatmakes something frightening - uniqueness. But more on this, perhaps, incomments on the next book)

And so, off we go to Chicago, one season, 20 episodes, 20monsters fought and kids everywhere mesmerized. More on that when we get there.Viva Carl Kolchak!

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Jeff Rice

“Nowhere. No one is ever going to hear from you again, sir.No one.

KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER

Episode 01: "The Ripper"

Threat: Fiend

Milieu: sleazy go-go bars & massage parlors

Police: Captain Warren (Ken Lynch)

Witnesses/Experts: Jane Plum (Beatrice Colen)

Support: the Miss Emily letters funny scenario, setting upthe INS characters

Synopsis: a serial killer who violently kills women hasarrived in Chicago, but only Kolchak believes he is the original Jack The TheRipper...

"The Ripper" is, I'd argue, the closest the showcomes to the two MFTV movies that precede it (which only makes sense), whiletransitioning the audience into the standard format of series. For example,much like THE NIGHT STALKER & THE NIGHT STRANGLER (and some episodes thatalso follow it - although these start to fade out as the budget dwindles) thereis lots of gunplay & action as the police scuffle with the threat (thefight in the Boom-Boom Room, the chase across the rooftops & the"crack TAC squad" sequence). Also, much like the two TV films, thekillings are violent (through implication, of course - poor Jane Plum) whilealso featuring a recurring threat from the past, with a short gesture towards"research" (RIPPER KILLERS THROUGHOUT THE AGES). Also, much likeSkorzeny's home and the Seattle Underground, there is an extended "night-stalk"at the climax through the threat's lair (which, while nice, is perhaps a bittoo long, as the time could have been used better elsewhere - see below) and asuspenseful "hiding in threat's lair" scene, which also echoesSTALKER and STRANGLER. Interestingly, some synopsis of "The Ripper"(as in FANTASTIC TELEVISION, for example) often mention Kolchak visiting a"wax museum" in the episode, but this never actually occurs.

Also as noted, Matheson balked at using The Ripper as theimmortal threat for the second MFTV movie because it was too close to RobertBloch's story "Yours Truly, Jack The Ripper" (you can watchTHRILLER's 1961 adaptation here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvmhrFFSUPg).Interestingly, you can also see an extension of this "eternal killer"concept into the "future" in the 1967 STAR TREK episode "Wolf InThe Fold" (also written by Bloch - and which features our own "GordyThe Ghoul" - John Fiedler).

The episode's weaknesses are relatable to the shortenedrunning time relative to the extended space available to the two MFTV movies.Carl seems to jump to the belief that the killler is the actual originalwithout much evidence (but then, that's kind of baked into his character atthis point) beyond seeing him jump from a three-story building. I've considered"Jack" a FIEND in my typography simply because he's obviouslyintelligent (although he never speaks or communicates with anyone) and must beable to plan, considering he's been doing this for almost a hundred years(adopting aliases like "Eugene Lang" for instance). In fact, theepisode never really explicates what exactly IS going on with him - black magicseems likely (with cannibalism, or perhaps just sacrificing of the women -notice the "devil's head" canes) as I would note that when that"maximum security" door crumbles to release him, he isn't eventouching it! - which seems to indicate some kind of evil magic on his side (andnot only increased strength or resilience). One wonders if the cops took hisphoto at the booking? Similarly, the presumption that electricity is his"weakness" comes a bit easily (but at least has an in-storydemonstration) - while WE wouldn't melt away to nothing, NONE of us wouldsurvive being electrocuted in a pond! Still, he's a good choice as the initial "monster"of the show, gesturing back to Dr. Malcolm Richards instead of just being"another monster."

There's a nice direction job as well, always keeping Jack'sface in shadows or seen in silhouette until the climax. On the other hand,Kolchak's tumble over the first floor railing should land him flat on his back(instead of sliding into frame from the side) and seems like a cheat. Still,there's a nice little thread of balancing comedy & suspense in the climax,with the rotten porch, the "empty shoes" gag, the "closet"scene, the doorknob coming off in Carl's hand, and him scaring himself byrunning into a mirror. I also like those weird synth burbles they overlay onsome of the scenes, giving a sense that Jack is something "more thanhuman".

As has also been noted, Miss Emily is absent for plotreasons, and when she does eventually appear she is played by Ruth McDevitt -who here plays snoopy Miss Egenweiler (who wrote Miss Emily the letter to beginwith)!

There's also the first joke at the expense of Carl'ssexuality (although, as Tim Lucas has noted, there were early references tolesbians in both MFTV films). Not that the show is implying anything, more thatthis indicates "grittiness" for early 70s TV (a willingness to touchon subjects traditionally verboten), along with being a funny - if easy - joke.

Finally, I think it's interesting that the first episode ofthe show has Kolchak himself choose not to disseminate his story - "Howwould you explain it? Who could explain it?...Who'd believe it?"

We'll end with bulldog-like Captain Warren's exasperatedinsult: "You're an absurd man, Kolchak!"

KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER

Episode 02: "The Zombie"

Threat: Rampaging Creature* (note the asterisk)

Milieu: Gangland Underworld

Police: Captain Leo Winwood (Charles Aidman)

Witnesses/Experts: Union gravedigger (J. Pat O'Malley),Uncle Filemon (Scatman Cruthers), The Monk (Ben Frommer)

Support: Monique (Carol Ann Susi) introduction, Three-wayphone conversation, threatened by mob bosses

Synopsis: select members of Chicago's syndicate underworldkeep turning up dead, with their spines' snapped, while a previously burieddead man is recurrently found at the murder scene.

I have a feeling that "The Zombie" doesn't get asmuch love as it should, and I think there's a (very slight) reason for thatthat I'll mention later. Having said that, it does have a climactic scene (thefailed "lip sewing") that often gets mentioned as a standout momentof the show, but what really impressed me on this re-watch was just how tightthe writing is on the episode. Not only do we get the central plot (slainsmall-time numbers runner revived by his voodoo practicing mom to exact revengeon his murderers), but we get further humorous cast introductions (MoniqueMarmelstein and Gordie The Ghoul), indications that Carl has been in Chicago awhile (long enough for two underworld figures to have a bone to pick over howKolchak portrayed them in articles), some very funny Police Captain clashes("You gonna break my arms, Captain?") and some (sadly, never seenagain) sub-rosa contacts ("The Monk") for our intrepid reporter("go buy yourself a new pair of sandals").

And having a crime basis for the second episode of the showmakes sense, as Kolchak is a crime reporter after all (unfortunately, unlessI'm forgetting something, the only other time we see the Mob in a story is in"The Trevi Collection," although I guess their actions instigate "Firefall").In fact, the story is so jam-packed with stuff that the actual"monster" bits (outside of the opening, the St. Mary's Cemeterygrave-digging scene, and the climax) seem pared down for time (Al Berg andBenjamin Sposatto's deaths are almost blips in the show - which is why it maynot get the respect it deserves). I do like the idea of having the Zombiestrike *during* the police raid (and how we only hear it from outside, as thegunfire goes from a standoff with the police to immediate protection, as well asthe use of heavy, lumbering, echoing footsteps for Francois Edmund's approach.

There are just tons of great bits here: dialogue exchangeswith Monique ("Nespotism has nothing to do with it...""Whaa?" "Nesotism?" "...Nepotism?" "Oh!That's right...."), Kolchak's curmudgeonly opinion of his co-workers("I got into the office before the other idiots arrived..."), detailsabout unseen INS staff (the obituary writer - and drunk - Charlie Creech, andAbe "The Smiling Cobra" Marmelstein - the big INS macha in New YorkCity), set details ("Coffee 10 cents. Everybody Pays!! This MeansYou!!" says the sign by the office java) and even its history (founded in1904 by Enrico Paluzzi - although this may have just been a desperate lie byCarl to butter-up a mobster). And several pieces of comedy that continue on inthe show (like Gordie's penchant for bookmaking and Carl's use of imaginaryrelatives - here brothers Marshall Kolchak and Sidney Kolchak - to excusenegative memories of himself) are instituted here. We even get to see Carl"roughed up" a bit and held at gunpoint (and forced to dig up agrave)!

I'm happy they brought Monique back in later episodes(although she showed up rarely), as I liked Susi's character's brashness andnaivete, which played well off of Carl's surliness ("Wait for me! I'mcomin'!" "Get back, get back!"). Long-suffering Tony gets somewonderful moments in the episode as well, whether showing up at Police HQ inslippers and pajamas to bail Carl out ("Grave desecration, suspected theftof a corpse, homicide"), his stilted play-acting with Winwood to get Carlto drop the story ("Well....one wire!"), or his priceless facialexpression after unthinkingly parroting that Monique is in a cab on her way toBrooklyn. And various lines and acting bits throughout the episode, whetherit's Carl at the police hearing: "A third body found on the Russobrother's farm. A BLACK man..." (black female reporter turns in surprise)"...that's right, sister!", Sposatto's annoyed queries ("What'sa Kolchak?" "What's an INS?"), Karl enjoying Victor and Sposattoarguing, or even Victor's graveside lament "What kinda people are thesepeople?" really shine. In fact, the meeting of gang heads - all threatsand empty posturing - is an extremely well written scene. Heck, I like thateven corrupt Police Captain Leo Winwood is sharp and savvy enough to ask justwhy Kolchak's name appears on the voodoo shrine ("Well, I ask a lot ofquestions, seems like nobody likes that...cops, voodists or politicians.")

As noted, the climax is really something special - from Carlriding the bumper of a bus to the auto-graveyard, an extended"night-stalk" through, around and over the junked cars, to the famous"close quarters" scene where the Zombie awakens while a sweaty Carlis intending to sew his lips shut! While hanging a black man (zombie or not)isn't good "optics" in hindsight, I also like the candles going outone by one, as Mamma Loa desperately cries back home! I've considered TheZombie a "Rampaging Creature" - but with an asterisk - as he is underthe remote control of another, but isn't self-aware enough himself to count asa "Fiend."

The actual voodoo plot elements are nicely deployed - exotic(dead chickens), surprising (The Zombie takes a bus! - I guess the driverprobably thought better of asking for the fare!) and inventive (the "placeof the dead" turns out to be an auto graveyard where Francois Edmunds"rests" in a hearse!). The meeting with Francois mother, the MammaLoa, is also nicely handled, as she invites Kolchak in by name before heknocks, and gives Carl many indication that the events are a personal matterthat shouldn't be meddled in, to warn him off ("you go to the cinema toomuch, sonny!"). And, interestingly, that's another thing that makes theepisode singular - it really is only Carl's instincts for a news story thatdrive the plot, as no one being killed is innocent (and the shrine indicatesthat events would have ended after Winwood got what he deserved), it really isonly Kolchak's desire for a story that saves Winwood's life (and that last lineabout the Captain being relieved of duty for "reasons of health"makes me think that Mamma Loa had some other tricks up her sleeve besidesanimating her son's dead body to take revenge!). Technically, if Carl just leftwell-enough alone, a bunch of gangsters and a corrupt police Captain would havegotten their just desserts and that would have been it.

KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER

Episode 03: "They Have Been, They Are, They WillBe..."

Threat: Invisible Force

Milieu: all-around Chicago/UFO believers

Police: Captain Quill (James Gregory)

Witnesses/Experts: Alfred Brindle, witness (Dick Van Patten)/ Dr. Bess Winestock, Zoologist (Mary Wickes) / Howard Gough, UFO group leader(Phil Leeds)

Support: Carl/Ron & Snuffy / "They Ate The BoneMarrow!" / God's Pencil? / UFO fan group

Synopsis: seemingly unconnected events across Chicago(electronics thefts, news suppressing Government agents, the disappearance oflead ingots, and the consumption of human and animal bone marrow) are piecedtogether by Kolchak into an unbelievable theory that an invisible, alien forceis rampaging through the city.

It may not be surprising that after a solid opener thatplays like a condensed version of the TV movies, and a extremely tight andwell-done follow-up that effectively sets up the pattern the show will follow,the third episode is a bit of a swing and a miss. In a way, the loose,all-over-the- place plot (driven as much by coincidence as reporter'sinstincts) does allow the show to showcase (perhaps a bit less breathlesslythan "The Zombie") how it will function as a series of linked scenesof investigation, mayhem events and comedic exchanges. And, having done a weirdkiller and a supernatural monster, perhaps there was some consideration ofpotential audience in making the threat this time arise from a science-fictionbasis. But, at the risk of sounding harsh, "THB,TA,TWB" really feelslike an episode from late in the series, when the show was winding down - andso, something of a warning of things to come. It really is a formless story,ruled mostly by chance, with lots of padding (like the planetarium scene). Andthat dinky flying saucer is just gaudy frosting on an absurd cake. The central"Idea" just seems too large to really do justice in such a formulaicshow, which takes the idea of a stranded alien and turns it into "aninvisible force is moving around Chicago, grabbing electronics, eating bonemarrow for energy and excreting/disgorging the waste - don't worry, Kolchak'son it!"

Yes, to its credit, there's lots of subtle details woven in(the constant static on the radio, Mrs. Fusco's dead cats, the "neverhappened" phone call to the radio show, the stories being hushed upquickly and efficiently, Henry Ansgaroni's gutted stereo, stopped watches) andthe attack on ex-con Keeter Hudson is nicely done (snatching a purse, hestumbles into a cache of electronics before being sucked dry!)

The missing/dead animals from the zoo are interestinglyatypical, and the attack at Raydyne Electronics (and the in-plain-sightdisappearance of, as Uncle Leo himself from SEINFELD, says - "Two-tons oflead In-GOTS!") is kind of fun - but they are clues in a mystery we can'treally be expected to solve. Really, "THB,TA,TWB" is the first"episode of moments" where I enjoy particular scenes (like the goofyUFO fan group meeting) more than the overall story.

There's some nicely funny lines from Dick Van Patten's iratecitizen (re - the glop - "My Grandfather fell in it! We're still trying toclean him!") and I like the scene with Carl trying to get some scientificevidence at the zoo. "I don't know where we're going to get another panda.They come from Tibet; the Commies have them all!" says Dr. Bess Winestock(Mary Wickes, Aunt Zelda from SIGMUND, THE SEA MONSTER!), being flirty withCarl, which he picks up on and plays off of when he returns for confirmation ofthe sample he found, even (ostensibly) offering a date to the Cubs game.

And, as usual, even in a weak episode there are somewonderful grace notes: Carl being slipped some evidence by Gordie, Tonyenjoying a gourmet dinner as payoff for winning a bet (I've always liked therather resigned way Oakland delivers the line: "I don't need anotherU.F.O. story, I've got enough problems..." after being visited by"the guys in the grey suits"). Also, the line when he asks Carl"Remember what happened the last time we put out one of these kooky scarestories?" implies that perhaps they've been in Chicago a while.

However, the last twenty minutes just meanders and wastestime (I guess, given the frequency of these scenes in the early episodes, thatthis would be considered the "night stalking" part). Sure, they tryto gussy it up with eerie musical cues, slow motion, stunt jumps and windmachines - but it's still pretty obvious that the lack of a "monster"is a cost-saving measure (although, I guess, it's better than an alien costumeor some bad overlay video effects)

The summation at the end is rather well done - repairs,directions, a bite to eat and off you go!

"THB,TA,TWB" is the first and most obvious episodewhen it comes to an influence on THE X-FILES (what with those FacelessGovernment agents shutting everything down in the name of National Security -they even got to Monique!). And, the authoritarian Captain Quill even warns,"You're going to be dealt with at a much higher level...." (a threatthat, to some degree, comes true following the events of "MR.R.I.N.G.") although things are okay by the episode's end ("Well, Ihaven't heard from the boys in the sedan...yet...")

Some minor observations: Carl's license plate number is UG8806 (I don't know enough about plates to know if they cared enough to give himan Illinois plate or just have a standard mid-70's California one). Thatstunt-driving moment after getting the police radio call about RaydyneElectronics still amazes me.

Ron writing sports news seems like a really bad fit for him(he seems to have been, ill-advisedly, catty and mean in his review aboutRoller-Derby Jammer "Snuffy" Patechenko!)

Finally, I ask my readers: What exactly is Carl doing whenwe first see him in the episode, at his desk at INS? Closely Inspecting themail envelopes? For what, checks?

KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER

Episode 04: "The Vampire"

Threat: Marauding Creature

Milieu: Los Angeles / Call-Girls

Police: Police Lt. Jack Matteo (William Daniels)

Witnesses/Experts: Jim "The Swede" Brytoski (LarryStorch), Deputy Sample (John Doucette), Faye Kruger (Kathleen Nolan), ApartmentManager (Stuart Nisbet), Ichabod Grace (Jan Murray)

Support: swinging the Los Angeles Amerta Mera job bysubterfuge / INS not IRS / Start without me... / bad phone connection gambit /Ofts & Narys & Dost Thous / "I didn't tell him anything...and hedidn't know anything!" / "Which freako Scene Is This?"

Synopsis: Carl pursues a lead to Los Angeles, convinced thatanother vampire has surfaced. But the problem is finding her...

It makes sense that KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER would, 4episodes in, close the circle and feature a vampire as the monster, just as ithad all started. Kolchak and vampires went together in the audience's mind likepeanut butter and jelly and this also allows the show both another bite at amonster apple (because maybe they were wondering just how many they had for thewriters), while also allowing some "soft" reflection on itsblockbuster origins, "borrowing the glory" as it were.

This was also the first indication that the show mightinclude travel, with the very next episode also getting us away from Chicago(although that would then technically beit for that hope).

Interestingly, the script has a little more space for extraplot depth and character moments, simply because Carl doesn't need to"uncover" a mystery and waste time convincing himself of thevampire's existence - he's ready to go within minutes of his first scene (heeven brings his vampire killing kit to Los Angeles!).

I like that Elana Munoz's minor finger cut awakens thevampire - and those twitching, grasping hands (with accompanying synth burbles)are damned spooky and effective! (Back in the day, my late sister had to walkhome in the dark past a road construction site after watching this episode'spremiere while babysitting!)

Note that while pretty much every synopsis of this episodementions that Rawlins is a previously unknown victim of Skorzeny, this is neveractually stated in the episode and in fact the original movie is nevermentioned except by negative inference (Swede is an old buddy from Vegas, Carljumps to attention when the blood draining is mentioned, Katherine Rawlinsmoved to Vegas and disappeared a three years ago, there's even a laterre-wording of the classic statement from the MFTV movie in "The only wayyou're gonna find it is if you start treating it AS a vampire"). Nice tosee see Larry Stroch, peaco*cking his TV news sartorial splendor

I like that Carl fakes knowledge of TranscendentalMeditation by dropping book names (instead of pretending to actual knowledge),and that Vincenzo falls for it (but Ron doesn't!).

Pick-up shots in Los Angeles were probably an easy go-to,obviously. The Hollywood Roosevelt hotel is featured (Grauman's Chinese theateris even in the background of the shot!) Note - the radio station Carl tunes theTV to is playing the voodoo ceremonymusic from "The Zombie!". There are some great lines in thisepisode. Funny ones of course: "He still owes me $500 bucks","I'd like to call my mother please... person to person, Mr. AntonioVincenzo", "They should meet my boss...he'd turn Buddha into a chainsmoker", "You're not interesting...you're just idiotic","When I brushed my teeth this morning, Kolchak, you were still alive. Butthen I started shaving and the whole world ended for you..." And somesomber musings ("Who'd go near it? Only a vampire... or some fool, lookingfor her....") and reflections on Hollywood as Carl drives around - in ascene that visually set's up the giant cross - we even get a return of theshow's stealth acknowledgement of hom*osexuality ("Some of the men dusttheir eyebrows with glitter" - later followed by Carl's exchange withFaye: "Faye, could you lend me your lipstick?" "Is theresomething you'd like to talk about?")

I've always found that, considering how his job as areporter is Kolchak's whole identity, it's a little surprising that he'dconcoct that plan to have Faye write his story for him - perhaps we should seeit as an indication of just how seriously he takes the possibility of therebeing another vampire on the loose. Still, "ofts or narys or dostthous?" is a great bit!

The police press conference is well done - Kolchak using theother reporters to ask questions for him - and Matteo is nicely dry, even whenhe gets angry. Kolchak's dodge ("uh...the Manchester Guardian") is agood joke, considering his outfit. Another solid piece is the misdirectioninterview with the "not talkative" apartment manager.

I consider Katherine Rawlins a marauding creature because,while she's obviously smart enough to grab her sister's clothes, set-herself upin Ichabod Grace's "stable", and rent a house, she never talks orcommunicates in any way. In fact, Suzanne Charny is very good as an extremelyferal vampire, all horrific hissing and rolling eyes - keeping in line with theseries' commitment to the non-classy vampire!

Kolchak's attempted vampire trap ("You're all flattery,aren't you father?") nicely brings in the "call girl" aspect ofthe plot ("Stunts? You're sure she didn't say 'tricks'?") and I giveit to the writers that the second pimp to appear on the show (after Sweetstick)is a different kind of character, all mob-like efficiency (although with theusual gaudy dress sense) but still sharp enough to realize that Carl's questionabout Katherine's clothes might have some merit.

The action-packed fight against Clayton "Stacker"Schumaker (of the L.A. Rams) and the other football players continues theshow's early commitment to action (there won't be many more of these scenes,though!). I'm reminded of Rod Serling's complaint that the producers of NIGHTGALLERY at the time seemed to be demanding the show become "MANNIX in ashroud" - that description might be a pretty good reduction of theseaspects of early KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER.

And then there's Tony's late night call about his delinquentreporter. Note that Carl never mentions the word "vampire" to Tony,by Matteo's request ("some say it's a couple of warlocks!") so,again, an explicit tie to the original MFTV movie is dodged - as Tony wouldhave had a very specific reaction to that word, I imagine.

I like that Carl is supportive of Faye's preempted writingcareer (just before the penny drops and he realizes she's a great resource fortracking Katherine down).

And then there's the "night stalking" sequence,with Carl a little stumbling and bumbling, and featuring an atypical bit ofclimbing (hey, that's a nice 70s pantsuit, Katherine! - we'll chalk it up tocoincidence that your "Baronial" lair just happens to be withinrunning distance of that giant cross).

I like how Katherine seems to be paralyzed/incapacitated bythe flaming cross - a cool, vampire detail! That ending is sure spectacularand, visually, gives us a little more than a typical staking or dawndisintegration (even if - once again in retrospect - a burning cross may be"bad optics"). I also like the very serious, lingering look Carlgives Matteo as he comes up on the staking

"It was a local landmark, so I had to pay for anotherone..." is a great line, but unless there are "untold stories"what could this be referring to? My only guess is the portrait of Dr. RichardMalcolm that Carl defaced - not really a "landmark", but in the samerealm.

Although not specifically mentioned, we can hope that all ofRawlins' victims were cremated, just as Skorzeney's were. We'll just have toassume that Constantine Praxonos and the other members of the Dark Star Covenwere quietly released.

Some trivia: Tony's phone number is 312-555-8842, and sincehe has a brother-in-law, he must have a sister (with a 14 year old delinquentkid). Is that a bandage or choker on Katherine's throat when we see her on thestreet?

I would like to initiate, with this entry, a feature I willcall "Unanswered Questions of Kolchak: The Night Stalker" - sometimestrivial, sometimes plot points - to hopefully foster some discussion. Let'sreview the previous three episodes first:

1. Just what is the deal with Jack The Ripper - is heimmortal because he's eating the women's kidneys? Or is he sacrificing them tosome dark god, which explains how he can use his spooky powers to blow a celldoor off its hinges without touching it?

2. How did the Zombie take a mass-transit bus?

3. Just what is Carl doing when we first see him in"They Have Been, They Are, They Will Be" - examining the INS mail?For what exactly?

And now...

4. Just what is being implied by the stolen car withMitchell's dead body having the windows taped on the inside? I mean, I *know*what they're gesturing towards (avoiding sunlight) but it seems to make lesssense the more you think about it and just raises questions. Did Mitchell (thecar thief) happen to pick up Catherine Rawlins along the road or at a reststop, and after she killed him she realized the sun was going to rise so shefound the supplies to block the sunlight somewhere (maybe the police were rightand Mitchell already had them, intending to repaint the car himself?) and thenSTAYED in the car all day in Barstow, chancing no one would discover it duringthe daytime and open the door, instantly killing her? And then she abandoned itthe next night? Why not just ditch the body and drive the car to Los Angelesthat next night, why leave it? Perhaps, Katherine just wasn't that good atbeing a vampire, and didn't have her self together yet...

KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER

Episode 05: "The Werewolf"

Threat: Marauding Creature

Milieu: Cruise ship / swinging singles

Police: Ship's Captain Julian Wells (Henry Jones)

Witnesses/Experts: Paula Griffin (Nita Talbot), Mel Tarter(Dick Gautier), Wendy (Jackie Russell), Assitant Purser George Levitt (LewisCharles)

Support: X-mas disappointments / Because that's where theyset off the atom bomb / Fifth Column, Fourth Estate / Bodily restraint -Marlinespikes / "Oh gee, does he sound like he needs avacation!" / Getting spliced vs.getting your chimes rung / Silver buttons

Synopsis: Sent to cover the final trip of a cruise ship,which is also hosting a swinging singles congregation, Kolchak finds that thereis also a marauding werewolf on board!

In my personal ranking of the 20 K:TNS episodes, "TheWerewolf" falls at #10, exactly in the middle. I consider it one of thesolid group of episodes that settle easily into the show's formula, without thesuperior highlights of the best episodes, nor the longueurs of the weakerepisodes. It's got a good (if familiar) monster, a great setting, some snappywriting and comedy acting, and all-around it does exactly what you want it to do.It's only weakness is probably the actual "look" of the monster - buthonestly, having grown up on 60s/70s television, this isn't something that Itake much notice of in the show (except when it's inescapable, as in"Chopper") and I just consider it par for the course (it might beinteresting to compare the "werewolf" makeup in similar time-periodMFTV movies like MOON OF THE WOLF or DEATHMOON - I imagine they are comparableto what we get here).

I like the rather stark opening (with b&w photos!)noting the mutilation murders of the Rockwell family in Yellowstone County,Montana. Gives the proceedings a bit of true crime grittiness to start beforewe transition into the comedy.

And that X-Mas opening is comedy gold, what with Carllistening in on the phone call, Tony's look of resigned disgust when asked ifthe books are in order for an audit, Ron's illness and Carl's smilingacceptance of the expense cash. Some good lines ("Bugs never get me, sir.- I must live right" and Tony's riposte to Ron "Make sure they don'tput you in a wheelchair, you might start bleeding from the ears!") and afew details to note - Miss Emily writes the "riddle" feature as wellas the advice column (I believe later, in "Demon In Lace", she'sworking the crossword puzzle feature also), and Tony wonders why the headoffice doesn't realize he "hasn't had a vacation in 5 years" - sincethe Las Vegas and Seattle gigs weren't INS, perhaps we're supposed to assume heand Carl have already been in Chicago for 5 years? That might not make sense ona technical timeline (unless we assume some of the episodes are taking place*after* they were broadcast - which, given some of the date discrepanciesrecently noted by posters, might be a useful way of looking at it) but does agood job of allowing that "already established" feel for Chicago thatboth Tony & Carl seem to have. Considering that INS head office is sendinga "big macher" from NYC, perhaps Abe Marmelstein visited whileKolchak was on the ship?

As he's sent in the editor's place to cover the last cruiseof the Hanover, which is also hosting a swinging singles theme, there's thefunny line (always loved Oakland's delivery) - "Now, look, don't gobananas, Kolchak! Just some nice simple stories about people on a boat!" -which reinforces that Tony is well-aware of Carl's journalistic proclivities,

And, as well, the initial meeting with glad-handing bonhomieswinger Mel Tarter (Dick Gautier) is some good comedy - he's a nice guy but isendlessly horny, takes up all the drawer space in the cabin and has theterrible fashion sense of a 70s swinger.

In a nicely concise bit of writing - we then get introducedto both surly passenger Bernhard Stieglitz (Eric Braeden) and slightly weaselyAssistant Purser George Levitt (Lewis Charles) - who can get you anything youneed while you're onboard the ship (that last detail pays off well when Carlneeds to procure a shotgun and some silver at short notice). Then we meetfast-talking, single cinephile Paula Griffin (Nita Talbot) ("Oh, fourthcolumn...are you an accountant?"), and all the pieces are in place!

Barring the lackluster werewolf makeup, a preponderance ofdummies getting thrown over railings, and the (presumably) cost-saving measureof having Stieglitz's first werewolf transformation occur while he's in a very70s leisure-suit looking outfit (which exposes less skin to cover with fur) -the first night of the werewolf's rampage does a pretty good job of bringingacross the manic savagery of the beast and how accelerated the story is - he'snot just gonna settle for killing one person, he's gonna tear throughpassengers and crew until the moon goes down or he's wounded enough to retreat!The freeze-frames are in interesting directorial touch (maybe meant to indicatethe speed of the attacks?) and it might be worth noting that this is kind ofthe last episode we're going to see big action set-pieces against the monsters(with stunts, like that line-slide for example, or the flare gun use) on theshow (barring much shorter police action moments in "Bad Medicine","Mr. R.I.N.G.", "Horror In The Heights" & "PrimalScream"). As noted in my write-up last episode, this is also the last timewe leave Chicago proper (excluding the unproduced episode "The Get OfBelial") - ironic, given Tony's earlier lament to Ron that "Areporter has to TRAVEL!". One presumes TV gunplay and stunts wereprohibitively expensive (although certain threats, like next episode'sdoppelganger, and the succubus in "Demon In Lace," don't really lendthemselves to action scenarios, either).

I like how the maritime setting allows more variation inCarl's clashes with authority, as the rules of the sea are a bit more severethan the police ("M-marlinspikes?" "Oh yeah, meanthings...") and draconian in their manifestations: Kolchak being stonewalledby the radio operator (nice bit where he talks Paula into helping him con hisway in), having his (presumably clear, for once) photos confiscated, and hisphone jammed ("How did you know my name?"). It's fun seeing HenryJones again (THE BAD SEED, "Alfred Hitchco*ck Presents") as theslow-burning Captain Julian Wells who finds himself in a tight place between acrazy-sounding reporter and an unknown something killing his guests and crew.Again, there's some great lines ("Dad? I don't have a dad... oh...Dad!")and some interesting ones: when Carl starts to say "If you want to knowwhat I think it is, I think..." and then gets cut-off, I can't help but beinterested in what he was going to say - because this occurs before the idea ofa werewolf ("Lupo e mano!") is floated by Paula. From a pure languagepoint of view, I also like the short, humorous exchange between Gribbs andWells about the photos: "Are those them?" "Sir?" (annoyed)"Are these those?"

When Carl wakes up in the infirmary, we get our only realextended sense of Bernhard Stieglitz's short-tempered, brooding and aggressivecharacter. The idea of his werewolf bite re-opening recurrently is a nicetouch. What I like about this scene is that his pleading for narcotics, and hiswillingness to bring chains along with him to restrain himself, means that heprobably has some idea what's happening to him (although refusing to believeit), which nicely calls back to the idea that lycanthropy is a curse underwhich the victim suffers. All that Bernhard ever really did wrong was "notdie" when he and his NATO radar team in Greenland were attacked by awerewolf, and now every month he's going to be painfully sufferingtransformations and killing innocent strangers...but more about this topic atthe end of the essay.

The idea of setting the story on a cruise ship is actuallyquite brilliant - I've found, after decades of reading horror fiction, thatwerewolf stories tend to work best when the characters are isolated (say,snowed in, or at a dinner party at some lonely manor house), because it limitsthe options for escape. On the other hand, many werewolf stories play thelimited character choice as a way of stressing "who's really thewerewolf?" for suspense, which doesn't come up here. Another thing I like aboutthe writing in this episode is that all the "arcane knowledge" justcomes from Paula's old movie memories (specifically Universal's THE WOLF MANand WEREWOLF OF LONDON). Experts can tell you that folkloric werewolves werefar more complicated creatures (and silver doesn't really come into it) withtheir "curse" sometimes involving pacts with the Devil, and tiedsometimes to vampirism. But here the actions of our "werewolf"(technically, I guess, a "wolfman" - in that he's bipedal and doesn'ttransform into a four-legged lupine) just follow the dictates of popularculture - which is a fine choice for a popular television show!

And some more good lines and humor: Carl having to steal thesilver button's from Captain Wells' dress uniform, "you're into some kindof Visigoth trip, right?", Carl's flabbergasted reaction to the revelationthat Mel and Wendy were previously married (and are now much happier):"Well, I wish you all the luck in the world", and the bit when faileddivinity student Jay Remy blesses the molten silver: "I know a nuptialprayer pretty good." "That doesn't sound quite right...""Uh...a prayer for the dead?" "Yeah, that sounds more like it,yeah..." I will also mention that the line from Paula about talking toTony to pass on Carl's request about mutilation murders - "Oh gee, does hesound like he needs a vacation!" - elicited a strong chuckle from my dadon my old audio tape recording, and since my Dad rarely laughed, I cherish thatmemory.

The climax, with a sweating Kolchak's extended "nightstalk" of the werewolf through the labyrinth of ship decks and passageways(including intercuts of shadowplay by the stalking monster) is pretty nicelydone, as is Carl's rather anguished discovery of the dead Mel, and hisdismissive annoyance with the oblivious, drunken passenger who toasts him. The"piano-pounding" score is especially effective here! Of course, itgoes as we'd expect, with Carl striking a palpable hit, and then succeeding inpulling the weakened monster overboard.

During the wrap up, Carl mentions that the exact number ofdead was not known and says "of the 11 crewman and 4 passengersattacked" BUT, as pointed out on IMDB, 6 passengers were shown attackedand/or dead. The Swiss clinic treating the survivors for a "rare blooddisease" is a nice touch and I've always liked how the music swells upmajestically into the theme for the ending, as Kolchak grabs a cab to theairport.

Some little details: a bit of continuity as Tony's INS phonenumber as given by Carl is the same as in "The Vampire". Carl breaksin on Bernie Efron by calling Paula "sis"! I like that bit where Carlgets shouldered aside by Stieglitz in the hallway, reinforcing the anonymity ofthe setting.

And now: "Unanswered Questions of Kolchak: The NightStalker" #5

Just what is Bernhard Stieglitz doing on a cruise ship inthe first place? On leave from NATO, fleeing the murders in Montana, andseemingly aware that *something* bad is happening to him (which makes himdangerous, or he wouldn't have brought chains), why would he book a cruise on aship that basically goes in a big circle out in the Pacific for a week? Maybehe intended to hop off at a visited port (although it doesn't seem like thatkind of a cruise) but I have another theory (which I stress there is NO evidencefor at all in the episode): Perhaps Bernhard Stieglitz was planning oncommitting suicide by throwing himself overboard in the middle of the Pacific?If so, he might have been disappointed, as this could lead us into an extendeddiscussion about that old chestnut - can a werewolf drown? I'll spare you thedetails, but if we look at the thing (at least in its movie manifestation) as a"curse," then there's a good argument that victims of lycanthropy areessentially immortal unless slain by silver. In human form, Stieglitz wouldswim until he tired, and then suffer through all the torments of drowning anddeath, only for his dead body to turn into an animate werewolf again at therising of the full moon, and then be returned to life when the full moon set...onlyto drown again. Repeat until he washes up somewhere or is "rescued"(one might think that, being that this is a curse, divine providence is waitingto help out, ironically). It gets even worse if he chained himself to a heavyweight and jumped overboard, sinking to the bottom and endlessly drowning andreviving and drowning again until...well, who knows when? Something to thinkabout...

Digging through some boxes, found my copy of the script for"THE WEREWOLF." Although I wrote about the episode here(https://www.facebook.com/groups/2202487467/permalink/10160376835967468/), Idid a quick read through of it (and scanned the cover page - showing it to bethe fourth or fifth revision, cast/sets page and the introduction of MelTartar) and note the following bits.

The ship was originally named "The Hanseatic" (notthe "Hanover")

The initial scene was originally a less festive Christmasscene, with Miss Emily packing up the scrawny tree and the janitor wiping"Joy To The World" from the internal windows.

Miss Emily is noted as being "in her fifties" - asI am "in my fifties", I guess this was written before the role wascast.

Carl doesn't listen in to Tony's "bad news from thehome office" phone call, he just figures it out from Tony being angry onthe phone.

Ron is referred to as "our financial editor" whois "far from a blue chip"

The script is very close to the filmed version, no changedscenes - although a few of the gags (like Carl discovering his cabin's bathtubis full of ice and beer) and bits of dialogue (Paul Griffin doesn't say"don't try to con me, just lay it on me...", instead the scriptedline is "don't try to con me, just be honest.") are changed, orad-libbed. Enjoy!

KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER

Episode 06: "Firefall"

Threat: Spectral Curse

Milieu: Classical Symphony orchestra

Police: Sgt. Mayer (Philip Carey)

Witnesses/Experts: Ryder Bond (Fred Beir) / Mrs. Sherman(Carol Veazie) / Mr. Cardinale (David Doyle) / Maria Hargrove (Madlyn Rhue) /Mrs. Markoff (Virginia Vincent)

Support: "You got taken!" / "What did you sayto me, Kolchak?!" / "what spirit would envy you?" / Messy INSfiles / "The man had fingers like a flipper!" / "Here today,tilt tomorrow." / passing out at INS - "You wanna help me, Ron!?That's terrific of you. You can come out tonight and help me dig up FrankieMarkoff's body from the graveyard."

Synopsis: Kolchak suspects that the spontaneous combustionof various associates of a gifted classical pianist may have something to dowith the murder of a small-time arsonist.

"Firefall" is not a bad episode, but not aparticularly good one either. I liked it a bit better on the re-watch - it'sdecidedly small scale but interesting in varying the formula, with that smallerscale allowing for a few more INS scenes and few more atmospheric touches (likethe church windows scene). On the other hand, the plot is driven by a lot ofcoincidence. In a sense, the small-scale also makes sense as this is theepisode to feature a classic "ghost" as the monster threat (although,with a twist, of course) and you can only do so much with an immaterial,malevolent ghost.

The opening scene in Rabino's Arcade provides a lot ofeye-candy for arcade game fanciers, I imagine, as we see Franklin"Frankie" Markoff (convicted arsonist, small-time criminal, one-timebandleader and the "Jim Thorpe" of pinball) gunned down.

What follows are the burning deaths of three close friendsof internationally respected composer and Great Lakes Symphony conductor RyderBond's - all while Bond is both seen at the crime scene and has witnessescorroborating his appearance elsewhere.

Back at INS (there's a nice amount of INS in this episode)Miss Emily is out sick, with Monique handling the puzzle column (given RuthMcDevitt's age, is it possible that Carol Ann Susi was seen as a possible"last minute replacement/understudy" type character, to be rotated inif McDevitt wasn't up to the task, with just a few rewrites needed?) as Carlstruggles with being distracted from his Homeowner's fraud swindle story("Be puzzled on your own time!") - Vincezo (peers to look attypewriter): "Page ONE! Oh, c'mon, Carl! I need that story! Oursubscribers are waiting." I guess we'll read Ron's musical backgroundplaying the French horn as a reinforcing of his effete and cultured nature, andnot as a gay subtext slur.

This episode is a mixed bag when it comes to atmosphere.There are some eerie touches (Felicia Porter seeing Bond reflected in the pool,that the Doppelgänger is mute, those synth "trickling" sounds, theghost's ability to manifest multiple flaming images at the window and hispoltergeist touches like the jarring piano and disruptive noises at church) butthe actual "overlay/dissolve" image of him standing there is a bitweak (he should look a little spookier or more menacing). I note that we do notactually see the couple "catch a flash" of Bond's image near thepool.

After a further death (discussed below) confirms for Carlthat something unearthly is going on (as Bond can't be in two places at once),he actually meets with the Doppelgänger by accident, who traps him in anigniting room (even the fish tank bursts into flames!). Carl consults with someparapsychologists (off-screen), then hits up a gypsy contact, Maria, for someinformation on Doppelgängers ("There's nothing like a girl with theinstincts of a Gypsy. In fact, there's nothing quite like a Gypsy girl").This scene is a lot of fun, with Maria Hargrove proving Kolchak's equal atconniving and sharpness ("You're really turning into a very commercialperson, you know that? All I've got is $5 bucks for dinner!" "It'sjust terrible to be broke and superstitious at the same time") althoughyou can't blame her since they have a previous history. Traditionally, btw,Doppelgängers (literally "double walker") are neither "thedestructive ghost of someone dead who takes on the appearance of one who isalive" nor the "malicious and lost spirit of a dead person who'strying to wear down a living human being and take over his body" (as theparapsychology department and Mamma Hargrove would have it) but a deathpremonition that mirrors the soon to be deceased - if you meet yourself walkingin town, or friends see you in a city miles away - that meant you were going todie soon. The Gypsy Tea Room scene provides some solid laughs (I love whenKolchak asks her not to laugh at what he's going to say, and then she burstsinto a guffaw anyway) and give us Maria's Grandma's (and thus the story's) conceitabout falling asleep, and being able to sleep on sacred ground.

A short interview with the ditzy widow Markoff (her sonseems like a chip off the old fire-block) sets up the motive that the arsonistenvied the famous conductor, a quick visit to the arcade confirms where Markoff*exactly* died (I love the attention to colloquial language from either thewriter or the actor - "I was having dinner over to my sister's,chief"), a quick trip to INS (to raid petite cash of $200 for Maria'skarate instructor brother Vincent, and Ron's desk for caffeine pills -culminating in a very funny "asleep on his feet" moment), back to thechurch for a nap (well-done scene - especially the flames) and then it's off toexhume a grave (re-using footage from "The Zombie" that, as IMDBpoints out, due to the presence of flashlights, contradicts Carl's claim ofbeing by himself) and break and enter Rabino's Arcade, before a final reckoning(which ironically leaves Carl booked on arson)!

There are some nice details & moments in"Firefall": Mrs. Sherman's dog Randolph is cute and well-trained(pulling at his leash to lead her away), the important message was given to theDoppelgänger (nice foreshadowing), Carl's slow glower at Ron as he passesfollowing the argument and then inaudibly cursing out Vincenzo, Ryder -frazzled by the ghost's depredations - asks "And you're doing this all fora newspaper story?" which forces Carl to acknowledge that he's also atarget

And some good lines/exchanges as well, with some verysharply written dialogue: "Well, start worrying, there's reason..." /"Yeah, but short and sweet, Updyke. Don't hand me any Elizabeth BarrettBrowning" / "Kolchak, when you get back to the swindle and fraudstories, write about how you're employed here...which is one of the biggestswindles in memory!" / "However, should your path cross that of alying reporter, don't tell him anything. Particularly about any robberies youmay have seen. He will quote you and then, mysteriously, police will arrive atyour door" / "Do I look like a cop? Do I? I'm a reporter!""That's not much of an improvement"

And some non-humorous ones as well: "Unfortunately, areporter is paid to find out things, whether he wants to know about them ornot. As I was to be taught once again, there are nicer ways to make a living...far nicer" / "a steadily growing, grisly candelabra..." /"Before this, in place or time, he had no identity"

Details: Vincenzo calls Kolchak a "20-yearveteran" reporter. Carl's license plate is still UG8806 (same as in"They Have Been, They Are, They Will Be"), Monique offers the help ofher Cousin Ernest, the rabbi (which we'll return to in the coverage of"Horror In The Heights"), Ron had bad experience with Tequila at afraternity party and Tony has an established night to play poker. The hazardsof shooting LA for other locations becomes apparent to the sharp-eyed who mayspot the stray palm tree as Kolchak drives around (there was once a made for TVmovie about a notable crime that was supposed to be set in my hometown at theJersey shore, which also featured palm trees!)

As I said earlier, I had kind of mixed feelings about thisone, although I felt it was stronger than I remembered - it seems to be a goodtransition between the early, ambitious episodes and the satisfying, smallerscale episodes. The actual spontaneous combustion-styled deaths (a nice"paranormal" touch, very 70s "IN SEARCH OF") seem perhaps abit of a "high power" conceit for the ghost of a two-bit criminal -but then the show needs a "series of deaths" to motivate the plot, soI guess we have to accept that the burning deaths of three of Bond's closestfriends would "wear him down" enough to be possessed. On paper"fiery deaths" seem to be a good visual for a TV show - but the factthat the victims have to be asleep (so no stumbling, flame-drenched figures -probably too expensive to film as well), and that they can't emphasize thegrisly after-effects of the combustion (outside of a smoky glimpse of FeliciaPorter's charred corpse), makes for slightly unsatisfying viewing. Also, ourantagonistic police representative - the slow simmering Sgt. Mayer (PhilipCarey) - feels kind of bland and underwritten, as does the short scene with thepyrotechnic scientist/product tester. Finally, as I said earlier, the script isa little heavy on coincidence: Bond, envied by Markoff, just happens tocut-across his funeral procession (which later allows Kolchak to figure out whothe spirit is), while Kolchak arrives just in time to see the Doppelgänger getinto Roarke's car (which gives him confirmation that something unearthly isgoing on).

On the other hand, the screenwriter works hard at making arather spectral, amorphous threat feel as if it's following some kind ofstructure. I still feel like the story might have worked better in a containedsetting - like, say, a classical music symposium/retreat - but for the first"smaller scale" episode, with no cop mayhem action and no extended"night stalking" (since the situation and plot don't really call forit), it does all right. The climax might feel a bit underwhelming, but then -you can't trade fisticuffs with a phantom, and I do like the authoritative wayKolchak commands Markoff back into his own body - by direct address andconfrontation with the ghost's actual mortality.

And now: "Unanswered Questions of Kolchak: The NightStalker" #6

Two minor observations: what kind of small-time criminal hasa four car funeral procession led by a police motorcycle? That's more of anit-pick, honestly.

As has been pointed out by others, Philip Randolph Roarke(the treasurer and business manager of the Great Lakes Symphony Association) iskilled after "Bond" gets into front seat with him... so just how didhe fall asleep while driving a car! (I know it happens - I've had it happenmyself - but not in big city traffic!). Worse, the solution seems obvious, hecould have just been in a chauffeured limo instead!

KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER

Episode 07: "The Devil's Platform"

Threat: Fiend

Milieu: Politics

Police: none (in the sense of authority figure)

Witnesses/Experts: Louie the Bartender (Stanley Adams) /Park Policeman (Robert DoQui) / Officer Hale (William Mims) / Dr. Kline (Jeanne Cooper)

Support: "Carl, do NOT wax professorial!" /"Who's gonna sue us now, Carl!?!" / "And one day, we almost metLina Gollabrigida!" / "Oh...it's a hat...." / "You know, Ihad once planned to enter the priesthood" "And then the Inquisitionended, and all the fun went out of it for you" / "GET IN HERE...Iwanna talk to you!" / (examining torn pocket) Tony, I had a small accidentthat I'd like to put a voucher in to get repaired on..." "Why don'twe wait, maybe it'll heal by itself." / "Why do I ever get my hopesup with you?" / "Well, whatever turns you up...""On...Emily...on..." / "Are you trying to tell me you'reconcerned about the way you look?" / "What don't you like about thishat?" "What's under it"

Synopsis: When an up-and-coming candidate for Senatormysteriously disappears, Kolchak connects it with strange appearances of avicious dog and a string of suspicious accidents, eventually realizing thatSatanism may be involved.

"The Devil's Platform" may not be a perfect episodeof THE NIGHT STALKER, but it may be the most interesting (in some ways). I'llexpand on that after the usual run down..

Following the visuals of a string of accidents, Kolchak ispresent during the 40 story death-plunge of an elevator containing Stephen Wald(campaign manager of up-and-coming "Independent" candidate RobertPalmer) - "I was a young man when I started waiting for that elevator, butthere's two things that just can't be rushed: Anyone who's paid by the hour,and an office building elevator."

That the elevator also contained Palmer himself is onlyknown to one, but the fact that it contained a vicious dog, who attacks Carl,is known to our intrepid reporter (who manages to snatch a strange medallionfrom the beast). Given the fact that a dog attack can't be presented asbloodily as it would appear in real life, the episode does a good job witheerie, OMEN-like accidental deaths and - as a confirmed acrophobe - I canattest that the elevator drop that opens this episode is nightmarish. Also interesting,a rather extended opening here, before we get the actual titles - during thateffective city street sequence scored with a striking "electrichoedown/pounding march" theme, as Carl is unknowingly stalked by theHellhound.

I like how the missed elevator/forgotten briefcase and themedallion drive the plot forward, since this episode does not feature arampaging monster. Our devilish candidate, Robert Palmer (Tom Skerritt), has anicely laid-back, somewhat oily persona, not overly malevolent. Even when he'sthreatening someone, he always sounds like he just wants to please.

"The people's candidate. Fearless, independent andenergetic. Why can't the people's candidate be like the rest of us - timid,insecure and lazy?" This episode features the timely mid-70s/Nixon scandalexhaustion with politics on the part of the general public, as Carl ducks intoLouie's bar to use the phone and watch the debate (never to be): "Don'tyou want to learn who your new senator's gonna be?" "I don't evenknow who my LAST Senator was!" / "Who you voting for, Kolchak?""Personally, I've always liked Alice Faye, she's got the biggesteyes..."

"The Devil's Platform" has a lot of INS scenesand, interestingly, the commercial break actually splits the initial INS scenein two - going from Tony's office (where the DVD version commercial fade outcomes a little early on the "hellhound fading from the elevatorphoto" reveal) to the office Bullpen with Miss Emily's return from Italy(Carl's obvious entertainment at her joy is nice) - setting up the blessed HolyWater - and then back to Tony's office

As has been pointed out on these boards, the darkroomdevelopment scenes are incorrect. Including the detail that Carl certainlywouldn't have been able to blow up that photo of Palmer provided in the packet,without the original negative. Actually, the second darkroom scene feels alittle like time padding, but it's a nice (if incorrect) stab at"process" for a journalist, which the show doesn't usually make spacefor.

In this particularly sharply written episode, there arenumerous good lines: "I washeartily disliked at that particular TV station..." (more unseen Kolchakbackstory) / "There is one thing I would like..." "The name of agood tailor?" "Nooo..." / "You know I never drink when I'min uniform" (nice little line, as Kolchak is never OUT of"uniform") / [Updyke looking over Carl's shoulder at the dog photobook] "The Kolchak family album?"

There are some nice little bits of business in this episodeas well, whether it's Carl's bait and switch with the new hat (to not hurtEmily's feelings!), Carl's doorway "interview" with the cold Mrs.Palmer ("You name's Lorraine isn't it?" "Yes...but you can callme Mrs. Palmer..." & "Expletive deleted"), Kolchak'sinteraction with hard-bitten Dr. Kline (in which they reach a mutualunderstanding) and his use of subterfuge to snap a photo of the emergency room.Also, in the climax, that bit where the door Kolchak hopes to escape by opensto suddenly reveal a brick wall.

Palmer meets with Susan Driscoll, ex-lover and blackmailer,at Lincoln park and while the vicious dog attack scene (that "pause andrun" between the cop and the dog has always seemed a little weak to me) asexpected, has no blood, Palmer visit to Susan's hospital room to "speedher death" is also effectively eerie. I also like the weird, unearthlysynth "growls" for the hellhound that are occasionally used! EvenSenator Talbot's holiday driving "accident" has some nice directionas we go from the crushed car to the dog crawling out of wreckage, and endingon a dead Talbot behind the wheel. I note that when Carl interviews the officerabout Talbot's "accident," McGavin almost blows the take by jumpinghis line ("any skid marks?") in a little too early, but luckily itgets buried. Again, some nice writing: "Look, we haven't got anyanswers." "I'll do you a favor, I won't quote you on that."

The episode has it's share of trivia details: that Tony hasa contact, Henry DeWitt, at the Dantonville Herald. The first mention ofManny's deli, an appearance by Bernie (the office's mailman), a noting ofpersistent elevator problems and Tony's health worries (another nice three-waydialogue scene!)

I've always liked the part where Carl reenters after beingignored by Tony, talking to himself in exasperation: "That's what's wrongwith this country. Nobody cares. Try to warn them. Do they listen? No. Nobodylistens. Nobody Cares."

Technically, Carl's night time visit to Palmer's estate("Sometimes, when you want a job done right, you just have to foul it upyourself") and use of the "press entrance" constitutes another"night stalking" scene - inter-cut with a bit of interaction betweenMr. and Mrs. Palmer as the latter gets cold feet over the "deal" -and is not badly done (the setting may not be "creepy" per se, butPalmer as a diabolic wildcard adds an atypical threat to the dropped bottles,stifled sneezes and hidden Satanic altar rooms.

And so, we get to the meat of the thing ("You may comeout now, Mr. Kolchak...I'm waiting for you.") - a Faustian offer (whichCarl is wise enough to reject), driven by Palmer's need for "powerfulallies in the press" (which gets a great, pantomimed "who, me?"reaction from Carl!). And Palmer's summation (True or just diabolicmanipulation? You be the judge):

"You're a good reporter. Not a great one - you havepersonality flaws that are going to keep total success from your grasp. But youare, nonetheless, a very good reporter. You would like, more than anything, tohave the Pulitzer prize - though publicly you scorn the very concept of awards.You would like more than anything else to get to New York and work on a majordaily paper. You would even like a suede-backed chair at your desk. Notleather, suede. Such small ambitions really. Your editor is Anthony Vincenzo.He frustrates you terribly. You blame him for your problems but you know thatyou, yourself, are responsible for most of them."

And Carl wisely asks: "Do I have to sign my name inblood?"

Despite what the IMDB might say, "Devil Dog: The HoundOf Hell" (an enjoyable little MFTV horror film with Ike Eisenmann &Kim Richards,from 1978) is not a sequel to this episode (I'd like to see proofto the contrary), as that movie's threat was a Barghest, not a transformedsatanist.

So, here's the funny thing about "The Devil'sPlatform" - I actually consider it the second best episode of THE NIGHTSTALKER, but that's a slightly qualified ranking. Those new to the show, orthose wanting to just enjoy "Carl vs. a monster" might find "TheVampire" (my #3, conditional #2) more to their liking. But as a long-timefan, "The Devil's Platform" gained interest for me over time, neverbeing one of my favorites until I had internalized the Kolchak story formula.Because "The Devil's Platform" is most interesting as the NIGHTSTALKER episode, of all the ways they varied the formula, that most deforms theformula while still being really enjoyable. Think of it - no police authorityto butt heads with, barely a monster (the "hellhound", whileeffective, is really only in about 2/3 of the episode), a lot more INS staffbusiness (which comes at just the right time in the series, after 2 episodesaway from the office and then the body of "Firefall" previouslygiving the staff more exposure and familiarizing us with them). Also, thethreat is something not seen since THE NIGHT STRANGLER - an articulate foe (nota monster or a mute killer) who can speak for himself and has larger plans anddesires (I like how he admits that before he sold his soul, he was "prettymuch a zero"). All of which makes for a very interesting episode!

No "Unanswered Questions of Kolchak: The NightStalker" this time - unless it's just the dangling question of LorrainePalmer's disappearance - had she sold her soul as well? Seems likely.

KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER

Episode 08: "Bad Medicine"

Threat: Fiend

Milieu: The Wealthy

Police: Captain Joe Baker (Ramon Bieri)

Witnesses/Experts: Albert Delgado (Marvin Kaplan) / GeorgeM. Schwartz (James Griffith) / Dr. Agnes Temple (Alice Ghostley) / CharlesRolling Thunder (Victor Jory)

Support: "I'm taking the rest of the afternoon off. Iam going out and buy myself some new clothes, okay?" [Emily]"Finally!" / "Why don't you stay a little longer and develop apersonality" / ""Carl, are you insane?" / "What's Rongot to do with a tribe?" / "If I were a cliff dweller, I wouldn't bein downtown Chicago. I'd be dwelling in my cliff in an adobe hut hut twostories high, which is not the Hanco*ck Tower!" / "Don't you ever readthe paper?" "No..." /

Synopsis: A series of gem robberies and inexplicable"suicides" among Chicago's elite leads Kolchak to the theory that anevil, shape-shifting, Native American sorcerer named the Diablero is involved.

In my own personal ranking, "Bad Medicine" fallsinto that middle rank of five episodes that are neither amazing nor weak - theyare just good, solid, inventive monster episodes. I place "BadMedicine" right above "The Werewolf" (because the monster isinteresting and unique) and right below "The Knightly Murders" (anepisode I love for its' solid reliability and humor).

Rhonda June Markay's death scene at the start nicely has analmost Edgar Allan Poe resonance, what with the crow"tapping-tapping" at her window. Meanwhile, you have to give it toLucy Addison ("The Steel Butterfly") as she was fully intending totake on that coyote with a hat pin!Interestingly, it's the Diableros who slits Markay's wrists andgrips/guides Addison's hand, instead of having them do it to themselves - onecan presume his fingerprints (if a shapeshifter even has them) are not on fileat the police station. As an aside, thisepisode - seen as a kid - taught me what S.R.O. meant!

Kolchak doesn't think the police ruling of suicide washes,and Miss Emily supports him in this opinion (nice interaction - he kisses herhand!). The gem exchange robbery has good bits of business (Kolchak trappingthe cop in his car by blocking his door - even if accidental - would probablyget him shot nowadays) and some unlikely bits (Carl just sweeping along withthe Police Captain at an in-progress crime scene) - and some interestingdetails (while there is just the minute amount of blood - in the bloody coyotefootprints - the red markings on the Exchange's carpets give an"impression" of blood where there is none to the audience, as well -and, yes, the "dead" dog does twitch its' ear/head). Camera & muzzle flashes bother theDiableros (as a piece of foreshadowing), there are some more telltale LA palmtrees to be spotted in the background of the rooftop scene, as the Diablerosand cop exit the stairwell. I've always thought the "diving off the roof /crow on the ledge" wrap-up to the scene was a great piece of televisionimagery.

That's some pretty packed first 10 minutes, I'd say! Thepolice briefing has a nice bit of Carl questioning the police line ("atrapeze artist 8 feet tall?") and planting info with the other reporters("And I suppose his dog belonged to a circus too?") but Captain Bakeris both smooth and official, while being surly as well. Kolchak even works his"social engineering" skills to get the skinny on the ballisticsreport, right in the police HQ (the cops didn't shoot each other, they shotthemselves)!

Ex-con contact Al Delgado (played by the wonderfullynebbishy character actor Marvin Kaplan) floats the idea that the strange thiefis a collector. I guess it's ironic that Carl visits a dog trainer and keepscompany with a guard dog after dealing with a Hellhound last episode. Alwaysnice to see BEWITCHED mainstay Alice Ghostley, here doing a credible job (inher standard somewhat nervous persona) as the expert on Native Americancultures, who gives Kolchak the first lead to the Diableros (hypnotic powersand shape-shifting).

Some good lines, as usual: "F. Scott Fitzgerald oncewrote, 'The rich are different than you and me.' They sure are. They got moremoney" (as Carl examines his sack lunch) / "Is that from theheart?" "From the heart..." / "If a man dresses up like anIndian to raid the Gem Exchange, I say he's strange. But if he also bring hispet coyote along, then I say he's an Indian." / "Now, I don't knowthe difference between a Chippewa and a Chippendale..." /"Kol...worth, Carl Kolworth" "Any relation to theWoolworths?" "Distantly, yes, they dealt in wool, we dealt incoal" / "He was only a street reporter. Probably had too much todrink" (great pantomime reaction to this insult by Carl!)

Nice bits during the Van Piet attack are how the rising carwindow reveals the sorcerer's human form (after entering as a crow), and howthe Diableros lowers the automatic window with just a touch. And Kolchak stealevidence (the crow feathers) from the crime scene!

There's an effective, comedic three-way joke, as Carl getsEmily to help him rook Ron into giving up the location of the gem auction. Theauction scene itself is a great combo of humor (Carl trying to pass himself offas an "upper crust" majordomo - while still in seersucker suit andsporting his hat) and action (The Diableros' gatecrashing spectacle/masshypnotism), although it's stretching believability (again) for Carl to be ableto use his "hiding" abilities to avoid the guards and be peepingthrough the door at this "high security" event. But the plot demandsit...

Grilled by Baker at police HQ, Carl has to admit that hedoesn't have all the answers to the story yet - but these are readily suppliedby Charles Rolling Thunder (veteran actor Victor Jory), who explains theSorcerer's curse to gather jewels, and how the Diableros' eyes are tied to hispower and his only weakness. Then it's back to INS (where Tony has been campingfor Carl's return - love his robe!) for a quick raid of Ron's desk to find thename of an empty high-rise (Champion Towers). Unfortunately, there's noelevator to the 45th floor (after Carl passes himself off as a neon signsalesman!) and so a portion of this "night stalk" is spent wearilyclimbing the stairwell, until our sweaty reporter comes upon the sorcerer onthe unfinished, darkened 39th floor.

The Diableros' weird chanting (as he sacrifices the gems tothe mystic fire) is eerie and effective, even though I wish we'd gotten a"Kolchak held by the monster over the edge of the skyscraper" scene(although, on second thought, it probably wouldn't have been easy to explainhow he didn't get entranced) - probably not in the budget! Butterfingers Carldrops his mirror but luckily there's another one handy to hold the monster atbay and finally destroy him! The solution is the old Gorgon gambit of makingthe monster see his own reflection, which seems just a little underwhelming forsuch a physically imposing figure. Nothing is left as proof, of course, excepta handful of black feathers....

There's not much to complain about with "BadMedicine" - I'm not sure how I feel about the Diableros (Richard Kiel,doing a great job) being yet another (like Jack The Ripper) uncommunicativeevil fiend, but then it's probably a lot to expect that he even knows how tospeak English, given his seeming disdain for humanity. That last point isinteresting because the Diableros may be the only NIGHT STALKER monster who ismotivated by theft (even if under a curse), with his murders seeminglyincidental (either out of sadism or perhaps just amoral pragmatism, as humansare in his way). I like the shape-shifting element as well, which gives theepisode a little extra spark, outside of its Native American folklore creature.And you have to love an episode that places Kolchak among the wealthy, as itssure to generate humor ("He's a reporter, Carl Kolchak, I.N.S.""Oh yes...of the Hoboken Kolchaks..." says Mr. Beloit, ever sodryly).

Some show trivia: The young INS photo tech Carl insults isnot the same one from "The Ripper." This episode highlights Kolchak'spenchant for tearing pages out of the office's phone books. The pay phone Carlcalls Miss Emily from has the same phone number (555-8842) given as Tony'sphone # at INS in "The Vampire" and "The Werewolf"!

And now: "Unanswered Questions of Kolchak: The NightStalker" #7: What was Tony waiting at INS to tell Carl, anyway "No,I'm not nursing a story. I'm camping here because I thought that sometimeduring a 24-hour period, like a moth returns to the flame, you would return tothis office. And the waiting was worth it, for what I'm gonna tell you..."- but he never gets to finish...

KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER

Episode 09: "The Spanish Moss Murders"

Threat: Marauding Creature

Milieu: Cajun Street Musicians / Sleep Lab

Police: Capt. Joe 'Mad Dog' Siska (Keenan Wynn)

Witnesses/Experts: Dr. Aaron Pollack (Severn Darden) /Morris Shapiro (aka Pepe LaRue) (Johnny Silver) / Dr. Hollenbeck (VirginiaGregg) / Gene (Randy Boone)

Support: "Don't restrict yourself to talking - whydon't you bang some pots and pans around? Why don't you play a trombonesolo?" / "I went to Chez Voltaire last night. Even the paté seemedlackluster" / "What is it, Salvador Dali's bar mitvah picture?"/ "Evenin', Bruno" "How you doin' Carl...gettin' any?""Gettin any...[chuckles]

Synopsis: Attempting to investigate the murder of a chef,Kolchak finds a strange connection between Chicago street musicians, deaths bycompression, and the subject of a sleep experiment.

And so we reach what I consider to be the absolute bestepisode of the series (#1 of the top 6, 4 having already been covered, one moreto go after this - you probably know which one). I'll explain why after therundown, but seriously, I don't think the show got any better after this! I maygo a bit long...

That opening - a slow pan down a drippy piece of modern artto reveal a muddied, sludge-covered Carl, narrating his story - is just great!Then we get to see Michelle Kelly (who must have "shlubbily" bumpedinto Paul Langois's sleep maintenance devices and nearly woke him on more thanone occasion, since no one was around to see it or comment on it when ithappens here) killed by some stalking creature. Already, the"wraith-like" aspect of the boogeyman monster, Peremalfait, isapparent, as he stalks Michelle in ways that defy logic and geography.

Then it's back to that pounding electric hoedown music (soeffective to open "The Devil's Platform") as Carl ditches his dentistappointment ("There's nothing under the sun that I fear as much as I feardentist appointments. I was on my way to one, envisioning the agony to come,when the police radio delivered me from that cruel and inhuman fate") toshow up at the crime scene of a murdered Chef Honore Piaget, where we meetCapt. Joe 'Mad Dog' Siska (Keenan Wynn) - calm and measured, since nearly havinga heart-attack from his high-tension reaction to his job and interactions withreporters. Some good comedy! (I love that Carl *almost* calls him "MadDog.")

Some snappy writing here - "Chez Voltaire was theFrenchiest of Chicago's French restaurants, which meant that people paidexorbitant funds to be abused by the waiters and eat minuscule portions. Thetotal value of Chez Voltaire's wine cellar exceeded the gross national productof Paraguay" followed by some hard-boiled crime reporter stuff "theirchef was put on a level with Debussy and Gauguin, but now he'd been murdered,and he looked just as dead as any short-order cook in any greasy spoon""just a simple hit-and-run, if such things are ever simple..."

The arraigned suspect seems an unlikely candidate to havecrushed a man to death, let alone explaining all the slimy vegetation on thebody so Kolchak (who plays his knowledge close to the vest, to the complaintsof his fellow reporters) pulls some sabotage on poor Police Scientist Paco(Siska directly accuses Carl of this later) to surreptitiously sneak a peek atthe Lab report (nearly getting caught in the process), which gives him a lead(nice acknowledgement in the script of the reporting "footwork" he'shave to do the next day).

Meanwhile, street musician Bobby Ray Solange enjoys a jointin the basem*nt of the run-down Samuel de Champlain apartments (nicely keepingup the Cajun/French theme running in the story) but is attacked by ourmysterious, slime-covered Boogeyman (who breaks through a mahogany door!).

Kolchak pursues his new lead to Northwestern University'sSleep Lab, interviewing the stuffy and pretentious Dr. Aaron Pollack ("Ihave never been interested in the crime genre, in movies or books - and in reallife, it leaves me even colder"), who barely remembers Kelly but whoexplains the work of the lab and aloofly comments on how clumsy the dead girlwas ("If she was such a schlub, doctor, why did you keep her on?""I try to be a nice guy" "How's it workin' out, doc?"[puzzled] ".... I don't know...")

The next lead takes Kolchak to the Chicago Botanical Gardenswhere he interviews Dr. Hollenbeck and stands in manure - but gets the info heneeds, that the slimy green stuff is Spanish Moss! But a hospital contactdirects him to the Solange murder scene ("it was garnished withparsley") where he meets the old Jewish caretaker (we'll see him again inanother excellent episode) and passes himself off as a health inspector, whichgains him another lead: that the victim was possibly a street musician.

Which leads us to Pepe La Rue (aka Morris Schapiro),aspiring tiny gangster and street hustler who somewhat grasses on Paul Langoisand Bobby Ray Solange, before being plucked right off the street (in midconversation no less!) by the Boogeyman ("Am I a Cajun? some kindameshugginah legend!").

Back at INS, Tony is testing his Press Club speech, whileCarl disrupts the proceedings in a well written scene. It's interesting thatKolchak thinks Paul Langois is the murderer at this point, although Siska is justfrustrated by the suggestion ("I'd like to pick you up and drop you rightdown an elevator shaft!" "Well, to tell you the truth, you're not OK!The people in group therapy didn't tell me I was ever gonna meet anybody asun-OK as you are!") and points out that Langois has been asleep for 6weeks at the Sleep Lab, which gives him an "iron-clad alibi"

Back at the sleep lab, Dr. Pollack refuses to accept thatLangois is involved, even as we see that the sleep subject has someinexplicable, reoccurring brainstorm activity. After a motorcycle cop is killedby the monster, however, Kolchak tracks down Gene (the street fiddler who tookhis $10 bucks earlier) at the recording studio - who tells him of Peremalfait,the Cajun boogeyman swamp monster and how to stop him with a stake of bayougum. And then it's back to the Sleep Lab where an apoplectic Siska("YOU'RE REALLY GRATIN' ON MY NERVES KOLCHAK!") and Dr. Pollack -still snooty ("Isn't this debasing enough, without this ass braying aroundhere?") - fail at reviving Langois from a seizure. And so, with theCajun's death, Kolchak believes the killings by a nightmare-projection ofLangois' childhood fears may be over.

But it isn't... as Carl discovers on returning to the officewhere (after a triumphant, celebratory Tony is congratulated - and a sullen RonUpdyke dispatched with) he discovers that the supposed "upstairs roofleak" was actually a visit by Peremalfait - which fills him withapprehension and terror.

And from there, after a quick trip to the Botanical Gardensto whittle a spear of swamp gun, our intrepid reporter heads down into theChicago sewers to do battle with the monster! (Interestingly, we see Carl doffan overcoat - which he did NOT wear to break in to the gardens - as he parkshis car - and this during a "sweltering summer"). The sewer scene isreally top notch, atmospheric horror television, it must be said - includingrats, Pepe's body and the inevitable confrontation.

"And what about Paul Langois, the 'innocent testsubject' of that 'pure research'? Well, he's jus' plain dead...."[sneezes]

There's so much good stuff in this episode that it reallydeserves, from my perspective at least, the #1 slot.

First - it's a "monster on the loose" episode -which is kind of coded into the shows DNA by this point (so as much as I ravedabout "The Devil's Platform being a great episode because it's an"exception to the formula", SMM works BECAUSE it follows the formulaso well).

Second - the humorous interactions are funny (Carl and Pepe,Carl and the Caretaker, Carl and the Botanist, Carl and Dr. Pollack, Carl atINS.

Third - Need it be said? "Mad Dog" Siska (so good,they brought him back!) is the most engaging of "authority figures"the show has featured. Interestingly, as a character, he's kind of a policeversion of Tony Vincenzo, but without the respect for Kolchak's ability, andwith a shorter temper.

Fourth - The episode balances the two sides of the show(when it comes to threats) nicely - Peremalfait is both a boogeyman of legend,AND a creation of weird science, which makes him doubly interesting.

Fifth - The story progresses in a logical (or semi-logical,see below) way, as Carl does what a reporter does, following leads from oneplace/person to another, putting in footwork until he discovers the truth.

Sixth - The show delivers very well on its "interestingmilieu" formula - featuring Chicago's southside Cajun/"HillbillyGhetto" transplants, street musicians and contrasting that with thesterility of the sleep lab. And, as a coup de grace, the show gives us one ofthe best uses of it's "folkloric monster in an urban setting" byplacing the boogeyman in a city sewer. So excellent!

Seventh - This is something I only noticed on this re-watch,despite being overly familiar with the episode. As expected, there are lots ofnicely spooky, shadowy locals in SMM (dark streets & wet alleyways, oldbasem*nts, damp sewer) and the monsters roaring/groaning and heavy breathingadd to the terror. But director Gordon Hessler (CRY OF THE BANSHEE, SCREAM ANDSCREAM AGAIN, THE GOLDEN VOYAGE OF SINBAD) really seems to add something tothis episode - an understanding that the monster is a boogeyman from the mindof a child, and so the proceedings have this quality of unreasoning terror,especially in Carl's realization that Langois' death has not banished it("Peremalfait's been looking for ME!") and in the final scenes in thesewer. Note that Carl actually tries to flee the sewer in fear, at first - butis blocked by the replaced manhole having been parked on - showing just howmuch fear Peremalfait generates. And then, when he's being chased my thishulking monstrosity, sloshing slowly through the water as this giant closes in- the scene actually replicates a child's nightmare! Great stuff!

Some Notes: Kolchak develops his own photos this time. I'veseen some complaints about the costume's skimpiness but I think does well, showinga half-formed creature torn from a child's nightmares. The IMDB listing seemsto fret a bit over the monster's name and spelling but "Pere"(Father/Poppa) and "Mal-Fait" ("Bad""Magic/Enchantment") doesn't seem that complicated - although, I'msure like almost everyone else except native French speakers, I struggled foryears with the actual spelling of the name, mostly because Pepe and Gene seemto pronounce it "Para Mount Fate". Also, THE SPANISH MOSS MURDERSfeatures the only time a monster ever came to the INS offices! (although wedon't actually see it happen) - which is interesting because it triggers such astrong reaction in Carl, probably because the office is essentially his"home" (as we never see where he lives).

And now: "Unanswered Questions of Kolchak: The NightStalker" #8: There's only one dangling thread from this episode, and somuch happens that it's easy to miss but needs to be asked - why did Peremalfaitkill Chef Honore Piaget in the first place? Even Kolchak says there was"absolutely no connection between Michelle Kelly & Chef Piaget"and the same could be said for Piaget and Paul Langois - for such awell-written and structured story, it seems like an odd omission. I mean, I canmake a guess - that Langois' jealousy might imply that Piaget had stolen a girlfrom him, but there's nothing in the episode to support that....

Episode 10: "The Energy Eater"

Threat: Invisible Force

Milieu: Hospital

Police: Detective (Captain?) Webster (Robert Yuro)

Witnesses/Experts: Jim Elkhorn (William Smith) / Nurse JanisEisen (Elaine Giftos) / Don Kibbey (Tom Drake) / Walter Green (Michael Strong)/ Dr. Ralph Carrie (John Alvin)

Support: "What do they call it, Wrinkle Power?" /"What is all this" "Oh, these are blueprints for thehospital..." "Hospital? Where did you get them?" "I stolethem" / "How do you think I got behind this desk" "I don'tknow...how?" / "Now what do you think you're doing with two of ourbest cameras? "I'm gonna hock 'em, whaddaya think!?!" / "Yeah,remind me of that sometime..." / "You'll be out of here before I knowit" / "...Goodbye, Tony..."

Synopsis: The building and opening of the brand newLakefront Hospital is fraught with mysterious deaths and electrical accidentswhich Kolchak traces back to a local bear god named "Matchemonedo."

And so, halfway through the series, and following on theheels of the best episode (imho), we have here the penultimate episode in myqualitative ranking, with only one other being (again, in my opinion) worse(and, no, it's not "The Sentry"). There are only a few good things tosay about "The Energy Eater," and mostly a solid dose of blandness,so let's wade in.

Surprisingly, given what we learn later, the episode doesn'topen with short instances of the "high steel" workers' deaths thatoccurred during construction (maybe too expensive to stage and pull off?) andinstead, we get lots of aerial shots of Chicago and its architecture(accompanied by the electric hoedown music again) before cutting to arecuperating Kolchak in a hospital bed, composing his story (in a sense,unusual because we rarely see this part of the process - Kolchak seeminglyweighing his words and turns of phrase).

Flashback to the start of the story, as Carl (ratherunenthusiastically) attends the dedication of a new hospital. Sadly, thehospital's bar (!!!) has just closed. (An aside, what women's fashion movement inthe 70s produced that awful mushroom cap that the greeter/main desk staff arewearing? Ugh, there's a similar, if even more awful, get-up on Louise Parker inthe Space Needle sequence of NIGHT STRANGLER - it's like Holly Hobby in a roadaccident with Strawberry Shortcake!). Meanwhile, an electrical worker isseemingly killed by some wiring problems downstairs, which causes a flicker inthe power and a flutter in the proceedings that Kolchak's keen eye catches - ashe sneaks into a restricted area (and dodges staff) to interview PathologistNurse Eisen on a (malfunctioning)elevator. While being all business, she still let's on that there arelots of inexplicable problems, as they reach the overly hot basem*nt. There, aclose-mouthed janitor refuses to comment on the power failure or cracks in thewalls.

That night, back at INS (quietly led into with some nice -if atypical for the show - slow bluesy jazz), Kolchak does his journalisticfootwork, digging on the hospital's funding and examining the place's blueprints(stolen by himself) and we find out he had Miss Emily write his dedicationpiece while he pursued the bigger story (which leads into a timely"senior's rights"/Gray Power argument). Even a juicy gangland turfwar killing ("Ehhh, they're always shooting at each other...") isn'tenough to dissuade Carl ("I'm on a story") from grabbing his contact,Architectural Engineer Don Kibbey, and bringing him over to the hospital toshow him Lower Level 3 and the cracks (convinced, as he is, that the hospitalis structurally faulty and that it is "going to fall down"). Breezingpast the security guard by impersonating a doctor, Kibbey identifies the cracksas stress fractures and rattles off all the possible building flaws, althoughhe's wary of going on the record. Another electrical pulse causes them to fleein fear.

Carl attempts to pump Nurse Eisen for info, and she spillson some of the deaths and inexplicable occurrences. Then he impersonates adoctor again to get into Dr. Carrie's internal meeting on the deaths - whichresult from massive clotting - but is fingered by Detective Webster (or is itCaptain Webster, which is what Kolchak refers to him as? I Don't know enoughabout Police command structure to know if a Police Detective could alsosimultaneously be a Captain), who manhandles Carl out the door (very direct!).

Kolchak follows up on the "high steel workers"lead and contacts Jim Elkhorn, the Native American worker's shaman (also asavvy businessman - and charismatic player of the ladies). He claims it'stribal business, but more bluntly states that ""Matchemonedo"killed his men.

As always, there's some good writing ""Anybodyimportant here today?" "No, just a bunch of reporters" /"Oh...a well-performed autopsy is a joy forever" / "Dr. Kolchak,what do you prefer?" "Oh, I'm not fussy, I'll take the feet..."/ "Jim...my rocks are melting..." / "What if he comes out andwe've got no buffalo?" / "That's a vertebrae; what's that doinghere?" / (Elkhorn, scoffing) "Right, Kolchak, like...I know what are summermonths and what are winter months!" / (Elkhorn, replaying the old LennyBruce joke) "What do you mean, 'we,' white man?"

But there's some flat humor and clunky writing as well:"Now, a different sort of monument..." is a really stiff transitionat the start. "The truth was, nothing was going to become of Claudia'slife" seems to be reaching for thathard-boiled, journalistic grimness that the show does so well, but justcomes across as easy, as does "they were loading unmarked boxes from anunmarked truck, but for me, everything had 'double-cross' written all overit" The show is usually reliable for humor but here many of the jokesdon't land: "Matchemoto...is that anything like Quasimoto?""Like over-charging your patients...which is not unusual for a hospital, Isuppose" "As the great Louis Pasteur once said, 'Any schmo can inventa rabies vaccine, but when will we find a cure for stupidity?', "ACuban...Carlos Matchemonedo. He's a bantamweight fighter and he's absolutelyterrific" Even the running joke of Jim getting Carl/Charles/ChuckKolchak's name wrong feels flabby (just an inversion of the traditional"Carl invents fake names to deflect responsibility" gambit).

After another death at the hospital, Kolchak sneaks in(behind some bedpans - sure, okay...gives McGavin a chance to do a littlephysical comedy) and tells Hospital Official Walter Green that he may take therap for the problems, unless they evacuate. Checking in with Pathologist Eisen,Carl gets the skinny about the new death and convinces her to accompany him ona visit to Jim Elkhorn (actually, this is a nicely conceived bit of business -Carl effectively realizing he can disarm Elkhorn by playing to his amorousproclivities). We get a nice character sketch of Elkhorn (Native Shaman butsavvy in his modernity) as we get the skinny on the Bear God - supposedly therebefore the Illinois and Iroquois tribes (and before "Chicago" was"Chi-ca-go") - and the three begin to formulate ideas aboutMatchemonedo (well, Eisen and Carl do, Elkhorn pivots in his romantic focus).

Back at the hospital, Carl talks Elkhorn into trying ashamanic medicine dance, which does seem to activate the force (wrecking a laband exposing some x-ray plates - the fact that Carl & Jim rush to collectthe plates while bodies are strewn in the lab always seemed a tone-deafcharacter moment to me). Back at INS, the two assemble the exposed x-rays intoan abstract image of something gigantic.

Carl and Jim do some research, with Neanderthal cavedrawings and French explorer records showing just how long the Bear God hasbeen extant (and also that it "hibernates" in the cold months, andunder cold water), and decide that Walter Green's company should be able torefrigerate the building. But Green isn't buying this "absurdity,"while Dr. Carrie seems a little more willing to go along (although, when calledto the Cobalt Room where Matchemonedo is presumed to be feeding onradioactivity, Carrie's rather poorly sold desire to "let it out"makes little sense).

The story pays lip service to the problems of evacuating ahospital (in a rather clumsy "time passes" transition), and Carl'scomplaints to Elkhorn ("Are they gonna do anything about it? No!")re: the cover-up seem a bit much (what exactly are they supposed to do exceptwhat they actually do, shut down the hospital and freeze out Matchemonedo? Arethey supposed to admit that an invisible energy creature is the cause? Doesthat seem likely?). I do like that that Jim - who was onboard for theexplication - is just kind of tired of the whole thing ("Oh, so we getMatchemonedo and you get the Loop, is that how it goes?") and opts out ofthe expected cultural outrage. Back at INS, Carl grabs expensive infra-red andultraviolet film in his zeal to get a picture of Matchemonedo ("what doyou mean something that everybody denies exists?") and heads back toLakefront one last time.

With a brightly lit setting and an invisible threat, there'snot much of a chance for a spooky/fearful "night-stalking" climax -and we don't get one. Instead, Carl overhears Green and Carrie quibbling(setting up the dangers of the liquid nitrogen they are going to fill thebasem*nt with) - the fact that Dr. Carrie seems to be willing to accept theexistence of Matchemonedo, and even be intrigued by it ("I'm gonna stayhere. I want to watch what happens" "You're afraid this thing may gowild when we try to freeze it") is a neat detail - and then goes down tothe basem*nt, "slipping in" meaning that he misses the finalizationof the evacuation and is in danger from the liquefied gas. Then we're back tothe hospital (but before the opener...er, "opened") where Carl hasbeen rescued and Tony seems happy he's alive ("You got some frostbite inyour hands and your feet. They decided not to amputate" "Oh, well I'mhappy to hear it"). A coda tells us that Lakefront Hospital is to bereplaced with a nice, cold water marina (because Walter Greene always makes aprofit).

I'll be honest, I wasn't actually looking forward tore-watching this one, but there are some good things about "The EnergyEater." The electrocution death of paralytic Claudia Granov is prettyeffective, as is the romantic friction scene between Janet Eisen and DianeLanier at Elkhorn's pad ("Stuff the muffin! I'll eat instant oatmeal!")- a nice area of comedy that the show doesn't get to touch on too often (I likethat Carl seems to be the only one to pick up on it).

The conception of "Matchemonedo" as some kind ofancient God who is something akin to a living magnetic field ("it justsucks in energy and breathes it out") is one of the few things the episodehas going for it - it's a neat idea and well-handled, what with the pasthistories, the "hibernation" gimmick, and of course that marvelousvisual payoff of the enormous eye captured by x-rays (I have a friend whowatched the series as a kid and the ONLY thing he could remember about it as anadult was that image of an enormous eye!). For precedents in horror literatureplease see Ambrose Bierce's "The Damned Thing", Guy de Maupassant's "TheHorla" and Fitz James O'Brien's "What Was It?"

Similarly, John Elkhorn's refusal to fully believe inMatchemonedo - "To pacify Matchemonedo, my people used to drive buffaloover his place... and he would eat them, I guess. Which is a pretty neat trickif you don't have a stomach" - is a nice reversal of stereotypedexpectations. The scene where he has to be convinced to do a medicine dance tocall up the Bear God is a good character moment ("Aw, look, it didn't workfor my Grandpa and it's not gonna work for me now!")

Tony deciding to do his own reporting, to show that he'sstill "got it", seems like a great comic idea that gets lost in theshuffle. In truth, to go with that weak comedy writing note, there's verylittle INS "business" this time around. I like how matter-of-factlyCarl assumes the hospital is going to collapse (another timely issue touched onin this episode - corruption in the construction business in the 1970s, poorplanning, cheap materials, shoddy workmanship).

But, this episode does a lot of "telling withoutshowing" - the high steel deaths, the "horrible" heart-lungmachine death, and other noted events. Possible cost-efficiency again. Thereseems to be some scene setting (Carl attempting to get to Jim Elkhorn) thatstops juuust this shy of padding for time.

The truth is that while the show can usually resort to thesuspenseful imagery of "crime reporting" when it needs to, thisbecomes more difficult when the "crime" is essentially white collar,which just means lots of offices, labs, sterile corridors, secretaries,officials in business suits and drab functional interiors.

More importantly, the whole "Invisible Force"approach, no matter how hard they try to gussy it up (and, to the author'scredit, they do try), comes across as a cost-saving measure. "They HaveBeen, They Are, They Will Be" used slow-motion and wind machines, but herewe're just left with whirring, cracking and sparks. Combine that with some weakcomedy writing and a visually dull setting and you're left with an underwhelmingepisode. Even the climax (always a problem for even the better episodes ofKolchak) is underwhelming, dressing up the undramatic liquid nitrogendeployment, Kolchak armed with a fire extinguisher, and a poorly handled"Carl falls unconscious" bit (I guess his foot gets stuck, and thenproximity to the nitrogen knocks him out). Sure - potential frostbite is scary,but not very visually dramatic!

Trivia: Once again, intimations that Tony has a history inChicago ("I was top crime reporter in this town when it was important!When it was dangerous!"). Note that in the "flyover of Chicago"scene setter that starts right after we see Carl and Eisen in the pathology labthe second time, you can see the skid of the helicopter filming the footage atthe lower left! Note that while Carl seems dismayed that the bar has closed atthe hospital dedication ("...terrific...") he turns down Elkhorn'soffer of a drink. Is the nurse - that calls Green, Carrie, Elkhorn and Kolchakdown to the basem*nt to show them that "some kind of a thing" is inthe Cobalt Room - Diane Lanier? She looks and sounds like her a bit! (wouldallow a paid speaking role to be compacted into one actress). Carl has ruinedtwo cameras and the electric pencil sharpener (or maybe that last one was MissEmily) within the last year, and borrowed Tony's 8mm projector last New Year'sEve, returning it with guacamole in the gears.

"The Energy Eater" isn't terrible, it just comesacross as a mismatch of interesting ideas in a visually dull setting, which isoverall poorly deployed. I don't mean to damn it with faint praise, but as Isaid, if we're looking at the twenty episodes critically, SOMETHING is gonnahave to sift to near the bottom. As for what surpasses TEE at the nadir....staytuned. Note how both "Spanish Moss Murders"" and this episode,that immediately follows it, play the "mixing folklore and weird science"card - maybe it would have helped to stagger them a little? We now move into aperiod where good or solid episodes begin to alternate with weak ones, beforethe end is reached.

"Unanswered Questions of Kolchak: The NightStalker" #09: a minor question, probably easily answered by someone whohas access to a script of the episode, but is the force named"Matchemonedo" (which the subtitles settle on) or is it amispronunciation of "Matchemanitou" ("man-eh-too") with theshow staff not researching it enough for the correct pronunciation? The use of"manitou" might make more sense - it's Iroquois in derivation and aterm for a spirit being. Anyone have a script to verify?

KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER

Episode 11: "Horror In The Heights"

Threat: Marauding Creature

Milieu: Jewish Ghetto / The Elderly

Police: none (in the sense of an authority figure to buckagainst)

Witnesses/Experts: Harry Starman (Phil Silvers ) / Jo (NedGlass) / Frank Rivas (Jim Goodwin) / Mr. Lane-Marriot (Murray Matheson ) / AliLakshmi (Abraham Sofaer ) / Barry the Waiter (Barry Gordon)

Support: "Old doesn't have to be synonymous withsenility, Tony How old are you?" / "His non sequiturs are gonna driveme into a state institution" / "Indian swastikas, Norman Conquest...Am I supposed to see God's design in all this?" / "The Rakshasa havemagical powers, Tony. They seduce their victims to death by taking on the imageof someone the victim trusts" "And poor Harry Starman - he trustedyou? Obviously he never had to depend on you to come up with a cogent story -something that'll turn a profit!" / "Scuttlebutt!?!" /"Just a minute! You may be my employer, but you're walking on eggs whenyou talk that way, buster!" /

Synopsis: Elderly residents of Roosevelt Heights are beingfound dead, stripped of their flesh, and Kolchak doesn't accept the police linethat they were eaten by rats, fearing that something demonic is at work.

So, just beyond halfway through the series (please see theend of the essay for links to previous installments) and we reach the last(imho) of the truly excellent episodes. From this point on, the Good willalternate with the Mediocre. That having been said, "Horror In The Heights"is a favorite episode of many, and for good reason - an intriguing &visceral threat, an interesting setting, the sideways move to yet anotherreligious mythology's monsters, and a magical addition that allows the story toopen up our perceptions of our hard-bitten main character, even as he operatesas usual. I rank it between "The Ripper" and "The Zombie"in overall quality (although I think "The Zombie" may actually bebetter, as an overall episode) but it certainly deserves its place in the"Top 6"

We open with a very nice piece of Kolchak journalese thatdoes a great job letting us know that this episode will focus on two aspects -poverty and the elderly urban dweller, both of which seem timely for the"inflation/stagflation" 70s (and timely for now, of course). I quoteit at length:

"There are sections of Chicago the guidebooks don'trefer to. You can't blame them, really. The guidebooks' function is to sell theglamor and excitement of our Windy City - and whichever way you dress it up,old age is neither glamorous, nor exciting. Roosevelt Heights used to be aplush neighborhood, but the plush neighbors moved uptown, leaving the oldpeople - and old people don't move easily; they become set in theirsurroundings. Their friends live next door, they've been going to the samestore for twenty-five years, and probably the most important of all - theycan't afford to relocate, even if they wanted to. The battle of fixed incomeversus galloping inflation never ends, but even inflation took a backseat herein Roosevelt Heights, as a far greater fear overtook the residents... a terrorwhich effectively dwarfed everything else."

There so much great commentary in that little chunk:"old age is neither glamorous, nor exciting..." "...but theplush neighbors moved uptown" "...they can't afford to relocate,evenif they wanted to". Kudos to Jimmy Sangster (an old hand at effectivestorytelling, as he helped guide early Hammer horror films, and wrote suchclassics as THE NANNY with Bette Davis and select episodes of televisionincluding the wonderful series GHOST STORY/CIRCLE OF FEAR).

And from there we move to the clandestine penny ante pokergame of a group of old friends - showcasing some great comedic, curmudgeonlybanter ("I paid you!" "You did NOT!") - that takes place atthe rat-infested meat-packing Kentucky Maid warehouse, where Julius"Buck" Fineman becomes our first victim. I really like the kind of"by the numbers" rapport both Kolchak and the initial cop show (asthey jot the "rats" explanation down in their respective notebooks).And, of course, there's that nice call back to "The Spanish MossMurders" as Jo recognizes Kolchak from that episode ("Usen't you ustawork for the Health Department"), a query which Carl deflects with his usualaplomb ("no, that was my brother...he was in charge of printing upquarantine signs").

I like, in the first INS scene, how we get to see Carlpitching his take on the story to Tony (not something we get a lot of) andTony's wary editing of it ("Bleeding hearts, me? Where? ... 'tragic'offends you, huh?"), even while prompting his reporter to dig("You've got a good angle there. Just get more of it"). Also, there'sa subtle set-up that the episode will somewhat play off of Carl's compassionfor the elderly, with his filing for some informant money he gave Harry, andthe extended interaction with Miss Emily about her column and life goals (whichalso sets up the plot ending) (note that after a glance, Carl doesn't seemimpressed by Emily's writing, but it's not like he's gonna be critical!).

Next, Sol & Miriam Goldstein die in an alley (a LosAngeles alley, but we should by now all be savvy enough to understand aboutlocation shooting - hey, no palm trees in this episode!) after leaving araunchy modern movie ("The Fever") and sharing some charmingdiscourse about changing sexual mores (we might also perhaps stop to reflect onSol's observation that "That was just kids. Kid's don't kill people"- for a sober observation of the passing 46 years). The Goldstein's death isactually nicely done - paying off on THE NIGHT STALKER's early promise of"classic terror in an urban setting."

Carl finds out that Harry tipped him about the Goldsteindeaths (after another "just business" tête-à-tête with thepatrolman), because he claims to know who did it - a Hindu restaurateur, ownerof the Pearl Of India, who has been graffitoing the neighborhood withswastikas... but checking this out leads to Kolchak being behind a fence (niceMcGavin climbing work again, following on "The Vampire") duringHarry's death (it's a joy to watch Phil Silvers do a semi-humorous/semi-seriousrole in this episode - a consummate pro!). While Carl gets grilled for Harry'sdeath by the PD (the police are largely secondary in this episode, which isatypical - but it is a very packed story), though the police testimony sequencehas some interesting & funny stuff (Tony thinks the PD are treating Carlroughly, and Carl plays it up! I can presume that the individual that comes toPolice HQ with Tony - "Am I out, Tony?" - is the INS attorney).

Carl does some footwork to check out the cops'"specious" theory that rats are eating these old people (having been"present" for, if not a witness to, Harry's death) in a cute comicinterlude with Frank Rivas, exterminator (who doesn't sweat an occasional,accidental intake of poison) before heading over to the Pearl of India for some(unlikely) beef curry and a chat with the non-Indian, Jewish server, who disheson his boss' predilection for strange questions (while disparaging the food).This leads to our first short bit of "night stalking", as Carlexplores the basem*nt abode of Ali Lakshmi (and nearly gets cross-bowed for histrouble - nice reporter instincts on Carl - take that picture before worryingabout your own hide!)

Back at INS, Carl shows Tony some photos ("you'redripping on my desk") and enthuses about the actual history of theswastika, while Ron gets to show off his knowledge of history (to littleimpression). After the Rakshasa kills two patrol officers (who both see differentpeople - the scene has a little bit of ADAM-12 feel, and I love the fact thatwhen one of them sees it as "Sgt. Da Vito," he's got blood smeared onhis mouth after killing the other), Kolchak visits the effete Mr. Lane-Marriot,the foremost expert on East Indian Art (who doesn't have much of a sense ofhumor, despite "enjoying a good joke" - "Well, the Rakshasa isthe disciple of Ravana. Ravana, whose deeds were so horrible he stopped the sunand moon in their course" "You know, I had a date in with a girl incollege just like that once" "Mr. Kolchak! I value my time! If it isyour intention merely to be a music hall wag, please state so!"). Heidentifies the creature (to the disgust of his customers) as a"Rakshasa" - demonic, flesh-eating beings that haunt the world untilthe time is right for their return ("when the world has slipped to theedge of the abyss - mistrust, decadence, moral decline" So - the 1970s!).Then, it's back to INS for Tony to reject the story as written (but Carl thinksit should go out on the wire to prevent "some butchery" of old folks,who might just be made wary enough - an interesting detail, since this timeit's less about Carl's desire for the truth to be known - "even if theyprint it as a joke!" - and actually about saving people!) and storm out(giving us a nice reversal - "Vincenzo, come back here!", after whichCarl calls him a "chicken!") and Ron to raise an eyebrow at Carl'strash-dive to retrieve the piece ("That's where I get all my stories!").

As always, the episode has some great writing. Some funnyones: "What about the rats?" "Well, we all have rats, sir. Youshould see the one I work for" / "So what is that supposed to mean?Buck Fineman is gonna pounce on you, fresh from the grave?" / "Iain't a quiz show host, for one thing they make better money than I do""Better jokes, too..." / "Harry, excuse me, but you usuallydon't find Hindu Nazis in any great number" / "Me, personally, I'mnot too crazy about kosher chutney" / "Okay, this will be the fifth'one more time'" / "The only thing he's ever talked to me about is towash my hands before I serve the food to people" "That'sconsiderate" / "Who also appears to his victims as Carl Kolchak, butactually looks like Bongo the Chimp with fangs!" )

And some grim/noirish ones: "Son, I've seen more deadbodies than you've had TV dinners" / "I got one problem, pop - thereisn't anyone that I trust" / "And if you happen to be walking along alonely country road one night, and you see your favorite aunt coming towardyou... good luck to you, too"

Carl meets with the ill/dying Mr. Lakshmi ("I'm not theRakshasa, I'm the Kolchak") in his basem*nt quarters - where the old manboasts of having killed a few of the demons over the past 60 years. During ashort, wrap-up "night stalk" through the basem*nts, Kolchak comesacross Miss Emily (who explains she's there doing research for her mysterynovel)...or is it really her? Kolchak must trust his instincts...

Trivia: "Old Mrs. Reznik"'s death (not seen)initiated the Rakshasa'a depredations. Second mention of Manny's deli(downstairs? Tony does say "send up...") / Emily is staying late tohelp out "with the advice column" - which would be the Miss EmilyAdvice Column from "The Ripper", right? So, she really does just kindof float around on features / other unseen INS employees: Martha, who will sendCarl's story out on the wire (we actually do catch a small glimpse of her,tending the teletype). Does Carl get caught by the "swinging gates"as he exits at the 42 minute mark? (he sure makes a sound like he does!) / asnoted on IMDB, Hindu swastikas (a sun symbol) point to the left. The Naziswastika is reversed, so that it points to the right - and the episode doesn'tworry about making a distinction.

The Rakshasa (first seen scavenging through offal) doesn'tseem particularly smart, just roaming the ghetto and killing - one presumes itis incapable of tracking down Ali Lakshmi (but then, the old man's place ofrest is warded against the creature) - so Marauding Creature seems a valid designation.Its magical power (to appear to its intended victim as the person they mosttrust) allows for an interesting visual dynamic between monster and victim (notunlike that between The Diableros and its thralls) as it doesn't just attackviciously from nowhere, instead the targets actually welcome its presence. Andboy, it must be magic, because Harry Starman gets eaten in literal seconds!

The episode feels just the slightest bit padded to me, butit's hard to say where - the Lane-Marriot and final INS scene seem to go on afew beats too long, maybe not enough to have scavenged an extra scene from, andit may just be that the story still has to have two extra beats (meetingLakshmi and meeting Miss Emily) before the final - kinda abrupt - monster killing.Of course, the final bit with Miss Emily is what everyone loves and remembersfrom the episode (we don't usually get to see INS staff outside the office,except for Monique's introduction, and some moments in "Legacy ofTerror") and it really is sharp - a way of humanizing Carl that pays offon his concern for the elderly shown throughout the episode, without having himshed his gruff exterior - I mean, he DOES shoot her ("ssshhhhWAAP!")but then he's always been more about instincts than trust! The full glimpsethat we get of the Rakshasa isn't bad (others disagree) but the way it fallsover is a little too comical and I think it's a budget indication that we don'teven get a shot of its unearthly dissolution (just a disgusted, lip-curled"Jeez!" from Carl).

"Unanswered Questions of Kolchak: The NightStalker" #10 - Is Kolchak of Jewish extraction? He easily knows Yiddish(tsures) and general Hebrew Law (gambling on the Sabbath), wishes the waiter"Shalom", and the episode gives him a bit of banter that is phrasedin that very classic "ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer"Jewish comedic way (compare Sol Goldstein's response to "So what killedMr. Fineman?" - "He died...he was pushing 80...he was entitled!"to Carl's response to Detectives Prodman & Thomas asking why Harry didn'tclimb the fence with Carl - "He was an old man... his fence climbing dayswere over!"). And I note that in "Firefall", seeing that Carl isdistressed, Monique offers the help of her Cousin Ernest, the rabbi. From THEKNIGHTLY MURDERS we know he's Polish, so it's not out the question. On theother hand, he could just be a well-traveled reporter who has learned thebenefits of knowing local lingo.

KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER

Episode 12: "Mr. R.I.N.G."

Threat: Marauding Creature (Creation)

Milieu: High-Tech Science / Government

Police: Capt. Akins (Bert Freed)

Witnesses/Experts: Mrs. Walker (Julie Adams) / TyrellSecurity Guard (Don "Red" Barry) / Dr. Leslie Dwyer (CorinneMichaels/Camacho) / Senator Duncan Labeaux Stephens (Henry Beckman) / BernardCarmichael (Robert Easton) / Miss Jarrell, Librarian (Maidie Norman)

Support: Ron gets to go home to San Francisco ("Goodmorning!" "Not that good..." / "Then why's he sohappy?" "You're in trouble" "OF COURSE! I should have knownit all along!") / "Do you know that in the old days they gave theobituaries to the lowest form of animal life in the newsroom? Do you know that!?""Somethings never change, Kolchak. You should take some comfort inthat." /

Synopsis: Kolchak attempts to write an obituary for a dead,Nobel prize-winning scientist, only to run up against an increasing wall ofobfuscation and silence even as an incredibly strong individual rampages throughChicago, engaging in odd thefts.

"Mr. R.I.N.G.", in my own personal rankings, sitsat the top of the "just okay" episodes, almost but not quite makingit into the solidly "Good" episodes. There are a number of reasonsfor that, but let's look at the episode - THE NIGHT STALKER's attempt towrestle with the "Frankenstein" concept - before we discuss it.

The episode opens atypically, with a groggy Kolchak at theINS offices late at night, recovering from (we will later surmise) intenseinterrogation at the hands of Government goons. (interrogation that involvedmemory manipulation through chemical means): "I don't know when exactly Iwas in this office last. In some ways it seems like I never left. [pause] But,no, that's not right. For at least a few days I was away, far away, in thehands of men with no faces and no names. [pause] They broke me down, broke mystory down, telling me how it hadn't happened the way I claimed...at least Ithink that's what they did...[pause]... between injections. Memories fade fastenough without chemical help, but if I don't tell this story now, I don't thinkI ever will. Now... what was that date?"

Those interested as to what this may be intended to resonatewith should look into the story of Nixon foe, newspaper columnist Jack Anderson(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Anderson_(columnist)) - who blew thewhistle on Nixon and the C.I.A. and was at one time targeted for death by same(we shall refrain from making current political commentary) - as Tim Lucaspoints out in his Blue-Ray commentary for the first tele-movie, there is partof Anderson in Kolchak's conceptual DNA as the crusading reporter speakingtruth to power.

Flashback to the start of it all as Professor Avery Walker,computer researcher at Tyrell Institute, dies at the hands of android who thentakes a walk, assaults a mailman for his jacket, and steals a mask. Back atINS, Carl gets upbraided for taking a day off to go fishing at West Fallsupstate, and is assigned an obit update instead of being sent to San Franciscoto cover the Mendenham trial (which makes him apoplectic - "One eitherfishes or cuts bait") - Miss Emily is worried he's been fired.

At Mrs. Walker's, Kolchak is savvy/perceptive enough toalmost immediately realize that he's being surveilled. Mrs. Walker, thehard-drinking widow (Julie Adams, star of THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON!),doesn't think too highly of her dead husband - considering him a cold fish, buttells Carl he died of a heart-attack and inadvertently gives him some leads.(Note - she offers Kolchak a drink and he stammers "No, no thanks, Inever..."). Leaving, Carl tweaks the obvious tail a bit ("Hi there.Whatcha reading? Better study it good, we're gonna have a quiz later thisafternoon..."

But a police call pulls Carl off the story momentarily("I heard an opportunity to return to my normal, comfortable pursuits: thereportage of crime, mayhem & destruction") where a riot is in progressbetween the police and an unstoppable man who has just robbed the GlengarryMortuary. There is, in this scene, a slight return (if somewhat reduced) to theprevious police mayhem we used to see in episodes like "The Ripper"(here, the action is a bit scaled down and takes place on a back lot set). Carlinterviews the head cosmetologist ("...not undertaker!") who reportsthat the stranger raided their makeup supplies, and tangles with thebulldog-like Capt. Akins (who he later sees deferentially confabbing with someGovernment men and a Colonel). He follows them to Tyrell Institute, but is turnedaway at the gate from the "restricted area." He interviews Dr. LeslieDwyer and tries to pump her for info on R.I.N.G., but she stymies his bestefforts ("Tell me, do mortuaries give you a weird feeling?") andattempts to charm her ("You know, you really sound like the stereotypedversion of the cold, woman scientist, but you don't look it...soft hair,radiant eyes, a slender, lovely figure, obviously, under that diaphanous gown,attractive legs..."), before being chased out by her grumpy paramour - somenice sarcastic Kolchak here ("Has anybody ever told you you lookabsolutely divine in red?" "Don't push too far" "You got anick on your chin...or is it a bite?").

Meanwhile, R.I.N.G. applies his mortician's putty face whileKolchak, checking with his journalistic contacts, ties Tyrell to Senator DuncanLabeaux Stephens - who also stymies, while claiming that the institute is onlyinvolved in miniaturizing computers ("Well, that's all great stuff for thecampaign trail, but we're not there right now and I'm not exactly 'Jimmy Olsen,cub reporter'"), until Kolchak gets bounced by a battle-axe secretary,Miss Barham, leaving the Senator to place some important phone calls.

Back at INS, Tony takes the heat for his reporter, trying toreason with Carl that they should kill the story, and even paying him off witha cushy upgrade to take over Ron's assignment in San Francisco ("he had abig brouhaha with the artist who does the courtroom sketches"). Nice scene(an extension of the "I don't need a UFO story" scene in "TheyHave Been, They Are, They Will Be"), well-played, because Tony knows thatCarl knows what's going down, and doesn't want to knuckle under (because he toois a journalist), but has to consider the fact that he's in charge of a businessfacing threats and roadblocks ("But it's the Federal Government, and it'smy block they're gonna bust, Carl!") - a very nice illustration of how theGovernment can reroute free speech when it feels it needs to. I love Carl's"Pie Chart - a la mode" explanation ("There is a mysteriousscoop of something on your tax dollar pie...") and Oakland's delivery ofthe line "I don't like rocky road" - stated with a kid's sullenobstinacy. And, as Carl points out, if he's going to write an obituary, he hasto know what the man was working on.

At the Windsor Branch of the Chicago Public Library, anothermysterious break-in (cassettes of talking books were stolen), stonewalling byCaptain Akins, the cold-shoulder by "men in grey suits", and aLibrarian upset that the stranger "walked right through the wall"leads Kolchak to realize that tapes of philosophical texts are a thread only heis aware of, while Dr. Dwyer gets a late-night visit by R.I.N.G.. Arriving ather apartment the next day, Kolchak impersonates a Major (retired) and gets acop to spill that Dr. Dwyer is missing and someone saw a "big guy wearingmakeup" at the scene (another oblique gay reference, here inferred that itmight indicate a sex crime) before swiftly exiting on sighting "LosFederales". So, it's a return to a bitter and slightly (but only slightly)less drunk Mrs. Walker as his only lead - and her complaints lead Carl tobelieve that Project R.I.N.G. was based around the construction of anartificially intelligent robot. Back at INS, Tony is under even more pressure(their wire may be restricted because of a political crisis in El Salvador) andCarl uses some social engineering skills to get an address for Leslie Dwyer's"large summer home" north of Lake Michigan.

As always, good writing abounds in the episode: "Youthought as long as you were up there, we could do without you. Be careful,Kolchak, one day we'll realize we can!" / "What do you want me to do,embalm him?" / "Are you a reporter?" "Me? No! I'm theCounty Assessor..." "You're a reporter..." / "No thanks, Ibetter go take a couple of lessons in doubletalk" / "The militarymind, Mr. Kolchak, it thrives on secrecy" "The military mind,Senator, thrives on war!" / "Do you validate?" / "Aroundhere, they get rather harsh with loud mouths" "I'll whisper" /"His idea of passion was a hot diode" / "You're talking about aglorified adding machine! What mind?" / "All right, what happen now,besides the fact that I'll be the first newsman shot by a military firingsquad?" / "Look, I don't know where to begin" "Well, Idon't either. Why don't we start with nomenclature?" / "He won't hurtme!? He just went through the door!" / (hearing the exact answer to 'Pi tothe twelfth' - "Well, I wouldn't know whether he's right or wrong" / "Handsoff the press!"

At the summer home, Dr. Dwyer explains that R.I.N.G. killedAvery because the scientist was trying to shut the robot down and R.I.N.G.didn't want to die ("A machine 'die'? No, no, that doesn't track forme") - and this is punctuated by the robot punching his way through a doorand startling them. But Dwyer gets Carl to talk to R.I.N.G. (who proves verypragmatic, although he has some trouble with processing questions about rightand wrong and "the greater right to life"), until the military showsup and guns the robot down, then drags Kolchak off for "debriefing".And so we close the circle, with a groggy Kolchak wondering just who willprogram the next R.I.N.G.... and for what....

As I've said before, THE NIGHT STALKER is most interestingas a formulaic show that finds small ways to alter that formula. Unlike"The Devil's Platform" however, this episode shows some of thehazards in varying that formula a bit too far from the expected. "MR.R.I.N.G." is in no way bad, but it is a very atypical episode of the show- which makes it interesting, if not totally successful. The episode feelsalmost like a mash-up of KOLCHAK and THE SIX-MILLION DOLLAR MAN and it's thesecond/third episode to have a sci-fi basis. While these type of stories lendthemselves to institutional settings (as in "The Energy Eater") thatalso tends to limit opportunities for creepy atmosphere, and this episodeproves no different. By replacing the "man created from corpses" ofShelley's Frankenstein with a "man created through computers," wecome closer to something like Gene Roddenberry's THE QUESTOR TAPES (1974) inconception, with R.I.N.G. (Robomatic Internalized Nerve Ganglia, if you'veforgotten - referred to as a robot throughout the episode but technically anandroid, I guess) as the artificial intelligence in search of its reason to be.

As for that atypical quality - we had recently posted aboutthe threat with the highest body count, but this episode has the lowest -R.I.N.G. only kills one person in this episode, and the deliberateness of thatact drives the plot. There's no real mystery for the viewer - the pre-titlesequence sets it all up and so we have to follow Kolchak as he discovers/proveswhat we can already intuit. There's some padding (for attempted atmosphere)like R.I.N.G.'s visit to Dr. Dwyer's apartment, and Carl's extended"night-stalk" sequence at the summer home of Leslie Dwyer (eveninterrupted by a commercial break!) - a darkened set of a wealthy home (evenone containing a possibly homicidal robot) isn't particularly scary though. Ashas been noted before, The Tyrell Institute parallels with the TyrellCorporation, producer of android replicants in BLADE RUNNER (1982), but thiskind of thing happens quite a bit in pop culture, if you pay attention (howmany people know that Yoyodyne from BUCKAROO BANZAI appears first in ThomasPynchon's debut novel V from 1963?).

This is, along with "They Have Been, They Are, TheyWill Be" (and arguably "The Sentry") is the episode that mostconnects KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER to THE X-FILES, with Captain Quill's threatfrom the former - "You're going to be dealt with at a much higherlevel...." finally realizing fruition, with Kolchak drugged, interrogatedand broken (to some degree). More on this in "Unanswered Questions",below

I like that the episode makes time for two longish scenesbetween Vincenco & Carl, acknowledging that the meat of the conflict isfreedom of the press versus Government supression. The second Tony/Carlextended scene, about the wisdom of pursuing the story, is quite good("Would you please go, and leave the jokes to Charlie McCarthy") andhas the unspoken understatement of the position that Tony is in, and hisrespect for Carl's instincts. Carl's reasoning to Dr. Dwyer as for thereasoning to expose Project R.I.N.G. (that Avery Walker's family has the rightto know how he really died) seems less convincing, more of an excuse he givesbecause it is such a big story.

Finally, whatever its faults, the episode will always standout for me simply due to R.I.N.G.'s heartbreaking final words:""Alpha, beta, gamma, delta... Leslie... Leslie...mommy....mommy..."

Trivia: Ron hails from San Francisco. Note that duringR.I.N.G.'s post mortician's robbery rampage, the man on the ladder is takingdown the marquee for "The Fever", which we saw in last week's episode(I hope that stuntman fell onto some pads off-screen)! This is interestingbecause that shot from "Horror In The Heights" was of a real streetin Los Angeles, while this is a back lot set in Los Angeles! Is BernardCarmichael deliberately doing a kind of Boris Karloff delivery? Carl claimsTony went to school at 110th and New Amsterdam - so, Tony is a New York native.Manny's gets yet another mention. Is the cop at Dr. Dwyer's the same cop from"The Devil's Platform"? Kolchak was "bored to tears" inHigh School, and was a "cub reporter" in Chicago. We even get a bitof Carl's romantic background ("...there used to be a big book in the fileroom that listed phone numbers in numerical order and provided the address theycorresponded to. In those days, it was great for finding girls whose numbersyou might find...well, somewhere...")

"Unanswered Questions of Kolchak: The NightStalker" #11: Some may ask - why did they even let Carl go? My theory(since I always found THE X-FILES statement that "killing Mulder wouldmake him a 'martyr'" as highly specious) is that Carl is useful to those"faceless men" - he has a nose for these types of strange events thatthey want to keep track of, and a bulldog's tenacity in running down leads. And,who knows, maybe old FBI friend back in Vegas, Bernie Jenks, heard about whathappened and put in a good word for Carl, in an attempt to repay a debt! Also,I think Tony may have proved himself to be quite the bulldog for the free pressif Kolchak were to suddenly disappear after the set-up he's aware of.

KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER

Episode 13: "Primal Scream"

Threat: Marauding Creature

Milieu: Oil Companies / General Chicago

Police: Captain Maurice Molnar (John Marley)

Witnesses/Experts: Dr. Helen Lynch (Katherine Woodville) /Jack Burton (Jamie Farr)

Support: "Well, Tony, let them have their cabbage! Wehere at INS will feast on journalistic filet mignon!" / "Okay, Ron,hit the showers, the first string's here!" / "Don't take any woodenbannanas" / "What's a Pie-Cost?"

Synopsis: The savage beating death and dismemberment of anoil scientist is followed by a series of animal attacks that seem linked to thecompany, which is trying to shut down the story.

Probably not anyone's favorite episode, "PrimalScream" is admittedly one of the weaker entries of the show (I personallyplace it right below "They Have Been, They Are, They Will Be..." andright above "Demon In Lace"), coming right on the heels of another"weird science" threat. Like all episodes of KOLCHAK, it has some gracenotes, however, with Ron getting a bit more time in the spotlight.

After a weary Dr. Julius Copenik is dispatched by a savageintruder (who leaves with his arm!), Carl's investigation of the crime sceneleaves us with questions ("Severed?! It was torn out of its socket like anold turkey leg!") and a sense that no-nonsense, simmering Captain MauriceMolnar is not to be taken advantage of or mocked for very long ("Stinks,to! It smells of mildew! Pyewf!" "Maybe it's your undershirt?""Could be your jokes..."). That scene has a nice long shot of Kolchakwandering into the defrosted freezer, where he finds some overturned samplecylinders.

Shuffled off ("Ever try to deal with a giantcorporation? They transfer your call here, they transfer it there....they putyou on hold, you're out in the cold...") to Oceanic International Oil'sThomas J. Kitzmiller, Vice President in charge of P.R. (donned in gangsterpinstripes, no less!), Kolchak presses the real life resistance to oilcompanies. But Copenik was in the biology department, so maybe his associateDr. Helen Lynch might be a possible lead?

Back at INS, Tony reads from the wire everything Carl haslearned (he took too long getting back and it's "old cabbage") andRon is annoyed that Carl took his parking space, while Tony is annoyed thatCarl is off to Mt. Olivet hospital in Springfield to see Dr. Lynch...(attaining admittance through use of "fern subterfuge"...) but Lynchseems annoyed with all of it and has "nothing to tell" except thatthe cores in the busted freezer had cells that exhibited "biologicalfunction"

Meanwhile, Robert Gurney watches an old Mummy movie (withdubbed growls & groans = or is that the monkey-man that busts through thewindow and kills him?). As Kolchak spends a lot of this episode being two stepsbehind everything, Vincenzo sends Ron ("someone from the bushleagues") to cover the Gurney killing (not having learned his lesson from"The Ripper", I guess). But the cops had shot the "wildgorilla" that killed Gurney, slaying it.

As usual, there's some good writing here ("No Comment,Mr. Kolchak!" [to fellow reporter] "No ideas..."), although abit less than usual. That having been said, TV & radio stalwart SandraGould (the second Mrs. Kravitz on BEWITCHED, alongside many, many others) asthe unnamed landlady has some great stuff and delivers it memorably:"...and I heard a scream, and I heard a shoot!". The landlady isunsure if she saw a "Grilla" or not (as the ape-man didn't look likethe ones on the "Marlin Perkins show") but, "The police say itwas a grilla. If the police say it was a grilla, then it was a grilla! Theyshot it. They should know. They are the police..." "Yeah", saysCarl, dejectedly agreeing with this circular logic.

Stymied at OIO by a particularly statuesque secretary (in ascene that feels like padding), Carl overhears that there's been YET ANOTHERdisturbance at the company's biology lab, where he again faces of againstMolnar: "Well, I've got the experience. I've had a lot of dealings withbaboons..." "What baboon?!"

Meanwhile, yet another innocent person (a meat truck drivergiven Boris Karloff's real name - William Pratt) is mauled to death by yetanother ape-man in the alley behind Vito's Meat Market. Kolchak arrives in timeto be almost run over by the monster (like in "The Ripper") andlearns that six tranquilizer darts didn't bring the ape-man down. This scenehas some nice handheld camera work as Kolchak exits his car before being toldby the animal control officer "I don't know who you are but y'know I thinkyou're a little crazy, shooting off a flashbulb in that thing's face like that.You could have been mangled!" "Yeah, but I wasn't, was I?" -Carl Kolchak, letting journalistic zeal get the better of him again, as Fortunefavors the bold.

But Captain Molnar deliberately smashes Carl's camera("you threw my camera down on the ground, you danced the Funky Chicken allover it!") and then tells him to file a voucher for it ("Put in yourvoucher and shut up!" - a voucher for $125 which the Captain later throwsin the trash, I might add!). Kolchak isn't buying the ape story = "I mean,that wasn't just J. Fred Muggs out there dressed in a tutu, drooling for thepublic and playing on a unicycle!" - so, of course, Carl raids Molnar'soffice, steals photos (with the forethought to hide them effectively) and getspatted down for his trouble (again, the scene feels a little extended/padded).Kitzmiller and some scientists listen to Lynch (with frustration, inKitzmiller's case, as all of this is out of his expertise wheelhouse) explainhow the cells began to reproduce, as Carl wangles his way back in to thehospital playing at being an invalid in a wheelchair, until he has to cheeseit!

Meanwhile Tony seems to be enthusiastic about Carl's story("Primitive Man In Our Own Time!") and congratulates him on being"quite a reporter" (I note the self-satisfied smile Carl has at thisline, taking us all the way back to THE NIGHT STALKER and his glee at provingthe cops and authority figures wrong) - although this time he's also quick tosmell a rat, at which point New York INS office itself cancels the story("Legal Department will contact you") although this disappointment isquickly defused by the one-two punch of Ron's vaudeville-era joke ("What'sa piecost?") and deployment of a tow-truck to hassle Carl, followed by thecounter-punch that Carl had Ron's car moved back into his own space ("Keepon truckin', Ron!"). Interestingly, Tony actually seems to believe Carl onthis one (maybe the stolen photos are undeniable) and promises to call New Yorkwhile he sends Carl to "get what you can get!"

As bored party-goer Rosetta Mason gets attacked on thestreet by the hungry wild animal everyone is looking for, Kolchak runs afootprint photo (more on this later) by high school teacher Jack"Bones" Burton (Jamie Farr - in an enjoyable cameo, sporting anenormous bow tie!) as Public School employees are not funded by Oil Companiesand so can't be ordered to hush up to reporters. Burton, who is more interestedin his upcoming vacation and jealous of his colleagues' being consulted overhim, falls for Kolchak's ego-stroking ploy of asking his opinion (another verynice example of how Carl knows how to massage witnesses and sources). After ajoke at Tony's expense ("I know that one" [ gesturing towardsprimitive man on chart] "I work for him."), Burton points out that a"deviate cousin of man" would "tend towards the caves"before the ringing class bell and onrush of primitive students breaks up theirconfab. Again, the scene is a bit longer than usual.

Carl breaks into the OIO labs (to little effect but morepadding) and takes some photos of some cellular embryo in a vat, before havingto run away. Having figured out that the ape-man was possibly hanging out inthe long tunnels that used to run below Chicago stadium, Kolchak intrepidlygoes to examine same. The red lighting of the flares, during the tunnel"night-stalking" sequence, makes a nicely atmospheric change of pacefrom the dank, hazy sewers of "The Spanish Moss Murders" (although Carlbeing scared by some bats is a bit much). The "sudden appearance" ofthe ape-man (not in the shot, look away, there he is!) is pretty good, as isthe low-level camera for the chase. It is a testament to Carl's humanity thathe tries to reason with the scared brute, before being attacked... and theinevitable ending occurs as the cops move in (again, another nice touch, thatthe police are moving in slow motion - and that had to be some pretty fancyshooting, as the thing was essentially hugging Kolchak - and shooting Carl aswell would have solved the cop's problems). And, we are left to wonder,"will they be able to make him...manageable?" (ending on a niceoverhead shot).

The tying of a primitive man to the birthplace of the a-bombis not a bad idea, nicely resonant as a theme. Also, I would point out thatthis is the second episode in a row where Carl is present when the forces oforder gun down a unique, living being (although in this case it was probablygoing to kill him - that opening shot shows some pretty deep gouges inKolchak's face!) - although they take it away after "tranquilizingit", so one presumes it survived. There's something to be said, as well,that "Primal Scream" may tie into those "presaging X-FILES"episodes like "They Have Been, They Are, They Will Be" and "Mr.R.I.N.G." by showing the unprecedented power that OIO has in it's abilityto stifle a story ("The Military-Industrial Complex", as it were).

Interestingly, Captain Maurice Molnar, as played by JohnMarley, fits my conception of Jeff Rice's original (that is to say, book)version of Tony Vincenzo, a diminutive, Italian firebrand! Also, I note thatVince Howard appears again (following "MR. R.I.N.G.") as the beat copKolchak interviews! As a weird detail, I note that Ron's "Pie-cost"joke set-up - that a truck carrying wild jungle animals had crashed - should bequite familiar to anyone who reads much in cryptozoology and Bigfoot reports,as the "crashed circus truck" is a staple of explaining away oddape-man sightings for more than a century (invariably, there proves to havebeen no actual report of a crash, during "after the fact" research).And having brought that topic up...

Despite the absurdity of the episode's premise (which even"Bones" Burton hangs a lantern on, and which I agree with - I mean,where did the ape-men's MASS come from?), and somewhat weak costuming (ThePrimal Ape-Men reminding me more of LAND OF THE LOST's Pacuni tribe thananything to be very scared of), I did a little thinking about "PrimalScream". At first, it might seem like an argument could be made that thiswas as close as the show ever got to doing a Bigfoot episode (that most popularof 1970s cryptids), but that really doesn't fit - the ape-men are too scrawny,lanky and energetic to feel like Sasquatch. In truth, I think that "PrimalScream" betrays a link to a much older horror icon, the "WildApe-Man" type films (like CAPTIVE WILD WOMAN) pumped out by PRC, Monogramand other Poverty Row studios back in the 1930s and 1940s. There was, at thattime, a cultural fascination with Apes (and ape-men) for any number of obvious(and not so obvious) reasons, although they were quickly retired as threats infavor of the new, fantastic monsters Universal was portraying in higher qualityfilms, and so moldering Ape costumes soon began showing up as comic relief tofrighten Bob Hope, Martin & Lewis and The Bowery Boys (scary...but not TOOscary).

Trivia: Carl seems appalled at the possibility the storymight get him TV coverage ("We're not on television!"), Georgy thejanitor is another unseen INS employee, Carl loses two cameras to the cops inthis episode!

"Unanswered Questions of Kolchak: The NightStalker" #12 - Carl finds Rosetta Mason's body in the tunnel, but earlierhis voice-over specifically notes "the murder of Rosetta Mason gave thepolice no new leads" (although it did supply him with the photo of theanomalous footprint he shows Burton) - note, he does say "murder" not"disappearance", and Ms. Mason's body seems intact when he finds it (sono limbs were left behind). It makes me wonder if they had filmed a scene -with Rosetta being merely "missing" and Carl photographing thefootprint - but then dropped it, changing some dialogue to cover but forgettingthat he finds her body? Again, anyone have a script? I note that Farr's sceneas Burton does seem a bit longer than usual for these kind of "expertinterview" things.

KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER

Episode 14: "The Trevi Collection"

Threat: Fiend

Milieu: Haut Couture

Police: None to speak of, really

Witnesses/Experts: Lecturer (Marvin Miller), Madame Trevi(Nina Foch), Doctor Gravanites (Bernie Kopell)

Support: "Well, threats are the standard situation withnewsmen, Carl, you know that. It goes with the territory... like the highsalary" / "Can you come over to the window?" (Tony looksannoyed) "Can you get up out of your chair and WALK to the WINDOW? Can youmake it?" / "He wasn't much of a photographer..." "Yeah, hewasn't much of a skydiver either." / "You've been robbing lint trapsdown at the Laundarama?" / Ron: "I wonder who'd take control of thebureau?" Carl: "Be my guest, Ron. Just remember, I like my underwearin the top drawer" / Emily; "I only point out, I don't say 'yea' or'nay'..."

Synopsis: Kolchak enters the world of high fashion inpursuit of a juicy lead on Union corruption, but ends up covering a string ofmysterious accidents that lead him to believe witchcraft is at play...

The previous entry in this series of essays was for"Primal Scream"(https://www.facebook.com/.../permalink/10160748412572468 - as always, linksfor the whole series of essays at the very end) back in mid-November, so Iapologize for my tardiness. Life, holidays and the publication of my translatedbook got in the way. So, where were we...?

Oh, yes! I rank "The Trevi Collection" as one ofthose solid middle episodes that don't reach the heights of the top 6 but don'tsink to the lackluster level of the bottom 8 - I personally place it just below"The Werewolf" and just above the last of the "solidmiddle"... "The Sentry" (yes - believe it or not - "TheSentry"), which I'll explain when I get to that one.

The opening works a nice "fish out of water" vibe(similar to the gem auction in "Bad Medicine") with Carl at a swankyaffair, forced to sit through a fashion show while Mickey Patchek indulges in alittle industrial espionage before taking a header out the window. The decisionto mix actual actresses with real mannequins works very well. Interestingchoice to have Madelaine (Lara Parker) reflected in a mirror when Carl firstmeets her (which is then twinned with a shot near the end of the episode - withMadelaine telling about her plans for the future while we see Carl reflected ina mirror), as well as showcasing her enthusiastic need for attention ("Iraised a prize goat!" - nice!) contrasted with her canny stringing alongof our stalwart reporter. And, nicely, she touches the cat on her way into theshoot. As well, we get some of the cattiness of the models ("Ariel is[sighs]...Ariel") and we get to see how quickly Madelaine can bedistracted. And then, we're just one tossed cat away from a facial mauling....

After Murray Vernon gets iced by Labor Union thugs (in akind of corny, 1930s gangster movie "machine gun from a speeding car"set-up), Carl gets shook down by similar thugs, who give him a set period of 60hours to cough up the goods (which he doesn't have). I quite love this show,and I have to say that the whole joke of this exchange ("Hey, you guysalmost got a deal...split the difference!" "Okay, the day aftertomorrow night...") and Carl's response to Tony's question about it("Sixty hours? How did you come up with that?" [Carl adjusts collar]"...arbitration...") may be one of my favorite bits of comedicwriting on the show. One of the thugs reminds me of (but is not actually) DickMiller. I also like that in the photograph developing scene, Carl mentions thatthe thugs have spooked all of his "stringers" - another littlejournalistic detail for the show. Tony tries to warn Carl to take the threatsseriously, but he's already distracted trying to figure out why the dummies inthe photos have moved ("No, no. I've seen that look before, Carl. You getthat slack jaw and your mind drifts off, and you don't even really hearme..." "What?"), which makes Tony apoplectic! It's actually akind of nice scene, because the implication is that Tony cares more about Carlthan Carl cares for himself...

Meanwhile, Melody Sedgewick gets fricasseed in her hotshower (that has a mind of its own - nice use of the POV shower-head camera!).So, Carl goes right to the top - interviewing Madame Trevi (Nina Foch) herself.I note that the reality of men in the fashion industry gives the show anotherchance to flex its LGTBQ references, with the appraising look and smile the guyin the peach shirt gives Carl - which allows McGavin to do humorous reactionshot - as well as the interest the designer who works for Trevi show in Carl'shat - before Kolchak bats him away. After being thrown out by Trevi forinsinuating she may have ulterior motives, from there it's an interview withMelody's apartment manager (who runs a "happy building!") and thenback to Trevi's "saloon" to talk to Madelaine, who finally spills thebeans that witchcraft is involved (originating from Madame Trevi herself). Ofcourse, Carl finds that a little hard to swallow (and we might ask"why?", considering what he's seen in the series by now - but then,he has no reason beyond some blurry photographs to suspect anything weird isgoing on, and Madelaine does seem a bit "flighty") but almostimmediately afterwards he is menaced by a driver-less car in the alley, whichalmost runs him down (question - was it the breaking windshield glass or acopper pipe that saved Carl? Or just Madelaine's intention to convince him thatwitchery was afoot?).

So it's off to a lecture on Witchcraft by an expert, whichconnects him with a believer, who directs him to a coven. But at the ceremony(which is free, although a nominal - "not THAT nominal" -contribution is requested - which Carl later filches back anyway!) he is toldthat he's under the spell of a black witch, which can only be defused byfinding her power object and interfering with it. Two things about this scene -other than the very funny "donation" bit, McGavin seems to be playingthe clash between the working stiff Carl and "spooky" witches a bittoo broadly comic - it should be creepy but just comes off as schticky (thefloating "pen on a wire" doesn't help matters), with Kolchak seemingextra schlubby. Perhaps this is evidence of McGavin's being tired with theshow. The second thing - the reveal that Madelaine was there (and therefore awitch) is achieved through her throwing back her cowl and laughing maniacally.Now, Lara Parker had already had quite a bit of history playing prime nemesisand witch Angelique on DARK SHADOWS, so perhaps the fact that it was Madelaine,and not Trevi, who was the witch may not have surprised many - but I've oftenfelt this scene's ending (Madelaine cackling madly, rolling her shoulders andeyes, tossing her head) is extremely Over The Top - and yet, on re-watching it,it kind of toes the ground between excess and unsettling - yes, it's OTT, butit also kind of captures that quality of occult exstasis that witches strivefor.

And so, Carl does as directed, destroying the contents ofthe oak chest in Trevi's office (the flash paper doesn't catch immediately, ifyou watch McGavin's body language) but - SURPRISE - he's just been used byMadelaine to eliminate some power objects Trevi was holding her in check with.And so, suffering "laryngeal constriction" from Madelaine's spell,Trevi is hospitalized. Back at INS, the office has been ransacked by the goonsto "spur him along" (because Tony was right and Carl has gottendistracted from the impending threat) - one wonders what the "filthyword" they called Carl was? S-L-? Too bad about Tony's favorite homburg,smeared with peanut butter and smelling like "some kid's lunchbox".Also, this scene added the word "anathema" to my budding youngvocabulary!

Some great dialogue as always: Carl: "You don't haveany idea about why Mickey Patchek jumped off the top floor of your saloonhere?" Madame Trevi: "Salon. Leave. Please. Please leave mysalon." / Carl looking over the bulletin board at the Witchcraft lecture -"[muttering]...Devil or Warlock... Kiss the Devil on Sunday... For Sale,72 Ford..." / Griselda: "Big business and free speech is what thiscountry's all about, right?" Carl: "Well, I'll agree about freespeech." Griselda: "Witchcraft does have professional ethics"Carl (mockingly): "Like big business..." / Tony: "Y'know, everyyear my brother-in-law asks me to come into the Venetian blind business withhim. He's got a $50,000 dollar home over in Evanston. He's got a company car.And I always say, 'No, Rocco, I love the news business. It's in my blood.' Itell you something, Carl. This is the year I'm gonna become a Venetian blindexecutive!" Carl: "Tony, you got a brother-in-law named Rocco... inthe Venetian blind business? (adopts gangster accent) Hey, that's a terrificcover, Tony!" / "Is this going down to the morgue?... I'll walk"

Trevi gaspingly let's Carl know about a rag doll in heroffice that will break the spell, if the hair around its neck is cut. And soit's off for a rather tepid "night stalk", as Carl climbs through awindow into Trevi's salon and finds the doll, shaking his bag of bells all theway. Actually, I take that back - the whole "searching for the doll whilemannequins move" - and he KNOWS they can move but can't catch them at it -isn't bad at all, although staging it with slightly less light might havehelped. And Carl's extended discussion with Madelaine ("I want what anygirl wants - fame, fortune, a Maserati. I want it all, Carl. Everything")is one of the benefits of having a FIEND for a threat - the face-offs allow fora bit of dialogue and character stuff. But, of course, you can't lie to awitch....

One can't help but find the relish Kolchak puts into the"drowning" scene a little misogynistic - but the use of blue dye toturn a beautiful woman ugly is a good invention, and foreshadows Madelaine'slooming pox-ridden end. It's also kind of funny to see Kolchak (throughnecessity) taking the role of moral judge!

I always liked "The Trevi Collection" and, afterthe re-watch, I still like it - it rings changes on the formula in a creativeway, is well-conceived and well-written, and funny to boot. But as I said aboutthe coven scene, I kind of feel it could have stood to be played a little lesshumorously, so that the threat seemed more creepy. Still - one of the goodones!

I guess, considering the rather un-inventive episode titlesthat started the show, we're lucky this wasn't just called "TheWitch" - although that might have given the game away a bit early, eventhough we are misdirected to presume Madame Trevi is behind it all.

The episode is interesting in some of the ways it can belooked at - specifically, as a gender-swapped version of "The Devil'sPlatform". But whereas Candidate Palmer desired power as the reward forhis Faustian pact, Madelaine is more of a narcissistic sensualist - desiringfame, luxury and attention. And while she doesn't straight out make Carl thesame offer for his soul as Palmer did (only summing it up with the enthusiastic"I could USE you...") it amounts to the same thing - swearing yourobeisance to a Satanic master or help a powerful and fickle lunatic who couldturn her powers on you at any moment when she gets bored - neither is a gooddeal. Also, just as "Platform" has a hell-hound as only *part* of itsthreat, the mannequins serve the same purpose in "The TreviCollection". In fact, the mannequin threat is quite an elegant solutionfor the show, giving us an an eerie bit of business to start with and return toat the climax, while the rest of the episode is filled with OMEN styled"accident peril" (including that staple of 70s MFTV fare, the"driver-less car" - which must compete with "horse gonewild" for most recurrent, and cheap, peril).

Also interesting is that, while there's no real policepresence in the episode (in the sense of a Captain or Sergeant to butt headswith Kolchak) there are *dual* threats - not just Madelaine (who actually usesher powers to solve the second threat for Carl!) but the Mob/Union guys whowant that proof and will take it out of Carl's hide!

While there's no direct connection (and even the suggestionis a extremely weak) this episode also brings to mind the later, violent,color-soaked horror film SUSPIRIA (1977) by Dario Argento (here, Witches inhigh fashion, there, Witches at a ballet school), mostly just because of thatone shot of Madame Trevi in the high window, and the lurid green wall behindthe tapestry as she exits. But I make a much of muchness, it's a resonance, notan influence.

Trivia: Tony gets his suits from Mr. Napoli's Menswear(famous makers' suits that go for $59.95 - "and it looks like it"says Carl, as if he should talk!). I like the fact that Dr. Gravanites (anothernice comedy star cameo - following on last week's Jamie Farr - in BernieKopell) immediately thinks the magic doll Carl refers to indicates voodoo.Tony's brother-in-law (previously mentioned in "The Vampire") gets aname. And, in another addition to the "is Kolchak Jewish?" questionfrom "The Horror In The Heights", I note that that Carl knows thepunchline to Dr. Gravanites' Jewish mother remedy joke. When Carl accusesMadelaine of witchcraft to witnesses on the street, he uses her full name whichis never mentioned elsewhere - Madelaine Perkins!

"Unanswered Questions of Kolchak: The NightStalker" #13 (fitting) - Is Madame Trevi a witch? She was keepingMadelaine under her thumb (not *too* effectively) with the oak chest. AlthoughMadelaine does say that SHE could have made Trevi famous, and that they had an"arrangement", so maybe not.

KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER

Episode 15: "Chopper"

Threat: Spectral Curse

Milieu: Middle-Aged Biker Gangs

Police: Captain Jonas (Larry Linville)

Witnesses/Experts: Herb Bresson (Jim Backus), Lila Morton(Sharon Farrell), Prof. Eli Strig (Jay Robinson)

Support: "No, come on. Whip it on me, like the kidssay!" / "Or SUSPENSION, huh?" / "For the sake of yourduodenum, don't ask" / "Here's a Kolchak special... you chopped thehead off..." / "This isn't a functioning newsroom, this isOCCUPATIONAL THERAPY!"

Synopsis: After a taxi-cab dispatcher is decapitated by aheadless biker wielding a sword, Kolchak begins to follow clues that suggest atwenty year old murder is being avenged from beyond the grave...

I consider "Chopper" the best of the "middletier" episodes - the solid and dependable episodes that give you amonster, a solid plot, and good comedy writing. Here, it all works a treat,with a threat that cannily combines (and updates) visuals associated with TheHeadless Horseman and The Grim Reaper, with a timely look at what happened tothe aging bikers and JDs of the 1950s.

The opening writing is particularly nice, and apt for aghost story, right from the get go: "The teenage years - sixteen candles,fervent passions, aimless joyrides, and the forbidden taste of beer - a timethe world allows for sowing one's wild oats; but, for some individuals I cameto know in the summer of their discontent, it had been a time when they hadsown the seeds of their own destruction" and "The chill Cicero night..."both resonate, as a woman is awakened by an abandoned, decrepit motorcyclebursting through her garage door - only for there to be no damage left, as theheadless rider roars away.

Joe Morton, cab-driver, gets publicly chased and killed by aheadless motorcycle rider - and while Carl is sharp enough to think ahead andretain his crime scene photos (although "You can't get me on thatrap!" is one of the weaker lines in this strong episode) before astringentPolice Captain Jonas (Larry Linville) can confiscate them, he does get towed(from the MGM "city street" back-lot set). Off to the morgue (but noGordie this time - which actually adds a nice bit of variety and reminds youthat Chicago is a big city) where aspiring beautician Neil confirms that Mortonwas decapitated - by a sword that struck with surgical precision (and shreddedthe cabbie's bullet proof vest in an earlier strike). And Carl gets somehair-care tips (and nabs his tip back)!

Then it's off to an uneasy talk about motorcycles with HerbBresson (Jim Backus) - who wants to sell motorcycles as much as Carl wantsinformation - and getting put on the trail of old biker gangs named The Jokersand The Bishops. An aging member of the former, journeyman linesman"Studs" Spake survives an attack from the headless rider, through aquick bit of climbing.

Back at INS - Tony is recovering from an ulcer and sufferingthrough the bland, chalky treatment. But his "easy" approach getsupset by Carl still being on the decapitation murder - although he admits that"velocity of force of attack by motorcycle" is a good angle, findingit "grim" and "real" - even if, unfortunately, the physicsof such a killing don't work. Ms. Emily tracks Norman Cayhill (cab dispatcherand witness to the Morton killing) to a psychiatric hospital where he's beingheld. But all Carl's able to get is that Cayhill is sure the motorcycle riderwas headless! (check out the boom microphone shadow on the wall in the"that was my wife!" scene). A gesture towards the ongoing conceit ofthe show (which is often ignored) is how quickly Carl believes Cayhill, evensaying "if you saw what you say you saw then you won't find anyone moreinterested in it than I am!"

So it's over to see Jonas and flim-flam him with a fakestory about a copper dynasty, to pump up some further leads - which reaffirmsthe Joker's bike club connection and sends Carl off tracking down Lila Morton.Kolchak runs into "Studs" Spake at Joe's funeral - where he and hissurly "Devil's Advocates" gang members make a scene when Carl asks toomany questions, even while letting on that "Studs" is scared ofsomething ("He buried something out there he shouldn't have...a loooongtime ago!" "Goblins & Ghouls! Goblins & Ghouls!").Carl's commiseration with Lila is nicely written ("When people are young,they do crazy things. I remember I used to swallow goldfish. [she laughs] No,no, I did.") and the way she plays out an emotional breakdown to driveCarl off is pretty savvy (Listen! I don't have to talk to you!").

Meanwhile, at the Cook County Warehouse, Studs is grubbingaround, threatening the drunken night watchman and looking for Baker's head,when the ghost reappears (just as the biker finds the canister!) and does himin (we should presume that Baker's sudden appearance can be chalked up to hisability to pass through walls). This scene is a bit awkward, with little forMcGavin to do but give insert reaction shots to the action (I wonder if it wasoriginally scripted with him not even there, only to be added after the fact).And back at INS, Tony (still unhappy with his controlled diet - hey, we get tosee the staff refrigerator - which instigates a clandestine call to Manny'sdeli for lunch) is annoyed, Carl finds Harold "Swordman" Baker's obitfrom 20 years ago, and Ms. Emily gives Carl a tip on the French Reign Of Terrorguillotine exhibition at the Museum of Science & Industry. At the museum,the fussy curator, Prof. Eli Strig (Jay Robinson), doesn't cotton to Kolchak'sangle ("The supernatural aspects of the Reign of Terror? That'sinane") but drops the folkloric detail that reuniting the separated headand the body might stop the dead from walking ("Legend would have usbelieve it did.")

After Lila's sister Coral Pilleto is killed in the street,Kolchak tries to interrogate Lila for more info - which she freely gives,explaining that it was a stupid prank 20 years ago that killed Baker, followingwhich the spectral rider appeared and killed one of the gang (Turk Pelletier -who carried the head around) until "Studs" put the head back with thebody. Captain Jonas reappears to take Lila into custody for the slaying fromthe 50s and protection from the modern killer - I really like that, given thepublic nature of the ghostly slayings, even Jonas has to admit it's odd -"Now... it's weird... and probably drug induced... and..." [to Carl]"... he HAS A COSTUME... " And while Carl has "...given uptrying to figure out what police do" all he knows is "what has to bedone!" But his insistence on this leads Jonas to accuse him of"morbid, macabre babbling!" which Kolchak actually seems insulted by(or was it just a canny way to exit the scenario?).

Some good comic lines: "Well, if it isn't the thirdrunner-up in the 'Spike Jone dress-alike' contest" / "Boy! Look atMorton's hair. Look at that oil. The only thing missing is the croutons" /"That was no spider. That was my wife!" / "Well it's embroideredthere... right on your...your... tunic?" / "You mean the JeffersonAirplane!" / "Oh, those were the days!" (Carl, aghast)"Yeah, yeah, those were some days, all right!" / "Studs... thebright one..." / "And you're telling me that I should go into a barnof bones and... and find someone's skull, and then playpin-the-head-on-the-stump?" / "And you're supposed to be the brightestand the youngest captain on the force, huh? Well, you're not even fit to becaptain of the Rockettes! Suck in your gut!"

So we finish where we started, at the Cook County Warehouse(night watchman George Solomon, afficionado of comic books, flees after hearingCarl skulking around). We can only assume it's Carl's disturbing Baker'sremains (the skull in the canister, as the coffin is empty) that allows theghost to make an attack on our intrepid reporter. I've also seen somecomplaints that Swordman's skull being reconnected to his skeleton is notsupported by his being "beaned" with the skull (which goes flying inthe other direction) but I always took this as symbolic/magical/ghostly and itdoesn't bug me. I like that the cycle automatically collapses into a rustedruin after the reuniting!

Even the wrap-up has some nice, creepy writing:"There's an old simple axiom about the dead: Don't disturb them, not forany reason at all. Well, I decided to ignore that, and, so, I was almostbeheaded by a phantom sword." "Three of them died violently, and therest will carry the nightmare of the headless rider with them to their silentgraves..."

This is the second ghost story on K:TNS and is the oppositeof "Fire Fall," in that the spectral threat is swift, loud, physicaland violent. And similarly to "Zombie" you have a menace that isspecifically punishing a past murder, so if Kolchak had just done nothing,justice would have been served and Baker put to rest. I know a lot of peoplefind that the absurd "big shoulders" costuming for Swordman makes theepisode laughable, but I tend to look past limitations on effects, as I grew upwhen things like this were de rigueur. In fact, the decision to have an actualman on an actual motorcycle swinging something like a sword seems to be a goodone (imagine how scary it must have been to be that stunt driver, with limitedline of sight, pulling off stunts like wheelies and jumps!) - in fact, the onlyother option would have been to go with a video overlay effect which may havemade Swordman look more "ghostly" but would have lessened histhreatening physicality.

Often, when I approach these essays, I try to fish out aninteresting side angle or way to look at the story - since I'm overly familiarwith them by this point. In this case, using the Jim Backus scene as a start, Inoticed that the episode seems, in some way, to be replicating the rather luridand exploitational tone of "biker movies" of the late 60s and early70s - what with an uncomfortable bit of PTSD dark humor with Backus, the scuffleand emotional histrionics at the funeral, and the basic conception of a reallyviolent series of beheadings.

I tend not to do this, but a thought struck me as to howthis episode could have been even better (although neither would have beenallowed to pass muster by 1970s TV standards and budgets). It would have been amacabre touch if Swordman was stealing the heads after decapitation, andwearing them tied to his belt or motorcycle or something.

"Unanswered Questions of Kolchak: The NightStalker" #14: The scene with the door knock begs the question - could anypotential targets have kept safe by either staying inside or going to thenearest rooftop? The latter brings to mind a far-too-expensive-to-film vision(as later seen in the Nicholas Cage GHOST RIDER movie from 2007) of theheadless motorcyclist driving up the side of a building, leaping across the topwhile decapitating his target, and then disappearing into thin air - but itmight have been easier to stage a reduced "stunt" version whereSwordman drives right through a wall and into a living room, does his job, andthen drives out through the wall again. Hell, they kind of did somethingsimilar in THE CAR (1977). But, on the othe hand, then Swordman would haveeliminated his targets pretty quickly if he had no limits....

KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER

Episode 16: "Demon In Lace"

Threat: Spectral Curse

Milieu: Campus Life

Police: Capt. Joe 'Mad Dog' Siska (Keenan Wynn)

Witnesses/Experts: Coach Toomey (Jackie Vernon), Prof. C.Evan Spate (Andrew Prine), Dr. Salem Mozart (Milton Parsons)

Support: "You don't have a syncopated bone in yourbody! You walk off-rhythm!" / "He found something in a desertsomewhere and went bananas?" / "The wit and humor of Chicago.Bone-tickling anecdotes of the city's history." / "Carl, what stationare you tuned into?" / "A Downer!" / "Ron...Ron... will youget your book off my desk, please?" / "It's terrific! Anothervanishing corpse!"

Synopsis: A series of accidental deaths are almostimmediately followed by the inexplicable heart-attack deaths of healthy, youngcollegiate men - which Kolchak thinks may be attributable to an ancientSumerian tablet currently being translated on campus, which is purported to becursed by a female demon.

"Demon In Lace" is one of those episodes that wasdifficult to see for a time, and yet made the more intriguing by thepromotional stills of a hideous, hag-like female demon (I imagine the amount ofpromotional material shot from this episode was a late-in-the-game attemptedpush to increase viewer numbers - which, as we know, did not pay off). In myown personal ranking of the show, "Demon In Lace" (great title -given some of the earlier episodes, they could have just as easily gone with"The Succubus" and not worried too much that the title gave away muchfor the audience) falls smack dab in the middle of the weak episodes, justafter "Primal Scream" (which, while sillier, has nicer turns by thecomedy guest stars) and just before "Legacy of Terror" (which we'llbe getting to in a few weeks). And we'll talk about why it doesn't deserve ahigher estimate in the outro at the end...

Opening with a Goethe quote (!), we watch as Illinois StateTechnical College (I presume a fictitious college) star running back andcandidate for All-American Don Rhiner has a surprise meeting with an icy blonde(standing in the middle of the road) on campus. This quickly accelerates to apassionate tryst, interrupted by the woman's transformation into a hideous,scaly-skinned demon-hag.

Carl arrives on the rural campus (nice scenery - likely filmedsomewhere in the Los Angeles hills - he passes over a covered bridge, no less!Makes for a nice change from the usual urban setting and visually indicates theshift to a collegiate setting), ditching an assignment to an Alderman's PressConference to follow up on a police radio report of 2 bodies found together oncampus. On scene, he discovers that the woman was likely a junkie, and thatthere had already been a similar death (Pete Burdett) a week before (this - btw- is a recurrent tactic the show's writers use to accelerate body count withoutsacrificing time). I love that when Siska calls out Kolchak, Carl acts as ifhe's surprised to be the target of the Captain's ire ("Who, me?").Campus school paper THE BLUE MONITOR's reporter, Rosland Winters (KristinaHolland), gets barely tolerated by both the Police Captain and our experiencednewshound. We do get a call-back to "Spanish Moss Murders," howeveras Carl mockingly asks how Siska's therapy is coming.

So Carl, masquerading as a representative of the Coach'sAssociation, checks in with Coach Toomey (veteran comedian Jackie Vernon), whoconfirms that both dead athletes were the perfect picture of health - Toomeychalks it up to some quack theory about bacteria, germs and unhealthy living(which can be alleviated through tuna fish). Later, somewhat inebriated loversCraig Donnelly and Betty Walker suffer an accident when Betty takes a tumbledown a staircase, seemingly killing herself - but then inexplicably rising andwalking away, leaving a strong stench of death behind her. And archeologist C.Evan Spate and student assistant Mark Hansen work at translating an ancienttablet's inscription, before Hansen goes home to an unplanned meeting with thewoman we just saw die on the stairs in the previous scene.

Next day, Hansen is dead and Siska is showing his clumsy,out-of-date views of campus life as he interviews a witness ("Frat" /"funny vegetables"), before Rosalind barges in, spilling Kolchak'ssecret observation of the goings-on (interesting that Carl threatens ACLUaction against Siska for stealing his tape). Then it's on to Donnelly'sapartment, where the bewildered young man explains the womamn's disappearanceof the previous night - and, in attempting to explain the stench he smelled,asks Carl if he's ever been around a war, to which Kolchak replies "Yeah,a couple of them." Even though the Carl of the TV show isn't exactly theKolchak of Rice's book, we can presume these would be a stint as a soldier inWWII (where he got his knee injury) and probably a turn as a war-reporter inKorea.

Back at the college, Kolchak lifts a badge (humorouslysticking himself in the process) and faces off against a formidable opponent("One more step and I'll put a staple through that necktie to yourbackbone!") in the school's Registrar (Carolyn Jones - Morticia Addamsherself!) as he attempts to pass himself off as security to get some records(which works, but he still has to fill out all the paperwork for what he needs,bureaucracy being what it is). Back at INS our crew of second bananas, overseenby Vincezo, worry over crossword puzzles (which Tony thinks are "forfools"), while Carl restates what we already know - which Tony findsmorbid as he's been getting very disheartened with the news service (whichcauses him to get nostalgic for his collegiate youth as a drummer in "TonyVincenzo's Neapolitans" - I note that Tony went to college in WestchesterCounty, which is another oblique reference to a likely NYC origin). So Tonydemands Carl bring his story to an upbeat conclusion and that perhaps theyshould focus more on uplifting happy news. Also of note, Carl gets"caught" by the swinging office gate yet again!

So Kolchak impersonates a reporter from the ARCHEOLOGICALQUARTERLY to get more info on Whitehead's tablet from Spate, but slips up theattribution of a translated term from money to foodstuff, which upsets theconceited Spate (who has terrible fashion sense - those enormous suede shoulderpads! - not to mention his robe later). The professor is even less interestedin talking about the deaths (on campus or during the initial dig) and throwsCarl out. And another woman dies accidentally (from a gas leak), then rises andexits her apartment... leaving the same death stench in her wake.

Back at the office, Carl bones up on demonology, whichexcites Miss Emily's crossword skills ("Asmo-whatzits...") but iscounter to Tony's intended uplifting news atmosphere ("How is the PrinceOf Fiends going to fit into my new directives, how's it going to do that?").But Ron only has more black humor to deliver from the archives. Does McGavincall Oakland out on blowing the delivery of the name "Nebuchadnezzar"and Oakland just rolls with it? Looks like! In fact, that line to Grinnageabout the book on the desk also seems to be an ad-lib as well. I imagine youcould read this as more evidence of McGavin's frustration with the show - seealso his possible ad-lib of picking up the outside office line and hisgrumbling (and double line delivery) during the the second Rosalind Wintersscene. At the sight of the most recent vanishing body, Carl antagonizes Siskaover the lack of any logic in the police's current theory (and shows that heeasily remembers local crime history) while, back at the college, MichaelThompson gets offered the position of new research assistant by Spate, when hisnew lover appears (the missing dead woman) and only laughs hysterically (awell-done creepy scene). Then Carl appears and banters with Spate about thedemon (the Professor having recently translated the term Succubus), but tolittle effect. The second Spate scene seems a few beats longer than it needs tobe, although Spate's extended speech about what he believes in is pretty good.It's indicative of how set the show's formula is by now that Carl dashing offwhen sirens sound outside is purely material for humor.

Next, it's off to find the only expert available who mightknow what a "succubus" is - the narcoleptic magazinesubscription/steak knife peddler and Classic Ethnologist, Salem Mozart (MiltonParsons), who gives us the skinny while plying an uninterested Kolchak forpotential purchases ("Well, what am I gonna do with six magazinesubscriptions?" "Read them of course, share them with lovedone!" "I have no loved ones. I have no money"). A really wellwritten and well-acted humorous exchange (one wonders what Miss Emily made ofthe HANDGUN REVIEW), Mozart links the Whitehead tablet to an older, fabledcursed tablet, before nodding off again.

Rosalind Winters finally proves useful in tracking down theSuccubus' next target ("Contacts!? Sounds more like a hen party tome!" gripes Carl, as the student reporter gives us her attractivenessspectrum from Quasimodo to Mick Jagger) and Kolchak is able to distract thedemon by sneaking into Spate's study and threatening the tablet. I'm alwayssurprised by Kolchak aggressively assaulting Spate to get at the tablet (it's alittle flash of his old Mike Hammer character, maybe, in story, motivated byhis anger with Siska needing a target he can punch) - another atypical touch inthis oddly off-kilter episode. The shot of the hideous, screaming Succubus,which then cuts back to Michael, only to pan over to the dead body of thewoman, is quite nice and I like how Carl goes from mallet and chisel to juststriking blows on the tablet directly with the mallet as the wind breaks in andchaos ensues. The shrieking succubus entering with flapping cerements aslightning strikes, coming at the camera from a strange angle is also quite anice shot (for some reason it reminds me of the dead woman from the "DropOf Water" segment of Mario Bava's BLACK SABBATH) and the climax with thewind, blinding lightning and crashing thunder while the succubus rides Carl'sback like a nightmare as he furiously pounds away at the relic is quiteexciting for the show (Kolchak even gets a blow in on the demon, knocking it tothe ground at first!). The post-monster defeat / mop-up scene (which utilizes amusical sitar sting from "Horror In The Heights!") has McGavindeliver his monologue directly to the camera, another oddly humorous, not veryserious choice.

I note the succubus was actually played by a man, TeddyBlue, and can't help but remember that obscure bit of demonology thatSuccubi/Incubi were actually not of any specific sex, but a genderless class ofdemon that transformed relative to what their target desired. If theimplication is that the succubus (occupying Maria Vanegas' body) leaves by thewindow, that's an interesting detail of the range of abilities it has uponpossession of a host.

There's occasional good writing (and delivery) here: Kolchakrunning out of gas, "Well, there's no law against dropping dead!","Hey, Kolchak, I gotta tell ya - some people dream about retiring...Idream about breaking your face." But the Siska scenes basically amount tothreats and mutual bellowing - lacking the finer level of humor to be found intheir previous bouts in "Spanish Moss Murders" and lines like"Don never did make all-American" sound like pale imitations graspingafter previous sardonic zingers. In truth, the whole episode seems underwritten(three writers worked on this - possibly indicating the patchy nature wasinherent), not gelling its parts into a whole. Jackie Vernon's sequence is notparticularly funny or well-written and while Carlyn Jones' scene has somestronger laughs ("...no...no...I said legibly...") it's also a bitunderwhelming. They even repeat (from "The Zombie") Carl's exchangeof "Get back! Get back!", although here with Rosalind instead ofMonique. I think part of it is the slightly broader comic tone the show seemsto have at this point but I also think it's partly due to the slightlyover-complicated modus operandi the succubus employs. To state it plainly: whenan attractive woman dies accidentally, the Succubus has the opportunity topossess her body, with the intention of luring young men into its embrace,where she can then cause them to be frightened to death - at which point onepresumes the Succubus abandons her host body and is left discorporeal again,until another accidental death? (I would point out, though, that Carl's readingaloud about the deaths of Saracen knights AND maidens during the Crusades mightimply that even the women's deaths are not totally accidental). I'm not sayingI have any more streamlined solution (and fully understanding that the leastlikely direction would have been to have the Succubus sexually seducing anddestroying the students - not on 1975 TV, at any rate) but it always struck meas more complicated a monster set-up than it needed to be for what is, at thispoint, a comedy show dressed in graveyard rags.

I like Rosalind Winters - it may be just that she sports avery 70's look I quite like (boyish hair, big glasses), but I like her bookishpersona and honestly Carl seems to be a bit of a jerk to her (although, thereis some character truth to his statement "I always work alone"), asboth Carl & Siska refer to her by the derogatory "Tonto"sobriquet. In fact, the episode seems to be missing an opportunity for at leastone "Kolchak talks to 70s college kids" scene, to exploit itssetting. Darren McGavin does a bit of open-mothed "yawping" in thisepisode (see the opening scene with Siska and his interview of Donnelly) whichmakes me feel like it's more indication that he was playing the role a bitbroader and more comedic as he lost interest.

"Demon In Lace" is not a bad episode, but it'salmost as if all the various cracks suddenly widened all at once in this one(which is a shame because the return of Keenan Wynn really deserved better) -McGavin's tiredness with the plots, a weak script, an inability to balance thecomedy and horror, with only a few things shining through (it really is aspectacular, lively ending and that "Maria Vanegas' uncontrolledlaughter" scene is pretty creepy). The show only has two more middle-tierepisodes and two more lower tier episodes (which includes the lowest one) to gobefore it's done.

No "Unanswered Question Of Kolchak: The NightStalker" for this outing

KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER

Episode 17: "Legacy Of Terror"

Threat: Cult*

Milieu: Hotel Milieu / Popular Heroes

Police: Captain Webster (Ramon Bieri)

Witnesses/Experts: Mr. Eddy, Taxidermist (Sorrell Booke) /Prof. Jaime Rodriguez (Victor Campos) / Pepe Torres (Erik Estrada)

Support: "the comic in the lounge?" / "I bethe didn't get his suit pressed..." "well... we'll give him thebenefit of the doubt" / "blueberry muffins" / "I think thelast census showed Aztecs in short supply in Chicago..." / "and as forhaving dummies in key staff positions... I'm as guilty as the next"

Synopsis: A string of murders in which the victims (allheroic types) have their hearts cut out by men dressed in feathered capescoincidentally overlaps with Carl's presence at the Sherwood hotel, which seemsto be a locus for connections to the killings.

"Legacy Of Terror" (harder to see, once upon atime, as it was initially subsumed into the "The Demon And The Mummy"compilation film and thus not part of the syndication package) falls low in mypersonal ranking of episodes, #18 (of 20), just after "Demon In Lace"in quality, but better than "The Energy Eater." I still find it anoddly uneven episode (although, as usual, I have a little more respect for itafter the close examination) - it tries to do something a little different andwhile sometimes that works ("The Devil's Platform"), sometimes itdoesn't as much ("Mr. Ring"). But let's get down to it...

After Kolchak assures us that "the following events DIDoccur, whether you believe them or not" we (as usual) don't see the firstkilling that kicks events off (football player Lenny Strayhan) - and are justtold about it in passing as we move to Staff Sgt. Anderson (in a downtownChicago office building at night) hearing eerie flute music and entering astairwell... to meet his demise (an effectively disorientating opening, even ifthe "pecking parrot man" is already a bit much).

Tony and Ron are at a publisher's convention at the Sherwoodhotel, waiting on Carl - Tony wants Kolchak's help "buttering up"potential subscribers (does it seem likely potential subscribers would evencare to be meeting Carl, or is this just lazy writing?). You want a reallyobscure Kolchak joke? Listen, in the opening narration, for the comical use ofthe "Tony blowing off steam" audio sample that underlines his namebeing spoken (seconds before he actually appears and makes the sound himself)!Ron gets to be an officious airhead in this episode ("You don't smoke,Ron!"), when not being a little pissy ("I bet he didn't get his suitpressed..."). Kolchak appears but instantly runs off to the Green Beretmurder site, where he gets nabbed at the scene by Captain Webster (RamonBieri). While I like the dangling audio capture, and Carl taking surreptitiousphotos, honestly this scene seems kind of clumsy to me.

Back at the hotel, Carl is pulled into a PR confab with alady pilot, and they all meet ultra-mellow, pink tuxedo wearing lounge lizardPepe Torres (Erik Estrada) - who turn out to be one of the vice presidents ofthe Hotel! The lady pilot, Capt. Madge Timmins (Udana Power), is in her roomlater and hears some eerie flute music, and (b-kaw!) gets attacked by the samefeather-caped muscle men (who cut out her heart). While the scene isn't aseffective as it might be (see below) - it does have vague resonances of theManson murders, with weird home invaders and crude violence.

"I should have tuned in... some Duke Ellington" isa nice nod to Rice's original conception of Kolchak as a jazz-fan (see thenovel). As Kolchak picks up a police call, he drives to the park (stuntdriving!) and gets clobbered by a feathered-cape wearing cultist near the body.Woken up by the police who want to know why he's there ("I got hit, whatdo you think happened, you dumb-dumb?"), he tells the truth:unfortunately, "I turned around and there was a great big red and yellowchicken" makes fun a little too "on the nose" of the outrenature of the episode's threat, right out of the gate, and so any hope foreeriness goes out the window. Knowing that Capt. Timmons was staying at thesame hotel as the convention (which the Police haven't put together yet) Carlheads back over there but is rebuffed by security, so he dresses up as a waiter(little bit of easy humor - Tony is unimpressed with the blueberry muffins) butis foiled and chased by the guards, hiding in and then being locked into"dead storage" (lit too well and too set bound, as well, to be aseerie as it could be) where he runs across a strange painting of his attacker,and a mummified body in an Aztec sarcophagus! (McGavin doesn't seem muchinterested in selling Carl's fear at the discovery, however). Carl gets draggedbefore Ms. Jones (Pippa Scott), head of P.R. (lots of mid-level functionariesin this episode), but she seems more on Carl's side, even when she gives himthe slit eyes for bringing up our lounge lizard, Mr. Torres, which leads her tounload about the stoned young man and his privileged status ("a monumentaldummy" who has "been here about a year").

An accidental interview with Torres doesn't lead anywhere(although it does introduce his entourage of three lovely female assistants:Nina, Vicky & Lona), dead storage is now missing the mummy and the weirdpainting, so why not go see a taxidermist (Sorrell Booke, Boss Hogg himself!)to identify the feathers (South American parrot, as it turns out)? I like thatthe taxidermist wants compensation for his time - which Carl gives him to thetune of $20 bucks for a stuffed kangaroo rat (vouchered to Tony, of course).Carl has connected the heart murders to the Aztec religion ("I think thelast census showed Aztecs in short supply in Chicago..." says Tony,dryly), as the Sherwood is part of a hotel chain owned by a Mr. George Andrews(formerly Arguella) - played by Carlos Romero - which started in Mexico (thevery location of an initial set of heart murders about100 years ago, followed52 years later in Atlanta, at another of Andrews' hotels). But Tony mocksCarl's supposition by tying it into Ponce de Leon and the fountain of youth.

Carl heads out (after Ron gets the rat as a"present") to see the cultural attache for Mexico, but he's away andthe commercial attache directs him to Professor Rodriguez (not really sure whywe needed this scene). Meanwhile, we see Lona luring Police Officer Earl Lyonsto his doom with a faked car problem (right on the city street, no less!).Professor Rodriguez (Victor Campos) - more interested in hooking up at a staffparty than helping our reporter - does at least provide him with a basic Azteccosmology breakdown (Quezalcoatl, good / Tezcatlipoca, evil), the info thatNanautzin (warrior head of the Tezcatlipoca cult) had himself mummified becausehe intended to rise to support his god in the new millennium, and that thefinal sacrifice in these rituals is always a willing victim, given anything hewants for the year before. The penny drops for Carl that Pepe Torres is thefinal sacrifice... but then he needs to find a place with a high enoughstaircase for the ritual to happen (which leads him to tap Tony's contacts -finding out it's the sports arena).

Arriving there, Carl observes Pepe preparing the last stepsof the ritual (nice little detail, he gives his "staff" smallpresents) and talks to him, instilling in the young man a worry about whether thecult will keep its promise and bolstering his self-esteem, before beingcaptured by the cult members. So Pepe bolts just before the climacticsacrifice, McGavin's stunt-man takes a tumble down the stairs, and Nanautzinrises for a brief moment, taking a few swipes at Carl with his sword beforeVenus comes out from behind the moon and renders the mummy inert again. In thewrap-up, we're told that both Pepe and Andrews disappeared and Carl urged thatNanautzin be destroyed - but this didn't occur, so he wonders what will happenin 2027.

So "Legacy Of Terror" starts with a weak title,proceeds with an intriguingly atypical (but not very atmospherically deployed)conceit (ancient cultists are the real threat, not really the Aztec Mummy, whobarely does anything story-wise - Aztec Mummies got more to do in Mexicanwrestling styled films), makes the episodes deaths seem perfunctory, andculminates anticlimactically. And that's why I rank it so low. There are goodthings, no doubt. Some large (the basic concept of making cultists the threatand "heroes" their victims; the fact that the evil is defeated byappealing to one of its willing agents' humanity) and some small (theTaxidermist scene, while not really needed and more easy comedy, is enjoyable; it'sfun to see Tony & Ron out of the office; Estrada is good as both stonedjerk and pragmatic average guy - "You're smarter than me, Kolchak... everhad a year like that?; and the decision to use a sports arena - notparticularly that eerie of a locale either - as an inverted step pyramid isboth inspired and ties to the larger theme of cultural heroes).

And there's some good lines: "I promised I'd show upwith a haircut, a new hat and a pressed suit... but I lie a lot..." /"You know what you're full of...?" / "I wanted to be first inline for a skull fracture!" / "What I would like to know is why youfind it necessary to carouse in our basem*nt!" / "Oh excuse me, Jose!I don't care if he came from Hersey City, New Hersey! There are Mexicans thereto, but none of them are Aztecs!". Pepe's "staff", three womenrepresenting Vixtociotl, Xilonina and Atlatonan (the goddesses of the wind), isalso a nice little bit of invention.

But, as I said, the hotel setting (like "EnergyEater"'s hospital before it) doesn't provide many opportunities foratmosphere (also not sure they should have teased us by showing the full mummyface early on), and all the killings should be as deliriously staged as thefirst one, but just feel perfunctory - there's only so much you can do to makebare-chested cultists in bird masks and feathered robes scary, even if they'relooking to cut out your heart! The cult aspect makes this a similar plotstructure set-up to "The Devil's Platform" and "The TreviCollection", as it's a split threat (cult killers and then the mummy, likemannequins and a witch, or devil-dog and a Satanist) but it doesn't work aswell. They could have leaned into the cult/Manson-esque "homeinvasion" aspect a little more, but I guess that's unlikely for the time,and the climax has the same problem that many K:TNS episodes does - themonster, once its weakness is known, goes down too easy (here, without even anydirect action on Carl's part besides stalling it, and robbing some energy bytalking Pepe out of being the final sacrifice).

If the plot has a gaping hole, it's in the shape of thehotelier George Andrews (Arguella) who really is a cipher here. He orchestrateseverything, appears at the final ceremony yet has no lines, and disappears atthe end, escaping justice. Something very unsatisfying about that - at least 14people are dead because of him!

And I can't help wondering if the "mistake" of themummy opening his eyes at the end isn't deliberate - again, indicating the morejokey tone the show was taking to its material (I also can't help but wonder,much like the "disappearing dog from the photo" in "Devil'sPlatform", whether Universal was speeding up the fade-outs slightly onthese DVDs, in order to save space on the discs, as the "eye opening"is faded out extremely quickly - maybe the blu ray will prove instructive.)

"Unanswered Question Of Kolchak: The NightStalker" #!5 - I note that the IMDB credits Mina Vasquez as "RitaTorres" and Alma Beltran as "Mrs. Torres", yet they don't appearas far as I recall, making me wonder if there was a scene cut where Carlvisit's Pepe's mom & family? Might have been more interesting to see thanthe commercial attache bit...

PREVIOUS ENTRIES IN THIS SERIES OF ESSAYS (PLEASE NOTE -these are new links to the previous postings, as Facebook eliminated the"permalink" function - so the links at the end of the previousentries - save "Demon In Lace" don't work any more, and you have touse these! I don't wanna bug the admins by replacing them in all the previousessays)

00 - Some Thoughts

KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER

Episode 18: "The Knightly Murders"

Threat: Spectral Curse

Milieu: Property Owners/Managers/Organizers

Police: Capt. Vernon Rausch (John Dehner)

Witnesses/Experts: Mendel Boggs (Hans Conried) / Coat OfArms dealer (Robert Emhardt) / Pop Stenvold (Shug Fisher) / Charles the Butler(Bryan O'Byrne)

Support: "Two of my bootleg telephones just walked outthe door!" / "Oh, I feel much better. All my life I wanted to knowthat a medieval knight could crush a telephone" / "Yes. We're thinkingof brightening up the office. You are gonna be replaced by a Boston fern, and*you*... a snapdragon."/ "Why do I always feel like I don't belonghere?" / "Buy? You've never bought anything in your life!" /"Don't castigate yourself"

Synopsis: A series of deaths committed using medievalweaponry leaves Kolchak grasping for a connection between the victims, and whatit might have to do with a soon to be mothballed museum.

Ward Captain Leo Ramutka (Jim Drum ) returns home from awake to get a crossbow bolt in his chest. We pick things up as Kolchak is atthe scene with police, at least partially drawn by the onsite appearance ofredoubtable and famed Police Captain Vernon Rausch (John Dehner). Greatcharacter chemistry here, as the officious and bloviating Captain givesCarl/McGavin) a little something *more* to work off of than mere mutualantagonism. I specifically love that he reaches out and deliberately liftsCarl's recorder closer to his mouth for a better recording! And then, the nextnight, Rolf Danvers (Paul Baxley), real-estate mogul, is run through with alance!

At Rausch's interview the next day, please notice the figureon the left among the reporters. I never noticed him, but someone in theFacebook Night Stalker group that preceded this one pointed out that he'salmost an Anti-Kolchak (or, perhaps more correctly, a "Bizarro"Kolchak) with his eyesore attire (lime green shirt, pastel purple tie), blackbird-feeder hat and burnt orange-brown jacket! This scene also works the angle- seen previously - where Kolchak uses his fellow reporters to fish for infoand distract (and is that the same female reporter from "TheZombie"?). After a circular, digressive, unproductive interview withRausch:

"But... stabbed by what?"

"Fair question. Something round and sharp. I'd say, astructural facsimile to an ice pick."

"[noting it down] Ice pick."

"There is, however, one disconcerting wrinkle to thatpremise. This particular instrument would have to have a three-inchdiameter."

"[exasperated] Then it isn't an ice pick!"

"All right, I'll buy that. I can buy a direct question,and I respect you for it."

...Carl goes to see Pop Stenvold (McGavin says StenSvold,but whatever) bric-a-brac salesman and loquacious memoirist, for the straightdope on crossbow bolts. Again, much like Rausch, please notice Pop's (ShugFisher) concern that Kolchak's tape recorder be ON.

One more night and one more killing, as fussy leisureproducts magnate Brewster Hocking ("Hock" to those trying to passthemselves off as his frat brother) is crushed and beaten to death by a macewielded by The Black Knight. This scene is actually pretty effective - I lovethat Hocking (William O'Connell) can see the Knight coming but can't doanything about it. Next morning, Kolchak arrives at the Hydecker museum insearch of more info on the bolt, running into the brash Minerva Musso ("Aninterior decorator... of ill repute!") and erudite, Romantic and poeticcurator out-of-time Mendel Boggs (Hans Conried), who are arguing. Musso (LieuxDressler) storms off, but despite Carl's attempts to be ingratiating to thecurator ("A recorder of events great and small, an instrument of the freepress! I'm a reporter"), Boggs is too flustered and upset by the plans toturn the Hydecker into the Camelot Discotheque ("May they all rot inCamelot!") to be of much help.

Then it's off the morgue (again sadly, much like"Chopper", no Gordie) where morgue attendant Lester (Don Carter) maynot remember Carl, but he knows cash when he sees it, and lets Kolchak have apeek at the autopsy of the bludgeoned Hocking. Then Carl tries to pass himselfoff (with a fake telegram) to Hocking's press-loathing butler Charles (BryanO'Byrne) as an "old school chum," in order to dig up some more leads,but this just gets him the detail that a telephone was crushed, as the butleris pretty sharp (the scene seems like a bit of padding that could have beencovered with a line of dialogue - and Carl's pretense to "not be areporter" seems thin, since he still sports his camera and recorder).

Next, Kolchak cons a phone repairman ("Bugged?!? We'vebeen bugged?!?") to get the specs on crushing a phone (again, seems a bitof padding) and then it's off to see Minerva Musso (nice detail - Ron knows whoshe is!). Pretty much just walking into her place (the door was open):

"(to Carl) Robbery... or rape?"

"Neither one, so don't get excited."

"(to phone, disappointed) Oh, he says I shouldn't getexcited."

Minerva expresses her dislike of Boggs ("Mendel? Withdiligence, he might make village idiot!") but further discussion is haltedby the Black Knight himself who bursts in, chops down two doors, and axesMinerva to death in the bathroom (while Kolchak is knocked unconscious - secondweek in a row!). Oddly, I kinda liked Minerva Musso, despite her brashness (sheseems designed to be a character Carl would hate, he even calls her a"dumb broad" as he tries to stave off the Black Knight) - it's rareon the show that we spend time with a victim (Jane Plum being another) beforethey are killed, and much like Brewster Hocking's death, the fact that the axeassault is an extended scene really works to make it horrific.

The police arrive to find a knocked out, over-perfumed Carland a hacked-up interior decorator, so Rausch uses the scenario as an excusefor a spot interrogation ("Carl, neighbors heard screams, and we find youcamped out here on the floor and a woman ax-murdered right in there. If I wereyou, I'd have a big tension headache"). Carl, having been doused with"Temptation Of Adam" when Musso's bureau got knocked over ("Whatis that stink!?!" "You. You're the stink") initially resistsafter telling the Captain off ("Do your own legwork, you phony!"),but gives Rausch the honest truth, which doesn't go over well ([threateningly] "Buta knight - in armor? Make me believe that, Carl, because if I find you'reshooting me through the grease, it'll have a definite detrimental effect on howwe interface with each other" "You know what, I intuitedthat..."). Still, they take a police unit to Hydecker to see the armor, andto see whether Boggs can fit in it (he can't), while Kolchak does seemapologetic - but the suspicion stretches the curator to the breaking point("I wouldn't give you another piece of information if you held me down andlet a pack of rats run through my clothes willy-nilly!") and he refusesany more help.

As I said, LOTS of funny lines and delivery from a lot ofcharacters: "Homicide is a very democratic institution" / "Nowthen...what killed him? [no answer] ... Captain?" [pause]"...Society..." / "Perhaps we can approach this a little lessdirectly..." [looks at notes] [shocked] "...less directly?" /"...the only thing more maddening than certain cops was certain *educated*cops." / "One does not mix one's centuries, madame! You're destroyingcontinuity, all of it!" / "That thing is blue. That thing is black. Iwill not tolerate a black-and-blue co*cktail lounge. Unless someone has decidedto rename the Camelot Bar the Bruise Room!" / "You are a man who hasresorted to lies and chicanery to the point of being pathological. I believethat you suffer from autosuggestion; and, in an obsessive desire to winapproval expressed through the need for a big story, you convince yourself thatwhat you want to be true is true. In short... I believe your brain has turnedto onion dip." / "I got a hunch it'll be a walnut."

So, off again, this time to a husband and wife coat-of armsdealers, who identify (after some remuneration) the Black Knight. Turns out thearmor belonged to the notorious nobleman Guy de Mettancoeur of Burgundy, whohated human pleasures, infamously ducked out of the crusades, and killed womenand children while building his fortune in the 1200s. Back at INS, a littlechecking through contacts proves that Hocking's CALC had purchased ChateauMettancoeur wineries, even while Ron complains about Carl's journalisticstandards, and Tony thinks Carl may be going nuts ("I saw my sister-in-lawhave a nervous breakdown, and it was messy") for pinning the murders on"a glorified set of drain pipes" (we also get the series' last jokeat the expense of Carl's sexuality, regarding Musso's perfume). And researchhas shown the way, as a battle-ax blessed by Pope Gregory and wielded by theKnight of Strasbourg succeeded in killing the unkillable Mettancoeur, but not beforehe swore a curse that "music and human gaiety would never be permittedaround his resting place" - thus the discotheque plan triggered the curseand the killings (why Mettancoeur's sorcerous armor is considered his"resting place," and not his actual grave back in France, is notquestioned). And that blessed axe is also at the Hydecker.

We get one of our last bits of "night stalking" asCarl B&Es the museum, finds the ax, and runs into The Black Knight (whoeither has taken to wandering around the museum at night, or now considers Carla valid target but was looking upstairs for some reason) - after somediversionary tactics (pretty good), Carl succeeds in wielding the unwieldy ax(I like how heavy it proves), striking a blow that causes the Knight tocollapse and fall onto the blade, ending its reign of terror.

Although in these essays I have made quite a bit about howthe secret to really enjoying K:TNS is just accepting that it is formulaic andlooking for the small ways in which this formula is tweaked, I like "TheKnightly Murders" a lot because it simply, and cleanly, embraces theformula wholeheartedly, without even the plot invention of "Chopper"(which is why "Chopper"ranks slightly above this one). The threat isalmost straight out of SCOOBY-DOO (is an empty suit of armor trying to kill youany more scary than a guy in real suit of armor trying to kill you, especiallywhen you don't have the time to raise the visor and find out it IS empty?), andwhile the methods of death allow for a little presentation variety, there's notmuch threat there visually (as a "monster" The Black Knight is fairlyunimpressive - slow and inexpressive). And, of course, coincidence moves theplot at points (Carl just happens to choose the Hydecker museum to identify thebolt at exactly the moment Minerva Musso is storming out, thus he just walksinto a future victim and the exact locale of the monster by coincidence, alsothe blessed battle ax just happens to also be at the Hydecker, when it couldhave been in a Vatican museum, halfway around the world).

"The Knightly Murders" succeeds as an episodethrough the great character acting of all involved, and the comedy writing anddelivery, which is top notch and spread around nicely, as almost everyone getsfunny lines in this episode, not just the bureau staff - which might be anindication that K:TNS's slow conversion from a "supernatural menace showwith some comedy" into a "comedy show with supernatural menace"was pretty complete at this point. "The Knightly Murders" is no one'sfavorite episode, exactly, but it a lot better than the worst, and I place ithigh in the solid good episodes, right after "Chopper" and rightbefore "Bad Medicine" - and that mostly comes down to its reliablesolidity.

Little details: Another new word learned by a young me fromK:TNS - "trousseau". Note, Kolchak guesses Sir Walter Scott forBoggs' archery poetry (probably because of IVANHOE), and Maura (the wife of theCoat of Arms sales duo) doctors a "McDougal" family crest to make ita "Kolchak". Tony has a shower in the bathroom connected to hisoffice, and has a brother (having previously mentioned a sister as well).Observations: I believe Dehner is modeling Rausch's delivery style (dry,measured, overly complex - "apathetic atomized personality"!) onCanadian media philosopher Marshall McLuhan (after I heard an interview withthe latter - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImaH51F4HBw). Hans Conried is justSO great in this episode, every line he delivers is funny and it's always apleasure watching him do his stuff!. As pointed out on IMDB, Carl spends sometime taking photos of the armor walking around, but they wouldn't proveanything substantial as they are just shots of armor and anyone could beinside. The final battle is, as usual with K:TNS, a little underwhelming (notso much the fight - lots of nice dodging and feinting - but it would have beennice if the "strike" by the blessed battle axe had been a little moredecisive/biting (maybe knocked an arm off or something)

It's interesting that for K:TNS' third "ghost"episode ("Firefall" and "Chopper" preceding it), the choicewas to retain the kinetic physical threat of the latter, although here it is aslow-moving and unrelenting juggernaut instead of a swift and vicious specter.That might also beg the question - is the Black Knight a ghost at all, ormerely a cursed suit of armor? What I mean is, is Guy de Mettancoeur pilotingit, or does it just automatically hunt down those who "tick theboxes" for activating it (note that it only seems to kill its target, notgiving a whit for unconscious Carl on the floor)? And even that "huntingdown" statement begs another question that had occurred to me - we maychuckle a bit at Francois Edmunds taking the bus as a hulking, rotting corpsein "Zombie", but I'm assuming the Black Knight just teleports to thelocale of its victims, as I can't see it clanking slowly down Chicago streetswithout being seen! Once in the locale, though, it obviously can't walk throughwalls or else it wouldn't have had to chop down doors to get at Minerva (unlessthat's all for fear-inducing show)! I like the detail of the Knight wiping hisfoe's blood off on their "flying colors" - sharp, inventive writing!

A few years ago, after hearing Guy de Mettencoeur describedas an "ogre" for the umpteenth time, the penny dropped and I realized(as was recently noted on these boards by another member) that he was supposedto be an analog of Gilles de Rais, the infamous french nobleman and serialchild rapist/murderer (or, victim of a political plot - take your pick, I'm noexpert and have no specific opinion) - which is an odd and interesting littledetail for the show.

Another side observation about The Black Knight - FrancoisEdmunds and Swordman Baker were trying to avenge their murders, and FrankieMarkoff was motivated by envy (and a body to possess), but much like TheDiablero (who, as I noted in the "Bad Medicine" essay, is under acurse to acquire jewels), Guy de Mettancoeur has a fairly petty humanmotivation for the killings - he's just a misanthrope who doesn't want anyonehaving a good time around him (one presume that years of school trip kids werein no great danger). Let's hope he ended up having to watch people gyrate as"Waterloo" thumped out of a woofer in his helmet!

PREVIOUS ENTRIES IN THIS SERIES OF ESSAYS (PLEASE NOTE -these are new links to the previous postings, as Facebook eliminated the"permalink" function - so the links at the end of the previousentries don't work any more, and you have to use these! (I just had to do allthis for a SECOND time in less than a week, as they changed things AGAIN) Idon't wanna bug the admins by replacing them in all the previous essays)

00 - Some Thoughts

https://www.facebook.com/.../220.../posts/10160252410612468/

01 - The Ripper

https://www.facebook.com/.../220.../posts/10160256787377468/

02 - The Zombie

https://www.facebook.com/.../220.../posts/10160298821602468/

03 - They Are, They Have Been, They Will Be

https://www.facebook.com/.../220.../posts/10160324126412468/

04 - The Vampire

https://www.facebook.com/.../220.../posts/10160358315337468/

05 - The Werewolf

https://www.facebook.com/.../220.../posts/10160376835967468/

06 - Firefall

https://www.facebook.com/.../220.../posts/10160417625932468/

07 - The Devil's Platform

https://www.facebook.com/.../220.../posts/10160527196997468/

08 - Bad Medicine

https://www.facebook.com/.../220.../posts/1016054405

KOLCHAK:THE NIGHT STALKER

Episode19:"The Youth Killer"

Threat:Fiend

Milieu:TheDating Scene / Health & Aging Fads

Police:SergeantOrkin (Dwayne Hickman)

Witnesses/Experts:BellaSarkof (Kathleen Freeman) / Kaz (George "Demosthenes" Savalas)

Support:"Nobodycares about NINETY YEAR OLD PEOPLE!" (Miss Emily retreats in dismay) /"What ya got there?" "Ohh...a four-leaf clover!" / "APin-Wheel For A Pin-Head!" / "Our case rests on a glass eye?" / "Well,Sergeant, you know, it isn't a shrine... it's just a morgue..." /"Stoned? Who's gettin' stoned?!?" / "Mayonnaise?" /"Will someone answer the telephone please?!? Ron, are you so busy?!?"(and say goodbye to Ron, gone from the show after this) / "Don't talk tome about rings!" / "NOW, Carl! PLEASE!" "Please?!?" /"Carl, do you mind if I read the copy? After all, I am the bureau chiefhere." "Yes, absolutely, Tony. Absolutely. Tomorrow morning, firstthing, I'll spitball a few ideas at cha." "Spitballing a few ideas iswhen you start a feature, not when you're polishing it." "No, no.That's the way I work, Tony. See, I spit and polish at the same time." /"Kolchak, WHAT TEMPLE ARE YOU GONNA DESTROY?!"

Synopsis:Anumber of unidentified elderly corpses are being found around Chicago, but onlyKolchak thinks they are the bodies of virile young people, drained of theiryouth and vitality.

Andso we come to the episode I rank lowest of all theK:TNSepisodes(please note - I DID NOT say "worst"!). If you are going to rank theepisodes then SOMETHING is going to have to take last place and, for me, it'sthis one. Yours may differ. I'll get into my reasoning after we tackle theplot...

Ayoung jogger turns old and drops dead as a woman chants from a distance,becoming noticeably younger in the process. Back at INS, Miss Emily bemoans the"elderly" jogger's death and foolishness of old people not actingtheir age, even as Ron claims otherwise ("With the proper food andexercise, you should be able to do everything at ninety that you can do atnineteen" he says, superciliously). Tony's proud of his weight loss and"youth" regimen - but no one else seems to care (the idea of Tonydoing yoga is funny enough that we will return to it later in the episode. Ipresume the "Vitamin E" joke is intended as a visual double-entendre,given McGavin's comical reaction). Carl is working on a "swingingsingles" update (I guess "The Werewolf"'s story went a differentway, into mayhem and murder) before tempting Tony with a caramel covered frenchdoughnut (looks more like a cruller to me, but who am I to say?) - probablybecause he seems a bit unsure that his "just blocked out" story isstrong enough - and he's more interested why a 90 year old man was jogging sofar on river road (and still remains unidentified).

So,it's off to Bella Sarkof's (Kathleen Freeman) matchmaking emporium, where thematronly owner tries to find our star reporter a bride as he tries to get someinfo for the story. Here we get the "computer dating" themeintroduced, tied to a a company called MaxMatch.

Afteryoung woman Cynthis Tibbs ages into a crone and takes a header off a fourthfloor balcony while exercising (one assumes her heart would have given out afew seconds later anyway), and Carl does the necessary (if grating) legwork forhis story ("September 22nd: 10 a.m. I had spent the night hitting singlesbars, hearing all about biorhythms, Harvey Wallbangers, rugby, tunedexhausts... and, of course, sex...") he stops by a singles apartment (theLAKESHORE CLUB) which, COINCIDENTALLY, is the same one Ms. Tibbs just vacated,terminally (nice touch - he can't just stroll in, and has to ride on the Policecoattails). Here we meet this episode's police representative, Sergeant Orkin(Dwayne Hickman) - recently transferred over from Edgewood - who, while he hasheard of Carl (great dialogue: "YOU'RE Kolchak?!" "Yeah, that'sright" "You're the one the precinct captains are always talkingabout?" (unsure) "Well, what do they say?" "That you're apinwheel!") and, in a nice character note, "makes his ownevaluations," "believes the Police and Press should work inconcert" and gives Kolchak the benefit of the doubt (which flabbergastsCarl). A search of the apartment turns up nothing but the swingin', blasémanager (James Murtaugh).

Soits off to the morgue and Gordy's last appearance on the show, as Carl wants tosee the personal effects of the dead jogger, and our acquisitive morguemortician wants a portable color TV for the office (which they haggle over,while Carl discovers the dead jogger had a glass eye, and lifts a key). Asearch of the jogger's trail turns up the ring, and Helen finds herself alreadyaging again, even as she interviews her next target, Lance (aka Irvin) Mervin(Michael Richardson) and we get a little bit of her personal philosophy about"superior people" and how "beauty and youth are the mostimportant things in the world to her" as she inducts him into the innercircle of "Olympians" - the "most beautiful people inChicago". Lance's Mom (Penny Santon) is not so sure (nice comedy bit) andstill resents his "getting his identity crisis together" and changinghis name ("You were Irvin when I was in labor, you were Irvin when I fedyou at my breast and you'll always be Irvin... for me!"). And Lance/Irvindoes not survive his tennis date, aging to death on a park bench....

Althoughextremely unlikely, Carl succeeds in finding the apartment the key goes to and(illegally) enters, finding the Olympian scroll from Max Match in WilliamCubby's place, along with another glass eye. But Orkin is not impressed with Kolchak'stheory, or his methods ("You ARE a pinwheel!") - although honestly,Carl's point about matching fingerprints is a good one. Back at the LakeshoreClub, Carl has the manager let him into Tibbs' apartment (as we get a littleglimpse of Carl's mores - "I guess you haven't been single for awhile" "I was never THAT single!") and finds Cynthia's scrollinvite to join the Olympians (signed June 2,1975 - I note, though the storytakes place in September).

Andit's off to MaxMatch proper, where, after some interaction with some youngswingers ("I'll take any chick who's on a macrobiotic diet, who's intoTantric yoga...") who don't know the song "I Want A Girl, Just likeThe Girl, Who Married Dear Old Dad" from the 1930s - further cementing thegeneration gap, Carl discovers he is far too old and "unpretty" torate with the young and beautiful - which doesn't stop him from scoring aninterview with the beautiful owner of MaxMatch, Helen Surtees (Cathy LeeCrosby) - who assures him he is "Very Male" and has the confidence to"dress as you like" and "do as you like." Carl passeshimself off as "Mr. Kolack", as Helen asserts she is an avid reader,but gives Carl the bum's rush - which leads to a "midnight interview"as Carl performs a b&e at MaxMatch, catching Helen mid-ritual as she praysto Hecate.... and offs Renee Michelle, a teacher aged to death as she sleeps,from afar.

SoCarl calls on one of his contacts, taxi-cab driver (and former collegeprofessor with a wandering eye for the students) "Kaz" (George "Demosthenes"Savalas, younger brother of the famous Telly) - who identifies the prayer asancient Greek, lets it be known that the Greek Gods had high standards andidentifies Helen Surtees as the classical Helen Of Troy! ("I'd giveANYTHING to get next to that!" "I think that's the deal,EVERYTHING!") even as they are interrupted by a hungover conventioneer(Eddie Firestone) ("Who do you think you're talking to, CABBIE!?! I am thepresident of my own feed company. I flew here first class. I'm staying at theRandolph, the BIGGEST hotel in the WORLD. Twenty-four hundred rooms.""Hey, sport, you are not staying at the biggest hotel in the world. TheHotel Rossiya in Moscow has thirty-two hundred rooms and your hotel'snothing!" "Who counts Communists?"). And then, back to INS for alittle mayonnaise treatment (which doesn't get the ring off, a call from Belawith a potential date (to the shock of Miss Emily - who leaves the show in afinal huff...), Carl shuffling her off to Sgt. Orkin. I love the ending of theINS scene as Tony, flustered at knowing that Carl is off to "destroy atemple," finally realizes that he has no idea who Kaz is...

And,after a nighttime visit to MatchMax (too tepid to really be called a"night stalk") and some minor temple vandalism, Carl calls outHelen's flawed sacrifice choice and our fiend gets turned to stone...

Weshould assume Helen has killed a LOT of people if she's being doing this sincethe fall of Troy (c. 1260–1180 BC) and her rejuvenation doesn't seem to lastvery long. If she really IS Helen then she's also a demigoddess (as Kaz evensays!), fathered by Zeus himself on Leda (in the form of a swan), and primaryfigure of her own cult for a time. Although she worships the Greek goddessHecate (Goddess of boundaries, crossroads, witches and ghosts) I think it'sprobably more correct to call her a sorceress than a witch (as that term hasJudeo-Christian weight that comes with it, and Helen seems more involved withritual and ritual objects). I hope that Carl somehow finagled a way to layclaim to her statue form, and hangs his hat on it at home...

Trivia:Carl,after considering, calls his job "all right," claims he has nohobbies (as he works all the time) and considers the idea of his being married"ridiculous!" Please note - Carl DELIBERATELY offers his greasy handto Tony to help him up, instead of his clean one!

So,why do I consider this the "least" of theK:TNSepisodes?As has been a recurrent truth, watching it closely, for the umpteenth time,warmed me a little more to it, so let's talk about what it does WELL, first.Cathy Lee Crosby is certainly cold and "classically beautiful" and Istill think the basic conception of Sgt. Orkin - a policeman willing to giveCarl a chance! - is a solid one and I wish they'd scripted a little more (atleast one more scene) of his conversion over to mistrusting and being annoyedwith Kolchak. And, in general, I will give the episode this - it's tight and ifthe show has, by this point, fully shifted from being a "horror show withcomedy elements" to a "comedy show with horror elements","The Youth Killer" is not a bad example of how that formula couldwork (but I'd still consider "The Knightly Murders" as superior).

Whatit comes down to for me is this - the"aging deaths" is a concept thatworks on paper, and is even reasonably carried off in the episode - but I justdon't find it creepy enough. Sure, we can SEE people age to death in secondsbut it seems like an inconceivable concept that is difficult to make personallythreatening (the closest the show comes to it is Helen's speech about Carl'sheart "jamming up like an old clock") - also, the episode suffersfrom a few things. One is that Helen doesn't really get to be very convincing"fiend" outside of her actions - a scene with her talking aboutintending to be immortal, and all that's she's seen (not to mention all thepeople she's killed) would have made her more, well, "evil," but allshe really comes across as is vain and shallow - which makes sense, but isn'treally compellingly evil. Finally, while the show always suffers in itsclimaxes, this episode seems particularly wanting, and I think maybe we couldchalk that up to budget. It seems unbelievable that, given the whole "ringstuck on his finger" scene, we didn't see Carl at least begin to age intodecrepitude - except that such a moment means a higher effects budget (bitharder to pull off such makeup on your main star!). And, similarly, Helenturning to stone seems like another cost-cutting move (more suitable to aGorgon episode) as having her age into a crone that eventually becomes askeleton would have been more fitting (as it would be her greatest fear).

So,there you have it - "The Youth Killer" as the weakest episodeofKOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER. Next up is "The Sentry" (whichI like more than most people) and that should be very soon!

00 -Some Thoughts

KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER

Episode 20: "The Sentry"

Threat: Rampaging Monster

Milieu: Underground

Police: Lieutenant Irene Lamont (Kathie Browne) / ColonelBrody (Frank Marth)

Witnesses/Experts: Dr. James Verhyden (Albert Paulsen) /Jack Flaherty (Tom Bosley) / Ruth Van Galen (Margaret Avery) / Ted Chapman(Frank Campanella)

Support: "You schnooks!" / "Carl! Carl! Carl!I don't want want to hear anymore about a giant newt!" / "Don't tellme what to do with my mouth" / "No, look, I know he's my boss but Idon't want you to break his arms." / (Carl to Tony) "Yousucker!" / "VINCENZO! Don't yell like you always do. It'll rile yourbile."

Synopsis: Carl investigates the savaging deaths of a numberof individuals at the Merrymount Archives, two miles underground. And no onebut Kolchak believes they are the work of troglodytic, bipedal lizardmonster...

I place "The Sentry", somewhat surprisingly, asthe last of the "good, solid middle" episodes (just below "TheTrevi Collection" and just above "Mr. R.I.N.G."). I say"surprisingly" because even though I agree that the costume does theepisode no favors, I enjoy almost everything else about it and think it's asolid monster episode. But more after the analysis...

"The Sentry" opens with a bang, with Carl desperatelyfleeing an unknown threat in a motorized cart through endless undergroundhallways. So, much like "The Energy Eater", the entire episode is asequential flashback narrated by our hero, after ditching into a cavern, in aneffort to get the events on record. From there, we see a Merrymount Archivecrew of two discover some strange geodes deep underground in a hot springs"swill hole", which Dr. James Verhyden (Albert Paulsen) excavates andremoves, but his tool-packer Howard Kimper isn't so lucky, getting mauled todeath by an unseen creature.

After another worker is killed, an electrician, in a prettyeffective scene (with the smashing lights and undershots of the Sentry), it'soff to Police HQ and a wrangle with Lieutenant Irene Lamont (Kathie Brown - Mrs.Darren McGavin for 6 years by that point), who has all the other reportersspellbound and hornswaggled, but not our hero. Lamont claims to like Kolchak'sstyle (interesting echoes of "Youth Killer"'s police relationship),even while Carl wonders how a "routine" industrial accident canmangle bodies, so he's off to fake his way into the autopsy (set-up with thesame zoom in on a window that was used in, I want to say, "Firefall",maybe?) - even though Lamont seems a little suspicious of Dr."Kolchakovsky" - to find that the dead man was mauled by a reptile.

So it's off to Merrymount and scamming his way in with JackFlaherty (Tom Bosley), where a high speed elevator takes them 10,000 feet downto the storage area and straight into a labor dispute with Ted Chapman (FrankCampanella) worker and labor rep, who's looking for extra hazard pay, while uptop, Lamont eyeball's Kolchak's "yellow submarine" and confirms he'son site. Flaherty pitches Merrymount's security (great humorous facial reactionby McGavin to them guarding "the family jewels" - goes by in aflash), while Kolchak fishes for details on the killings, and Verhyden fumesabout his new locks in a paranoid rage.

But Carl has to skedaddle when he finds out Lamont is on histail and (after a fight with an obstreperous coffee machine) he buttonholesChapman again (who can immediately tell he's not a buyer, so Carl claims to bean insurance investigator) for the skinny on the accidents, which he offers topay for (I love Chapman's "How do you know how much my while isworth?" - at least $40, I guess). Chapman spills on the accidents and theunstable Dr. Verhyden (who once got scammed out of some scientific credit) andCarl (comically freewheeling) takes off in a motorized cart for the deathsites. Where he finds broken glass in a darkened corridor as well as a looming,growling menace (the way the creature just kind of "strolls up" isn'tthe height of suspense) and so he (awkwardly) flees (oddly, recreating a momentfrom the opening/closing of the episode) before crashing his cart right intothe huge-headed beast in "Sector O" corridor - so he flees on foot,straight into the arms of police (who don't believe him about the"strange, reptilian monster"), although a cigar-chomping officialfrom the "Water Department" also wants to take Carl into custody.

Back at an understaffed INS (just Carl and Tony for our lastepisode), Vincenzo bails Kolchak out, doesn't care about the monster story, andis appalled that Carl's next move is to contact an ex-con, Arnie Wisemore,while Carl complains about how Lamont bamboozles all the men, including hisbureau chief. Arnie (veteran comedy actor Cliff Norton) ships Kolchak toMerrymount in a crate ("Arnie, this is Kolchak you're rapping with!Kolchak, remember? I know your record!" "You are now a precisioninstrument!"), where the "Water Department" seems to be guardingeverything, as Lamont grills Verhyden.

Some funny lines in this episode: "Did a guy come inhere wearing a seersucker suit with red hair?" "There was a Mr. Kolchak.I believe he was with a nickel firm in New Mexico." "He's got nothingto do with nickel. He's the proverbial bad penny." / "Your client's atall fellow with a tall white hat, and stars and stripes, named Sam?" /"No, no, no... I know someone almost... just like him..." / (Carl,faking knowledge) "Oh, the 852, yes!" / (Chapman, sarcastic)"Have they changed the alphabet?" / "Carl, have you ever beenmaced?" / "Kindness!... That woman is about as kind as a Sturmbannführer."/ (Arnie, imitating Mexican parrot) "Buenos dias, Buenos dias,waaack!" / (Carl, resignedly) "Y'know if all the film that I've shotthat has been confiscated by the cops were laid end to end, I'd have enoughfilm to shoot War and Peace. Including a travelogue and a cartoon."

A few more brooding and serious lines as well: "If youshould ever find yourself underground... I mean DEEP underground... don'tlinger in the shadows..." / "When are you gonna warn the generalpublic about this?" "When we feel the time is right!" "AndWHO is 'we'?!?"

And some weak ones, unfortunately: "Dum Dums!" /"This man was bitten to death by a crocodile!?!" / ""I'llrip the lid off this lizard creature affair" / "I think all thatbicarbonate you've been drinking has put bubbles in your brain!"

In Verhyden's lab, Kolchak finds the strange geodes beforebeing discovered by the skittish and apoplectic scientist (Paulsen, perhaps aplaying it a bit over the top - "Sorry, I didn't mean to touch you"says Carl to the twitchy bundle of nerves) before both are attacked by themonster, who busts through a wall and then messes up some "WaterDepartment" troops (who later prove to have Army dog tags). The Coloneland Lieutenant Lamont play good cop/bad cop with our intrepid reporter, whointuits that the Army might have already run into these creatures while manningunderground bases, and that these things might also be a danger to civilians. Asudden blackout lets Carl lam out of custody, and he eventually find Verhyden'slab and the geodes, which he has figured out are eggs. The final sequence ofwandering around halls and the last cart ride qualify, I guess, as our last"night stalk". So now, it's back to the beginning and only adesperate scoot back to the hot spring "swill hole" to return the preciouscargo to its irate mother, with hope that it appreciates the gesture (it does).And so Carl, receding into the dark, runs off after giving us a warning. End ofepisode. End of show.

Trivia: Carl doesn't smoke ("I read the SurgeonGeneral's report")

One could argue that the episode that "The Sentry"has the most in common with is "Primal Scream", since they bothfeature rampaging, prehistoric creatures from the "weird science"side of the Kolchak monster spectrum. Merrymount's facilities may be"quake proof, flood proof and can even withstand a nuclearholocaust", but they're no match for a prehistoric bipedal reptile'smothering instinct! (I always presumed the creature was somehow moving throughtunnels behind the walls, to "suddenly" appear in such long corridors)

Yes, the costume, with its enormous head, is pretty bad andyes, they light it too well (aside from the light bulb breaking sequence) andshoot it in long shots that show too much. But, it also must be said, a majorproblem is that it doesn't really even move like an animal and more like...well... a guy in a suit. The corridor battle with the "WaterDepartment" men is almost comical, honestly, like something from H.R.Pufnstuff gone berserk. Although, much like the "light bulb" deathscene, I think the final, torch-swiping confrontation works pretty well becauseof the low-lighting and angle.

You will often hear that "The Sentry" rips offSTAR TREK's "Devil In The Dark", but rarely is that logic extended toSTAR TREK ripping off the film GORGO... some ideas are very basic, and getreused.

While "They Have Been, They Are, They Will Be" and"Mr. R.I.N.G." often get mentioned as the X-FILES predecessorepisodes, the involvement of the Army in this episode should not be overlookedas well (I like the exchange where Lamont claims custody of Carl over theColonel's demands)

And so, we reach the end...or do we?

Be here next time for another essay, KOLCHAK THE NIGHTSTALKER: Episode 21, "The Eve Of Terror"

00 - Some Thoughts

https://www.facebook.com/.../220.../posts/10160252410612468/

01 - The Ripper

Fun fact about Siska’s mention of the “Thomasita-Bachnamurders” (sp?): Lt. Chapman cites them, too, in the Rockford Files episode “TheOracle Wore A Cashmere Suit” as a famous case from Chicago. Both shows werewritten or co-written by David Chase. My guess is, those were just throwawayjokes to namedrop two people he knew, but they’re still grist for crossoverfans like me.

Kolchak: The Night Stalker – The Unproduced Scripts

The third Movie-of-the Week Night Stalker script was titled"The Night Killers." Writingcredit was given to Richard Matheson and William F. Nolan. The script, dated Jan. 15, 1974 (under theDan Curtis Productions banner), proves one thing, if nothing else: after two previous movies, the third waslittle more than a rehash of the first two, changing the setting but not the"formula." There is scant originality in this movie and if it hadbeen filmed, it's doubtful a series would have followed.

The plot and dialogue are as follows:

Hawaiian lieutenant-governor Hawaan is in route to ahigh-level meeting at the Ridgeway Atomic Power Plant when disaster strikes:

KOLCHAK

Anunforeseen accident that ripped the top right off

aPandora's Box of secrets, cover-ups and murders unlike

anythingthe Aloha State had ever seen.

Ambulance drivers take the government official to the hospital,where he is rushed into surgery. BeforeDr. Petree can arrive to stop the operation, an explosion occurs, destroyingthe O.R. Shortly thereafter, Our Hero issummoned to cover the story:

INT. NEW YORK BAR - SHOOTING OUT WINDOW PAST BARTENDER - NIGHT

Snow pelts against the outside window as CAMERA PULLS BACKand we SEE the BARTENDER regarding an O.S. argument.

KOLCHAK

I cameinto it a few days later. I was in New

York Cityat the time, having a friendly discussion

WITH AFELLOW MEMBER OF THE FOURTH ESTATE.

CLOSE ON GLASS

as Kolchak slams it down on the table.

KOLCHAK

You moron!

CAMERA STARTS TO PULL BACK, REVEALING KOLCHAK (in his usual"summer" suit) raving at HAYWORTH, an amused reporter.

KOLCHAK(continuing)

What thehell do you know? Were you there

in Vegas-- there is Seattle? In a pig's eye you

were! You were here in Gotham, covering garbagestrikes!

(leans forward, pointing)

Well,listen, pal -- I'm telling you I saw those

things,took photos of 'em, had a by-line on the

stories. A vampire in Las Vegas... and a killer in

Seattlewho kept himself alive for more than a

hundredyears with --

He breaks off, looking around, as a hand taps him on theshoulder. The Bartender.

BARTENDER

Phonecall.

KOLCHAK

Phonecall? Who knows I'm here?

HAYWORTH

Yourpsychiatrist, maybe?

Kolchak stands up, glaring at Hayworth.

ANGLE AT WALL PHONE - CLOSE ON KOLCHAK

as he picks up the receiver.

KOLCHAK

Yeah?

OPERATOR'S VOICE

Is thisCarl Kolchak?

KOLCHAK

Who wantsto know?

OPERATOR'S VOICE

Go ahead,please.

VINCENZO'S VOICE

Carl?

KOLCHAK

Who isthis?

VINCENZO'S VOICE

Tony!

KOLCHAK

Tony who?

VINCENZO'SVOICE

What d'yamean, Tony who, you fathead!

KOLCHAK

(happily)

Vincenzo! How are ya?

VINCENZO'S VOICE

Fed upfrom callin' half the bars in New York

tryin' toget hold of you.

KOLCHAK

Why? What's up?

POV SHOT THROUGH JET WINDOW - DAY

The panorama of Honolulu, dominated by Diamond Head.

KOLCHAK'S VOICE

What wasup was me -- flying one-way

to Hawaiito work for Tony on the Daily

Tribune.

INT. CABIN OF JETLINER - CLOSE ON FRONT PAGE OF"HONOLULU DAILY TRIBUNE"

SHOWING its name, then PULLING BACK to REVEAL the leadstory: "Lieutenant Governor Eulogized as Hawaii's "GuidingLight". Kolchak glances through theremainder of the paper; a small headline catches his eye: "Flying SaucerDisappears". As he reacts, CAMERAMOVES IN FAST on the story, sub-titled:"No Trace Found of UFO Reported in Area Last Month."

KOLCHAK'S VOICE

It didn'ttake me long to figure out which

story I'dbeen hired to cover.

INT. CAR - CLOSE ON VINCENZO

tanned and prosperous looking. CAMERA WIDENS TO REVEAL him driving, Kolchakbeside him.

VINCENZO

Flyingsaucer? Carl, come on. You don't think

OldCrossbinder had me bring you all the way from --

KOLCHAK

Crossbinder? You're working forhim again?

VINCENZO

Why not?

KOLCHAK

He firedyou in Seattle.

VINCENZO

Andre-hired me in Hawaii for more money.

So what?

KOLCHAK

If I'd known it was his paper...

VINCENZO

It is, andit isn't.

KOLCHAK

Meaning?

VINCENZO

His kidstarted it here in Honolulu about a

year agoon his old man's money. Ever

hear ofElbert?

KOLCHAK

(impressed)

King ofthe playboys?

VINCENZO

That'shim. Blondes, booze and Ferraris.

He made alousy newspaperman... the paper

was goingdown the tube until old man

Crossbinder came out to take over.Reluctantly,

I mightadd. Instead of moving to Hawaii to

retire, heis here working to protect his investment.

Believeme, he's not happy about it. And when

the oldman's not happy, nobody's happy!

KOLCHAK

Where'sElbert?

VINCENZO

Africa. Hunting elephants.

KOLCHAK

(staring at Vincenzo)

Speakingof elephants... what have you

beeneating?

VINCENZO

Food,Carl, food. My stomach's had a field

day awayfrom you.

Kolchak eyes his stomach.

KOLCHAK

I can seethat.

VINCENZO

(frowning)

You wannatalk about your job or my

digestion?

KOLCHAK

(grinning)

Don't theygo together?

VINCENZO

The oldman wants you here to build up

circulation -- but on the basis of sanity, Carl.

(cutting off Kolchak)

Like, forinstance, no flying saucers!

Kolchak slumps back unhappily into the seat.

KOLCHAK

(to himself,dully)

Welcome toHawaii, Mr. Kolchak.

INT. CROSSBINDER'S OFFICE - CLOSE ON LLEWELLYN CROSSBINDER -DAY

Regarding the O.S. Kolchak with detached amusem*nt.

CROSSBINDER

Welcome toHawaii, Mr. Kolchak.

CAMERA WITHDRAWS TO INCLUDE Kolchak and Vincenzo oppositethe old man's desk.

CROSSBINDER

At last,you've reached a locale where that

suit ofyours is in vogue.

(as Kolchak grins)

In beachbum circles.

(cutting off Kolchak)

You're aunique man, Mr. Kolchak. One of a

dyingbreed. I can use your help.

(cutting Kolchak off again)

So long asyou restrain yourself. You understand.

KOLCHAK

Now, waita sec --

Vincenzo stands up to cut him off.

VINCENZO

(taking Kolchak up with him

and aiming him toward the door)

Carl's anew man, Mr. Crossbinder -- I

guaranteeit.

CROSSBINDER

I shall hold you to that guarantee, Mr.Vincenzo.

KOLCHAK

(muttering)

Here we goagain.

***************************

When the only survivor of the O.R. explosion dies suddenly,Kolchak investigates, first at the hospital, then with the two ambulancedrivers who transported the lieutenant-governor to the hospital. In the course of his unproductiveinvestigation, Kolchak meets the obligatory TV movie female co-starring character,in the guise of Kathy O'Kileyani, a real estage agent. She reappears throughout the script whenconvenient.

Predictably, Tony doesn't like Carl's suspicion that thedeaths of people associated with the explosion ate linked to thelieutenant-governor's death. They argue;Tony has stomach spasms; Carl leaves.Basic Movie 1 & 2 formula.

Kolchak almost witnesses the murder of a nurse, then getsjailed for some unstated reason. Tonysprings him, then both are threatened by Publisher Crossbinder.

Carl continues investigating, almost gets killed by thedriver of a red truck (who was also at the scene of the nurse's murder), getsyelled at by Tony (again), then goes off to investigate Ridgeway Atomic PowerPlant. Learning nothing, he gets yelledat (again) by Crossbinder for drawing spurious conclusions about who was andwho was not murdered.

Being removed from the story, Carl is re-assigned toinvestigate the UFO sighting.

Taking his "girl realtor" as a guide, Kolchakinterviews Mr. and Mrs. Groat,eyewitnesses to a "doughnut" flying saucer landing near HickamField. Rather than investigate thesighting himself, Carl interviews Col. Shaw, learning that: 1) hedrinks Black Irish whisky and 2) hedoesn't believe in UFO's. Afterestablishing this Very Necessary Character, our reporter attempts to check outthe landing sight. He is foiled,however, by discovering the entire area is fenced off by Spencer ConstructionCo.

In a thrilling twist, the Spencer Construction Co. employeeKolchak goes to interview in a gay bar is just leaving with his boyfriend. Carl makes an appointment to meet himlater. Unfortunately, this potentialwitness is murdered before Carl can extract any intimate details from him. After witnessing the familiar red truck (again),Carl links the UFO story to that of the lieutenant-governor's death.

Interrupting Tony at his golf game (!), Kolchak tries toconvince his editor he's onto the story of his life. Being in Hawaii seems to have affected Carl'senunciation, for he regresses into an uneducated Hoosier, or reverts into apast lifetime as a cowboy with the following dialogue:

KOLCHAK

I beenlookin' for ya everywhere!

VINCENZO

(screaming)

Get thatthing off the green, you idiot!

KOLCHAK

(backing the golf cart up)

Okay! Okay!What are you gettin' so excited

about?

VINCENZO

(glaring at Kolchak;

tight-voiced)

Do youknow what you just did?

KOLCHAK

Yeah, drove out to find you with thebiggest

story thisside of --

VINCENZO

(overriding)

You costme fifty bucks!

KOLCHAK

(shrugging)

Tony, ifyou can't afford the game... don't play.

Vincenzo cannot talk he's so angry. He rips out his wallet, pays off a rival ashis partner follows suit with the other rival player. Vincenzo then moves away.

MOVING - VINCENZO AND KOLCHAK

as Vincenzo walks rapidly away from the green, Kolchaksprinting in pursuit.

KOLCHAK

Hey, waitup!

VINCENZO

(over shoulder)

Kolchak,get lost!

If old publishers and past lifetimes weren't enough, we getMR. LIFFY, who is NOTHING LIKE the Wally Cox characterization of Titus Berryfrom "The Night Strangler."This entirely original character is introduced on page 10, in thefollowing manner: He (Kolchak) recoilsas Mr. Liffy stands up, wincing, from behind a table, a heavy, dusty scrapbookin his arms. Mr. Liffy is a small,cherubic looking man wearing square-lensed granny glasses and a green eyeshade." (In case you're never seen"The Night Strangler," the granny glasses are the original part.)

Mr. Liffy makes all the connections for our hero, explainingthat: 1)The wives of all the dead men had either died or disappeared 2) theSpencer Construction Co., which owns the land the flying saucer landed on, hadput through the land deal with the influence of the now deceased lieutenant-governor. Carl's contribution to the Story Thus Far is"Bingo!"

To check out the landing site, Kolchak rents a helicopter(some expense account!), piloted by Kathy, the real estate agent. (Don't ALL real estate agents know how topilot helicopters?)

Continuing to look and sound like he had been dropped into amodern-day adventure flick from a Grade B Oater, Kolchak applauds thewhirlybird's dysfunction with stirring lines like, "It'll run okay againonce we're outta range," and "Did I tell ya?" When he then directs Kathy to land so he cantake photographs, she questions: "What if the place is crawling withlittle green men?" His answer? You guessed it, pardner: "I'll step on 'em."

Our intrepid sagebrusher makes a judgment of STAR TREKproportions in the following scene. Whenhe and Kathy see moving figures walking around the UFO, Kathy asks if the menare from "space." Carlreplies, "Must be." Mr. Spockcould not have put it more succinctly.

After Kolchak and Kathy are discovered and nearly run overby the man in the now legendary red truck, we discover the driver is neitherman nor Uncle Martin. "HolyHanna," Carl exclaims. "He's a--" robot.

After getting himself arrested (again), Carl attempts towarn Crossbinder, Vincenzo and Col. Shaw that a crisis exists.

KOLCHAK

Suppose aspace vehicle came to earth carrying,

say, halfa dozen aliens intent on establishing a

base hereon Hawaii. They land neat Waimea Bay,making

thelanding site their initial base of operations.

(beat)

Suppose,in order to achieve their goal, they start

replacingpeople with androids --

(For tips on playing this scene, Mr. McGavin would have donewell to call Kevin McCarthy, who played it so brilliantly in "Invasion ofthe Body Snatchers.")

Realizing (without Mr. Liffy's help, for cripe's sake) thatall the important men in Hawaii were gathering at the Ridgeway Atomic Plant,Carl pleads with the gathering to stop the meeting. Instead he gets himself -- SURPRISE -- fired!

When the police chief (in reality an android), tries to killCark (again), Carl discovers he's a robot when he suddenly starts snmoking thenblows up. There goes the neighborhood.

Breaking into the Atomic Power Plant, Carl attempst toinform the governor and military leaders meeting there, that they have beensummoned to the high-powered meeting so they can be killed and replaced byrobots. For his trouble, he is almostkilled (again), learning the men have indeed, been exchanged. (Production note: six seed pods needed for scene.)

Racing away, then eluding capture, Carl grabs a machine gunand shoots the androids. They explode,proving his point with a bang!

Kolchak's story is quashed by Col. Shaw and the script endswith the following dialogue:

KOLCHAK

So that'sthe way it happened. Shaw had clamped

down onthe story. Couldn't risk mass panic;delicate

politicalsituation; necessary censorship.

(beat)

One of ourcompetitors printed the story about he

Groatsseeing the UFO take off. Sure,sure! You bet!

(beat)

Whatworries me though is: what's to prevent

thosealiens from landing somewhere else; starting

in again-- replacing prominent men; taking over?

CAMERA MOVES IN CLOSE on him. He looks directly at us.

KOLCHAK

How do weknow it isn't happening at this

verymoment?

Good question. We'llask Dr. Miles Binnell when we see him.

*****************************************************

ABC contracted the Night Stalker series for 26 scripts; onlytwenty were actually produced. If you think that is a sin, read the followingexcerpts from several unproduced Night Stalker scripts and see if you don’thave second thoughts.

NIGHT STALKER - Unproduced Script #1

"Eve of Terror" Written by: Stephen Lord (Draft ofMarch 7th also listed Michael Kozoll

as an author.) Night Stalker Production # 41837

What follows are twodrafts of scripts, dated March 3 and March 7, 1975

"What if I told you that a deranged feminist murdered aCasanova lab technician, a sex goddess, and her purveyor?" Carl Kolchakasks a character in this script. His question pretty much sums up the plot ofthis degrading, embarrassing attempt at "handling" the Women’sLiberation question of the mid 1970’s.

Dr. Myra Deckbar is accidentally exposed to sonic stimulationand her Jeckle-Hyde/"alter-ego" monster goes on a rampage, killingher assistant. Kolchak investigates until taken off the case and ordered tocover the arrival of "America’s Number One Sex Kitten." Fortunatelyfor the plot, she, too, is killed and there just happens to be a connection!Carl, seeing a female form escape from the scene, comments, "Whoever itwas wore high heel pumps. Maybe it’s some freak in drag." The answer, ofcourse, is that it’s the Mad Almost-A-Feminist, Myra Deckbar, who eventuallyends up dead after falling off an apartment building.

These are substantial differences between the two drafts ofthis script, the most obvious (and tell-tale?) being that the name"Carl" – as in CARL KOLCHAK – was consistently misspelled as"Karl" in the March 3rd draft. His dialogue was also listed under thecharacter name KOJAK for one scene. Pretty sad when a studio script has thename of the main character wrong.

The other outstanding (?) aspect of this script is thestriking similarity between the character of the police lieutenant, namedHurlow, and that of the character played by Keenan Wynn (Captain Siska), from"The Spanish Moss Murders" (written by Al Friedman and David Chase).Compare some of this scene:

HURLOW

Hold it, Kolchak.

Kolchak halts, braces himself for Hurlow’s onslaught butsurprisingly, the cop retains his cool, speaks politely.

HURLOW

Karl…ever since I got that ulcer six months ago, I promisedmyself faithfully I’d let nothing or nobody bug me again.

KOJAK – (NOTE – THIS IS NOT A TYPO)

Smart, Lieutenant, smart.

One can sense the immense struggle within Hurlow as hebattles to control his emotions.

HURLOW(still politely)

Now Karl…keep your ear…your nose… and your big asset out of this

one. (almost sweetly) Please?

KOLCHAK

You sure make it hard for a guy to turn you down, Lieutenant.

HURLOW

I appreciate it.

Kolchak starts to go then turns.

KOLCHAK

Say, Lieutenant, got any ideas about those teeth marks found on thevictim?

HURLOW (about to explode)

How did you --!!

KOLCHAK (backing away)

You promised yourself faithfully, Lieutenant…remember?

Then Kolchak spins around and hurries out.

March 3rd Draft – page 2

Myra studies her notes; as she instructs Wayne top set thevarious instruments he complies:

MYRA

Random spectrum, 10 to 10,000 hertz… overall dB level of 98…

superimpose sinusoidal frequency of 5,276 hertz at 99dB.

WAYNE (sardonically)

That ought to scramble their little brains.

MYRA (smiles)

See? Even we have behavioral patterns. The more tired you get, the more

pessimistic. How about a cup of coffee to sweeten youroutlook?

WAYNE (returns smile)

Two sugars this time.

Myra goes out.

March 7th Draft – pages 1-2

INT. LAB – NIGHT

Nice and quiet as Myra studies the video monitor. Then:

MYRA

Okay, shut it down, Wayne. Reset for the next frequency.

(catches herself; smiles)

Please.

WAYNE

No need to patronize.

Myra, still smiling, notices Wayne’s expression… a wry grin.They’ve had this conversation before.

MYRA

Who’s patronizing? It’s just polite to say please, isn’t it?

WAYNE (resetting controls; smiles)

Who knows anymore? The wholeworld is co*ckeyed. Amy Vanderbilt is

gone. People have turned against the automobile. And guys like meare takingorders from women.

MYRA (teasing)

Can the end be far off? (beat) To show you my heart’s in the rightplace, I’ll

get you a cup of coffee.

WAYNE

I’m thrilled.

Myra smiles, shaking her head as she goes. Wayneappreciatively watches her legs and her walk as she goes, smiling to himself.

WAYNE

Make mine sweet. (adds) Please.

March 3rd Draft – pages 12-14

INS. OFFICE – DAY

Open on Vincenzo then widen to include Kolchak.

VINCENZO

Karl, you’re trying to catch butterflies with a tin net!

KOLCHAK

But, Tony ---

VINCENZO

What happened was some electronic kook got caught copping that…

spectro-gizmo and killed the technician, now that’s it, period!

KOLCHAK

Question mark:! Why didn’t the killer use something simple like a knifeor a

gun, even a blunt instrument? The victim was slammed around like abean-bag

and bitten! What about that? The teeth marks?!

VINCENZO

So maybe those eggheads at the research center have been working with

gorillas and one got out of hand.

KOLCHAK

But Kimberly says they don’t use any animal larger than a rabbit! Nowhow

vicious can a bunny get?

VINCENZO

One of those cuddly Peter Cottentails nearly tore my thumb off when Iwas a

kid. A pretty blue one at that!

KOLCHAK

A blue rabbit?

VINCENZO

I dyed him for Easter. (starts toward office)

KOLCHAK (heeling)

Look, Tony, let me button down this Dr. Deckbar and ---

VINCENZO (turns)

Negative, Karl. I’ve already put Updyke on that story.

KOLCHAK

Updyke? On a murder case?! (hits him) Charlie Hurlow! That’s it! You and

the lieutenant are old drinking buddies!

VINCENZO

Not anymore. Not since that ulcer popped up.

KOLCHAK (accusing)

He called you! Told you to take me off the story!

VINCENZO (topping him)

He’s a nice guy who’s walking around with an earthquake brewing in hisgut

and you’re a8.6 on the RichterScale!!

KOLCHAK

But, Tony ---

VINCENZO

Besides, I want you to cover Veronica Mason’s arrival at the HotelWalton.

KOLCHAK

Big deal! Veronica Mason! Who needs it?

VINCENZO (grimaces)

You must have a hormonedeficiency. That broad triggers hot flashes from

every male over the age of puberty.

KOLCHAK

I skipped puberty. Listen, Tony, this brutal murder thing ---

VINCENZO (firmly)

No, Karl, this Veronica Mason thing! Now get over to the hotel and doyour

blood pressure a favor!

Kolchak is about to try a final protest but:

VINCENZO

Now, Karl!

Reluctantly, Kolchak starts to go.

VINCENZO

And try to bring back a different angle than the usual cheesecake jazz!!

March 7th Draft – pages 15-17

INT. VINCENZO’S OFFICE – KOLCHAK – DAY

Carl is pensive, unsettled as he stares through the blindslats.

KOLCHAK

What’s weird about it Tony is I checked out Wayne Franks as well as Icould.

My stringers don’t see him as a mob or loan shark hit. He was astraightarrow.

Widen to include Vincenzo at his desk, sleepy, disgruntled,his hand on his elbow…almost dozing, hardly listening.

KOLCHAK

And as far as him interfering with the theft of the spectrometer… whenguys are

committing a robbery, they mayshoot somebody, stab somebody…but hang

around pounding on somebody? Wasting time ? Making noise?

VINCENZO (yawns; cranky)

There’s a first time for everything.It’s a simple robbery-homicide. I like what

you wrote and… well, if there’s any mopping up to do on the story, Ron’l

l handle it.

KOLCHAK

Ron? On a murder case? My murder case?

VINCENZO

There’s nothing more in it. You can go on to bigger and better things.

KOLCHAK

What bigger and better things? What’s got into you? (studies him) Yourfriend

Charlie Hurlow called didn’t he?Asked you to take me off it?

VINCENZO

I’ve known Charlie a long time. But you know how we got so close lately?

(disgusted) Turns out we both go to the same gastrointestinalspecialist. For

ulcers. (beat) Charlie’s got all mysympathy. He’s walking around with an

earthquake brewing in his gut. And you’re an 8.6 on the Richter Scale.

KOLCHAK

The fault is always mine, isn’t it?

VINCENZO (with finality)

I don’t want any more argument about it, Carl. I want you down at theWalton

Hotel at four, covering the arrival of Veronica Mason.

KOLCHAK

Come on…that’s not my kind of story.

VINCENZO

Remember your logical silogisms, Carl? All stories on sexy women sell.All

stories that sell make Vincenzo happy. (beat) Ergo, we have only two

possible deductions: A:: TheVeronica Mason arrival is your kind of story.

Or B, you don't have a job.

KOLCHAK

Your logic’s as bad as your news sense.(notices Vincenzoyawn again and grumbles testily) What’s the matter with you today, anyhow?

VINCENZO

That maniac neighbor kid and his lousy Nakajima.

KOLCHAK

I thought you were going to talk to his old man about it.

VINCENZO

The old man told me to take a wade in Lake Michigan. Can youbelieve the gall? He says there’s no law against noisy motorcycles if they havemufflers on them… (runs his eyes) Now, the kid has a job at Top O’ The Mornin’Bakeries. Every night at four a.m. I get blown out of bed by that bike. (makesmotorcycle noise) Ziin-nin-nin…Zin-zin-ninnin.

KOLCHAK

You should have some recourse.

VINCENZO

There’s no recourse against noise pollution. I tell you,Carl, we don’t

He’s drowned out as the El goes roaring by, jarringeverything.

VINCENZO (yelling above it)

See what I mean? We’re defenseless! bombarded by noise! Noise of all

kinds!

The El is gone but he’s still yelling. He lowers his voice.

VINCENZO

…noise of all kinds….

KOLCHAK

You may have a point, Tony. Who really knows what the total effect ofthat

is on us?

VINCENZO

I know what the effect ison me! I’m going ga-ga!

KOLCHAK

Think there’s a story in noise and modern life?

VINCENZO (grunts)

There’s a story in sexy girls. Quit stalling and get down to the WaltonHotel.

Try for an interview. There’s a lot of work to be done.

KOLCHAK

That doesn’t start till four. I’ve got two hours.

VINCENZO (gets up; crosses to couch)

But you’re in my office. And I want to take a nap.

KOLCHAK(exiting)

I’ll come in when it’s time for your three o’clock feeding.

March 3rd Draft – page 28

KOLCHAK

Both bodies were busted up like match sticks! Both had teeth marks! NowI figureeither some female Kung Fu nut or a weirdo in drag ---

VINCENZO (interrupting)

Carl, why don’t you get an unlisted mouth? (starts away)

KOLCHAK

Come on, Tony, back me up.

VINCENZO

Over a cliff maybe! (turns) Youknow what your problem is, Carl? You need

something to soak up your nervous energy. Why don’t you get yourself a

girl?

KOLCHAK

Hey, man, I’ve got chicks all over town pulling their hair out over me…(grins)

but who cares about those bald-headed broads?

(unappreciative)

Hysterical. You’re a barrel of laughs, Carl. But get yourself bustedagain and

before I make your bail they’ll be giving away free dishes at gasstations!

Vincenzo slams into his office.

March 7th Draft – pages 48-49

KOLCHAK

What if I told you that a deranged feminist murdered a Casanova lab

technician, a sex goddess, and her purveyor?

PAMELA

The Veronica Mason thing?

KOLCHAK

Right. Say…just say there’s a lunatic fringe, a misguided feministfaction…a

splinter group….

Pamela is shaking her head.

KOLCHAK

…Who believes they are furthering the cause… No, huh?

PAMELA

It wouldn’t be a woman’s organization or fringe. We recognize violenceas the

most primitive manifestation of male irrationality. Violence flourisheswhere

reason fails.

KOLCHAK

But that doesn’t preclude awoman from having done it.

PAMELA

True. I can’t speak for individuals, male or female. People do go wrong…and

when ‘wrong’ means ‘violence,’ it usually comes from repressing one’s

feelings doesn’t it? (beat) But what makes you so sure it was a woman?Are

you repressing hostility? Is it your wife, your girlfriend…?

Kolchak eyes the door, measuring for quick escape.

KOLCHAK

I’m manifesting my male rationality. The theory makes sense.

PAMELA

Does it? Tell me, do you feel threatened by the women in your lifeawakening

to their true potentials?

Kolchak edges off his chair.

PAMELA

Come on, man. Open the tubes. Blast thosehostilities into the sunshine. Clean

house….

Kolchak hurries across the room, smiles and eases out thedoor.

PAMELA(realizing what she’s said)

…as it were.

Ending narration, March 3rd draft:

INT. INS OFFICE – NIGHT

Angling on Kolchak as he concludes recording, the curvaceouspair of legs still crossed at the edge of his desk (belonging to the characterof Gwenneth, a neighbor of Myra Deckbar, who also happened to be man-crazy).

KOLCHAK

Whathad fallen off the roof of that building was the body of Myra Deckbar – so the

murders remained unsolved. But I turned over my story together with theDeckbar

tapesto the Research Center…and today in that same acoustics lab another

behavioral scientist is conducting top secret research into sonicstimulation…

maybe trying to discover what vibesturn him on – and hopefully…off. As for

me….

Angle widens to include Gwynneth sitting on the desk in herrevealing mini skirt.

KOLCHAK

Iknow what rings my bell.

He rises and takes her hand and they start out as we:

FADE OUT

March 7th Draft of the ending:

INT. INS OFFICE – NIGHT

Angling on Kolchak as he concludes recording.

KOLCHAK

What toppled onto that pavement was clearly not the body of a vicious

superhuman killer – so the murders remain unsolved. However, I wasforced to

turn over my story together with the Deckbar tapes to the Research

Center…and today in that same acoustics lab another behavioral scientistis

conducting top secret research into sonic stimulation…maybe trying todiscover

what vibes turn him on – and hopefully…off. As for me, I’ve begun tothink

about noise….

Kolchak winces fatalistically against the shattering roar ofa passing El.

THE END***************************************************************

"The Get of Belial"

Production # 41823 January 3, 1975 (F.R.)

PRODUCER: Cy ChermakWritten by: Donn Mullally

This is another sterling example of why there were benefitsto being behind schedule and thus unable to film the full complement oftwenty-six scripts. It also provides another example of how weak, ineffectualwriting and uninspired plots destroyed the series.

The script has our hero, Carl Kolchak, in the mountains ofWest Virginia, covering a coal miners strike. (Presumably the local INS officereporters had all been in a car accident, a la ""The Vampire,"although in this script, no explanation is attempted.)

FADE IN:

EXT. WEST VIRGINIA MOUNTAIN COUNTRY – DAY – FULL SHOT –STOCK

Green mountains thrust up through the haze. They are scarredby mines and company shanty towns…great mounds of tailings around the mines.

EXT. ASSOCIATED ANTHRACITE BUILDING – DAY – FULL SHOT

It has to be the most impressive building on this drearyMain Street of saloons, small shops, eating places. But it, too, is grimy withthe dust from the mines, streaked. It is identified as the headquarters of amining company by a sign over the entrance. A line of pickets march listlesslyon the sidewalk in front of the building. A black and white police car isparked down the street…obviously keeping tabs on the pickets, who carry theusual signs: UNFAIR, ON STRIKE, etc. Carl Kolchak is seen walking along withone of the Pickets, taping.

ANOTHER ANGLE

As Kolchak draws the man out of the picket line, recordingthese deathless words:

PICKET

You wanna know what we’re striking for? (Kolchak nods) Money. That’s the

ball game. Money!

KOLCHAK

You look for the strike togo on much longer?

PICKET

No way. Mine owners are caving in all over the state – except for thismother.

He uses his picket sign to indicate the building.

PICKET

With the pressure he’s gotta be getting from the other owners, how longcan

he hold out?

KOLCHAK

You’re talking about Glenn Maynard …President of Associated?

PICKET (returning to line)

Yeah…that s.o.b.

(Mysterious murders, where the victim is horribly mauled todeath, begin to happen soon after an "American Gothic" (read:hillbilly) family arrives in town. Finding the death of a mine executive moreinteresting than covering the labor dispute, Carl discovers the Blackshearfamily has a terrible secret: they’re keeping an idiot son/brother hidden inthe basem*nt of an abandoned schoolhouse. Every time the "monster"escapes, another murder happens.

When he finally confronts the Blackshear family, thefollowing dialogue explains the plot:)

Carl is bashed in the head by the monster several times, thelocal authorities don’t believe him and he debriefs the details, over thephone, to Ron Updyke, commenting, "Write anything you want to,Uptight…just don’t make it sound like it belongs on the financial page."

INT. MINE – NIGHT – MED. ANGLE

This is the first tier or level…a room carved out of coaland rock, supported by rotting timbers. Several tunnels fan out from its backwall. The rest of the Blackshear family (except for the creature) are there.They’ve set up housekeeping. The room is lighted by the Coleman lamp. Henry andRichard are waiting at the shaft as Kolchak climbs into view. As he steps offthe ladder into the room:

RICHARD

It’s that reporter guy, Pa!

HENRY (cold-eyed)

What’re you doing here?

KOLCHAK

I was looking for the Blackshear family.

RICHARD

You found us.

KOLCHAK (looks around)

But you’re not all present. Where’sthe one you usually keep in a cage?

The Blackshears exchange looks.

HENRY

There’s no cage here. What are you talking about?

KOLCHAK

The cage I saw at the schoolhouse. What or who do you keep in it?

SARAH (a sigh)

Sonny…our youngest boy.

HENRY

Shut up, Sarah!

SARAH

No. You said we hit him long enough.

There is a silent tug-of-war of wills.

KOLCHAK

You did say you kept a son in that cage?

HENRY

I don’t care what anybody thinks… we done the best we could.

KOLCHAK

But the cage couldn’t hold him… Nothing could. And he killed people when

he got away.

ANOTHER ANGLE

SARAH (nods)

Because of me…my call to do the Lord’s work. It was Belial’s way of

tempting me.

KOLCHAK

Belial…the Devil?

Henry has given up…slumps against the mine wall, as:

SARAH

Yes…Sonny was a beautiful child. Then the changes began… (beat) I was

healing the sick, as my God commanded.

KOLCHAK

Those changes…how do you know it was the Devil?

RICHARD

Old Belial offered Ma a deal. We all heard it…the voice out of nowhere.

Scared the hell out of us!

KOLCHAK

What was the deal?

RICHARD

Ma could have Sonny back the way he used to be…if Ma’d just get off the

Salvation kick.

Kolchak studies the Blackshears…has to believe what he hasheard. Their steady gaze. He nods.

KOLCHAK (to Sarah)

And you couldn’t buy it?

SARAH (shakes her head)

Man’s extremity is God’s opportunity. I had to believe that God was stronger

than the Devil.

(With cops closing in on them, the family tries to escapethrough the mineshaft. Carl attempts to follow, falls through some rottingboards, falls into a pit and is attacked - again - by the creature. As theystruggle, the creature falls down another shaft, turning into the corpse of abeautiful young man as he dies. Of course, there goes Carl’s story about Belialand the Creature.

As Carl is climbing out of the mine pit, the labor strike issettled and every wire service in the country scoops INS.)

Another happy ending, as in, "all’s well that endswell." ******************************

The Executioners

By: Max Hodge

(No Production Number; no date)

The best of the three unproduced Night Stalker scripts, "TheExecutioners" needed more than a little editing to make it acceptable.

The script deals with murders, which always occur in threes:one by hanging, a second by poisoning and a third by beheading. Finding himselfoff the spectacular investigation because Tony wanted to cover the storyhimself (Carl jealously smelling "the faint aroma of a Pulitzer Prize inthe air"), he is given his choice of assignments: Obits, art or ballet.

Carl chooses art, and as luck would have it, he just happensto discover a painting at the Arty Museum depicting three executioners – ahangman, an ax executioner and a monk-like individual with a large vial ofpoison. Fortunately, he has brought along an "art expert" to explainthe background of the "unknown." and make a guess as to thepainting’s origins.

INT. POP ART INSTITUTE – DAY

A FEMALE NUDE MODEL with a noose around her neck is posingin a stretched position as though she were being hanged. A DOZEN ARE STUDENTSare sketching as the INSTRUCTOR moves along them, criticizing their work.

KOLCHAK Enters, pauses to glance appreciatively at themodel, then makes his way to the young, attractive BEATRICE MAE JESSEE who eyesher painting, compares it with the model, then makes a few strokes with herpaint brush. Kolchak watches this silently for a moment, Beatrice seeminglyunaware of his presence in her preoccupation with the painting. Finally:

BEATRICE

Honest opinion, Kolchak…?

KOLCHAK (studying painting)

Honest…?

BEATRICE

Lie a little… (as Kolchak hesitates) A lot…!

INSERT: PAINTING OF HANGING NUDE

Non-realistic – angular – and bad.

BACK TO SCENE

KOLCHAK

Well…?

BEATRICE

Shows promise…? That’s safe. Hell – you can lie that much,Kolchak.

KOLCHAK

What’s the scene? Why a hanging nude?

BEATRICE

Professor Swanson said to paint something relevant to thetimes – and what’s more relevant? (indicating painting) Can’t you see I’mtrying to get my intermost (sic) fears and anxieties concerning recentatrocities on canvas. Does it give you a horrible feeling?

KOLCHAK

Horrible – yes… (as Beatrice gives him a withering look) Isee how you feel. (pointing to painting) Frightened! Afraid you might be thenext victim. It says it all there!

BEATRICE

It does? (a critical eye – pleased) It does…! (beat) What itdoesn’t tell me is – what the hell’re you doing here? In broad daylight – Ifyou’ll pardon my male chauvinistic expression.

KOLCHAK

I – ah – need an expert’s opinion. (indicating painting)Obviously – I’ve found the expert.

She gives him a skeptical look. He smiles reassuringly. Sheshrugs – smiles – starts cleaning her brushes as he again glancesappreciatively towards the nude model…..

(Subsequent investigation- and any number of deaths later - Carl pinpoints the cause of thetrouble to the Art Museum director, who just happened to be the owner of theexecutioner painting. The painting had been in his family for generations;whenever displayed, a series of murders always took place. Carl suspects thedirector is actually the murderer, but when he is poisoned, the real truth isrevealed: the executioners in the painting come to life, commit their murders,then return to the safety of their oil-and-canvas home. Carl destroys thepainting after nearly becoming a hanging victim himself.)

EXT. INS BUILDING – DAY

BEATRICE MAE JESSEE carrying a wrapped painting, enters.

KOLCHAK’S VOICE

Things are back to normal once more. The woman who almostgot hacked up by the ax executioner now things it may have been a nightmare –that it wasn’t real at all.

INT. INS OFFICE – DAY

BEATRICE enters the office and goes to Kolchak’s desk whereKolchak is typing. She starts unwrapping the painting.

KOLCHAK’S VOICE

I didn’t dispute her theory. How could I prove it actuallyhappened. Who’d believe a painting could come to life?

Beatrice holds up the painting for Kolchak’s inspection.It’s the NUDE BASEBALL PLAYER. Kolchak shakes his head.

BEATRICE

You can hang him over your bed.

KOLCHAK

I don’t want him over my bed! Suppose – in the middle of thenight – he’d decide to crack me with his bat?

BEATRICE

That is stupid, Carl Kolchak. Stupid, stupid, stupid…!

KOLCHAK

I know, but just to be on the safe side – how about tradingthe ball player for your NUDE in the NOOSE broad? Her I wouldn’t mind if sheclimbed out of her frame….

Beatrice shakes her head, starts rewrapping the painting.Kolchak grins, shrugs…..

FADE OUT

THEEND***************************************************************

KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER

Episode 21: "Eve Of Terror" (never filmed)

by Stephen Lord & Michael Kozoll (3rd draft - March 7,1975)

Threat: Rampaging Monster

Milieu: Feminism / Noise Pollution

Police: Lt. Charlie Hurlow

Witnesses/Experts: Gwynneth Jordan (next-door friend) /Pamela De Lorca (National Women's Alliance) / Dr. Thomas Tesky (psychiatrist)

Support: "Remember your logical syllogisms, Carl? Allstories on sexy women sell. All stories that sell make Vincenzo happy. Your Jobis to make Vincenzo happy. Ergo, we have only two possible deductions. A - theVeronica Mason arrival IS your kind of story or B - you do not have ajob." / Tony wants to take a nap but Carl's chair squeaks (cute bit ofphysical comedy, easily envisioned) / "Where'd you study that con? Roofingand siding or aluminum shingles?" / El Train as recurring story point.

Synopsis: After an accident in an acoustics lab leaves atechnician beaten to death, Kolchak follows a trail of seemingly random savageassaults and killings that point to an unlikely suspect...

So, I decided to do essays on the last three unfilmedscripts, in order of their drafts - "Eve of Terror" being in itsthird draft, but at 62 pages, still probably needed another pass but was mostlikely to be episode 21. Enjoy.

We open in an acoustics lab where, after some mild flirtingbetween behavioral scientist Dr. Myra Deckbar and technician Wayne Franks, anaccident with the sonic equipment in the test chamber turns Deckbar into amaniacal, bestial monster who beats Franks to death.

The next day, Carl is at the crime scene, passing himselfoff as a policeman so he can eavesdrop on the investigation via intercom (fromwhich we find that Franks was beaten to death with some ribs, both arms, andhis back broken - which doesn't add up as only a spectrometer seems to havebeen stolen). The scene has a nice bit at the end where, as they exit, Carlteases the fuming Hurlow with knowledge of the investigation from thediscussion that just occurred, that Carl can't possibly know as he wasn't inthe room.

Meanwhile Dr. Deckbar awakens in her home, bleary andbruised and plagued with disturbing flashbacks, where she shares a pastry withher neighbor, ditzy but sweet fashion model Gwynneth Jordan, and Deckbar chalksher shakiness up to a flu. Kolchak arrives to talk to her, but the cops havegotten there first. So Carl chats up Gwynneth for what info he can get on Myra.This is actually a cute scene - Gwynneth is worried about her friend, and Carlwants dirt, but Gwynneth had once dated a reporter and hates their prying,manipulative questions - so it ends in a fizzled out standstill.

Back at INS, Tony likes Carl's story even though thereporter himself feels like it doesn't totally make sense. But Tony & Lt.Hurlow share a gastroenterologist, Tony's frazzled because his neighbor's kidnow rides a loud motorcycle (which brings the topic of noise pollution into thestory - cue "the El Train passing bit" again), and Carl has to gocover the appearance of sex-bomb starlet Veronica Mason at the Walton Hotel....

Where (just *coincidentally*), it turns out Dr. Deckbar isalso preparing a conference. We get a bit more of her feelings about women inthe modern world, as she and a co-worker glimpse the media hubbub over thecooing, sensuous Mason. But an accident with a speaker at Mason's media eventcauses painful feedback that triggers Myra's transformation into her Alter Ego(as the script calls the creature) and she ends up killing the starlet in hersuite, where Kolchak arrives seconds later, only to be knocked aside by thebrutish thing.

Hurlow doesn't believe Kolchak's story about a femalemonster, or that the killings are connected (50 people a day are beaten inChicago). Back at INS, Tony awakes from his nap to find 5 hours have passed,Mason's been murdered Carl has already filed his story with the wire and,having consulted "Wanda Jean-The B-17" (a female wrestler and mutualacquaintance of his and Tony's from Little Dublin bar - an establishment, Ibelieve, mentioned in "The Spanish Moss Murders"), the reporter iscurrently looking over some photos of female martial artists. He tells Tonythat he's learned how adrenaline and stress can give an individual incrediblemomentary strength (see THE INCREDIBLE HULK pilot and that story, common in the1970s, of a woman lifting a car to save her child). Tony wants Carl to stoppestering Hurlow, but their argument is drowned out by another El Train gag andthe din of a low-flying jetliner!

Myra comes to her senses back in the acoustic lab, where shediscovers videotaped evidence of her accident and sees a news report about howpublisher Craig Temple, following the death of his protege Mason, already hasanother fawning woman on his arm. A passing police siren triggers her changeyet again, and the Alter Ego rushes out... straight to Temple's palatial estatewhere the publishing magnate (very Hugh Heffner) is holding a conference thatshe gatecrashes, killing Temple and beating three men unconscious in amonumental tussle (probably would have made a good action scene, with a giantmeeting table flipped onto the guys after Temple is dragged down it, and thepublisher's savaged dead body later hurled through the french doors).

Only Melinda (the sole female on staff at the meeting) isleft conscious to identify the attacker as "a hairy, female fiend dressedin understated elegance", which Hurlow isn't happy about (and even lesswhen he's informed that the Spectrometer wasn't stolen, merely taken home forrepairs by an employee), as Kolchak enters the crime scene obliquely, unseen,and eavesdrops all this info.

Kolchak is able to gain an interview with Myra at thelaboratory (passing himself off as a reporter from "Science LogAnnual") and finds out they'd been working on controlling animal behaviorwith sound, but betrays himself with his lack of technical nomenclature (evenas he notices Myra's distraught look and scratched hands) and - when he pressesthe connection between the two murders and the killing of Franks, who he knowsshe dated - Myra demands he leave (this scene feels like it's missing a bit ofhuman connection, as it's the one scene that might spare a moment to elicitfeelings for Myra's plight).

At the National Women's Alliance office, shrewd directorPamela De Lorca reads Carl like a book, and calls him out as fishing for infowith a con line, as well as quashing his theory that a radical feminist groupor individual is behind the killings, pointing out that for feminists"violence flourishes where reason fails." Kolchak gets antsy when shestarts questioning his motives for pinning the killings on a feminist("Why this tenacity? Are you repressing hostility? Is it your wife? Yourgirlfriend?") and flees (this scene ends with a good joke as De Lorcatells Kolchak that as a man he needs to do some emotional stocktaking and'clean house' "...as it were").

Meanwhile, we see Myra desperately trying various sonictreatments to effect a cure for her condition, finally finding something thatallows her to relax and sleep. Carl meets with Dr. Thomas Tesky of the StateBoard Of Criminal Psychiatry to find out why they are underwriting Dr.Deckbar's research: they're interested in using sonics to adjust criminalbehavior and re-integrate morbid personalities into society. Tesky accedes thatreversing this approach might cause problems (which would be unethicalresearch) but accidents do happen as well, which might unleash monsters fromthe unconscious. This scene, as I've mentioned in a previous essay, isinteresting because as written it seems implied as a character note that Teskyshould be played as gay. He makes a "dainty, hush-puppy approach",refers to his bathroom visit as "going to the sandbox", and cleansthe table of crumbs in a finicky gesture. Even more interestingly, throughoutthe conversation, he keeps trying to ply Carl with offers of coffee, soup andeventually buys him a candy bar - so he comes off a bit flirty (which makesCarl uneasy). Related to our "noise pollution" theme, he alsonervously drums his fingertips on the table throughout the scene.

Kolchak breaks into the acoustic lab and finds the videotapeproof of Myra's transformation. Back at Myra's apartment, she's looking betterrested after the sonic treatment she tried earlier. There's a rather nice scenewith her and Gwynneth, reaffirming their friendship, before she's left alone,and the noise of a passing jetliner triggers her seizure/transformation (whichwe finally see in full - description: "a hideous face with wild, bristlinghair, bushy eyebrows, flared nostrils, high bony cheeks, a wide mouth andbrutish teeth"). In the hallway, the Alter Ego catches Gwynneth as she isleaving and chases her up the apartment stairwell to the building's roof, asKolchak arrives and hears the ruckus, following them up. He pulls a fire-alarmto alert rescuers and then, as the Alter Ego prepares to throw Gwynneth tenstories down to her death, Kolchak distracts it away, getting Gwynneth tosafety before taking a massive blow in the back from the thing, sending himflying. Dangling from the rooftop, the creature trying to knock him off, onlythe sirens from the fire trucks save him as the piercing sound momentarilystuns and cripples the thing, which staggers and falls over the edge. On theground, the dead body is seen to have reverted to Dr. Myra Deckbar's form.

We end with Kolchak narrating at the INS office, noting themurders remain unsolved (because the body at the sight was not a brutalcreature), how he was forced to turn over the videotape and story to theResearch Center, how somewhere, someone is likely experimenting with those samefrequencies, and how he's begun to think about how noisy his world is... (cueEl Train passing one last time).

"Eve of Terror" as a title, builds off "Adam&...", since the character is named Myra Deckbar and not Eve. As GaryGerani points out in his blu-ray commentary for "The Sentry", thescript is notable as being one of the few times we track a character who isunwittingly/unwillingly BECOMING a monster, which automatically generatespathos in the story - although since this "Ms. Hyde" is neitherarticulate nor calculatingly evil - just savage - it is, as a story, a bit toosimilar to "The Werewolf". Hammer films had already gotten near herewith DR. JEKYLL & SISTER HYDE (1971) but that was about a transformationinto the opposite sex. As for our authority representative, Lt. Charlie Hurlowis written very "Mad Dog" Ciska-esque: he's recovering from an ulcerbrought on by dealing with Kolchak, trying to keep his rage in check anddrinking a lot of milk. Perhaps the idea was that if Keenan Wynn proved free,they could just slot him into the story with a name change to the script? Likemany later episodes, Tony is the only INS staff we get (but Ron does get amention).

Feminism and Noise Pollution are an odd, oblique combo ofsocial concerns to underpin the episode, but I eventually did the logicalcalculus required to see the connection (remembering that the show was neverabout "solving" contemporary 1970s issues, just using them assettings and plot impetus) = noise is as pervasive and unacknowledged/toleratedin our modern culture as male privilege and patronizing attitudes towardswomen. So, that's the symbolic rationale, complicated wisely in a number oftouches about female complicity from the script itself, which is loaded withfeminist detail:

It opens with banter about changing gender roles from Franks- "Who knows anymore? The whole world is co*ckeyed. Amy Vanderbilt is gone.People have turned against the automobile. And guys like me are taking ordersfrom women" - who ogles Myra as she exits. Hurlow automatically presumesmissing scientist Deckbar is a man until corrected. Deckbar chides Gwynneth fordressing in a revealing manner to "catch a man" and letting herselfbe exploited by fashion photographers. Gwynneth thinks her boyfriend is tryingto "fatten her up" to tank her career and make her financiallydependent on him, and sums up Myra, when Carl asks if she was "Involved inthe Feminist Movement" with "She has strong feelings about women'srole in society and how men relate to us." Tony's reductive logicalsyllogism: "All stories on sexy women sell." Deckbar thinks VeronicaMason (who we see as a cold, emasculating shrew off-camera) is being exploitedby her male producers, while being complicit in her own exploitation - but Myraalso feels marches and rallies don't change anything. Craig Temple (who statesto reporters that "women want to be treated like possessions") andhis staff recover easily from the loss of Mason, sizing up a number of potential"next" sex bombs from photos, like objects deployed to gain thebuying attention of men. Melinda, the only woman on Temple's staff, has heropinions tolerated but seems complicit in the objectification as well. Sadly,the most human and last bit is that Gwynneth realizes her friend needs hercompany, but she's got a date, promising to spend more time with her, sosolidarity is postponed.

Some Good Lines: (to door-blocking policeman) "Iremember you now - I saw you at the morgue. Slab number three" / (aspoliceman closes door in Carl's face) (sarcastic) "They really are lovelyencyclopedias. Won't you reconsider?" / "I'm a reporter... in thislife anyway. I can't imagine what I could have done in past lives to wind uplike this." / (threat from Hurlow) "You want to see a grown man cry,keep it up..." / (Carl) "I guess we should be candid, doctor..."(Myra) "I'll give you thirty seconds of candor before I call a securityguard"

Trivia: The INS offices were once cleared because of aphoned-in bomb threat, which Tony thinks Carl made to have an afternoon to goofoff ("very insulting" claims Carl).

Would it have made a good episode? Hard to say, as so muchof Kolchak relies on the quality of the acting and writing and here we only gethalf that. The script is 63 pages so something would have been cut-down orrelegated to voice-over (likely the Feminist Organization scene or thepsychiatrist bit). I like the fact that they worked a running joke from theshow - the noisy El Train - into a resonant episode detail. The ending iscertainly exciting (even if it feels a bit like the climax to "TheWerewolf"). I think a lot of it would come down to the monster effects -and a hairy, fright-wigged, wild-eyed, fanged woman in a pantsuit("understated elegance") brings to mind a weird compromise between"Primal Scream" and Steiglitz's "werewolf in a leisurejacket" - so, maybe not. But who knows. My bet would have been a mid-rangeepisode at best, near the level of "Mr. R.I.N.G." perhaps.

Stay tuned for an essay on Episode #22 of KOLCHAK: THE NIGHTSTALKER, "The Get Of Belial", from a second draft script!

(essay below)

KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER

Episode 22: "The Get Of Belial" (never filmed)

by Don Mullally (1st draft - January 3, 1975)

Threat: Rampaging Monster

Milieu: Miner's Strike / Appalachia Faith Healing

Police: Chief Rod Peoples

Witnesses/Experts: Police Chief Woodruff / The BlackshearFamily

Support: (RON) (to KOLCHAK over phone) "I have thenames, ages and occupations of the three victims... your description of thebodies which, parenthetically, our papers will not print" (CARL)"Write up anything you want to, Uptight... just don't make it sound likeit belongs on the financial page" / (CARL) "If he thinks I'm going todo his rewrite on that story... well!" / (CARL) (to MISS EMILY over phone)"I want you to dig through the morgue. The subject is mutilationmurders" (EMILY) "Carl... that's horrible!" (CARL) "I'mwith you, love. But do it, anyway." / (CARL) "whatever you do,sweetheart... don't say anything about this to Tony" (TONY - catching himon the line, livid) "Anything about what, Kolchak!?" (CARL, gasps,then solemnly) "We wanted to surprise you. Miss Emily's meeting me inMiami. We're getting married!" (hangs up) / (CARL) "Are you ready toaccept a living devil... Satan... the Prince of Darkness?" (TONY) "Ihave to Kolchak, I hired you, didn't I?" (Tony throws him out of office)

Synopsis: Carl is covering a coal miner's strike in WestVirginia when a bestial creature begins killing off random townsfolk in thesmall town, its appearance tied to the recent arrival of a small family oftransients, one of whom can heal people through her faith...

So, here we have a first draft of another potential episodenever-to-be. It's surprisingly solid for a first draft, but at 58 pages wouldstill need some tightening and cutting. While I have no doubt "WinshipCounty, West Virginia" would have been shot in the hilly area outside ofLos Angeles (which really doesn't look like Appalachia, but that never stoppedthem on other shows and TV movies) - this would have been the first "nonChicago" set story in a while ("A reporter has to travel" saidTony, oh so many episodes ago, before the budget went away)

We open on picketers outside the Associated Anthracitebuilding in our coal town (which is never named), with Kolchak working them forblurbs and getting an earful about Glenn Maynard, president of AA. Speak of thedevil, the guy himself drives up, only to have his car rocked and beaten onuntil the crowd is dispersed by the laconic, soft-spoken (but respected) ChiefRod Peoples. And Kolchak turns to the camera (yes, the script even includesthat direction) addressing us with a monologue about how the strike was gettingugly, but not as ugly as the town was going to get with the arrival of theBlackshear family (who come rolling past in their furniture loaded truck - youcan almost hear that electric hoe-down "The Black Bird" theme playingover the imagined opening credits) as we track the arriving clan drivingthrough to a nearby coal shanty town, where they set-up home in an abandonedschool. "Setting up home" for the Blackshears (father Henry, motherSarah, sons Richard & Tom) also means moving a big, mysterious cage(containing some kind of dangerous beast that Sarah can soothe - Henry refersto it as "your boy", which Sarah corrects to "our") intothe building's basem*nt.

Next, Glenn Maynard drives home to his mansion (in a town ofshanties) after a day of hard negotiating, only to be promptly attacked by alurking, glowing-eyed creature that leaps upon him, ripping out his throat andtearing him apart. And next morning, on bringing gruel to their"captive," the Blackshears find it missing and the padlock busted(Sarah says she had a dream last night of a vision from God). But then, thecreature returns (dressed in tattered clothes, it is described simply as hugeand deformed, with yellow fangs and glowing eyes - more on this later) andSarah is able to calm it and lead it back to the cage.

Meanwhile (11 minutes in), Carl is taking photos of the deadCoal President and pumping Chief Peoples for info, but he remains close-lipped(though mentioning that the damage to Maynard looks like it was done with apick - a mining tool). Maynard's widow, meanwhile, breaks down at the sight ofthe body, until she is calmed and soothed by Sarah Blackshear, who appears fromthe crowd...

...but the creature seems to react to this, escaping thecage and the brothers yet again, only to make its way to the local lover's lanewhere a man and woman (having a secret affair) are assaulted and killed in theisolated locale.

Carl phones his story in to Tony at INS (Ron fussilytranscribing and making snide comments on the other line). Carl emphasizes thedanger caused by the killing of Maynard ("You heard me, Tony, this town isa powder keg and some nut is playing with matches!") while Ron emphasizesthat Carl doesn't have much on the strike negotiations. Which, granted, is avalid point ("People up here want to know what a ton of coal is going tocost this winter" says Tony) and this is a solid scene, getting Ron'spersnicketiness and Tony's anger just right (Vincenzo ends the scene bythrowing a phone book at the wall!)

Kolchak loads up with food at the wake for one of theillicit lovers, overhearing the Chief graciously lie to the widow to preserveher husband's honor (very nicely done as well) and Carl compliments him (evenmore so when he finds out that the dead woman's husband is a paralytic from amine accident). Our reporter notes Sarah Blackshear bringing a gift of food tothe wake.

At a press conference, Chief People assures the reportersthat he's working on it, even as Carl floats the idea of the killings havingnothing to do with the strike. As the conference breaks, all the other otherreporters want to play poker while Carl pushes a little further with Peoples butgets nowhere.

Canvassing the picket line, Carl sees the Blackshear's sonsand attempts to interview them (noticing the one's claw marks from when he wasmoving the cage, narration noting they looked like the marks on the victim) butalso gets nowhere (while noticing that their truck plates are fromPennsylvania). After tracing that lead, Kolchak - in a rented car (nice detailas he wouldn't have driven from Chicago and one assumes INS foots the bill) -drives to Hamilton Pennsylvania (where the Blackshear truck was registered) andconfabs with the police chief there, who recognizes the style of killings(another nice dialogue note - Carl promises to "keep in touch" withthe Chief as he leaves) even as the Blackshear's old neighbors remember Sarahas a healing saint.

Another call to INS nets us a Miss Emily scene, as Carlgives her yet another job researching mutilation murders (ala "TheWerewolf") in Appalachia, until Tony catches him on the line (see"Support" above). Miss Emily comes across with the info, but theUnited Mine Workers Union office proves uncooperative with info on theBlackshear's history - even letting the brother know a reporter is nosingaround, so when Kolchak follows their truck to the abandoned school, he isambushed and knocked unconscious.

Recovering, Carl find the schoolhouse now empty again, andhe hits up Peoples with his suspicions but they are interrupted of report ofanother attack - a young boy savaged and in critical condition. On arriving,Kolchak sees Sarah arrive and heal the boy back to consciousness, even as themonster attacks yet again, further down the street, before retreating from ashotgun blast and nearly running Carl over. People's dismisses Carl's theoriesof a monster of some kind, as he's busy assembling bloodhounds and a huntingparty.

Carl, seeing the Blackshear truck that brought Sarah, jumpsinto the bed and hides as we see the creature, injured and chased through thewoods, hear the truck passing on a rural road and following it. The Blackshearsdrive to a closed coal mine facility where they have set up home in a tunnel,with the revelation that Sarah also receives the wounds the creature does(although this doesn't carry over at the ending, so may have just been amomentary inspiration on the scriptwriter's part), and Kolchak is caughtsnooping by Tom Blackshear.

Down in the first level shaft, we get some backstory - themonster is Sonny Blackshear, their youngest son. Sonny had started to change(more on this in a moment) and Sarah had begun healing people, when one night avoice from nowhere (which the family presumed was Satan - aka Belial) made anoffer that Sonny would return to normal if Sarah quit healing - but shewouldn't, seeing it as God's mission for her, so a monster he remained. But atthat moment the Chief and his hunting party have followed the monster to themine - where it enters, tussles with Carl (as the Blackshears bug out through aside tunnel) and he's finally able to trick it (after becoming enraptured withits mother's blanket) into falling down an open, vertical shaft. Peoples andCarl climb all the way to the bottom (a MILE, we are told!) only to find thebody of a beautiful young man dressed in rags.

Back at INS, Tony is angry that Carl missed the strikesettlement but Kolchak rejoinders that he was a mile underground chasing thereal story.

The "Get Of Belial" (Sonny is their youngestchild, so colloquially, their "get") is an interesting potentialepisode, if similar (in some ways) to "The Werewolf" (savage monster)and "Eve Of Terror" (savage monster, the "falling" ending).The idea that a religious woman will not give up faith-healing to save her sonfrom becoming a monster, and so spends all her time healing his victims, is nota bad one to build an episode around, and the different setting would haveadded some color (if they pulled it off well).

I note that when Tom Blackshear is holding Carl at gunpoint,Kolchak says "Then that is my gun you've got in my back" - whichwould be the only mention (besides the novelization of THE NIGHT STRANGLER and"The Werewolf") of Carl specifically packing heat.

Some good quotes (although much of the dialogue feels likeit needs another pass): (PEOPLES) "I know this thing bleeds when it'sshot. That's all I have to know." / (TOM BLACKSHEAR) "Don't tryanything funny!" (CARL, wryly) "You don't mean we couldn't use a goodlaugh?" / (PEOPLES) "What if you're wrong?" (CARL) "I losemy bet. (beat) What have you got to lose if I'm right?"

Why did Sonny turn into a monster in the first place? Thescript could be clearer (and probably would have been, on a few more passes)but it seems like it was all a plot of Satanic corruption by a/the Devil - hestarts Sonny changing, then offers to fix those changes if Sarah doesn'tpractice her divine gifts. Not bad, as a moral lesson (which is not a commonthing on the show). It should be noted that Sonny's monstrous form is nevercompletely described in any detail (just that he's hairy and deformed, hasglowing eyes and fangs), although this strikes me as more of a budgetary choice- just makes his actions monstrous and give us the general idea, andmakeup/effects will deal with it at the time.

I also note that the script is missing any finalization ofthe fate of the Blackshears, who just escape through a tunnel and disappear -it would have been interesting to know if Sarah suddenly died from beingcrushed to death, as Sonny hit bottom.

"The Get Of Belial" could have used some more workand tightening (I could see them moving the "creature returns home"scene to after the second killings, and maybe dropping the first INS scene) butstrikes me, again, as a solid if somewhat atypical episode (I feel like itwould have looked more like an ABC made-for-TV movie of the time, likeCROWHAVEN FARM). Presuming everything went as usual, it might have placedaround "The Trevi Collection" or "The Sentry" in my rankingof overall quality (right on the cusp between the solid middle and the weakerlower episodes).

Next up, a very rough first draft of "TheExecutioners"!

Here's "The Executioners"

KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER

Episode 23: "The Executioners" (never filmed)

by Max Hodge (1st draft, undated)

Threat: Spectral Curse

Milieu: Art World

Police: Capt. Warren (barely)

Witnesses/Experts: unnamed bar patron / Harold Sohrbeck /Beatrice Mae Jessee / Emil Vanderbeck

Support: (TONY) "Ballet, Carl! B-A-L-L-lay! You willcover ballet - and ONLY ballet - even if it means wearing a tutu and toeshoes...dig?" (CARL) "Luckily my legs are nice. I suppose I couldshave them."

Synopsis: The city of Chicago undergoes a rash of nightly(!) triple murders (poisonings, hangings, decapitations), that Kolchakaccidentally ties to an old and mysterious painting making its debut at a localart museum.

So we arrive at the end of the end, the very lastun-produced script (that I'm aware of, at least) for KOLCHAK: THE NIGHTSTALKER. While a complete script, much like the previous ones it could use sometightening and dialogue work (59 pages - so there would have been some cutting)but it is in rougher shape (as will become obvious almost immediately) with afew technical mistakes, a scene that doesn't work, and details usually verbotenfrom the show. But we'll get into all that as we go and in the wrap up.

We open on the shadow of a figure decapitating a sleepingman with an axe, which then cuts to Kolchak's bedroom (yup! - see wrap-up) andhis awakening in fright and, between sips of bourbon, narrating the story tohis tape recorder/us.

It's August in Chicago and the city is abuzz with 6 murdersin two nights, 3 each in a distinctive pattern (a poisoning, a decapitation anda hanging). In a cheap neighborhood Northside bar (Paul's Place), the crowdwatches the news broadcast as a couple flirts, unaware of a mysterious,limping, rain-coated figure who poisons the woman's drink before leaving. Wethen cut to a body hanging from a fire escape by a noose, before cutting againto a women's dressmaker shop where Roger works on the shop display windowmannequins before he's decapitated by a figure wielding a headman's axe (nicebit of figurative violence here as a head - the mannequin's - rolls into cameraframe). I imagine this is where they would have run titles.

Kolchak shows up at Paul's Place (which he claims is in hisneighborhood, so he lives on Chicago's North side) where the woman is dead onthe floor and the man is being questioned. Quick cut to Capt. Warren's pressconference (haven't seen him since "The Ripper" and this is his onlyscene, so I imagine they could have rotated in any actor and renamed theauthority figure) where he tries to pass off the hanging as a suicide and thepoisoning as "cheap alcohol" but the reporters, Carl foremost, aren'tbuying it. Warren maintains, unconvincingly, that these deaths are not part ofthe pattern because no decapitated victim has been found - until he receives aphone call mid-conference about exactly that.

We cut to the dressmaker's shop (no Kolchak) where policeinterview Harold Sohrbeck, Roger's assistant, who arrived late and found thebody. I know I may sound redundant after my notes from "Eve OfTerror," but Hodge seems to work here at intimating that these two (deadand alive) men are gay. Roger is described in the script as "fussy",and Harold calls him a "peace-loving Pisces" before the detectiveasks if Roger was into "rough trade", which Harold emphaticallydenies before composing himself and acting as if he doesn't understand thequestion.

At the INS offices, Tony is giving Carl the choice of doingobituaries, ballet or the art museum (Ron has been assigned the Football beat,which Carl finds absurd) - as Tony wants to cover the series of murders himself(they are a big story, possible Pulitzer material). Sadly, nothing ever comesof this story thread in the episode (just like in a previous story where Tonywas going to cover the story himself). After desperately pitching adeliberately overripe and poetic intro to the murder story, Kolchak picks theArt Museum opening gig (which Ron finds absurd). Carl claims it is not absurdas he is sleeping with an art student at the moment (Yup, again, see comments).

Next, we meet Carl's girlfriend (he's having a"meaningful relationship" with her), the untalented art studentBeatrice Mae Jessee, when he visits her at the Pop Art Institute. She'spainting a nude female model (posed with a noose around her neck!) when Kolchakcomes to collect her to tap her expertise for the visit to the gallery show. Sowe're off to the Becker Museum of Art (an 1880s mansion) for the"Renaissance Art - Certified and Uncertified" exhibit. Beatrice isunimpressed ("art should be impressionistic, not realistic" - towhich Carl claims he "flunked finger-painting in kindergarten") butthey are both taken aback by a life-sized oil painting of three shadowy andsinister figures under a lamp: a Headsman, A Hangman and a monk-like Poisoner(with vial), done in the style of Rembrandt and titled "TheExecutioners".

They both agree that it has to be a coincidence (which Iliked - that the script acknowledged, instead of not having them make theconnection) but there's no info in the brochure about the piece. Now we meetEmil Vanderbeck, the curator (described in the script as "Vincent price ora dead ringer" - given that Price was making TV appearances around thistime - THE BRADY BUNCH, THE MUPPET SHOW - it's not impossible he could havebeen cast!) who explains that the painting arrived too late to make it into thebrochure, and was an anonymous donation. Kolchak passes himself off as INS' artcritic and floats the idea of it being a previously unknown Rembrandt, butVanderbeck says that while they've tested the paint and it's 300 years old(which will contradict details later uncovered, but we'll ignore that), thework is unsigned so he can't vouch for its origins, which is kind of the themeof the show ("Certified and Uncertified", which means some may beforgeries).

That night, in the museum itself, the night watchman isattacked and hanged from the balcony railing by the Hangman figure. So nextday, we're up to 4 nights and 12 total murders (!) as Kolchak plots them on amap with pins and Tony wants a rewrite on the museum piece (which Carl pointsout should go out hot, as it was written about the site of the murder justhours before it happened!). Then Carl makes yet another pitch that he should becovering the murders, grandly claiming that he was fated to write it (andclaiming dubious coincidences like visiting the museum the day before, parkingnear the dressmakers a week ago, and that his cousin Lucille's boyfriend oncelived in the hotel where a poisoning victim was found - I point this outbecause Hodge seems to feel a good comedy prop to lean Kolchak on is that hegoes "over the top" in his claims at times, so I imagine Carl islying and doesn't have a cousin named Lucille) but Tony ain't buying it.

The museum is closed because of the murders but Kolchaksweet talks his way in using the rewrite as an excuse, asking Vanderbeck toread his article and give him some critique, while he excuses himself ("itmakes me nervous to watch anybody read my copy") and reexamines thepainting, finding flecks of red on the painted blade of the axe (which he getssamples of) and discerns a deliberately hidden partial signature. At the policelab, the flecks of red prove to be real blood (later confirmed as coming fromthe recent decapitation victim - this turns into a tiresome, extended back andforth bit with the Police lab tech guy who, in Gordy the Ghoul manner, wantsre-compensation for his services - in this case football tickets, which Carl hasto threaten Updyke for, just like in "They Have Been, They Are, They WillBe"!, but he can only get two, so he also offers the Police Tech - I kidyou not! - the contact number for a "well-known hooker" and thepromise of a "substantially reduced rate"!!).

Kolchak swings by the Pop Art Institute (now featuring anude male model in baseball cap, holding a bat) for Beatrice and they travel toPaul's Place for sandwiches and martinis (with some narration commentary on howcrowds are always morbidly attracted to places of violence after the fact),where the art student identifies the partial, stylized signature as that ofHenri Boetje, a notorious, 19th century Belgian painter who may have studiedunder Rembrandt but is most famous for being rumored to have murdered a dozenpeople in 1879, mixing their ashes and blood into his paint. This sceneculminates humorously as Carl rushes out to follow a lead from a phone call(which he made with someone else's dime by commandeering the line), stickingBeatrice with the bill - "Forget that creep, lady!" says the guy atthe next table, the one who lost his call to Carl.

Kolchak revisits the dress shop to get a blood sample of thedecapitation victim (I told you, Hodge really spins this detail out,unnecessarily), but it's closed so he "breaks and enters" and obtainsthe sample, only to nearly be gunned down by a security guard wielding amachine gun (again, I kid you not! More on this silly scene at the end). Cuecommercial break. Next, Carl is being patched up (a shoulder wound) and thecolorful, wanabee-gangster security guard is being interviewed, and then it'soff to jail for Carl (!), where he ends up being bailed out by Vincenzo.

Back at INS, Tony demands that Kolchak write only the balletbeat now (nice little detail, Tony quotes classic OTR comedy "Fibber McGee& Molly" - "Not funny, McGee" to Kolchak's quippy response).I've condensed the Police lab tech stuff already, so let's say we're back tothe Museum where Vanderbeck catches Carl trying to scrape a better view at thesignature, as he now knows it's directly connected to the deaths. IDing thepainter as Boetje causes Vanderbeck to confess that he's the source of thepainting, which he inherited as Boetje's only surviving relative and which hasbeen in storage for almost a hundred years. The curator seems distressed andmentally unwell as Carl leaves him...

Kolchak pays a student to research Boetje, and findsconfirmation of the Belgian murders in 1879. Back at INS he theorizes thatVanderbeck may be committing the murders but getting his photos for the museumpiece (Tony mentions that Monique developed them), he suddenly rushes out tomeet Beatrice at Paul's Place, showing her the photos from their first visitand his later solo visit and confirming that she sees the difference as well -the hangman's hands have slightly moved and his noose is now shorter. Carl runsout, sticking her with the check again.

Arriving at the Becker museum at night, he sees a shadowyfigure emerge and trails it to a nearby apartment building, following it to awoman's apartment where he confronts the Headsman as it attacks a woman in herbedroom with its axe (shades of "The Knightly Murders"!). Carl isable to dodge the sinister figure and trick it into falling out a window, fivestories to the ground but rushing down, he sees only an enormous paint splatter(and a paint spattered old lady and her dog nearby) on the sidewalk.

Back at the museum, Carl finds Vanderbeck poisoned to death(Carl assumes by his own hand, although there's no reason to think it wasn'tthe Monk from the painting). Going to view the canvas, he is surprised - thepainting now only shows the Poisoner figure standing under the lamp, theHangman is missing entirely and the Headsman is now just a smear of paint. Justthen, in a repeat of the earlier night watchman scene, the Hangman ropesKolchak with his noose, from the balcony. Our reporter struggles, trying to cutthe hemp with his penknife but no luck, finally succeeding in yanking theHangman off the balcony, where he falls, impaled, onto a suit of armor, thendissolves into paint (the painting showing a smear in the empty spot where hestood).

Carl approaches the canvas with his penknife, stabbing theimage of the Monk figure, who bleeds paint and dissolves into a smear as well.He continues to stab the painting, pulling it onto the ground, until (in a verycool touch) the lamp in the painting explodes into flames, torching the canvasand spreading to the rest of the museum. Kolchak flees (dragging outVanderbeck's body, I note) as the museum burns down.

We close at INS, where Carl tells us that the woman herescued from the Headsman now believes the whole thing was a nightmare (anightmare that broke her window and hacked up all of her bedroom furniture?)and Beatrice visits Carl with a present - the painting of the nude baseballplayer, which Carl says he would rather be the painting of the nude woman withthe noose!

"The Executioners" holds a funny place in KOLCHAKhistory - it is often not mentioned when the subject of the un-filmed scriptscome up, or misremembered (one of the commentators in the bluray set refers tothe threat as "living wax figures"). In part, this may be because ithas less circulation - my copy from the 1980s has a number of lines faded andnear unreadable. It's a shame because, of the three scripts, I honestly thinkit had the potential to be a standout, creepy episode - with a lot of work, thatis. There are all kinds of things wrong with the details of the script, almostlike Hodge finished it just before learning the show wouldn't be continuing (sowhy clean it up?) - minor technical mistakes that would have been ironed out(the Police Lab tech is initially named Scott Boyer when introduced, thenimmediately becomes Casey Smith, the "Headsman in the woman'sbedroom" scene changes from night to day and back to night), minor detailsthat don't jibe with the set approach of the show (opening in Carl's bedroom,making Paul's Place his local bar), obscure references (I had to look up"W.C.T.U."er - Woman's Christian Temperance Union - probably wouldhave just been easier to say AA, although they may not have been as establishedback then), and tonal discordance (the "hooker" bit - I could seethat being reworded to a gentler "notorious lady of the evening of somerepute").

More jarring are two aspects. Carl having a girlfriend inBeatrice is not strange, but does violate the "all work, all the time, nowomen" ethos the show set for the character. Honestly, I don't know how itmight have been changed unless she's just an old friend in town (but shedoesn't seem old enough to be an "old friend"). And, as I said, thatmachine-gunning scene, which just reads as over the top and silly - I know whyit's there (to give us a bit of threat for Carl as we go to commercial break atthe end of the second act) and, honestly, there isn't really a way to HAVE theepisode's real threat show up (as they seem to operate totally at random, andthere would be no way for Carl to survive an attack this early except todispatch one - perhaps the Headsman's dispatch scene could have taken the placeof this, but why would it be back at the dressmaker's?) so maybe the only way offixing it would have been to go to commercial with Carl having a gun in hisback, then revealed to be the security guard after the break. Either that orcome up with something else entirely, because really the only reason to go backto the dressmaker's is for the blood sample, and that bit is needlessly paddedalready.

Some good quotes, if in need of some tightening:

(CARL, hamming it up, to pitch the assignment) "Thereare seven million people out there in this city - from Winnetka to Whiting -Lincoln Park to Oak Park - and every one of them is thinking only one thought:where will the murderer or murderers strike next? Will I be the next victim?Someone in my family near and dear to me? Can't you just see it out there?Little children - before they went to bed last night - saying their prayers -(looking skyward) - 'Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul tokeep, if I should die...' (pausing dramatically) If-I-should-die... a littleprayer they've said every night- but now it takes on new meaning. Newdimension. If-I-should-die? But how? Ahhh, THAT is the question. How? Beheaded?Hanged? Poisoned? How many finished their prayers last night? How manyterrified tiny tykes managed to get beyond that phrase - if I should die beforeI wake... (KOLCHAK takes a Hamlet soliloquy-ending stance)" - I can seeSimon Oakland rolling his eyes as I read it! / (CARL to RON) "I slept nextto an art student once - all night. Well - I didn't exactly sleep. Neither didshe" / (CARL narrating) "Becker Museum of Art was on a backstreet onthe near North side. It was one of the few buildings Mrs. O'Leary's cow failedto kick over during the big fire" / (CARL) "Don't ask me why Ithought it was important to save a dead body. Maybe because it was the only legitimatedead body in the place I could scoop up and save without stuffing it into anoil paint tube" / (BEATRICE) (re: nude baseball player painting) "Youcan hang him over your bed!" (CARL) "I don't want him over my bed!Suppose - in the middle of the night - he'd decide to crack me with hisbat?" (BEATRICE) "That is stupid, Carl Kolchak. Stupid, stupid,stupid!"

There's a lot to like in "The Executioners",though. I like how once again the episode's "ghosts" (in the mannerof "Chopper" and "The Knightly Murders") are tactile,physical threats. The figures themselves, mute and stalking, offer someopportunity for creepiness (which the script doesn't exploit nearly as much asit could). The story is a bit too busy and needs to be condensed, with a lot ofthe fat trimmed, but I think it would have made for a memorable episode(especially with Vincent Price as Vanderbeck!) possibly slotting between themiddle tier and top tier episodes.

And that's ALMOST it folks. I'll be back with "NEVERWERES AND COULD HAVE BEENS", a final essay where I talk about the show's"never happened" second season - all 23 episodes!

NEVER WAS AND COULD-HAVE-BEENS: A Final Essay

So, to finish up this long form series of essays about theseries, I thought I'd have a little fun with some thoughts engendered by therecent Bluray commentaries, as well as others that have been rattling around myhead for years.

But before that, I'd like to thank everyone that read allthis (and we'll see whose been actually reading these.... because you get abonus at the end!) - these essays are part of a longer indulgence of mine, atrawl through the media I loved as a kid . It was all kicked off by theunexpected cancer death of my older sister in 2010, which made me look back onall the things I owed her - and Kolchak was part of that (she even wrote apiece of Kolchak fan fic back in the 1980s). And, while I re-watch the seriesreligiously at least once a year, I thought I owed it a rigorousre-examination, which have been these essays.

Listening to the bluray commentaries, I started wonderingjust what the show would have been like if it had been what McGavin actuallywanted. Not monster-of-the-week, I imagine (maybe "monster of theseason"?) - which likely means it would never have happened, becausehonestly you can't blame the studio for wanting the formula they went with -McGavin's Kolchak (and his humorous chemistry with Oakland) may have been thedraw - but I'm not sure it would have been enough to bring in the viewers.Still, what was he imagining? After much thought, I guess it would have beensomething like THE ROCKFORD FILES crossed with LOU GRANT, a journalism dramedywith hints of a FLETCH-like tone. But, all that is now a "NeverWas"...

So, we're left with the idea of "Could Have Been"- what could a second season of KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER have been like? Iknow we all have our ideas, and fun theories, but for this exercise into deepimagination and conception I thought I'd set a few ground rules up front.Essentially, I decided that I needed to reign in some flights of fancy (forexample: monsters are easy to throw out there, but a bit harder to build NIGHTSTALKER-styled stories around) so here's what I thought.

First off, let's conceive of the second season as very muchlike the first (the initial idea being that ratings were good enough to warranta second season, but maybe not fantastic, so it stays the same and doesn'tchange much): same budget, same approach (a mix of horror/comedy andcomedy/horror, guest stars, authority figure of the week), same lack of directconnection to the tele-films (so no Gail appearance, sorry folks), a littletraveling outside of The Windy City (but not much). And, of course,Monster-Of-The-Week (so no "Big Bad" and explanation for "whyChicago?" - which people always seem to want but which violates my conceptof the formula of the show) and even the same somewhat uneven effects. Nogirlfriend, no family, no apartment, etc. etc. 23 episodes to match the 20episodes and the 3 scripts of the previous season.

Yes, since this is my fantasy, we would see the usualsreturn: Tony, Emily, Ron, Monique, Gordy (and maybe even some more appearancesfrom Gordy stand-ins like laid-back Lester and beautician-in-training Neil,just to keep things changed-up), as well as some favorite one-offs like SwedeBrytowski, Kaz, Paula Griffin, Rosalind Winters and the Monk, when appropriate- I'll note them where I see them fitting. Also, by a second season we shouldhave some Police authority figures returning, so it would have been nice to see"Mad Dog" Cisca come back a few times, as well as a 'frenemy'relationship build between Carl and Irene Lamont, and I would have reallyenjoyed some more Vernon Rausch! The only "previously hadn'tappeared" character I might like to see would have been Abe "TheSmiling Cobra" Marmelstein himself (could have led to some nice bits ofcomedy with Monique) maybe showing up because of budget issues with INS("HOW many times has Carl's bail been paid!?!").

Now, given the above, I set the following 5strictures/thought experiments: PREVIOUSLY ANNOUNCED, UNIVERSAL MONSTERS,ANOTHER BITE AT THE THROAT, FORMULA and TERROR TENOR OF THE TIMES.

PREVIOUSLY ANNOUNCED: I figured I should include thestories/monsters that have been rumored to have been considered. I could onlyremember four of them, so I might be forgetting something.

UNIVERSAL MONSTERS: This was just the result of a thoughtexperiment I ran, comparing the show to the classic Universal Monster Movieline up. Most of the major slots are filled - Skorzeney & Rawlins gives usour Dracula/Vampire, Steiglitz gives us a Wolf-Man/Werewolf, Mr. R.I.N.G. givesus a version of Frankenstein's Monster, Nanautzin is our Mummy, The Sentrykinda fills the Creature From The Black Lagoon slot (as a humanoid lizard man)and Myra Decker is our Jekyll/Hyde analog. Our Phantom of The Opera is,arguably, Dr. Malcolm Richards/Richard Malcolm and if that doesn't work for youthere's another one coming in PREVIOUSLY ANNOUNCED. So, that's really only leftone more - see below.

ANOTHER BITE AT THE THROAT: The idea here was that the showmight return to an already-used monster or two (as creatures were getting thinon the ground). In this case, I went for variations of the Vampire and theWerewolf (see below).

FORMULA: I thought it might be fun to be so strict as todeliberately include a few budget saving "Invisible Threat" episodes,ala season one - luckily, one ties into UNIVERSAL MONSTERS so that made iteasier.

TERROR TENOR OF THE TIMES: I mean two things by this. Onewas to look to 1970s made-for-TV horror films as inspiration (I'll call themout in the specific write ups) - not so much theater films, but the made-for-TVstuff. Secondly, I felt it was important to not just throw a bunch of monstersand creatures into the ring without doing what the show did so well - tyingmost suggestions to a 1970s milieu, fad, event or movement that rounded-out thestory and placed the creature into some context.

And so, with all that said, here we go....

SHAWN GARRETT'S TOTALLY SPURIOUS, PIE-IN-THE-SKY FANSERVICE, THEORETICAL SECOND SEASON OF KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER (in noparticular order)

Episode 1: "The Phantom Of Hollywood" (UNIVERSALMONSTERS/PREVIOUSLY ANNOUNCED) (Fiend) - there was talk of a cheap-to-film,Universal backlot "bottle episode" utilizing the old Phantom Of TheOpera set, so I imagine this as a lurking killer in Hollywood, murderingexecutives and stars tied to a remake of a classic film. Maybe we could havePaula Griffin (she was a movie buff) appear, and cameos from Matteo and FayeKruger!

Episode 2: "Death From The Skies" (PREVIOUSLYANNOUNCED) (Rampaging Creature) - there was talk of utilizing the "Piasibird" in a story (rumored to have been "more political"...whatever that means) - a cryptozooloical creature found in a large rockpainting near a river in Ohio (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piasa). No ideaHOW they would have pulled off a flying monster/Thunderbird type threat ontheir budget.

Episode 3: "The Bigfoot" (PREVIOUSLYANNOUNCED/TERROR TENOR OF THE TIMES) (Rampaging Creature) - supposedly aSasquatch episode was planned (though Sasquatch are, reportedly, not aggressiveor violent), which I imagine set in the Pacific Northwest, maybe involving aloggers strike (so, like GET OF BELIAL) and an injured creature or something.

Episode 4: "Stone Cold Dead" (PREVIOUSLYANNOUNCED/TERROR TENOR OF THE TIMES) (Fiend) - again, supposedly there was aMedusa episode in the works. This offers a lot of interesting possibilities - Iimagine a broadcast news setting, allowing us the return of Swede Brytowski,and Kaz (for the Greek mythology background - would be nice if Medusa mentionedHelene Certes to Carl) with Medusa - as a "Fiend" type in myclassification - working as a rising newsreader, wearing some wig and neckalways wrapped (to hide the stitches where her head was sewn back on!),knocking off rivals (NOT always turning them to stone - yu have to be cunning)towards her ultimate goal of a coast-to-coast show where she will turn theentire viewership to stone! It also has some interesting problems - effects forthe snakes (Hammer films couldn't affordably solve them a decade before intheir THE GORGON, and the show doesn't have the budget for a RayHarryhausen/Clash of the Titans stop-motion approach) and how do you solve aclimax that doesn't just recapitulate the end of "The Youth Killer"and "Bad Medicine" - but I can't see Carl decapitating a femalemonster, either. Still, might be fun in a "Broadcast News/Network"way, maybe with a Ted Baxter type character to play off Swede!

Episode 5: "Transparent Terror" (UNIVERSALMONSTERS/FORMULA) (Invisible Force) - Unauthorized experiments on prisonerslead to a psychotic female strangler being turned invisible, killing some ofthe staff and sending the place into lockdown while Carl is there for anunrelated story. Can Kolchak convince the Warden of what he thinks has happenedbefore the prison comes out of lockdown and the killer can just waltz out? So,here we'd get an Invisible (Wo)man and a budget saving "invisiblethreat" - which also allows for another non-supernatural, "weirdscience" menace.

Episode 6: "Campus Creeper" (ANOTHER BITE AT THETHROAT/TERROR TENOR OF THE TIMES) (Rampaging Monster / Fiend) Rosalind Wintersreturns to aid Kolchak in investigating murders on a campus, being caused by aforeign female professor who transforms into a panther when aroused. Here we'dget another were-creature, but female and part of the "Cat People"tradition (also, see the made-for-tv movie THE CAT CREATURE).

Episode 7: "Rage In The Ghetto" (ANOTHER BITE ATTHE THROAT/TERROR TENOR OF THE TIMES) (Rampaging Monster) - a Black Panthergroup and members of a White Power Klan are having members killed off by abetrayed Black Power member who has returned as a vampire. This works inanother vampire episode, this time with a BLACULA resonance, as well as a 70spolitical theme and a bit of "Chopper" feel. Would have to rememberthat the vampires in Kolchak are always portrayed as very feral.

Episode 8: "Breaker" (TERROR TENOR OF THE TIMES)(Spectral Curse) - in a tribute to "Duel" and the C.B. Radio craze ofthe 70s, a demonic 18-wheeler kills off drivers on the highways south ofChicago, even as demonic C.B. radio messages are sent with eerie voices andwarnings! Can Kolchak defuse the deadly trucker in time? An homage to DUEL,SMOKEY & THE BANDIT, BJ & THE BEAR, and TV movies like DEATH CAR ON THEFREEWAY and all those smash-em-up movies of the 70s (probably beyond the show'sbudget, so lots of stock footage).

Episode 9: "Disco Inferno" (TERROR TENOR OF THETIMES) (Spectral Curse) - a chic Chicago disco suffers multiple deaths of patrons,which seem to be tied to its dance-floor (I'll admit, I'm playing this one alittle close to the vest because after I conceived it, I had a flood of idesthat made me want to write it as a full novella, so we'll see....)

Episode 10: "Deadly Heights" (TERROR TENOR OF THETIMES/FORMULA) (Invisible Force): An office/apartment building begins toexperience deaths which Carl first attributes to accidents, then a haunting,but the truth is that the artificial intelligence that runs the building'ssystems has turned against humanity. An opportunity for another "WeirdScience"/Invisible Force episode, as well as wrong-footing our reporterfrom the start, with homages to THE DEATH OF OCEAN VIEW PARK, disaster filmsand DEMON SEED. Could end in a full blackout of Chicago (for another 1970sreference).

Episode 11: "The Taking of Flight 511" (TERRORTENOR OF THE TIMES) (Rampaging Creatures) - Carl, in transit back from anotherstory, is on a skyjacked jet that not only has to contend with the terrorists,but Harpies (or Gremlins?) attempting to disassemble the jet in flight. Again,possibly another Swede Brytowski appearance - as the TV liaison (the terroristswant publicity, you see) between the skyjackers/Carl and authorities. A bit ofa "bottle" episode, as almost all of it is on sets.

Episode 12: "Nightmare In Wax" (Spectral Curse) -Figures in a wax museum inexplicably come alive and begin committing the crimesof their models. Possibly a "bottle show" (maybe trapped in themuseum?) - plays off the mannequins of "The Trevi Collection" as wellas having multiple monsters easily dispatched, even as they turn their victimsinto wax models (or coat them in wax?).

Episode 13: "Hate Couture" (TERROR TENOR OF THETIMES) (Spectral Curse) - I tried to conceive of a "cursed object"story and ripped off Cornell Woolrich's "I'm Dangerous Tonight" shortstory (made into a mediocre tv-movie with Anthony Perkins, iirc) about asatanically cursed dress that turns whoever wears it into a killer.

Episode 14: "Me Two" (TERROR TENOR OF THE TIMES)(Fiend) - one of my more vague story ideas that somehow would involve the very1970s vogue for Cloning (PARTS: THE CLONUS HORROR, TV Movie THE CLONE MASTER,EMBRYO), although I'm not sure how (maybe killer clones or cloned organs turntheir recipients homicidal)?

Episode 15: "Meateater" (TERROR TENOR OF THETIMES) (Rampaging Monster) - Kolchak reports on a Native American land rightsdispute in Maine, while the cannibalistic curse of the Wendigo rages throughthe tribe. Again, 1970s political events tied into folkloric creature.

Episode 16: "Alpha Omega" (TERROR TENOR OF THETIMES) (Spectral Curse) - using Jim Jones's Guyana cult (not to mentionManson's Family) as a springboard, members of a cult who fled before the masssuicide are being hunted down by the hypnotic ghost of the charismatic butbloodthirsty leader.

Episode 17: "Grotesque" (TERROR TENOR OF THETIMES) (Rampaging Monster) - another fairly vague idea, maybe set in theSouthwest, it would just be a KOLCHAK tribute to the wonderful made-for-TV filmGARGOYLES, with varied lizard-like creatures stalking people in a remote townafter a mine is reopened.

Episode 18: "Fogbound" (TERROR TENOR OF THE TIMES)(Rampaging Monster) - Pacific Northwest or New England - pollution leaks havecaused the spontaneous generation of savage fish-men who begin killing theresidents in a small, coastal fishing town. Kind of a tribute to Lovecraft'sInnsmouth and HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP.

Episode 19: "Creeps By Night" (TERROR TENOR OF THETIMES) (Rampaging Monsters) - Kolchak attends a journalism conference beingheld at an old hotel, which is plagued by an infestation of deadly imps thatbegin bumping off the attendees - none of whom take his suspicions seriously. Isee this as a tribute to one of my favorite made-for-tv movies of the era,DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK, maybe with Rosalind Winters re-appearing as well.

Episode 20: "Prime Cuts" (TERROR TENOR OF THETIMES) (Invisible Force) - In Montana, Kolchak competes with TV new crews tocover a wave of cattle mutilations and lights in the sky, with mutilations theninexplicably happening to ranchers. 1970s cattle mutilations stories combinedwith some more TV news stuff (perhaps another opportunity for Swede Brytowski?)- not sure whether we'd be talking aliens, luminescent sky monsters, or theGovernment itself as the payoff.

also, three unfilmed scripts

Episode 21: "Blank Generation" (TERROR TENOR OFTHE TIMES) (Spectral Curse) - something tied into the Punk Rock music scene(one of the Moonstone anthologies had a possible version of this). Don't havemore than that.

Episode 22: "Possessor" (TERROR TENOR OF THETIMES) (Fiend or Spectral Curse) - no idea of details but I'm imaginingsomething that references THE EXORCIST, THE OMEN and tv movies like GOOD VS.EVIL, SATAN'S SCHOOL FOR GIRLS, and LOOK WHAT HAPPENED TO ROSEMARY'S BABY. Whoknows - no one ever wrote it and no one ever will!

Episode 23: wild card - YOUR episode! YOU get to decide. Thefinal episode - Kolchak wins the lottery, gets the acclaim he deserves andfinds Gail? Done! Kolchak gets offed by a monster or signs on with theGovernment? Done! Skorzeney returns? Done! Whatever you want - it ain't evergonna happen so the skies are the limit!

And a word on the actual future....

KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER obviously has enough of a cultfollowing, fondly remembered by so many, and such an influence on more popularshows like X-FILES and SUPERNATURAL that bringing it back will likely ALWAYScome up as a possibility. And yet, I imagine like many that we feel McGavin wasthe soul of the character and irreplaceable (much as I feel that I really don'tever want to see anyone other than Jack Webb, Patrick Macnee or PatrickMcGoohan play Joe Friday, John Steed or Number 6, respectively - although inreference that last one, the guy voicing the character in the recent Big Finishaudio series is a pretty damn amazing McGoohan voice clone!). I've alreadyposted my feelings that William H. Macy or possibly Steve Buscemi are mychoices for a new Kolchak, if there had to be one.

So let's instead talk about what a return of KOLCHAK: THENIGHT STALKER might be like. If they were to go with a straight remake, itwould certainly have to be set in the original era, not only because journalismhas changed so much (and journalistic concerns of the time underlay thecharacter), but because it's often forgotten that Carl's character is in manyways 20-odd years out of date with the 1970s already.

Or perhaps it might be better to imagine something set incurrent times, following a 48 year old man, a scrappy journalist rebel, raisedby a single mom who, on her death bed, shares her story of being run out of LasVegas by the government in her youth, pregnant with the child of the man sheloved, the man she could never contact again until he, to, was dying and whoselifetime of unpublished cases she now leaves to his son. Maybe something likethat...

And so, that's where we leave it. I dedicate this series ofessays to the great actor Darren McGavin and Carl Kolchak, my boyhood hero.

Thanks for reading and always remember to tell yourself,wherever you may be, how great it was for all of us... that it could happenhere.

-30-

Not by Shawn but a few reviews of the reboot:

So my watching of the 2005 reboot continues. Episode 5,“Malum” was yet another creepfest in this Night Stalker series. A young boy ishiding a secret, one of what appears to be abuse and of evil . But is it theboy’s father who is evil, or the boy?

This episode really freaked me out. Loved the unexpectedtwist. It’s dark. Real dark. Even the ending is left open. You’re left towonder if the evil force was destroyed, or did it just move on? Horror legendTony Todd does a good job as a detective trying to get the facts. The two kidactors featured are superb.

Then we get the two parter “show mythology” episodes.

Let me say right now, I’m not a huge fan of the “show mythology” that NightStalker seems to have employed. Much like the X-Files episodes that strayedinto the background Or overarching premise, “ the show mythology”(the whole“Cigarette smoking man”/ alien infiltration stuff)it feels like the showrunners are making it up as they go along. It’a a shame because all of theactors in the “The Source” and “The Sea” are really giving it their all. I meanit’s an entertaining two parter in it’s own way. We get to learn a little moreabout Carl, Tony Vincenzo really comes to the plate and is involved heavily inthe story. The creepy ass bikers that show up and murder folks yet bulletsdon’t even make a mark on them… I’mguessing this was meant to be expanded upon but the show never got the chance.

Episode 8 “Into the Night” has another twist on the vampire,this one needing to completely drain all bodily fluids from the bodies of hisvictims. There’s a pseudo scientific explanation given for his condition, butwith this show you never know. In the end we don’t get closure. Much like theearlier “Malum” we get an open ending, this time with the killer escaping,perhaps to return? We’ll never know.

Overall I REALLY like this show. It’s Kolchak without BEINGKolchak as we know it, a Kolchak for a different era. The actors are great,there ‘s real chemistry with the leads…we don’t get the INS crew’s funny asidesand banter, but to its credit this show isn’t trying to imitate its predecessorand that’s actually a really good thing to me. It’s darker in tone and in tunewith the time it is set. I almost feel one day someone will be heavilydissecting this the way we do the McGavin show, that somewhere there’s a groupof kids of the 90s who maybe caught this show as teens and they’ll be nostalgicfor it.

As I’ve said before, I am surprised at how heavily I aminvested in this almost 20 year old show that much like the original, wasn’tgiven time to really breathe. I’m feeling down there’s only TWO more episodesleft!!

So my first time watching the 2005 reboot continues. 4episodes in and I am highly invested. Liked how The Burning Man (ep 4) had nosupernatural elements. Kind of like what Darren McGavin wanted with episodes ofKolchak (Mr. R.I.N.G. or Primal Scream notwithstanding). Every episode has beensuitably creepy and Stuart Townsend is quite compelling as Kolchak in my mind.Different from McGavin in every way of course. It’s like I explained to mywife. Back in 1974 it was quite common to find shows whose leads were older. DoI think a man in his 50s would’ve pulled the 2005 show through? I guess itdepends. A lot of TV shows were skewing younger then, aside from say your Lawand Orders and the like. This show is more the bastard brother of Supernaturalwith some Night Stalker thrown in.

A few quibbles: how the Hell do Carl and Perri afford theirluxurious digs on reporter salaries? Carl’s place with that incredible viewmust command quite a penny.

-I don’t mind the X-Files skeptic/believer stance of Perriand Carl, but surely Perri has seen enough weird sh*t (in the span of TWOmonths according to her in Ep. 4!!) that she’s gotta be leaning to the believerside.

There’s a compelling character in Tony -Vincenzo in thisshow. Why don’t they explore him a bit more?

-In that vein, aside from the three leads and Tony we don’treally know much about Carl’s co workers. We do get that jerk in episode 4getting all smarmy and creeping on Perri, I guess.

-I suspect the FBI guy from episode 1 will be aroundagain(if not I don’t really care)?

-So far I am not disappointed. There’s a modern taste ofgruesomeness/violence that really couldn’t have been done in 1974(which adds tomy creeped out vibe). As a monster of the week show, this is pretty good stuff.

-Stuart Townsend, now almost 50, could easily slide into areboot of the remake (I know, I know, most of ya can’t stand the guy or theshow, I’m just saying!!)

Tonight, I’ll watch episode 5. I never thought I would beinvested in this show so much, and I am very cognizant only 6 episodes remain.

As I notedin my reviews of Kolchak: The Night Stalker Chronicles and Kolchak: The NightStalker Casebook, these short stories are going to, at least generally, befan-fic and probably only of interest to pre-sold fans of the show. A fewaspire slightly to something more, and some attain it. But let's not kidourselves about what we should expect...

Kolchak,scrappy journalist and pursuer of truth despite all odds (and pursuer ofoddities despite all truths), is featured here - of course - usually (and to mymind inexplicably) cast into modern times (when he should be about 80, but ofcourse is as old as he was in 1975) and often in the "newlyenvisioned" milieu of working for a Hollywood tabloid newspaper (which,inexplicably again, brought ALL of his supporting cast from Chicago). Thesetting of Carl Kolchak as a "reporter of the paranormal" at atabloid seems a little underwhelming, as his role as a reporter with a crimebeat allowed a certain focus that some of these stories lack (and I find iteven harder to envision Tony as editor of such a paper). But...again...fan-fic,so... [shrugs shoulders]

The problemsI noticed as inherent in the two previous anthologies is true here as well:specifically, length (most attempt to tell an episode-like story but in anaccelerated, short fiction format, which often is too little space) and voice(although a number of authors here find good compromises).

Of the weakstories: "Obsession" by Ed Gorman and Ricky Sprague has the problemthat Kolchak only seems to be in it to observe the goings on (which involve awoman who can turn into a wolf, but who is not a werewolf or homicidal). RickLai's "The Shadow Of The Phoenix" attempts to give us Atlanteanphoenix cultists, the return of the witch from "The Trevi Collection"(with a small "Demon In Lace" Easter Egg), Lovecraft's Great Old Onesand also a philosophical contention with Kolchak's religious beliefs/generalphilosophy of life (which, at least as a passing reference in Jeff Rice's TheNight Strangler WAS atheist) - but it's all too much in too short a space,crammed with exposition and what is this fascination that the authors of theseanthology stories have with Kolchak getting laid? Eh, not my thing at all."Green Eyed Monster" by Cathy Clamp - in which Kolchak wins a writingaward, and then stumbles into a story involving sudden deaths and the cursedgold of King Midas, was "okay" - as usual, a bit too accelerated and,honestly, while I'm happy to see familiar faces from the show, I find it a bitunbelievable that every character (major and minor) up and moved to the WestCoast. I mean, Kaz the Greek taxi cab driver/informant/ex-professor with aroving eye (from "The Youth Killer") shows up here! A few editingerrors (as there are throughout the book), here a digital recorder is thenmentioned having its wheels turning. Just okay, as stories go. Tracey J. Hill's"Demon In My View" has a good set-up (Kolchak approached by a groupof teens, his "fan club", who want to join him in hunting monsters)but, again, way too accelerated (I could barely follow the action-filledclimax) and kinda comic bookish. Finally, "Who's To Judge" by C.J.Henderson is less a story than a scenario as Carl is directly buttonholed bythe cause of a wave of strange and sudden amnesia attacks that have beenplaguing Los Angeles. The "cause" explains his position, and leavesthe resolution in Kolchak's hands. Not a bad concept, but there should havebeen a fully story built around it.

Of the"Good but a little weak" stories: "Cat Fight" by MarkGraham has Kolchak investigating some supposed animal attack killings of anumber of University staff, eventually uncovering a link to a tragedy involvingbioweapons research and a vengeful supernatural spirit. Not bad, but like a lotof these episode-styled attempts, probably should have been longer (maybenovella length) as the acceleration forces it to read like an outline. Still,extra points for the social conscience and a funny scene (nude protestors up atree!). James Chambers' "The Lost Boy" starts when the illegitimatechild of a Donald Trump-like financier in the Hollywood area suddenly begins toact-up, causing his mother to think he has somehow been replaced by amischievous duplicate. Kolchak consults with a psychic to get on the actualtrail, after experiencing a strange encounter which causes missing time. Thiswas enjoyable - no deaths, and as usual, far too compressed to be satisfying,and a bit too easily solved. "Updike The Night Stalker: Wicked Ways"by Dave Ulanski (the editor) has a great set-up (Carl and Ron must attend abusiness meeting in Massachusetts, as a series of strange murders occurs nearSalem) and a nice stylistic twist (Kolchak disappears from the narrative early,and so Ron must take up the story and try to track down his office enemy). Andthe very end has a rather nice moment in which Kolchak gets some just deserts.The story, a bit longer than usual, is still a bit accelerated and whileUlanski does a pretty good job at Ron's effete and fussy voice, he makes him abit more dense and silly than I'd like. Enjoyable, but I'd like to read asomewhat stronger take on Ron than presented here. Tony didn't employ just anyidiots... Meanwhile, Nancy Holder's "Whatever Kills In Vegas" servesas a well-written climax to the book, with Carl returning to Vegas (no mentionsof Skorzeny and previous histories) to cover the opening of the Hippodrome, agiant Barnum-themed casino and hotel. Almost immediately, Kolchak becomestrapped in a familiar nightmare of the town - the "drunken romance/quickiemarriage" scenario - that features some oddly paranormal elements to it. Abroad, goofy story but entertaining and, as I said, sharply written - felt likea late in the series episode along the lines of "The Youth Killer."

There werethree stories here that I thought were solidly good - two are atypical (in thatthey could never have been episodes) but use their "different" takesto satisfying ends. But before I get to those, "Kumiho" by MatthewBaugh is more along the lines of a typical NIGHT STALKER episode, and this hasCarl returning to Chicago to cover a metaphysical convention (with cutementions of older occult detective/monster fighters like Jules de Grandin, JohnThunstone, William Sebastian of SPECTRE and Harry Snowden from the FEAR NOEVIL/ RITUAL OF EVIL telefilms - I guess David Norliss & Paul Taylor werebusy), only to become involved (thanks to Gordy The Ghoul's nephew Gary) ininvestigating a number of previous, odd deaths involving missing livers. Thestory has a number of things going for it - a creature from Asian (Korean)folklore (an area of the world the show never got around to), thoseaforementioned shout-outs, a wise approach to replicating the show's tone inthe writing style (flashbacks to deaths preceding Kolchak's involvement aretold in third person omniscient, with the usual-style Kolchak opener and closerfor tone, while the story itself is in first person - a truly effectivechoice), an appearance by "Mad Dog" Siska, and a threat that isdeadly yet not wholly malevolent. And Kolchak's "voice" is nicelyhandled. Enjoyable.

"AlwaysHungry" by Nancy Kilpatrick is brief, but this might be a better way tohandle a Kolchak short story - small, contained and essentially unsolved, thisfeatures a well-chosen "voice" as Carl, sent to San Francisco tocover a murder, stumbles across something else entirely while in search of aworking phone. Nicely handled.

Finally,M.M. Romatka & C.J. Henderson's "Marrowport" is not a typicalKolchak story (would never have been an episode of the show) but extremely welldone, as Carl accepts a lucrative offer to sleep at a haunted New England bed& breakfast whose owner would like to turn it into a cash-making"haunted" locale. And Carl does experience the ghost - a woman's spiritperpetually waiting for her sailor husband to return from the sea - but findshimself conflicted about turning a suffering soul into a commodity for profit.Nicely done, with a solid "Kolchak" voice (neither toohard-boiled/cynical nor too purple-prosey, just clipped self-deprecation) thataccentuates our intrepid reporter's human side. Happy to have read it.

And, despiteany of my griping, happy to have read the whole book!

As I notedin my reviews of Kolchak: The Night Stalker Chronicles and Kolchak: The NightStalker Casebook, these short stories are going to, at least generally, befan-fic and probably only of interest to pre-sold fans of the show. A fewaspire slightly to something more, and some attain it. But let's not kidourselves about what we should expect...

Kolchak,scrappy journalist and pursuer of truth despite all odds (and pursuer ofoddities despite all truths), is featured here - of course - usually (and to mymind inexplicably) cast into modern times (when he should be about 80, but ofcourse is as old as he was in 1975) and often in the "newlyenvisioned" milieu of working for a Hollywood tabloid newspaper (which,inexplicably again, brought ALL of his supporting cast from Chicago). Thesetting of Carl Kolchak as a "reporter of the paranormal" at atabloid seems a little underwhelming, as his role as a reporter with a crimebeat allowed a certain focus that some of these stories lack (and I find iteven harder to envision Tony as editor of such a paper). But...again...fan-fic,so... [shrugs shoulders]

The problemsI noticed as inherent in the two previous anthologies is true here as well:specifically, length (most attempt to tell an episode-like story but in anaccelerated, short fiction format, which often is too little space) and voice(although a number of authors here find good compromises).

Of the weakstories: "Obsession" by Ed Gorman and Ricky Sprague has the problemthat Kolchak only seems to be in it to observe the goings on (which involve awoman who can turn into a wolf, but who is not a werewolf or homicidal). RickLai's "The Shadow Of The Phoenix" attempts to give us Atlanteanphoenix cultists, the return of the witch from "The Trevi Collection"(with a small "Demon In Lace" Easter Egg), Lovecraft's Great Old Onesand also a philosophical contention with Kolchak's religious beliefs/generalphilosophy of life (which, at least as a passing reference in Jeff Rice's TheNight Strangler WAS atheist) - but it's all too much in too short a space,crammed with exposition and what is this fascination that the authors of theseanthology stories have with Kolchak getting laid? Eh, not my thing at all."Green Eyed Monster" by Cathy Clamp - in which Kolchak wins a writingaward, and then stumbles into a story involving sudden deaths and the cursedgold of King Midas, was "okay" - as usual, a bit too accelerated and,honestly, while I'm happy to see familiar faces from the show, I find it a bitunbelievable that every character (major and minor) up and moved to the WestCoast. I mean, Kaz the Greek taxi cab driver/informant/ex-professor with aroving eye (from "The Youth Killer") shows up here! A few editingerrors (as there are throughout the book), here a digital recorder is thenmentioned having its wheels turning. Just okay, as stories go. Tracey J. Hill's"Demon In My View" has a good set-up (Kolchak approached by a groupof teens, his "fan club", who want to join him in hunting monsters)but, again, way too accelerated (I could barely follow the action-filledclimax) and kinda comic bookish. Finally, "Who's To Judge" by C.J.Henderson is less a story than a scenario as Carl is directly buttonholed bythe cause of a wave of strange and sudden amnesia attacks that have beenplaguing Los Angeles. The "cause" explains his position, and leavesthe resolution in Kolchak's hands. Not a bad concept, but there should havebeen a fully story built around it.

Of the"Good but a little weak" stories: "Cat Fight" by Mark Grahamhas Kolchak investigating some supposed animal attack killings of a number ofUniversity staff, eventually uncovering a link to a tragedy involvingbioweapons research and a vengeful supernatural spirit. Not bad, but like a lotof these episode-styled attempts, probably should have been longer (maybenovella length) as the acceleration forces it to read like an outline. Still,extra points for the social conscience and a funny scene (nude protestors up atree!). James Chambers' "The Lost Boy" starts when the illegitimatechild of a Donald Trump-like financier in the Hollywood area suddenly begins toact-up, causing his mother to think he has somehow been replaced by amischievous duplicate. Kolchak consults with a psychic to get on the actualtrail, after experiencing a strange encounter which causes missing time. Thiswas enjoyable - no deaths, and as usual, far too compressed to be satisfying,and a bit too easily solved. "Updike The Night Stalker: Wicked Ways"by Dave Ulanski (the editor) has a great set-up (Carl and Ron must attend abusiness meeting in Massachusetts, as a series of strange murders occurs nearSalem) and a nice stylistic twist (Kolchak disappears from the narrative early,and so Ron must take up the story and try to track down his office enemy). Andthe very end has a rather nice moment in which Kolchak gets some just deserts.The story, a bit longer than usual, is still a bit accelerated and whileUlanski does a pretty good job at Ron's effete and fussy voice, he makes him abit more dense and silly than I'd like. Enjoyable, but I'd like to read asomewhat stronger take on Ron than presented here. Tony didn't employ just anyidiots... Meanwhile, Nancy Holder's "Whatever Kills In Vegas" servesas a well-written climax to the book, with Carl returning to Vegas (no mentionsof Skorzeny and previous histories) to cover the opening of the Hippodrome, agiant Barnum-themed casino and hotel. Almost immediately, Kolchak becomestrapped in a familiar nightmare of the town - the "drunken romance/quickiemarriage" scenario - that features some oddly paranormal elements to it. Abroad, goofy story but entertaining and, as I said, sharply written - felt likea late in the series episode along the lines of "The Youth Killer."

There werethree stories here that I thought were solidly good - two are atypical (in thatthey could never have been episodes) but use their "different" takesto satisfying ends. But before I get to those, "Kumiho" by MatthewBaugh is more along the lines of a typical NIGHT STALKER episode, and this hasCarl returning to Chicago to cover a metaphysical convention (with cutementions of older occult detective/monster fighters like Jules de Grandin, JohnThunstone, William Sebastian of SPECTRE and Harry Snowden from the FEAR NOEVIL/ RITUAL OF EVIL telefilms - I guess David Norliss & Paul Taylor werebusy), only to become involved (thanks to Gordy The Ghoul's nephew Gary) ininvestigating a number of previous, odd deaths involving missing livers. Thestory has a number of things going for it - a creature from Asian (Korean)folklore (an area of the world the show never got around to), thoseaforementioned shout-outs, a wise approach to replicating the show's tone inthe writing style (flashbacks to deaths preceding Kolchak's involvement aretold in third person omniscient, with the usual-style Kolchak opener and closerfor tone, while the story itself is in first person - a truly effectivechoice), an appearance by "Mad Dog" Siska, and a threat that isdeadly yet not wholly malevolent. And Kolchak's "voice" is nicelyhandled. Enjoyable.

"AlwaysHungry" by Nancy Kilpatrick is brief, but this might be a better way tohandle a Kolchak short story - small, contained and essentially unsolved, thisfeatures a well-chosen "voice" as Carl, sent to San Francisco tocover a murder, stumbles across something else entirely while in search of aworking phone. Nicely handled.

Finally,M.M. Romatka & C.J. Henderson's "Marrowport" is not a typicalKolchak story (would never have been an episode of the show) but extremely welldone, as Carl accepts a lucrative offer to sleep at a haunted New England bed& breakfast whose owner would like to turn it into a cash-making"haunted" locale. And Carl does experience the ghost - a woman'sspirit perpetually waiting for her sailor husband to return from the sea - butfinds himself conflicted about turning a suffering soul into a commodity forprofit. Nicely done, with a solid "Kolchak" voice (neither toohard-boiled/cynical nor too purple-prosey, just clipped self-deprecation) thataccentuates our intrepid reporter's human side. Happy to have read it.

And, despiteany of my griping, happy to have read the whole book!

As I said inmy review of The Night Stalker, I was kind of dreading reading this anthology(and the follow-up - Kolchak: The Night Stalker Casebook). Why? Well, if thiswas 1981 I probably couldn't imagine a book I more desired to read - newadventures of Carl Kolchak? All right! But I've grown up a bit since then andwhile I still love our rumpled reporter, the mere concept of this book sets offall kind of warning bells.

First of all- essentially, this is going to be fan fiction. And while there's nothingtechnically wrong with fan fiction (my late sister devoted her life to it, andthe bettering of it, before the internet came along and made the actualpublishing of fan fiction redundant) it tends to follow certain patterns andrelies heavily on audience's acquired knowledge of the character - no one whodidn't love Kolchak already would likely read this anthology - and so tendstowards laziness and self-indulgence. Secondly, the concept of short fiction,while it seems like a perfect fit, doesn't really offer as much space as mightbe needed to to fully bring across the literary equivalent of a Kolchak episode- and let's be honest, if these stories should aspire to anything, it should bean attempt to be an episode of the TV show, which would make them both familiarfun and enjoyably predictable. But the TV show was always a careful balancingact between horror (creatures of myth and folklore, usually, transplanted intoodd, resonant urban settings) and humor (the sitcom aspect of the reliablenewsroom cast: Tony, Ron, Miss Emily, occasionally Monique; Carl's nearvaudevillian interactions with witnesses, experts and this week's police chief- all roles filled by great character actors) and even if the authors realizedthat, the novella form is more the length to replicate that blend.

Thirdly, andmore importantly - what's the voice of a Kolchak story? Jeff Rice's two novelscertainly provide some guidance, and the voice overs of the TV show providesome more - first person, a terse journalist tone with just the slightest hintof a florid or lurid, if grim, turn of phrase for spice, quick, acerbiccharacters sketches, cranky at times, kind at others. Action might be hard topull off ("He came at me..." is the only glimpse we get of Kolchak'swritten work, flashed on the typewriter as he pounds away in the iconic showopening) and, I'd say, the stories would have to be set in-period. I'd alsoclass Kolchak as one of those characters (like John Steed of THE AVENGERS, orJoe Friday of DRAGNET, or Columbo of... well, you know) whom I don't reallydesire to have "opened up" in any intensive, internal, psychologicalsense. His great strength and attraction, his charisma if you will, comes fromthe fact that he is so purely who he is: a loud mouth, dedicated to the truth,curious but not particularly courageous, speaker of truth to power but still self-servingand hard-headed.

Some ofthese approaches are hit upon by some of the writers, in various forms,although none set the stories in-period. Thus, you get a Kolchak with a digitalcamera, some knowledge of the internet, and somehow still middle-aged in thelate aughts (this only really becomes a sticking point in "It Came FromMonkey Skull Creek", wherein Kolchak visits an old friend and recounts astrange experience from his youth at summer camp - technically, this shouldhave happened in the late 1930s/early 1940s, but instead seems to be takingplace in the mid-1950s or so). Ignore the contradictions - it's fan fictionafter all, and out for fun, so your disbelief is already partially willinglysuspended, just like your critical faculties (and that comment perhaps bestsums up my somewhat conflicted feelings about the form, for good or ill). Inthe end it's going to be about neat ideas or neat monsters, not about thequality of the writing

So, all thattaken together, what do you get? I'm not going to review each of the storieshere as I usually would - giving away the plethora of monsters and menaceswould be bad pool. The writing varies from solid pulp fan service to someweaker examples, although the quality varies wildly within that range. There'sno out-and-out stinkers, although "Don't Even Blink" by Fred VanLente, "Man Or Monster" by James Anthony Kuhoric, "Kali's FinalCut" by Adi Tantimedh, "The Shadow That Shapes The Light" by EdGorman & Richard Dean Starr and "The Shrug of Atlas" by JoeGentile read more like outlines for stories, rushing through their scriptedpaces in clunky, flat prose, telling everything and showing little. There areoccasional misprints and minor mistakes (In one story, Kolchak acknowledges hisPolish ancestry yet refers to himself as a "Mick bastard" a pagelater).

There are anumber of unwanted character explorations or attempts to needlessly grapplewith questions best not asked - "why does Kolchak always run intomonsters?" being the predominant one (essentially, engaging that questionis exposing the bare wall of genre to the light of day and is a thankless task- although that doesn't stop some of the authors from painting clumsily on thatwall) and there's quite a bit of Carl endlessly musing on all the monsters he'sstalked, which also seems like an unfruitful detail (as much fun as it is toreference your favorite episode and invent new ones you don't have to write)because it undermines the real-world tone that makes the rather bizarresituation Carl finds himself in so believably scary. They really should justhave him sarcastically say "I've seen some odd things" and move on.Character explorations and investigations not to my taste include "The Whyof the Matter" by P.N. Elrod (Kolchak reassured that heaven is on his sideby an eternal assassin), "The Last Temptation of Kolchak" by StevenGrant (that old chestnut where a character is offered everything he wants, kindof an extension of the offer Kolchak got in the tv episode "The Devil's Platform"- a shame about this, as I was a big fan of Grant's comic book series WHISPER),"The Pretty Dead Girl" by Brett Matthews (Kolchak falls for dyingwoman who sees proof of good in all the evil he fights) and "What EveryCoin Has" by C.J. Henderson (actually the character examination in this -in which Kolchak is set against an exploitative TV producer and star of a showabout paranormal phenomena - makes for a nice contrast, but the story itself iskind of silly). The aforementioned "It Came From Monkey Skull Creek"by David Ulanski is probably the most successful character examination, pullinga nice twist (in truth, effective because of the expectation created by theweaker writing in other stories presented here) in a tale of Kolchak'schildhood (if one ignores some logical inconsistencies, like a campsite goingundisturbed for 40-odd years in rural New Jersey, and a comic book survivingout in the wild for equally as long).

Occasionally,a story works at humanizing the monsters (Peter David's "What MonstersDo" is a reversal of roles, with a child vampire scared of amonster-killing creature called 'The Culshack", while "TheSource" by Clay Griffith & Susan Griffith has Carl getting info on aserial killer from a secretive ghoul) - generally, I'd dislike this approachbut both stories were okay reads.

There's lotsand lots of lowered expectations/"just okay" stories, many of themtoo complicated for their own good (stories with ghosts always seem to be aproblem, as making a ghost reasonably threatening is always hard - "WetDog of Galveston" by Jason Henderson, for example, doesn't even try andjust tells a good-natured story that would never have been an episode, whileone of the biggest names here, Max Allan Collins, turns in "OpenHouse" about a haunted dwelling, notable for featuring a plot twist inwhich Kolchak finally "gets some").

The mostsuccessful stories, as I said, attempt to replicate a compacted version of anepisode of the series (Kolchak investigates killing and discovers strangemonster) although a number of attempts at this are so compacted as to feel likecheats. Of the successful James Bates' "The Ungrateful Dead" (undeadpunk-rockers), "Barrens" by Chuck Dixon (an action packed,siege-by-monster story), "Frost-Bitten" by Mark Leiren-Young (a Wendigoin Canada), Martin Powell's "The Abominable Ice Man" (a supernaturalSasquatch) and "The Mirror Cracked" by Lou Aguilar (a cursed TV stardwells in the mirrors of an old hotel) are all amiable tales that would havemade perfectly okay episodes of the show.

The mostenjoyable story here, for me, was "Shadows From The Screen" byRichard Valley - which would also have made a fine (if odd) episode - as an oldHollywood revival theater's tribute to a famous "extra" causes herunfulfilled spirit to take over the lead in movies she appeared in,simultaneously kicking the spirits of those main characters out into the realworld to haunt Hollywood. This situation starts as charming (Ingrid Bergmansings some torch-songs at a piano bar, etc.) but becomes more problematic asthe characters from famous films take the turn to darker noirs. While otherstories feature the occasional mention or line about or by them, this storyalso showcases second bananas Tony Vincenzo, Miss Emily, Monique Marmelsteinand Ron Updyke (who finally gets to shine as the swishy, fussy queen he wasalways meant to be but couldn't possibly be portrayed as on television in1975), all written very well indeed and true to their characters. Valley evenbrings back aspiring reporter/real-estate agent Faye Kruger and PoliceLieutenant Mateo from the tv episode "The Vampire" for cameos."Shadows" also has the best line in the book - "When I heard thegunshots, though, I knew - knew beyond a shadow of a doubt - that somewhere inLos Angeles Bette Davis was on the prowl and packing heat".

Also a smallmoment to mention Mark Dawidziak's "Interview With A Vampire?" which(on the down-side) combines two aspects of the fan fiction approach of thesestories: unneeded character exploration (Kolchak is reassured about the good hedid by killing Janos Skorzeney, the vampire, so many years ago, even if no onebelieves him) and the media cross-over (said reassurance comes from oneBarnabas Collins of TV's horror soap opera DARK SHADOWS). As I said, with a directionlike that, this seemed unlikely to entertain me, but I found it well-writtenand I must say that Mr. Dawidziak did one of the absolute best jobs I have everread of capturing a particular character's voice in dialogue - in this case,Willie Loomis (Renfield to Barnabas Collins' Dracula, if you will). I alwaysloved the cringing, whining Loomis as portrayed by John Karlen (DAUGHTERS OFDARKNESS, CAGNEY AND LACEY) and I enjoyed reading that dialogue so much thatall I can say is my hat's off to you Mr. Dawidziak!

So, I'd saythis - if you've never heard of or seen KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER, you canprobably skip this. If you're a casual fan, a library rental is probablyworthwhile. If you're a Carl Kolchak fanboy... you probably own this already.

And I'vestill got another volume to wrestle with...

NITPICKERSNOTE: the back cover copy says "TV's first paranormal investigator isback"... well... Louis Jourdan's David Sorrell from FEAR NO EVIL (1969)and RITUAL OF EVIL (1970) and the aborted series BEDEVILED predates Carl, forone, and that's just off the top of my head.

As I said inmy review of The Night Stalker, I was kind of dreading reading this anthology(and the follow-up - Kolchak: The Night Stalker Casebook). Why? Well, if thiswas 1981 I probably couldn't imagine a book I more desired to read - newadventures of Carl Kolchak? All right! But I've grown up a bit since then andwhile I still love our rumpled reporter, the mere concept of this book sets offall kind of warning bells.

First of all- essentially, this is going to be fan fiction. And while there's nothingtechnically wrong with fan fiction (my late sister devoted her life to it, andthe bettering of it, before the internet came along and made the actualpublishing of fan fiction redundant) it tends to follow certain patterns andrelies heavily on audience's acquired knowledge of the character - no one whodidn't love Kolchak already would likely read this anthology - and so tendstowards laziness and self-indulgence. Secondly, the concept of short fiction,while it seems like a perfect fit, doesn't really offer as much space as mightbe needed to to fully bring across the literary equivalent of a Kolchak episode- and let's be honest, if these stories should aspire to anything, it should bean attempt to be an episode of the TV show, which would make them both familiarfun and enjoyably predictable. But the TV show was always a careful balancingact between horror (creatures of myth and folklore, usually, transplanted intoodd, resonant urban settings) and humor (the sitcom aspect of the reliablenewsroom cast: Tony, Ron, Miss Emily, occasionally Monique; Carl's nearvaudevillian interactions with witnesses, experts and this week's police chief- all roles filled by great character actors) and even if the authors realizedthat, the novella form is more the length to replicate that blend.

Thirdly, andmore importantly - what's the voice of a Kolchak story? Jeff Rice's two novelscertainly provide some guidance, and the voice overs of the TV show providesome more - first person, a terse journalist tone with just the slightest hintof a florid or lurid, if grim, turn of phrase for spice, quick, acerbiccharacters sketches, cranky at times, kind at others. Action might be hard topull off ("He came at me..." is the only glimpse we get of Kolchak'swritten work, flashed on the typewriter as he pounds away in the iconic showopening) and, I'd say, the stories would have to be set in-period. I'd alsoclass Kolchak as one of those characters (like John Steed of THE AVENGERS, orJoe Friday of DRAGNET, or Columbo of... well, you know) whom I don't reallydesire to have "opened up" in any intensive, internal, psychologicalsense. His great strength and attraction, his charisma if you will, comes from thefact that he is so purely who he is: a loud mouth, dedicated to the truth,curious but not particularly courageous, speaker of truth to power but stillself-serving and hard-headed.

Some ofthese approaches are hit upon by some of the writers, in various forms,although none set the stories in-period. Thus, you get a Kolchak with a digitalcamera, some knowledge of the internet, and somehow still middle-aged in thelate aughts (this only really becomes a sticking point in "It Came FromMonkey Skull Creek", wherein Kolchak visits an old friend and recounts astrange experience from his youth at summer camp - technically, this shouldhave happened in the late 1930s/early 1940s, but instead seems to be takingplace in the mid-1950s or so). Ignore the contradictions - it's fan fictionafter all, and out for fun, so your disbelief is already partially willinglysuspended, just like your critical faculties (and that comment perhaps bestsums up my somewhat conflicted feelings about the form, for good or ill). Inthe end it's going to be about neat ideas or neat monsters, not about thequality of the writing

So, all thattaken together, what do you get? I'm not going to review each of the storieshere as I usually would - giving away the plethora of monsters and menaceswould be bad pool. The writing varies from solid pulp fan service to someweaker examples, although the quality varies wildly within that range. There'sno out-and-out stinkers, although "Don't Even Blink" by Fred VanLente, "Man Or Monster" by James Anthony Kuhoric, "Kali's FinalCut" by Adi Tantimedh, "The Shadow That Shapes The Light" by EdGorman & Richard Dean Starr and "The Shrug of Atlas" by JoeGentile read more like outlines for stories, rushing through their scriptedpaces in clunky, flat prose, telling everything and showing little. There areoccasional misprints and minor mistakes (In one story, Kolchak acknowledges hisPolish ancestry yet refers to himself as a "Mick bastard" a pagelater).

There are anumber of unwanted character explorations or attempts to needlessly grapplewith questions best not asked - "why does Kolchak always run intomonsters?" being the predominant one (essentially, engaging that questionis exposing the bare wall of genre to the light of day and is a thankless task- although that doesn't stop some of the authors from painting clumsily on thatwall) and there's quite a bit of Carl endlessly musing on all the monsters he'sstalked, which also seems like an unfruitful detail (as much fun as it is toreference your favorite episode and invent new ones you don't have to write)because it undermines the real-world tone that makes the rather bizarresituation Carl finds himself in so believably scary. They really should justhave him sarcastically say "I've seen some odd things" and move on.Character explorations and investigations not to my taste include "The Whyof the Matter" by P.N. Elrod (Kolchak reassured that heaven is on his sideby an eternal assassin), "The Last Temptation of Kolchak" by StevenGrant (that old chestnut where a character is offered everything he wants, kindof an extension of the offer Kolchak got in the tv episode "The Devil'sPlatform" - a shame about this, as I was a big fan of Grant's comic bookseries WHISPER), "The Pretty Dead Girl" by Brett Matthews (Kolchakfalls for dying woman who sees proof of good in all the evil he fights) and"What Every Coin Has" by C.J. Henderson (actually the characterexamination in this - in which Kolchak is set against an exploitative TVproducer and star of a show about paranormal phenomena - makes for a nicecontrast, but the story itself is kind of silly). The aforementioned "ItCame From Monkey Skull Creek" by David Ulanski is probably the mostsuccessful character examination, pulling a nice twist (in truth, effectivebecause of the expectation created by the weaker writing in other storiespresented here) in a tale of Kolchak's childhood (if one ignores some logicalinconsistencies, like a campsite going undisturbed for 40-odd years in ruralNew Jersey, and a comic book surviving out in the wild for equally as long).

Occasionally,a story works at humanizing the monsters (Peter David's "What MonstersDo" is a reversal of roles, with a child vampire scared of amonster-killing creature called 'The Culshack", while "TheSource" by Clay Griffith & Susan Griffith has Carl getting info on aserial killer from a secretive ghoul) - generally, I'd dislike this approachbut both stories were okay reads.

There's lotsand lots of lowered expectations/"just okay" stories, many of themtoo complicated for their own good (stories with ghosts always seem to be aproblem, as making a ghost reasonably threatening is always hard - "WetDog of Galveston" by Jason Henderson, for example, doesn't even try andjust tells a good-natured story that would never have been an episode, whileone of the biggest names here, Max Allan Collins, turns in "OpenHouse" about a haunted dwelling, notable for featuring a plot twist inwhich Kolchak finally "gets some").

The mostsuccessful stories, as I said, attempt to replicate a compacted version of anepisode of the series (Kolchak investigates killing and discovers strangemonster) although a number of attempts at this are so compacted as to feel likecheats. Of the successful James Bates' "The Ungrateful Dead" (undeadpunk-rockers), "Barrens" by Chuck Dixon (an action packed,siege-by-monster story), "Frost-Bitten" by Mark Leiren-Young (aWendigo in Canada), Martin Powell's "The Abominable Ice Man" (asupernatural Sasquatch) and "The Mirror Cracked" by Lou Aguilar (acursed TV star dwells in the mirrors of an old hotel) are all amiable talesthat would have made perfectly okay episodes of the show.

The mostenjoyable story here, for me, was "Shadows From The Screen" byRichard Valley - which would also have made a fine (if odd) episode - as an oldHollywood revival theater's tribute to a famous "extra" causes herunfulfilled spirit to take over the lead in movies she appeared in,simultaneously kicking the spirits of those main characters out into the realworld to haunt Hollywood. This situation starts as charming (Ingrid Bergmansings some torch-songs at a piano bar, etc.) but becomes more problematic asthe characters from famous films take the turn to darker noirs. While otherstories feature the occasional mention or line about or by them, this storyalso showcases second bananas Tony Vincenzo, Miss Emily, Monique Marmelsteinand Ron Updyke (who finally gets to shine as the swishy, fussy queen he wasalways meant to be but couldn't possibly be portrayed as on television in1975), all written very well indeed and true to their characters. Valley evenbrings back aspiring reporter/real-estate agent Faye Kruger and PoliceLieutenant Mateo from the tv episode "The Vampire" for cameos."Shadows" also has the best line in the book - "When I heard thegunshots, though, I knew - knew beyond a shadow of a doubt - that somewhere inLos Angeles Bette Davis was on the prowl and packing heat".

Also a smallmoment to mention Mark Dawidziak's "Interview With A Vampire?" which(on the down-side) combines two aspects of the fan fiction approach of thesestories: unneeded character exploration (Kolchak is reassured about the good hedid by killing Janos Skorzeney, the vampire, so many years ago, even if no onebelieves him) and the media cross-over (said reassurance comes from oneBarnabas Collins of TV's horror soap opera DARK SHADOWS). As I said, with adirection like that, this seemed unlikely to entertain me, but I found itwell-written and I must say that Mr. Dawidziak did one of the absolute bestjobs I have ever read of capturing a particular character's voice in dialogue -in this case, Willie Loomis (Renfield to Barnabas Collins' Dracula, if youwill). I always loved the cringing, whining Loomis as portrayed by John Karlen(DAUGHTERS OF DARKNESS, CAGNEY AND LACEY) and I enjoyed reading that dialogueso much that all I can say is my hat's off to you Mr. Dawidziak!

So, I'd saythis - if you've never heard of or seen KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER, you canprobably skip this. If you're a casual fan, a library rental is probablyworthwhile. If you're a Carl Kolchak fanboy... you probably own this already.

And I'vestill got another volume to wrestle with...

NITPICKERSNOTE: the back cover copy says "TV's first paranormal investigator isback"... well... Louis Jourdan's David Sorrell from FEAR NO EVIL (1969)and RITUAL OF EVIL (1970) and the aborted series BEDEVILED predates Carl, forone, and that's just off the top of my head.

As I notedin my reviews of Kolchak: The Night Stalker Chronicles and Kolchak: The NightStalker Casebook, these short stories are going to, at least generally, befan-fic and probably only of interest to pre-sold fans of the show. A fewaspire slightly to something more, and some attain it. But let's not kidourselves about what we should expect...

Kolchak,scrappy journalist and pursuer of truth despite all odds (and pursuer ofoddities despite all truths), is featured here - of course - usually (and to mymind inexplicably) cast into modern times (when he should be about 80, but ofcourse is as old as he was in 1975) and often in the "newlyenvisioned" milieu of working for a Hollywood tabloid newspaper (which,inexplicably again, brought ALL of his supporting cast from Chicago). Thesetting of Carl Kolchak as a "reporter of the paranormal" at atabloid seems a little underwhelming, as his role as a reporter with a crimebeat allowed a certain focus that some of these stories lack (and I find iteven harder to envision Tony as editor of such a paper). But...again...fan-fic,so... [shrugs shoulders]

The problemsI noticed as inherent in the two previous anthologies is true here as well:specifically, length (most attempt to tell an episode-like story but in anaccelerated, short fiction format, which often is too little space) and voice(although a number of authors here find good compromises).

Of the weakstories: "Obsession" by Ed Gorman and Ricky Sprague has the problemthat Kolchak only seems to be in it to observe the goings on (which involve awoman who can turn into a wolf, but who is not a werewolf or homicidal). RickLai's "The Shadow Of The Phoenix" attempts to give us Atlanteanphoenix cultists, the return of the witch from "The Trevi Collection"(with a small "Demon In Lace" Easter Egg), Lovecraft's Great Old Onesand also a philosophical contention with Kolchak's religious beliefs/generalphilosophy of life (which, at least as a passing reference in Jeff Rice's TheNight Strangler WAS atheist) - but it's all too much in too short a space,crammed with exposition and what is this fascination that the authors of theseanthology stories have with Kolchak getting laid? Eh, not my thing at all."Green Eyed Monster" by Cathy Clamp - in which Kolchak wins a writingaward, and then stumbles into a story involving sudden deaths and the cursedgold of King Midas, was "okay" - as usual, a bit too accelerated and,honestly, while I'm happy to see familiar faces from the show, I find it a bitunbelievable that every character (major and minor) up and moved to the WestCoast. I mean, Kaz the Greek taxi cab driver/informant/ex-professor with aroving eye (from "The Youth Killer") shows up here! A few editingerrors (as there are throughout the book), here a digital recorder is then mentionedhaving its wheels turning. Just okay, as stories go. Tracey J. Hill's"Demon In My View" has a good set-up (Kolchak approached by a groupof teens, his "fan club", who want to join him in hunting monsters)but, again, way too accelerated (I could barely follow the action-filledclimax) and kinda comic bookish. Finally, "Who's To Judge" by C.J.Henderson is less a story than a scenario as Carl is directly buttonholed bythe cause of a wave of strange and sudden amnesia attacks that have beenplaguing Los Angeles. The "cause" explains his position, and leavesthe resolution in Kolchak's hands. Not a bad concept, but there should havebeen a fully story built around it.

Of the"Good but a little weak" stories: "Cat Fight" by MarkGraham has Kolchak investigating some supposed animal attack killings of anumber of University staff, eventually uncovering a link to a tragedy involvingbioweapons research and a vengeful supernatural spirit. Not bad, but like a lotof these episode-styled attempts, probably should have been longer (maybenovella length) as the acceleration forces it to read like an outline. Still,extra points for the social conscience and a funny scene (nude protestors up atree!). James Chambers' "The Lost Boy" starts when the illegitimatechild of a Donald Trump-like financier in the Hollywood area suddenly begins toact-up, causing his mother to think he has somehow been replaced by amischievous duplicate. Kolchak consults with a psychic to get on the actualtrail, after experiencing a strange encounter which causes missing time. Thiswas enjoyable - no deaths, and as usual, far too compressed to be satisfying,and a bit too easily solved. "Updike The Night Stalker: Wicked Ways"by Dave Ulanski (the editor) has a great set-up (Carl and Ron must attend abusiness meeting in Massachusetts, as a series of strange murders occurs nearSalem) and a nice stylistic twist (Kolchak disappears from the narrative early,and so Ron must take up the story and try to track down his office enemy). Andthe very end has a rather nice moment in which Kolchak gets some just deserts.The story, a bit longer than usual, is still a bit accelerated and whileUlanski does a pretty good job at Ron's effete and fussy voice, he makes him abit more dense and silly than I'd like. Enjoyable, but I'd like to read asomewhat stronger take on Ron than presented here. Tony didn't employ just anyidiots... Meanwhile, Nancy Holder's "Whatever Kills In Vegas" servesas a well-written climax to the book, with Carl returning to Vegas (no mentionsof Skorzeny and previous histories) to cover the opening of the Hippodrome, agiant Barnum-themed casino and hotel. Almost immediately, Kolchak becomestrapped in a familiar nightmare of the town - the "drunken romance/quickiemarriage" scenario - that features some oddly paranormal elements to it. Abroad, goofy story but entertaining and, as I said, sharply written - felt likea late in the series episode along the lines of "The Youth Killer."

There werethree stories here that I thought were solidly good - two are atypical (in thatthey could never have been episodes) but use their "different" takesto satisfying ends. But before I get to those, "Kumiho" by MatthewBaugh is more along the lines of a typical NIGHT STALKER episode, and this hasCarl returning to Chicago to cover a metaphysical convention (with cutementions of older occult detective/monster fighters like Jules de Grandin, JohnThunstone, William Sebastian of SPECTRE and Harry Snowden from the FEAR NOEVIL/ RITUAL OF EVIL telefilms - I guess David Norliss & Paul Taylor werebusy), only to become involved (thanks to Gordy The Ghoul's nephew Gary) ininvestigating a number of previous, odd deaths involving missing livers. Thestory has a number of things going for it - a creature from Asian (Korean)folklore (an area of the world the show never got around to), thoseaforementioned shout-outs, a wise approach to replicating the show's tone inthe writing style (flashbacks to deaths preceding Kolchak's involvement aretold in third person omniscient, with the usual-style Kolchak opener and closerfor tone, while the story itself is in first person - a truly effectivechoice), an appearance by "Mad Dog" Siska, and a threat that isdeadly yet not wholly malevolent. And Kolchak's "voice" is nicelyhandled. Enjoyable.

"AlwaysHungry" by Nancy Kilpatrick is brief, but this might be a better way tohandle a Kolchak short story - small, contained and essentially unsolved, thisfeatures a well-chosen "voice" as Carl, sent to San Francisco tocover a murder, stumbles across something else entirely while in search of aworking phone. Nicely handled.

Finally,M.M. Romatka & C.J. Henderson's "Marrowport" is not a typicalKolchak story (would never have been an episode of the show) but extremely welldone, as Carl accepts a lucrative offer to sleep at a haunted New England bed& breakfast whose owner would like to turn it into a cash-making"haunted" locale. And Carl does experience the ghost - a woman'sspirit perpetually waiting for her sailor husband to return from the sea - butfinds himself conflicted about turning a suffering soul into a commodity forprofit. Nicely done, with a solid "Kolchak" voice (neither toohard-boiled/cynical nor too purple-prosey, just clipped self-deprecation) thataccentuates our intrepid reporter's human side. Happy to have read it.

And, despiteany of my griping, happy to have read the whole book!

We all havethings we love, and then we all have things - books, music, movies, characters- we REALLY love. Most probably they were encountered in our youth and affectedus strongly, and so we cherish them in our memories and are a little forgivingin our adult critique of them.

Carl Kolchakis a character I REALLY love. As a kid, I was never athletic enough to have sportsheroes, nor was I smart enough to have science heroes, nor ambitious enough tohave political heroes. I couldn't play an instrument (and didn't care aboutrock music) so rock stars were out and while I read a lot, comic booksuperheroes may have been inspiring but they weren't real people and realwriters seemed untouchable, vague figures ("I couldn't really doTHAT!"). But Carl Kolchak was my hero - a wise-mouth reporter who foughtmonsters and who no one listened to - acerbic, unpopular, not really athletic(but boy could he run!), spent a lot of time in libraries. Yes, Kolchak was myreplacement for Jupiter Jones when I finally outgrew that personal hero.

And as I amspending a good portion of this year looking backwards, and as I have twoKolchak story anthologies waiting to be read (and which I'm kind of dreading -more on that when I read and review them) - I thought I would re-read myKolchak related materials, starting with the two paperbacks - a previouslyunpublished novel that was adapted into the initial, ratings-blockbuster TVmovie (and so, unsurprisingly, got published) and an adaptation of the secondTV movie into novel form, both written by Kolchak's creator, Jeff Rice. I firstread this novel back in 1978 - I was 11 years old and staying with myGrandmother in Brooklyn for the summer.

The conceitof the book is that Jeff Rice has been given a washed up reporter's notes andtapes (THE KOLCHAK PAPERS was the original title of the novel) after a chancemeeting, detailed notes that sketch out a coverup involving a series of murdersin Las Vegas during the summer of 1970, the reporting of which cost thereporter his career, his friendships, his social connections and, ultimately,his sobriety. All the details concerning the killings, all the witness andverifiers, are being swept under the rug, and shortly after Rice agrees to workthe papers into a book, Kolchak disappears as well...

The firstthing that has to be said is that Rice's character is somewhat different thanthe character as brought to the screen by ABC. Darren McGavin was charming inhis rumpled, journalistic bulldog persona, equally sharp and honey tongued,depending on what info he needed to acquire. Rice's Carl (Karel, his givenname, became Americanized for ease) Kolchak has the same characteristics asMcGavin's portrayal, but not softened up for television and, most importantly,with no intention on the author's part for him to become a series character. Heis on his way down, in other words, with no future in front of him, whether itbe in Seattle or Chicago. The length and depth of a novel - even a novel likethis, that is deliberately written in an unadorned, flat, descriptive reportagestyle - gives the reader a chance for many insights into a character thatseemed born, full-blown, on the TV screen. So here's some interesting waysKolchak of the novel differs from the character on screen, and some otherthings about him we never learned from television.

He's olderthan in the TV film (47 years old in 1970, thus born in 1933), out of shape andbordering on overweight (near 200 pounds), he hates physical exercise and likeseating spaghetti and garbanzo beans. He's balding and (in this conception atleast) looks like "a boozy ex-prizefighter". That "boozy"part is important because Kolchak is a hard drinker, bordering on an alcoholiceven before the killings start - he keeps little bottles of White Horse Scotchon him and drinks at work (he hits the skids after all is said and done andwhen Rice meets him, Kolchak is described as "seedy, gross, aggressive,slightly-drunk, irascible" and "unbalanced"). He smokes cheap,smelly cigars and has a foul mouth (Rice also claims to have cleaned up hislanguage in the text). He likes torch songs from the 40s & 50s (he namedrops Ella Fitzgerald and Sarah Vaughn). On the personal side, he has an"arrangement" with Sam, a warm-hearted Las Vegas hooker who likes hiscompany - they keep each other from getting lonely. His anachronisticseersucker is not in evidence (he mentions throwing on some chinos and a bushjacket at one point). The memorable porkpie hat is not mentioned.

He's a vetof WW2, a knee injury from which kept him out of Korea. He has a degree inJournalism from Columbia. He considers himself a second rate hack (heoccasionally took adult education writing classes at night - his teacher thinkshis writing is sloppy with atrocious grammar and that he squandered histalents). He has a good relationship with the Vegas police force because he'salways given them a fair shake in his reporting, while not letting them getaway with much.

And so whathappens is that this man, a crime reporter at the LAS VEGAS DAILY NEWS for adecade, is just doing his job when women start being killed in Sin City -always at night, always with the blood drained from their bodies. And becauseof his Polish background (in particular, a yarn spinning grandpa from the oldcountry), and his love of old movies (he name drops Laird Cregar!), CarlKolchak starts to wonder if a man who thinks he is a vampire is committingthese killings. And the cops seem to be playing the whole thing close to thevest.

As I said,Rice's stylistic choice is apt for the tale - THE NIGHT STALKER is filled withterse, punchy descriptions, just as a reporter would bang it out on a Smith-Corona.Nothing flowery here, just flat, no-nonsense writing salted with some deftcharacter sketches (Rice also claims to have cut back on some of Carl'svituperative tangents about various fellow workers, public figures anddescriptions of Vegas - but much remains to enjoy), comedic observations andreal-word detail (you could practically plot the two big police chase scenes ona street-map with all the details given here).

Honestly,THE NIGHT STALKER is less of a horror novel than it is a crime novel with ahorror component (more on that in a moment) and I was going to label it noirbut, in truth, that's maybe a bit of a stretch and misapplies a rathercurrently trendy label. True, STALKER does portray a rather sour worldview,exposing the corruption, political grandstanding, nepotism and all-aroundchicanery that goes into running a city founded by the mob. It strikes aNixonian-era chord of public officials, long thought untouchable, being exposedas willing to do anything for personal gain or to avoid responsibility (the"vampire" idea is "bad for business" we are told by a mayoron his way to being Governor and a police force worried about being seen asinept). Kolchak is battle-hardened and world weary, and yet he still believesin journalistic honesty, and that the public has a right to know what the guysin charge know (although buried deeply in there is also someself-aggrandizement, the desire to be proven right, to be proven smarter thanthe cops and to score "the big story"). His ex-professor considershim a "lazy man who longs for adventure" and Rice says he has a knackfor reading people, a reporter's intuition.

Still, I'mnot sure if noir fits as a classification - the book is more of ajournalistic/police procedural, in a way. For instance - after Carl collectsall the information he can about vampires, he gathers a bunch of colleagues andstudents together to read the many books and condense them into a document hecan refer to when making his case (he pays them with beer and sandwiches) -this is the kind of detail that tends to get skipped over in most genre books(especially now, when the internet is the lazy writer's dream informationmachine) but seems to be pure reporting skill at work. Other moments focus onnewspaper details: the size and font type of headlines (font aficionados willdig that, I'm sure) and the details of how a paper is put together. Thereporter aspect of the story means there's lots of shifting between socialstrata for our intrepid newshound - professional (editors, reporters,photographers), official (police, D.A., mayor), entertainment (dancers, swingshift casino girls, stage actors), education (professors, teachers, students),the "lower depths" (prostitutes, drag queens, used car hucksters) -Kolchak moves among them all fluidly, acquiring information. Also on thenewspaper tip, Rice does a nice job of setting the murder "news" inthe context of concurrent events of the day - air disasters, political strife,campus unrest, etc. - it's a nice way of pointing out how, before the days ofthe 24-hour news cycle, events like these killings were *local* crimes, firstand foremost.

The murdersthemselves bring up another interesting aspect - THE NIGHT STALKER is, strippedof it genre details, a serial-killer novel before that term for either thecrime or subgenre of fiction existed. Obviously, books like Psycho touched onthe idea before, and I'm pretty sure there had to have been some hard-boiledcrime or noir novels with a city in the fearsome grip of a "psycho killer",but I wonder if any crime novel really spent the time that Rice does hereexamining the phenomena in historical detail (the mid-novel chapter on vampiresis followed by an examination of real-life "monsters" - Peter Kurten,Karl Denke, the Manson Clan - Jack The Ripper even gets his own appendixbecause Kolchak found the case fascinating). It's important to remember thatCarl initially thinks the killings are being done by an insane man who'sconvinced he's a vampire (presumably using some sort of suction device to drainthe blood from the bodies). But as strange evidence begins to mount, and aftera first hand encounter, he begins to wonder... but he still isn't reallyconvinced until the climax.

JanosSkorzeny, the killer, is an interesting portrayal at a time when vampires wererapidly becoming passe. Although Barnabas Collins on tv soap DARK SHADOWS,Chelsea Quinn Yarbro's St. Germaine character and, of course, Anne Rice prettymuch helped steer the vampire character into popular revival by "humanizing"him in the 70s (the end result being TWILIGHT), the early part of that decadesaw the iconic monster floundering - capes and evening dress, European accents,royal titles, "blah-blah" vocalizing - familiarity (THE MUNSTERS, TVhorror hosts, horror comedies) had all but killed vampires as a legitimatethreat.

Rice's wayof dealing with this is interesting. He strips away a lot of the ephemera -Skorzeny is not charming (in fact he's given barely any dialogue), and hisbreath reeks of the grave. He does not turn into a bat, wolf or mist, norhypnotize people. He is capable of planning his escape and attacks, buyingairline tickets, keeping up facades with passports and fake ids, but he comesacross as feral most of the time, barely in control of his drives. Blindinglysunny, desert-baked Las Vegas seems the last place a vampire would want to go,but it makes logical sense (Vegas has an active nightlife with people movingabout at all hours, and "no one notices strangers because Vegas thrives onstrangers") although the gaudy neon, loud casinos, strippers and hookersare a long way from Transylvanian castles (a good example of this: when we'reeventually shown Skorzeny's "lair", it's a one-bedroom cinder blockranch home on the outskirts of Vegas enclosed in a bad chain-link fence. Theinsides are nearly barren, aside from a coffin and an armchair. No sittingaround in opulence and brooding like Lord Byron here! Even the ABC TV moviefelt the need to "drama" this bit up, giving him a spooky old housewith a dramatic staircase). Ironically, although it's not dwelt on, Skorzeny ISfrom Transylvania (or Romania, at that point) and he IS a Count, officially atleast. In the end, cornered in a clothes closet, scrabbling and whining like ananimal, he cuts a pathetic figure.

But he is avampire - really, truly. He's exceedingly strong, can run as fast as a car, andcan shrug off bullets, beatings and a near drowning. This hits just the righttone for the book - odd enough to seem eerie, but not enough to seem unreal. Ina way, an interesting moment is passed over quickly as, pinned down by police,an officer strides up to Skorzeny, places his magnum against the killer'stemple and says "move and I'll blow your head off" - suffice it tosay, more mayhem results (the action/battle/police chases in this book are verymemorable - exciting, suspenseful writing, really capturing dramatic pressscribing at its best) but I wonder what would have happened if that event hadtaken place. We'll never know. And one final thing - the climax, as I intimatedabove, is still surprisingly disgusting - every detail of Skorzeny'sdissolution and decay spelled out in lurid detail. You want to take a bathafter reading it.

I've babbledon long enough - I enjoyed re-reading this and could appreciate more aspects ofthe writing now, as an adult. Unlike THE NIGHT STRANGLER, there's nothingovertly clumsy about the prose at any point (although modern readers who areused to quick service will probably think it meanders a bit, I'd still make thecase that that's all in service of style) so I'd probably give this a 3.5 butwill bump it up to 4 for nostalgia's sake.

See you overat The Night Strangler. Give 'em hell, Carl! (less)

So,following on the heels of my retrospective review of The Night Stalker, here'sa (hopefully shorter) review of the follow-up book.

So Rice'sunpublished novel, THE KOLCHAK TAPES, spawned an ABC made-for-TV movie starringDarren McGavin as our intrepid reporter - and it was a ratings blockbuster. Sohuge that a sequel was obviously in order. ABC got stellar talent RichardMatheson to script it, His initial idea - Kolchak versus an ageless Jack TheRipper - he eventually deemed too close to his friend Robert Bloch's classicshort story "Yours Truly, Jack The Ripper" and nixed it (that didn'tstop them from using the idea as the story for the premiere episode of theKOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER TV show, however).

Mathesoneventually went with a story wherein down-and-out ex-reporter (and nowquasi-crank) Carl Kolchak, in a stroke of luck, happens upon his old editor and"frenemy" Tony Vincenzo, now on staff at the SEATTLE DAILY CHRONICLE.Kolchak has a new job, but unfortunately his very first assignment is coveringa series of strangling occurring in the Pioneer Square area of that city. Ourhero uncovers the fact that a small amount of blood was removed from the brainof each murder victim and a trail of clues (eyewitness accounts describe thekiller as resembling a walking corpse, rotting flesh on the victim's throats)eventually leads him to believe that a century old (if not older) alchemist isdwelling somewhere under the city, rising every 21 years to re-invigorate hisbody with an elixir of life based around blood. The cops, and Carl's bosses,are not happy, needless to say.

ThisTV-movie was also a hit and so KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER, a fondly-loved TVseries, was born, as we'll discuss in my review of Night Stalking: A TwentiethAnniversary Kolchak Companion. But let us stop a moment and look at thisspecific book, a strange artifact of the second TV movie.

So RichardMatheson writes the teleplay and Pocket Books (which had published Rice'spreviously unpublished book retitled to tie into the first film), decides thata book is needed to tie-in to the second film as well - and the task naturallyfalls to Jeff Rice. So while Richard Matheson adapted Rice's novel for THENIGHT STALKER, Rice is here adapting Matheson's teleplay for THE NIGHTSTRANGLER. And, sadly, it shows...

Obviously,Rice did not have the time he probably put into composing the first book. Andthis is not, particularly, a labor of love, either - he's not writing his ownstory, he's following a blueprint supplied by someone else. And on top of that,as I went into in some detail in my previous review, his creation was changedin some ways when he was brought to the small screen, and so Rice is nowworking with that iteration of the character.

So what weget here is a bit of a mish-mosh. Rice tries to take the hybrid character ofhis novel and the TV movie and stay true to both sides - this is definitelymore the Kolchak of the TV movie (his distinctive hat is mentioned in passing)but Rice works in ways to elicit aspects of his original character - Kolchakmentions his out of shape, overweight state as he scales some of Seattle'smountainous streets, and the book opens with him sipping whiskey in a p*rnoparlor (two later lines also confirm a sneaking suspicion I'd always had -Kolchak is essentially an atheist). Vincenzo is still the diminutive figure ofRice's original and not hulking Simon Oakland. The scholar character Mathesoncreates, Professor Crabwell, is replaced with her prototype from the NIGHTSTALKER novel, who never appeared in the TV movie. This mixing and matchingisn't much of a bother - Rice might have faced problems making the romanticrelationship that blossomed between McGavin and Jo-Ann Pflug (belly-dancerLouise Harper) in the NIGHT STRANGLER seem plausible with his 50-year-oldpug-ugly rummy, but he subtly ages the Harper character a bit, placing her inher mid-30's. In fact, I must say that the relationship that Rice sketchesbetween Kolchak and Harper is one of the most psychologically and emotionallyhonest ones I've read (albeit, still a bit rushed by the short length of thework) - especially compared to the rather perfunctory pass-by it gets in the TVmovie (there simply to provide a personal threat to Carl to increase hisemotional investment). Kolchak and Harper seem achingly realistic portrayals oftwo savvy, lonely people from two different generations meeting at that momentin time (the early 70s). Good work there, Mr. Rice.

Otherdetails of the first novel make returns - imbedding the gruesome events in thestream of the nation's headlines is still a good little stylistic trick, andthere's a bit of the old "font talk" of old. But, as I said, you canalso kind of tell this is work for hire. Kolchak doesn't know the city at all,so there goes local color except where it feels like padding (a long descriptionof the University in Seattle). Rice doesn't seem to to want to put too muchtime into thinking up pithy & humorous character sketches in the Kolchakstyle, so there's not much of that (Cotton Mather-esque publisher LuciusCrossbinder being a fun exception, and Rice carries over belly-dancer CharismaBeauty's stereotypical "bull-dyke" husband Wilma, but humanizes herin a short, poignant line later). The action-filled police confrontations withthe superhuman, trench-coated, rotting killer - real stand-outs in THE NIGHTSTALKER - are clumsy and awkward here, probably because Rice is working fromscript directions (or possibly the finished movie - I may know after readingthe Dawidziak book) - regardless, they're more confusing than exciting(although a smart detail is added by Rice to the "bait" scenariostaged by Carl and Louise later - Kolchak explicitly buys a pistol to bringalong). Also, and perhaps most tellingly, you can almost see the rivets whereRice has to patch in Matheson's (admittedly sparkling) dialogue - but whilethose exchanges may be great, the ability to capture them in the actual flow ofthe novel's text is just not there, leading to more clunkyness.

There are afew other bright points, however. Kolchak's summation chapter on Alchemy, whilenot as well-justified story-wise as that confab research session I mentioned inmy review of THE NIGHT STALKER, is still a good read (and introduces theinfamous Comte de Saint Germain as a possible "real identity" formysterious scientist/alchemist Malcom Richards / Richard Malcolm - somethingnot touched on in Matheson's film, or at least not in the final cut). Theextended exploration of the Underground City of Old Seattle, the killer's lair,is exceedingly atmospheric and suspenseful, creating a nice, slow submergenceinto an old-school Gothic mood of creep, rot, decay and antiquity (a nicereal-world, "couldn't-be-done-on-television" detail here - Kolchak isso spooked by his surroundings that when he's suddenly surprised by the killer,he pisses himself in fright!).

Also,surprisingly, Rice brings a bit more character and detail to the enigmaticalchemist (played well by Richard Anderson, Oscar Goldman on THE SIX MILLIONDOLLAR MAN, for those old enough to remember). Kolchak's tete-a-tete with himhits the points of the script ("21 years? That's all you'll ever have,isn't it?") but some subtle writing sketches some interesting ideas -Malcolm/Richards may keep his body alive, and his intellect focused, but hismemory and humanity seem to have seeped away over the years - as if immortalitycan't be a natural state for man, no matter the time one puts into the alchemy.Asked point blank by Carl if he is St. Germain, Richards seems confused,evasive, dismissive and eventually unsure himself. Good stuff.

And so,there it is. The book replicates the wonderful ending of the TV film (Kolchak,Vincenzo and Harper as weary, crabby car-mates, chased out of town by thepowers that be) and Carl moves on to Chicago and the TV series (he was supposedto, actually, end up next in a third telefim called THE NIGHT KILLERS, set inHawaii, where someone was replacing public figures with android duplicates -eventually the plot of the long-forgotten TV-series cum movie-sequel BEYONDWESTWORLD, but I blather... - but that got the hatchet).

(perhaps aminor word here, also, on the damage done by genre's need to replicate itselfendlessly. As I said in the previous review, Rice never intended for Kolchak tocontinue on in any fashion, and so the ominous aspects of the ending of THENIGHT STALKER novel are undone by the continuation afforded by THE NIGHTSTRANGLER. Undone, also, is a certain powerful tone that the original createdby being a very realistic look at a very realistic city undergoing a verystrange - even if the strangeness was subdued - threat. Here, Kolchak returnsto work and, wouldn't you know it!, his very first case involves the unreal anduncanny. Hidden deep in this observation is the root of my theory that theserial form does not actually serve the horror genre well, undermining as itdoes the very roots of what makes something frightening - uniqueness. But moreon this, perhaps, in comments on the next book)

And so, offwe go to Chicago, one season, 20 episodes, 20 monsters fought and kidseverywhere mesmerized. More on that when we get there. Viva Carl Kolchak!(less)

As I said inmy review of The Night Stalker, I was kind of dreading reading this anthology(and the follow-up - Kolchak: The Night Stalker Casebook). Why? Well, if thiswas 1981 I probably couldn't imagine a book I more desired to read - newadventures of Carl Kolchak? All right! But I've grown up a bit since then andwhile I still love our rumpled reporter, the mere concept of this book sets offall kind of warning bells.

First of all- essentially, this is going to be fan fiction. And while there's nothingtechnically wrong with fan fiction (my late sister devoted her life to it, andthe bettering of it, before the internet came along and made the actualpublishing of fan fiction redundant) it tends to follow certain patterns andrelies heavily on audience's acquired knowledge of the character - no one whodidn't love Kolchak already would likely read this anthology - and so tendstowards laziness and self-indulgence. Secondly, the concept of short fiction,while it seems like a perfect fit, doesn't really offer as much space as mightbe needed to to fully bring across the literary equivalent of a Kolchak episode- and let's be honest, if these stories should aspire to anything, it should bean attempt to be an episode of the TV show, which would make them both familiarfun and enjoyably predictable. But the TV show was always a careful balancingact between horror (creatures of myth and folklore, usually, transplanted intoodd, resonant urban settings) and humor (the sitcom aspect of the reliablenewsroom cast: Tony, Ron, Miss Emily, occasionally Monique; Carl's nearvaudevillian interactions with witnesses, experts and this week's police chief- all roles filled by great character actors) and even if the authors realizedthat, the novella form is more the length to replicate that blend.

Thirdly, andmore importantly - what's the voice of a Kolchak story? Jeff Rice's two novelscertainly provide some guidance, and the voice overs of the TV show providesome more - first person, a terse journalist tone with just the slightest hintof a florid or lurid, if grim, turn of phrase for spice, quick, acerbiccharacters sketches, cranky at times, kind at others. Action might be hard topull off ("He came at me..." is the only glimpse we get of Kolchak'swritten work, flashed on the typewriter as he pounds away in the iconic showopening) and, I'd say, the stories would have to be set in-period. I'd alsoclass Kolchak as one of those characters (like John Steed of THE AVENGERS, orJoe Friday of DRAGNET, or Columbo of... well, you know) whom I don't reallydesire to have "opened up" in any intensive, internal, psychologicalsense. His great strength and attraction, his charisma if you will, comes fromthe fact that he is so purely who he is: a loud mouth, dedicated to the truth,curious but not particularly courageous, speaker of truth to power but stillself-serving and hard-headed.

Some ofthese approaches are hit upon by some of the writers, in various forms,although none set the stories in-period. Thus, you get a Kolchak with a digitalcamera, some knowledge of the internet, and somehow still middle-aged in thelate aughts (this only really becomes a sticking point in "It Came FromMonkey Skull Creek", wherein Kolchak visits an old friend and recounts astrange experience from his youth at summer camp - technically, this shouldhave happened in the late 1930s/early 1940s, but instead seems to be takingplace in the mid-1950s or so). Ignore the contradictions - it's fan fictionafter all, and out for fun, so your disbelief is already partially willinglysuspended, just like your critical faculties (and that comment perhaps bestsums up my somewhat conflicted feelings about the form, for good or ill). In theend it's going to be about neat ideas or neat monsters, not about the qualityof the writing

So, all thattaken together, what do you get? I'm not going to review each of the storieshere as I usually would - giving away the plethora of monsters and menaceswould be bad pool. The writing varies from solid pulp fan service to someweaker examples, although the quality varies wildly within that range. There'sno out-and-out stinkers, although "Don't Even Blink" by Fred VanLente, "Man Or Monster" by James Anthony Kuhoric, "Kali's FinalCut" by Adi Tantimedh, "The Shadow That Shapes The Light" by EdGorman & Richard Dean Starr and "The Shrug of Atlas" by JoeGentile read more like outlines for stories, rushing through their scriptedpaces in clunky, flat prose, telling everything and showing little. There areoccasional misprints and minor mistakes (In one story, Kolchak acknowledges hisPolish ancestry yet refers to himself as a "Mick bastard" a pagelater).

There are anumber of unwanted character explorations or attempts to needlessly grapplewith questions best not asked - "why does Kolchak always run intomonsters?" being the predominant one (essentially, engaging that questionis exposing the bare wall of genre to the light of day and is a thankless task- although that doesn't stop some of the authors from painting clumsily on thatwall) and there's quite a bit of Carl endlessly musing on all the monsters he'sstalked, which also seems like an unfruitful detail (as much fun as it is toreference your favorite episode and invent new ones you don't have to write)because it undermines the real-world tone that makes the rather bizarresituation Carl finds himself in so believably scary. They really should justhave him sarcastically say "I've seen some odd things" and move on.Character explorations and investigations not to my taste include "The Whyof the Matter" by P.N. Elrod (Kolchak reassured that heaven is on his sideby an eternal assassin), "The Last Temptation of Kolchak" by StevenGrant (that old chestnut where a character is offered everything he wants, kindof an extension of the offer Kolchak got in the tv episode "The Devil'sPlatform" - a shame about this, as I was a big fan of Grant's comic bookseries WHISPER), "The Pretty Dead Girl" by Brett Matthews (Kolchakfalls for dying woman who sees proof of good in all the evil he fights) and"What Every Coin Has" by C.J. Henderson (actually the characterexamination in this - in which Kolchak is set against an exploitative TVproducer and star of a show about paranormal phenomena - makes for a nicecontrast, but the story itself is kind of silly). The aforementioned "ItCame From Monkey Skull Creek" by David Ulanski is probably the mostsuccessful character examination, pulling a nice twist (in truth, effectivebecause of the expectation created by the weaker writing in other storiespresented here) in a tale of Kolchak's childhood (if one ignores some logicalinconsistencies, like a campsite going undisturbed for 40-odd years in ruralNew Jersey, and a comic book surviving out in the wild for equally as long).

Occasionally,a story works at humanizing the monsters (Peter David's "What MonstersDo" is a reversal of roles, with a child vampire scared of amonster-killing creature called 'The Culshack", while "TheSource" by Clay Griffith & Susan Griffith has Carl getting info on aserial killer from a secretive ghoul) - generally, I'd dislike this approachbut both stories were okay reads.

There's lotsand lots of lowered expectations/"just okay" stories, many of themtoo complicated for their own good (stories with ghosts always seem to be aproblem, as making a ghost reasonably threatening is always hard - "WetDog of Galveston" by Jason Henderson, for example, doesn't even try andjust tells a good-natured story that would never have been an episode, whileone of the biggest names here, Max Allan Collins, turns in "OpenHouse" about a haunted dwelling, notable for featuring a plot twist inwhich Kolchak finally "gets some").

The mostsuccessful stories, as I said, attempt to replicate a compacted version of anepisode of the series (Kolchak investigates killing and discovers strangemonster) although a number of attempts at this are so compacted as to feel likecheats. Of the successful James Bates' "The Ungrateful Dead" (undeadpunk-rockers), "Barrens" by Chuck Dixon (an action packed,siege-by-monster story), "Frost-Bitten" by Mark Leiren-Young (aWendigo in Canada), Martin Powell's "The Abominable Ice Man" (a supernaturalSasquatch) and "The Mirror Cracked" by Lou Aguilar (a cursed TV stardwells in the mirrors of an old hotel) are all amiable tales that would havemade perfectly okay episodes of the show.

The mostenjoyable story here, for me, was "Shadows From The Screen" byRichard Valley - which would also have made a fine (if odd) episode - as an oldHollywood revival theater's tribute to a famous "extra" causes herunfulfilled spirit to take over the lead in movies she appeared in,simultaneously kicking the spirits of those main characters out into the realworld to haunt Hollywood. This situation starts as charming (Ingrid Bergmansings some torch-songs at a piano bar, etc.) but becomes more problematic asthe characters from famous films take the turn to darker noirs. While otherstories feature the occasional mention or line about or by them, this storyalso showcases second bananas Tony Vincenzo, Miss Emily, Monique Marmelsteinand Ron Updyke (who finally gets to shine as the swishy, fussy queen he wasalways meant to be but couldn't possibly be portrayed as on television in1975), all written very well indeed and true to their characters. Valley evenbrings back aspiring reporter/real-estate agent Faye Kruger and PoliceLieutenant Mateo from the tv episode "The Vampire" for cameos."Shadows" also has the best line in the book - "When I heard thegunshots, though, I knew - knew beyond a shadow of a doubt - that somewhere inLos Angeles Bette Davis was on the prowl and packing heat".

Also a smallmoment to mention Mark Dawidziak's "Interview With A Vampire?" which(on the down-side) combines two aspects of the fan fiction approach of thesestories: unneeded character exploration (Kolchak is reassured about the good hedid by killing Janos Skorzeney, the vampire, so many years ago, even if no onebelieves him) and the media cross-over (said reassurance comes from oneBarnabas Collins of TV's horror soap opera DARK SHADOWS). As I said, with adirection like that, this seemed unlikely to entertain me, but I found itwell-written and I must say that Mr. Dawidziak did one of the absolute bestjobs I have ever read of capturing a particular character's voice in dialogue -in this case, Willie Loomis (Renfield to Barnabas Collins' Dracula, if youwill). I always loved the cringing, whining Loomis as portrayed by John Karlen(DAUGHTERS OF DARKNESS, CAGNEY AND LACEY) and I enjoyed reading that dialogueso much that all I can say is my hat's off to you Mr. Dawidziak!

So, I'd saythis - if you've never heard of or seen KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER, you can probablyskip this. If you're a casual fan, a library rental is probably worthwhile. Ifyou're a Carl Kolchak fanboy... you probably own this already.

And I'vestill got another volume to wrestle with...

NITPICKERSNOTE: the back cover copy says "TV's first paranormal investigator isback"... well... Louis Jourdan's David Sorrell from FEAR NO EVIL (1969)and RITUAL OF EVIL (1970) and the aborted series BEDEVILED predates Carl, forone, and that's just off the top of my head.

Pretty mucheverything I said at the start of my review of Kolchak: The Night StalkerChronicles applies here - this is fan fiction, essentially, and should aspireat best to be enjoyable episodes of the TV show long after the fact. Also, as Isaid previously, the short story format is perhaps not the best for attempts toreplicate the KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER episode formula in all its plot beats(most writers here give us the usual confrontation with "long sufferingeditor" Tony Vincenzo, and the expected denouement wherein all evidence islost, a few shoehorn in fact-checking visits to the morgue and Gordie the Ghoul- making a welcome reappearance - or the expected combat with the local policechief, but there's not many little sketchy character turns by experts orsarcastic interviews with witnesses). Still, the reduced number of storiesoffers some hope that a little more room to stretch might mean a higher levelof quality, and the book's "second attempt" status might also meansome of the writers could learn from preceding mistakes. On the other hand, asa follow up to CHRONICLES, these could also be the stuff that just didn't makethe cut in the first place.

Well, in theend, it pretty much works out to be very much like the first book, all in all.The extra space isn't used to much effect overall - although it does give MarkDawidziak the chance to turn in an honest to goodness Kolchak novella - and yetthese stories aren't really much worse (or better) than what was in CHRONICLES.And I liked some of CHRONICLES, so....

As usual,there are the expected clunkers and "character explorations" that Ifeel just don't work for our pugnacious member of the journalist trade. Thelatter are to be found in "Alternate Endings" by John Ostrander (oneof a number of comic book authors present here), "Brief Encounter" byPierce Askegren (similar to the Steven Grant story in CHRONICLES) and theeditor's own "Until Tomorrow". It is perhaps indicative of theproblems I have with the "deep down feelings of Kolchak" approachthat 2 of these 3 stories need to posit a wonderful, now deceased,love-of-his-life for Carl before they can begin the emotional angst ("UntilTomorrow", in fact, would almost qualify as that old fan-fic story type,the "hurt/comfort" tale, in this case involving Tony and Carl. Ugh.).

The former(weaker tales) generally tend to be too goofy: "Bones of The Past" bythe Richard Dean Starr features the spirit of a viking who discovered Americabefore Columbus - it reads in the wacky spirit of TV episodes like "TheYouth Killer" (Carl against an immortal Helen of Troy, if you'veforgotten) and features a very entertaining Tony/Carl face-off to begin with,but suffers with a flat non-ending (and the rather ridiculous authorial conceitthat Carl worked in the NSA at some point). The cartoonish "BrokenWillow" by Gary Phillips, and the same author's "Blues, Sex and Bad,Hot Mojo" read like story outlines rather than full tales and"Blues" cheats its ending by giving Kolchak a deus-ex-machinaoccult-expert girlfriend. "Stealing Fire" by Rachel Caine hasPrometheus attend the anniversary of the first A-Bomb blast while Carl standsaround, mostly, until he can make an unlikely offer. Eh. Robert Randisi's"Call Me Sam" teams up Kolchak and the ghost of Dashiell Hammett, tono great effect.

In fact, anumber of the stories suffer from flat or deus-ex-machina endings. "PowerHungry" by P.N. Elrod has an energy eating creature (see "The EnergyEater" from the original series... but not) haunting a psychics conventionand pulls the same trick as the ending of "Blues" mentioned above(although somewhat better written in this case). "And" by Dave Ulanskifeatures an invisible creature conjured from the mind of an injured martinetmusic director ("The Spanish Moss Murders" from the originalseries...anyone?) and isn't half bad, until the rushed and sketchy ending. Thatrushed ending problem also plagues "Digger" by Christopher Golden andRick Hautula, in which a grave-robbing ghoul causes problems for a fakepsychic. Again, there's a nicely written Tony/Carl fight, but the weak endingwould have made it a mediocre episode at best. "They Came From The DarkRide" is pretty entertaining, featuring a ancient Coney Island rideplagued by the spirits of those lost in a horrific fire, but, again, there's nocompelling ending to Elizabeth Massie's story.

On the solidbut oddball side, there's "Fish Story" by Mike Baron. Lake monsterstories are always a hard sell and Baron doesn't help matters by still feelingthe need to prove his Libertarian curmudgeon status and (completely out ofcharacter - original series "The Sentry") make Kolchak a cigarettesmoker just so Carl can complain about laws against smoking in bars (oh, darnthat Big Gubmint!). I still miss the monthly goofiness of Baron's BADGER comic,and this story has his usual deft hand at oddball characters, but, like I said,lake monsters are a hard sell.

The beststories here aspire to be solid episodes of THE NIGHT STALKER TV show and a fewsucceed. "Pirate's Blood" by James Reasoner puts Carl on a pleasurecruise when a Donald Trump-like magnate is pursued by ghostly pirates. It wouldhave been a fun episode. John Everson's "The Strange Events At VishnuSprings" takes Carl out of his urban milieu and into a strange, abandonedtown in the middle of nowhere, plagued by mysterious deaths. There's a niceeerie atmosphere in this one (a old hotel full of dead female spirits) and Kolchakeven does some actual investigating and legwork (the water sample bit is verymuch in tune with the show).

Thepreviously mentioned Dawidziak novella, "Cancellation" is a fun readas well (it may, in truth, go on a little *too* long) as a TV producer, currentlyriding high with a show that might as well be THE X-FILES, wants to make a newtelevision show about Carl's experiences (imagine that!). But something ishaunting the studio backlot, killing people on the set. Is it the disgruntledspirit of a Lon Chaney-esque silent film star or something even more powerful?The menace itself is very reminiscent of the show (the basic concept reminds meof the vaguely-planned-but-never-written "bottle episode" for thesecond season of THE NIGHT STALKER that never came to pass) and Dawidziak knowshis Kolchak, using the extra length as an opportunity to bring back secondbanana Monique Marmelstein (her braying character "voice" is a bitmuch, if authentic) and avaricious morgue attendant Gordie The Ghoul from theTV show, while also re-introducing labor reporter Janie Carlson and agingfolklore professor Kirsten Helms (who must be about 120 now) from the Jeff Ricenovels.

Equally asmuch fun, if slightly breezier, was Tom DeFalco's "The Day of HerReturn", which somewhat combines the classic (or as "classic" asNIGHT STALKER could ever hope to be) episodes "Legacy of Terror" and"Chopper" into the story of a headless Incan mummy decapitatingvictims as it searches for its lost skull. Defalco does a great job of capturinga literary version of the show (for example, he gives us the classic"narration" of a victims last minutes, but since this is firstperson, no actual description of what happens). He may also come a tad close tolifting some actual lines from the show, but he knows the voices of thecharacters well and the whole thing ends with a slam-bang climax in asupermarket. Great stuff.

And bestline in the book is in "They Came From The Dark Ride":

(aspiringjournalist to Carl)

"Andyknows I want to be a reporter. Like you"

This took meby surprise. "Sallie, my dear, nobody wants to be a reporter likeme."

I canactually hear Darren McGavin's voice saying that line!

So, thereyou go, more of the same. The ending of this is the same as the ending of theCHRONICLES review. If you don't know Kolchak, you can skip it. If you'revaguely interested, Inter-Library loan is your friend. And if you're a Kolchakfanatic, like me, well, you know you own it already.

As I notedin my reviews of Kolchak: The Night Stalker Chronicles and Kolchak: The NightStalker Casebook, these short stories are going to, at least generally, befan-fic and probably only of interest to pre-sold fans of the show. A fewaspire slightly to something more, and some attain it. But let's not kid ourselvesabout what we should expect...

Kolchak,scrappy journalist and pursuer of truth despite all odds (and pursuer ofoddities despite all truths), is featured here - of course - usually (and to mymind inexplicably) cast into modern times (when he should be about 80, but ofcourse is as old as he was in 1975) and often in the "newlyenvisioned" milieu of working for a Hollywood tabloid newspaper (which,inexplicably again, brought ALL of his supporting cast from Chicago). Thesetting of Carl Kolchak as a "reporter of the paranormal" at a tabloidseems a little underwhelming, as his role as a reporter with a crime beatallowed a certain focus that some of these stories lack (and I find it evenharder to envision Tony as editor of such a paper). But...again...fan-fic,so... [shrugs shoulders]

The problemsI noticed as inherent in the two previous anthologies is true here as well:specifically, length (most attempt to tell an episode-like story but in anaccelerated, short fiction format, which often is too little space) and voice(although a number of authors here find good compromises).

Of the weakstories: "Obsession" by Ed Gorman and Ricky Sprague has the problemthat Kolchak only seems to be in it to observe the goings on (which involve awoman who can turn into a wolf, but who is not a werewolf or homicidal). RickLai's "The Shadow Of The Phoenix" attempts to give us Atlanteanphoenix cultists, the return of the witch from "The Trevi Collection"(with a small "Demon In Lace" Easter Egg), Lovecraft's Great Old Onesand also a philosophical contention with Kolchak's religious beliefs/generalphilosophy of life (which, at least as a passing reference in Jeff Rice's TheNight Strangler WAS atheist) - but it's all too much in too short a space,crammed with exposition and what is this fascination that the authors of theseanthology stories have with Kolchak getting laid? Eh, not my thing at all."Green Eyed Monster" by Cathy Clamp - in which Kolchak wins a writingaward, and then stumbles into a story involving sudden deaths and the cursedgold of King Midas, was "okay" - as usual, a bit too accelerated and,honestly, while I'm happy to see familiar faces from the show, I find it a bitunbelievable that every character (major and minor) up and moved to the WestCoast. I mean, Kaz the Greek taxi cab driver/informant/ex-professor with aroving eye (from "The Youth Killer") shows up here! A few editingerrors (as there are throughout the book), here a digital recorder is thenmentioned having its wheels turning. Just okay, as stories go. Tracey J. Hill's"Demon In My View" has a good set-up (Kolchak approached by a groupof teens, his "fan club", who want to join him in hunting monsters)but, again, way too accelerated (I could barely follow the action-filledclimax) and kinda comic bookish. Finally, "Who's To Judge" by C.J.Henderson is less a story than a scenario as Carl is directly buttonholed bythe cause of a wave of strange and sudden amnesia attacks that have beenplaguing Los Angeles. The "cause" explains his position, and leavesthe resolution in Kolchak's hands. Not a bad concept, but there should havebeen a fully story built around it.

Of the"Good but a little weak" stories: "Cat Fight" by MarkGraham has Kolchak investigating some supposed animal attack killings of anumber of University staff, eventually uncovering a link to a tragedy involvingbioweapons research and a vengeful supernatural spirit. Not bad, but like a lotof these episode-styled attempts, probably should have been longer (maybenovella length) as the acceleration forces it to read like an outline. Still,extra points for the social conscience and a funny scene (nude protestors up atree!). James Chambers' "The Lost Boy" starts when the illegitimatechild of a Donald Trump-like financier in the Hollywood area suddenly begins toact-up, causing his mother to think he has somehow been replaced by amischievous duplicate. Kolchak consults with a psychic to get on the actualtrail, after experiencing a strange encounter which causes missing time. Thiswas enjoyable - no deaths, and as usual, far too compressed to be satisfying,and a bit too easily solved. "Updike The Night Stalker: Wicked Ways"by Dave Ulanski (the editor) has a great set-up (Carl and Ron must attend abusiness meeting in Massachusetts, as a series of strange murders occurs nearSalem) and a nice stylistic twist (Kolchak disappears from the narrative early,and so Ron must take up the story and try to track down his office enemy). Andthe very end has a rather nice moment in which Kolchak gets some just deserts. Thestory, a bit longer than usual, is still a bit accelerated and while Ulanskidoes a pretty good job at Ron's effete and fussy voice, he makes him a bit moredense and silly than I'd like. Enjoyable, but I'd like to read a somewhatstronger take on Ron than presented here. Tony didn't employ just any idiots...Meanwhile, Nancy Holder's "Whatever Kills In Vegas" serves as awell-written climax to the book, with Carl returning to Vegas (no mentions ofSkorzeny and previous histories) to cover the opening of the Hippodrome, agiant Barnum-themed casino and hotel. Almost immediately, Kolchak becomestrapped in a familiar nightmare of the town - the "drunken romance/quickiemarriage" scenario - that features some oddly paranormal elements to it. Abroad, goofy story but entertaining and, as I said, sharply written - felt likea late in the series episode along the lines of "The Youth Killer."

There werethree stories here that I thought were solidly good - two are atypical (in thatthey could never have been episodes) but use their "different" takesto satisfying ends. But before I get to those, "Kumiho" by MatthewBaugh is more along the lines of a typical NIGHT STALKER episode, and this hasCarl returning to Chicago to cover a metaphysical convention (with cutementions of older occult detective/monster fighters like Jules de Grandin, JohnThunstone, William Sebastian of SPECTRE and Harry Snowden from the FEAR NOEVIL/ RITUAL OF EVIL telefilms - I guess David Norliss & Paul Taylor werebusy), only to become involved (thanks to Gordy The Ghoul's nephew Gary) ininvestigating a number of previous, odd deaths involving missing livers. Thestory has a number of things going for it - a creature from Asian (Korean)folklore (an area of the world the show never got around to), thoseaforementioned shout-outs, a wise approach to replicating the show's tone inthe writing style (flashbacks to deaths preceding Kolchak's involvement aretold in third person omniscient, with the usual-style Kolchak opener and closerfor tone, while the story itself is in first person - a truly effectivechoice), an appearance by "Mad Dog" Siska, and a threat that isdeadly yet not wholly malevolent. And Kolchak's "voice" is nicelyhandled. Enjoyable.

"AlwaysHungry" by Nancy Kilpatrick is brief, but this might be a better way tohandle a Kolchak short story - small, contained and essentially unsolved, thisfeatures a well-chosen "voice" as Carl, sent to San Francisco tocover a murder, stumbles across something else entirely while in search of aworking phone. Nicely handled.

Finally,M.M. Romatka & C.J. Henderson's "Marrowport" is not a typicalKolchak story (would never have been an episode of the show) but extremely welldone, as Carl accepts a lucrative offer to sleep at a haunted New England bed& breakfast whose owner would like to turn it into a cash-making"haunted" locale. And Carl does experience the ghost - a woman'sspirit perpetually waiting for her sailor husband to return from the sea - butfinds himself conflicted about turning a suffering soul into a commodity forprofit. Nicely done, with a solid "Kolchak" voice (neither toohard-boiled/cynical nor too purple-prosey, just clipped self-deprecation) thataccentuates our intrepid reporter's human side. Happy to have read it.

And, despiteany of my griping, happy to have read the whole book!

and I add my own fan fic ideas:

KOLCHAK: THENIGHT STALKER

A hillbillyfamily conjure up demons to spoil their competitors’ crops.

A monsterattacks p*rno movie houses and it is only energy which slowly takes on a form.

A librarianfinds a book which can make fantasy characters come to life to protect her job.

A witchdoctor becomes a lawyer and a killer.

A fish manterrorizes a beach resort.

Kolchak inSwitzerland find a snowman that drains people of their body heat.

A ChineseSamurai returns to avenge his master.

An angrylittle troll begins collapsing bridges.

An ancientSpanish warrior Aquirre made a pact with the devil to rule.

Kolchakbattles a three headed dog in order to keep the gates of hell closed.

A spiderwoman attracts Kolchak to her lair.

A forcecauses blackouts in an effort to raise violent energy from humans which itfeeds on.

A long timeago Vincenzo covered a story about a cobra cult but some young punks vandalizedit. Now the cobra blames Vincenzo and starts killing the punks in the form of awoman.

In Egypt,Kolchak battles a living sphinx.

A hard rockband is actually a group of devil worshippers.

A housecomes alive to terrorize its owners.

A tree thata witch was hung on causes a family horror.

Mothmen fromspace seem to invade Maine but Kolchak finds out they are helping us againstbat beings.

Kolchaksuspects a pack of hungry rats to be intelligent and part of a government coverup.

A freakexperiment creates growing giant slugs.

A murdered,drowned little girl torments fishermen.

Hawaii:Kolchak contends with a shark being.

Hawaii: afire creatures causes a volcano to erupt.

Carlcontends with a haunted swimming pool which was once a lake where a killerburied his victims.

Carlprotects super intelligent children from both the governments and criminals outto exploit them.

Kolchakfinds a Nazi woman working on experiments to turn men into animals and animalsinto men.

A kindlyfamily can live forever.

Kolchakmeets the Hulk.

Kolchak vs aphantom photographer.

Kolchakhunts a Medevil Dragon in Philadelphia.

Kolchak vs ahorse that entices people to ride on it …until they die.

What is the guy from ENERGY EATER? I'd like him to return. The one thing I don't agree with is having Monique back. First, she was IMO totally wrong for the show, not funny but annoying unlike anyone else, even Ron. Monique, fictionally, couldn't handle the grim and the gore and As I Recall, was happy where she landed. She took away from the show instead of adding to it. I do think a sort of second thought for the series MUST be "WHY Chicago?" and maybe a big bad who could not really control his underlings might have been warranted or some explanation as to why Kolchak comes into the vicinity of so many monsters and villains and occult and gov't things and/or the city but I think it would be Kolchak himself and that way he could travel to say Japan and Hawaii or East Europe or anywhere and have adventures there, too. I'm sorry your articles are at an end, though as I love your insights and ideas and details in all you wrote about this series for this show but also for the other shows and movies you've covered. Brilliant and entertaining.

What about having the voodoo grandmother from ZOMBIE coming after Kolchak in 'MORE KOLCHAK, MORE KOLCHAK?